Tag Archives: toxic masculinity

August 22, 2017 · 7:02 am

What Makes A Man An Asshole?

I often talk about things on this blog that are complicated, convoluted, and downright esoteric at times and that’s just with respect to sex robots and superhero comics. Hell, I could probably run several separate blogs on those topics alone, but there just aren’t enough hours in the day.

Some topics, though, need not be too complicated. Some basically explain themselves. It’s like the movie “Snakes On A Plane.” There’s nothing deep or vague about that concept. It’s exactly what it sounds like. It’s a movie about snakes on a plane. Sure, it’s basic and a little dumb, but sometimes we need to turn our brains off and just enjoy the spectacle.

So, in the interest of giving everyone’s brain a rest from thought experiments and sociopolitical undertones surrounding major protests, I’m going to talk about something simple that requires little thought or mental exertion. At most, it only requires us to think about a certain type of person or character, real or fictional, that we’ve all probably dealt with at some point in our lives.

This brings me to people who are assholes, specifically of the male variety. I hope that’s a topic that needs no explanation, exposition, or build-up. We know them. We deal with them. We may even be related to a few. Chances are, you find yourself dealing with asshole men at least once a week.

It’s just as common in fiction, including the erotica/romance variety. I’m not just talking about the Biff Tannen variety either. In many major conflicts, including the ones I write about in books like “Skin Deep,” there are plenty of assholes who seem to only exist to make others miserable. They are both the driving force of a story and an infinite source of frustration in real life.

At the risk of sounding sexist, I’ll just be blunt and say that the male gender breeds a special kind of asshole. That’s not to say that women aren’t as capable of such assholery, but I’ll save that for another post. Being a man, I like to think I have a greater insight into what makes a man an asshole.

Now, the psychoanalyst and wannabe philosopher in me is tempted to break down every major component that goes into turning an innocent young boy into a walking affront to all things fueled by testosterone. I’m sure there are all sorts of reasons, excuses, and faulty brain wiring that go into it. I’m going to skip those complexities for now and just focus on the basics.

With that in mind, here are my list of factors that go into making a man the kind of asshole that doesn’t deserve functioning genitals. Again, these are fairly basic. I’m sure other people have other, more elaborate ideas of what makes men assholes. I would love to hear some of those ideas so I can expand this list down the line. For now, though, let’s just start with laying the foundation for all things male asshole.

Asshole Factor #1: Always Having Something (Stupid) To Prove

Chief among any male asshole’s defining traits includes excessively flexing his male bravado. We all get that there’s a time and a place for bravado. If someone is attacking a loved one or there’s a hungry lion coming at you, that’s an appropriate moment for a man to flex his nuts and show what he can do.

For assholes, though, that time is all day and that place is anywhere. They’re the kinds of guys who will do anything on a dare, make everything a competition, and not give enough of a damn about the rules. If they’re not trying to impress pretty girls, they’re trying to impress friends. If they have no friends, they’re trying to show up enemies. It never ends until they do something so stupid that they hurt themselves.

I’m not going to lie, though. When an asshole like this take it too far and pays the price, it’s kind of nice. Like seeing King Joffrey die, it can help remind us that there is some semblance of justice in the universe.

Asshole Factor #2: Entitlement To Certain Things (Like Sex)

This largely shows in the rich, arrogant, I’m-a-big-deal-so-I-can-do-anything type of male asshole, of which there are too many. From reality stars to the asshats on Instagram, these assholes exploit the hell out of the lucky hand they’ve been dealt in life and expect the world to massage his balls upon demand.

It goes beyond wealth, though. There are even non-rich male assholes who think the mere act of having a penis entitles them to certain things, like the love of a beautiful woman or the freedom to be a dick to other people.

They carry themselves with this mindset that just being a man makes them inherently manly, entitling them to all the stuff that comes with it. They fail to realize that you still have to work for certain things. You still have to earn the right to see that pretty girl naked. Real men do that work. Assholes don’t even try.

Asshole Factor #3: Always Needing To Show Off And Seek Vindication

We’ve all known our share of class clowns. I knew more than a few back in grade school. Sure, they were funny at times and could get a cheap laugh. Some do it in a likable way. Others are just assholes about it.

As with the first factor, there’s a time and a place to show off. If you’ve won the Super Bowl, achieved something of note, and done something that few can do, then go ahead and show off. You’ve earned it. Just showing off for the sake of showing off is what distinguishes the lovable class clown from the asshole.

Beyond just showing off, the asshole does it in a way that seeks some sort of unearned vindication. They’re basically saying, “I’m here! I exist! Now, I demand that I be valued!” Always needing that kind of vindication hints at a lot of insecurity and, deep down, assholes tend to be a lot more insecure than most.

Asshole Factor #4: Needing To Be The Loudest Voice In A Conversation

If there’s one good thing about most male assholes you deal with, it’s that they make themselves known. You don’t have to look very hard to find them. Usually, they’ll either come to you or be so obnoxiously loud that you can’t miss them. Like a bear taking a shit on your driveway, it’s hard to miss.

It goes beyond just being loud, though. An asshole man talks as though his voice is the only one that matters. He acts as though he’s the leader by default and everyone else’s voices might as well be the echoes of a dying cat.

They don’t listen. They barely even hear what others say. They just keep talking because the sound of their voice is just that much more valuable. These are the kinds of guys that make noise-canceling headphones a godsend.

Asshole Factor #5: Always Making Excuses (And Never Learning From Failure)

I dedicated multiple posts regarding the difference between reasons and excuses. I won’t rehash all the main details behind those concepts because, in this instance, you really don’t need to know those details. Like the loudmouth factor, it’s fairly clear that male assholes live in a world of excuses and reasons might as well be an alien concept.

You know this because whenever they screw up or fail at anything, it’s never their fault. It’s never even the fault of luck. It’s everyone else that’s the problem. They’re the reason the male asshole believes he didn’t get what he wanted.

That’s a big part of why male assholes tend to be bullies. Everyone’s an obstacle. Everyone’s a means to an end. They’ll have any number of excuses to shove them out of their way or bend them to their will. Other people are just tools to get that vindication I mentioned earlier.

In many respects, it’s this factor that helps distinguish the casual assholes from the professionals.

Asshole Factor #6: (Overly) Emphasizing Style And Avoiding Substance

Even if you don’t hear a male asshole’s loudmouth rantings, which isn’t easy, or avoid his constant excuses, which is next to impossible, there’s still one way they stand out from their non-asshole peers. They will purposefully style themselves as the kind of person that is so superficial and so shallow that they inspire awful Jack Black movies.

The spoiled rich assholes do it with pride. Even the non-rich assholes find a way to do it with sheer arrogance and bravado. They spend way too much time on their hair, buy way too many overpriced clothes, and generally conduct themselves in ways meant to gain unearned vindication.

It’s one thing to wear a championship ring that you earned. These guys just wear all sorts of fancy crap that gives the illusion that they’ve done something meaningful with their lives. More often than not, they haven’t done squat. They can’t be bothered to put in the work. That, my friends, is the literal mark of a true asshole.

I hope this gives everyone a better concept of male assholes. You can never be too prepared or informed. Make no mistake. Assholes can really make your life difficult. Even if you can’t avoid them, you can use this information to better endure their crap. We’re an imperfect species full of imperfect people. Some people just take those imperfections to an annoying extreme.

Again, if you want to help add to this list, please let me know in the comments. Maybe down the line, I’ll update it in another post. For now, make good use of this information and may the influence of assholes in your life be minimal.

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Filed under Jack Fisher's Insights, Marriage and Relationships, Reasons and Excuses

Tagged as assholes, gender issues, gender norms, gender roles, human relationships, love, male heroes, male villains, manliness, masculinity, men, men and women, men are assholes, men's health, relationships, stupid men, stupidity, toxic masculinity

May 24, 2017 · 7:00 am

A (Distressing) Thought Experiment On Gender Double Standards

Whenever I pose one of my thought experiments, I do so with the hope of inspiring novel, entertaining ideas that get people thinking for all the right reasons. Ideally, these ideas are fun and enlightening. If they make people horny in the process, then that’s just a bonus.

Every now and then, however, it’s not enough for an idea to be enlightening or sexy. Sometimes, for a thought experiment to work, it needs to make people feel uncomfortable. It needs to create some sort of mental distress.

I know that’s something most people avoid. I’ve even pointed out how our brains are wired to do anything and everything to avoid mental distress, even if it leads to outright hypocrisy.

Well, as uncomfortable as it is, mental distress has a purpose. It forces us to contemplate an idea that highlights a major problem in the world. It’s often one of those problems we know is there on some level, but avoid thinking about because it’s too daunting. For this particular thought experiment, it’s not so much that the idea is overwhelming. It’s more that it reveals something about our attitudes that we don’t often scrutinize.

So with that in mind, here’s the experiment. Think back to any action scene in any major action movie of the past couple decades. Given the glut of superhero movies and “Die Hard” rip-offs out there, that shouldn’t be too difficult. Specifically, think of a scene where a female character was kicking ass. Given the rise of strong female characters, that shouldn’t be too difficult either.

A good example comes from the memorable Black Widow fight scene in “Iron Man 2.” By any measure, it’s a wonderfully entertaining scene. It has Scarlett Johanssen kicking ass in a skin-tight outfit. What’s not to love about it? Most people who watch this scene, especially comic book fans and people who find Scarlett Johanssen sexy, would be rightly entertained.

Here’s where the thought experiment comes in. This is where it gets really uncomfortable. Watch the scene above once as you usually would. You don’t need to know the context too much. This is just Black Widow beating up the hired goons of Justin Hammer, the primary antagonist of the movie. Use that first reaction as a baseline of sorts.

Now, watch the scene again. This time, though, reverse all the genders of the characters involved. Make Black Widow a man. Make Justin Hammer’s goons women. Let it play out in your mind, this lone male character beating up all these women. Does the scene evoke the same reaction? For most people not named Chris Brown, it probably makes you sick to your stomach.

This goes beyond the typical double standards between men and women, which I’ve talked about before. It even goes beyond strong female characters, which I’ve also touched on in various ways. This is one of those dynamics that has always been there right in front of us. We just don’t take the time to scrutinize it.

We can watch scenes of James Bond beating the crap out of a bunch of SPECTRE henchmen and be entertained. We can also watch scenes of Black Widow, Sarah Conner, and Furiosa do the same and be entertained. Swap the genders, though, and it becomes extremely distressing. We don’t see powerful characters kicking ass anymore. We just see a man beating up multiple women.

Find a scene like the one above from “Iron Man 2” and do the same thought experiment. Look for a scene where a woman beats up a much of male thugs. Then, swap the genders. Chances are, the feelings it evokes are just as distressing.

For a greater sense of context, I came up with this thought experiment after reading an article on Cracked.com about the way Hollywood treats men. I’ve cited Cracked before because and while I don’t always agree with them, they’re good at tackling serious topics in a humorous way, even sexy topics. This one, however, had a hard time being funny.

6 Backwards Ideas Hollywood Still Has About Men

Some parts of the article were more inane than others, like pointing out how every leading man has to be at least a half-foot taller than the average guy or how tortured men are somehow compelling. Some of those details are just quirks, blatant examples of style over substance.

Beyond the quirks, though, there are some genuinely disturbing dynamics at work. We find such entertainment in women beating the crap out of men. We also find entertainment in men beating the crap out of men. However, when it’s men beating the crap out of women, context doesn’t matter. It always makes us feel disgusted and repulsed.

The thought experiment I just posed highlights that. However, it goes beyond violence as well. Rape is one of those super-sensitive issues that’s impossible to make funny or sexy. However, if you put it in the context of prison rape where men rape men, then that somehow changes things, so much so that jokes about rape will even find their way into an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants.

Then, there are the cases where women rape men. Yes, that does happen in real life. Women are capable of domestic violence against men. However, it’s still okay to joke about. Christopher Titus has even worked it into his standup. It even finds its way into cartoons that air on prime-time.

The best example of this is the “Futurama” episode, “Death By Snu Snu.” In that episode, the cast encounters a planet populated by big, hulking, hostile Amazonian women, albeit not of the Wonder Woman variety. Through a series of hilarious antics that are entirely appropriate for a show that has a hard-drinking, sociopath robot, the male characters end up captured.

This is where the line between hilarity and distress blurs if you dare do the same thought experiment. Once captured, the Amazonian women decide to “torment” their prisoners with “snu snu,” which is their alien verbiage for sex. The reaction of Fry and Zap Branigan is a mix of horror and intrigue.

Granted, it’s presented in a funny way, but that doesn’t change the actual substance of what happens. The women rape these men. They rape them and it’s portrayed as humorous. I’m not going to lie. I did laugh somewhat at how the episode played out. Most people with a healthy sense of humor would.

However, if you do the same thought experiment with the Black Widow scene in “Iron Man 2,” it takes on a very different context. Watch the episode again, but turn the hulking Amazons into men. Then, turn Fry and Zap into women. Suddenly, that scene takes on a much darker undertone.

It would push the line even for the most hardcore porn. Think about how that would play out, a group of warrior men taking a couple of women who just stumbled upon their world and deciding to rape them to death. It wouldn’t just be rated NC-17. It would be outright banned and subject to protest from every women’s group in the world.

What does it say about our attitudes, our culture, and our standards when we’re okay with one gender dynamic and not the other? Now, there are inherent differences in those dynamics. Human beings are a sexually dimorphic species. That means there are inherently different traits within the genders that are impossible to overlook completely.

However, the sheer breadth of the disparity here is cause for concern. If flipping the genders of a story or scene evokes such a different reaction, then that’s a serious disconnect that’s worth scrutinizing.

That’s not to say that the scenes in “Iron Man 2” or “Futurama” are wrong or not entertaining. There’s just something inherently revealing about ourselves when we flip the gender dynamics and react to the same scene. We may not like what that reveals, but it’s not something that can or should be ignored.

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Tagged as alpha male, beta male, cracked.com, feminism, Hollywood, human psychology, love, masculinity, men, men's health, men's issues, mental health, movies, popular culture, psychology, relationships, sex, toxic masculinity, women's issues

May 6, 2017 · 7:47 am

Virtue Signaling: How It Creates Beta Males And Bitchy Girls

They’re weak, pathetic, gullible, whiny, sullen, and boring. They lack confidence, charisma, and any meaningful personality trait that might help them stand out and accomplish something of value. They do nothing to excite the opposite sex and make only the most asinine of efforts to do so. They are the beta males, an inane segment of the male population that I’ve protested before.

Now, allow me to describe a different crop of annoying people whose presence pollutes the collective gene pool. They’re loud, obnoxious, arrogant, impolite, dense, unreasonable, vindictive, and crass. They are unflinching, unfeeling, and utterly devoid of empathy to anyone who isn’t like them. Their disdain of others and perpetual victimhood complex is the only thing that gets them up in the morning.

I’m talking, of course, about bitchy girls. If beta males are a bane to all those with a Y-chromosome, then bitchy girls are repugnant stain on the feminine mystique. I call them girls because there’s a difference between women and girls. Being a woman, just like being a man, requires some measure of maturity. Girls, like their beta male boys, have none of that. As such, they don’t deserve to be called women.

I bring up these two case studies of festering warts within the human condition to help make another point about virtue signaling. I know some people are probably tired of this topic. Believe me, I feel your pain. However, this last point is more relevant because it affects our personal lives, as well as my efforts as an erotica/romance writer.

Beta males and bitchy girls are sometimes a necessary component of a story, especially one that relies on major antagonistic characters. You need a male or female character that is easy to hate and easy to root against. That’s why we have characters like Biff Tannen and Regina George from “Mean Girls.”

It used to be that we needed those characters to be alpha males or alpha females. They had to be tough, mean-spirited jocks or cruel, cold-hearted bitches that nobody rooted for when they got gutted by a crazed killer in a hockey mask. It’s crude, but it did the trick. Unfortunately, new trends in character development, as well as real life, are tweaking that script and not for the better.

Beta males and bitchy girls may not be natural allies on paper, but they occupy the same space in terms of being utterly contemptible on multiple levels. They just take different routes and virtue signaling is how they get there.

The best contemporary example are certain breeds of those who call themselves “male feminists.” By the way, anyone who actually has to preface feminism like that should raise a few red flags. That’s usually a sign that they’re already retreating into beta male mode and there’s nothing you can do to stop them.

These types of men are habitual virtue signalers, routinely bashing their own gender and agreeing with the bitchy girls about everything involving some “cisgendered white male patriarchy” conspiracy. They essentially emasculate themselves, shunning any male traits, and associating every masculine trait with being Biff Tannen.

It’s a form of self-flagellation, an effort to alleviate the sheer guilt they feel with being male and trying to earn attention and/or pity from others. That’s how they seek their validation and when they interact in groups, they can’t help but reinforce those efforts. Virtue signaling is just the proverbial gasoline they use to keep the fire going.

For bitchy women, the virtue signaling is much more overt. Unlike the beta males, they’re exceedingly vocal with their efforts. They don’t discuss, debate, or rationalize. They just yell, whine, and groan. Virtue signaling is just how they stay on topic.

Bitchy women don’t care about anyone’s voices, except their own. They loudly whine and bemoan about everyone who doesn’t buy into their view of the world. They will yell about the oppressive white male patriarchy at the top of their lungs. Then, when someone calls them out on their bullshit, they dare to play the victim.

In the mind of a beta male and a bitchy girl, they are the underdog hero of their own story and everyone else is an evil demon-possessed Nazi working on behalf of reincarnated slave-holders from the 1850s. Virtue signaling allows them to prop up this inner narrative, as though they have to keep it going in order to ensure they get the same ending they’ve seen in every Rocky movie.

It isn’t just that this inner narrative is utterly false and devoid of substance. It isn’t just that it gives them too many excuses to cling to these annoying tendencies, which constitutes excuse banking of the worst kind. The biggest tragedy here, beyond the people they annoy, is that with their virtue signaling, they champion traits that naturally drive people apart.

Beta males and bitchy women do not conduct themselves in ways that inspires intimacy, progression, and growth. They present themselves as heroes of their own story, an ideal for what a man and woman should be, but they cannot and will not realize that the picture they’re paintings is both flawed and repugnant.

A beta male, in his meek ineptitude, barely qualifies as a pet to a bitchy girl. A bitchy girl, in her immature arrogance, is just another bully that a beta male tolerates. Together, they reinforce a brutal cycle of bitterness, self-loathing, and arrogance that ensures isolation, apathy, and loneliness.

For an aspiring erotica/romance writer, that’s a triple dose of narrative kryptonite. For characters like the ones in “Passion Relapse” or “Skin Deep,” it’s important I strike a particular balance. I can’t have characters being too much like Biff Tannen or Regina George. I can’t have them be like the entire cast of the “Big Bang Theory” either. If I want those characters to be more than mere foils, they need to have some complexity.

I’m not saying there isn’t a place for characters like this. Someone needs to be Freddy Kruger’s first victim in a horror story. However, virtue signaling and those who abuse send a toxic message about what makes a man or a woman moral within the context of a story.

Beta males and bitchy girls don’t deserve to be heroes, ideals, or examples. More than anything else, they are cautionary tales of what happens when virtue signaling goes too far and infects someone’s mind. They should not be encouraged, nor should they be ignored either.

There are many different dynamics that go into making a character, real or fictional, into who they are. If they need something like virtue signaling to function, then that’s a sign there’s something inherently flawed. People have enough excuses to be mean to one another, some of which they can’t do a damn thing about. It’s better for society, our live lives, and erotica/romance novels if we don’t provide them with more.

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Tagged as alpha male, beta male, feminism, human society, love, masculinity, men's health, psychology, Radical Feminism, relationships, sex in society, society, the human mind, toxic masculinity, virtue signaling, women's health

May 5, 2017 · 6:47 am

Virtue Signaling: Why We Are NOT The Hero Of Our Own Story

Think back to any movie that ever involved a lovable underdog. For anyone who has been to a movie theater more than once since 1978, this shouldn’t be that hard. Hell, think about a popular TV show involving a lovable underdog, going all the way back to the “Leave It To Beaver” days. What do they all have in common?

The similarities aren’t exactly subtle. The lovable underdog isn’t someone who is big, strong, handsome, cocky, arrogant, or dumb. They’re often unremarkable, so much so that others don’t acknowledge their existence. They do little to stand out and even less to distinguish themselves, but the same story usually plays out for them.

Whether they’re John McClane from “Die Hard,” Peter Parker from “Spider-Man,” or the entire cast of “The Big Bang Theory,” they embody the traits of all that is good and right with the world. They overcome obstacles, bullies, and a world where pretty girls aren’t lining up to touch their dicks to become heroes in their own right.

In the end, everything works out for them. In the end, they get what they want. The world comes to love them. Everybody, male and female alike, loves them. They are respected and admired for their thoughts, actions, and ideas at every turn. They have every reason to feel good about themselves.

What I just described is both the standard narrative for no less than 95 percent of every underdog story ever told and the primary reason why virtue signaling is getting out of hand. If that sounds like a bit of a stretch, then please bear with me. There is a logic behind it and, unlike my previous post on virtue signaling, it has a major implications.

As with other topics, like sex robots and body shaming, it’s impossible to cover every aspect of a certain topic. Virtue signaling, having only recently become a major buzzword, definitely qualifies. It is very much an emerging trend that is finding its way into politics, gender issues, media, and even erotica/romance. Since I’m trying to make a living writing erotica/romance, that deeply concerns me.

For this particular post, I want to highlight the more direct impacts of virtue signaling that I’ve observed in recent years. Specifically, I want to focus on how it affects the way people see themselves and the way they relate to one another. There’s a lot of material to cover and I can only handle so much coffee before my brain starts to short out.

I’ll table my concerns about brain function for the moment because this is something that I haven’t just observed. I’ve experienced it as well. As a man, trends that affect how men and women relate to one another don’t just affect the kinds of sexy stories I tell. They effect me personally and how I conduct myself in my day-to-day life. They effect all of us, often in ways we don’t see or acknowledge.

With respect to virtue signaling, these effects have only recently become more pronounced to the growth of social media. Unlike every other point in human history, we no longer need a million people to march through a capital city or a massive rebellion to send a message. We just need a smartphone, an internet connection, and a willingness to castigate ourselves in a public sphere.

As a result, virtue signaling has become a popular pastime of sorts. Political leaders, media figures, and ordinary people with too much free time on their hands go out of their way to make these elaborate gestures to prove that they’re virtuous or pious or tolerant or not a Nazi.

More often than not, these gestures just aren’t enough and people end up doing more and more, thus creating a brutal cycle of sorts. Sometimes the gesture is misinterpreted, as often happens with poorly-worded Tweets. Sometimes it’s just part of a larger agenda, one that requires constant reaffirmation in light of incessant criticism. Video game critics found out just how bad this could get back in August 2014.

It’s a stressful endeavor, trying to loudly proclaim to the masses that you’re as virtuous, heroic, and understanding as any protagonist from a John Hughes movie. It’s also tearing us apart and making us despise one another.

So how exactly does it work and why is it so toxic? Well, to answer that, think back to lovable underdogs that I mentioned earlier. We, as a culture, love those characters for a reason. They live in a world where they do what they do, but come out on top. They win in every way they want to win, becoming the heroes of their own stories.

The problem with that world is that it’s a total fantasy and too many people try to make that fantasy fit into their reality. Unfortunately, reality is notoriously uncompromising. Just ask anyone who tried to make a romantic gesture that backfired horribly.

It’s not that they’re insincere or inept, though. They’re just part of an entire generation that has grown up seeing this narrative of the lovable underdog overcoming the odds and they’ve been led to believe that this is how you succeed. This is how you become the hero of your own story.

We, being the egotistical creatures we are, want to be that hero. We want to be the lovable underdog we see in the movies who can say they overcame the odds, succeeded, and got laid in the process. However, the tactics we see in movies and TV shows just don’t work in the real world or require an obscene amount of luck.

Since all the success, adulation, and sex doesn’t just immediately happen like it does over the course of a two-hour movie, those wanting to be the hero try to force it. That’s where virtue signaling comes in.

Since being a hero often requires hard work, sacrifice, talent, training, and the ability to be in the right place at the right time, virtue signaling offers a much easier alternative. It’s not solely about laziness. It’s just often the path of least resistance and the most readily available path. Can you blame anyone for taking it?

Rather than actually doing something meaningful, virtue signaling allows people to feel like they’re the hero of their own story, even if they accomplish nothing heroic. To their caveman brain, it doesn’t matter. It already has a hard time processing what gets it aroused. How the hell is it going to determine whether someone qualifies as a hero?

The short answer is that it can’t. The longer answer is that our caveman brains still urge us to seek validation from our tribe and security in our identity. Virtue signaling allows us to do both, even when there’s nothing of substance behind it.

This can lead to a real identity crisis for some people. There are people who define themselves as members of a particular tribe, be they radical feminists, conservative Christians, or Twilight fans. When they feel as though they aren’t slaying the necessary dragons, s to speak, they become distressed and look for any way to alleviate it. Virtue signaling allows them to at least feel it’s alleviate, which is close enough.

That laughably low standard ensures that virtue signaling is almost always an empty, shallow gesture at most. It only ever functions as a means to help certain individuals feel better about themselves, alleviate the mental stresses that come with seeking validation, and ensure they can be the hero of their own story, even if they do nothing heroic.

In a real world full of unflinching, unyielding circumstances that keep most people from ever doing anything remotely heroic, virtue signaling offers empty promises that only feel real enough to keep our brains and tribes functioning. Even when there’s no substance whatsoever, it gives people an illusion to buy into and that can be dangerous because it gives people an excuse to not do something greater.

As I’ve pointed out before, people will cling to any excuse that allows them to justify their actions or lack thereof. Now that doesn’t make those who virtue signal bad. If anything, their desire to be the lovable underdog hero of their own story proves to me that such people are good at heart. They’re just misguided, clinging to the feelings and validation that virtue signaling earns them.

Since I like to be a bit more optimistic about people in general, I believe that the lack of substance that inherently comes with virtue signaling will eventually catch up with most people. There will be those who can never escape it. For most people, though, I believe they’ll learn that there are better ways to be the lovable underdog hero of your own story.

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Tagged as alpha male, beta male, feminism, Heroes, identity politics, intimacy, liberalism, love, masculinity, political correctness, Radical Feminism, romance, toxic masculinity, underdog story, underdogs, virtue signaling

March 29, 2017 · 6:59 am

Important Announcement: It’s OKAY To Be Sexy

Today, I have a very important announcement to make. No, it has nothing to do with the release of my upcoming book, “Passion Relapse.” That’s still coming out on April 18th though. Yes, I’m going to promote the hell out of it in the coming weeks so get used to that.

This announcement is every bit as important as my first book. It may even be more important. Since I’m a long way from success as an erotica/romance writer, I don’t say that lightly. However, I do feel that this is worth saying. It needs to be said so brace yourself. This may shock a few people.

It’s OKAY to be sexy!

I’ll give everyone a moment to recover from the shock. Take all the time you need. I know. This is a startling revelation, but hang in there. We’ll get through this together. I promise.

Okay, that’s enough sarcasm for now. I’ll ease up on the melodrama, but it was necessary for a reason. I say it’s a good reason too because this is one of those topics that has no middle ground. Either people just shrug it off or they’re downright hysterical about it.

Since I’m trying to break into the erotica/romance world, this subject actually affects me and could very well affect my future career. The stakes are higher for me is what I’m saying. So what exactly makes this announcement so vital?

Well, to answer that, here’s some context. It wasn’t that long ago that people didn’t make too big a deal about characters in movies, video games, and comic books who were overtly sexual. I’m not saying some people got their panties in one too many knots. I’m saying that, for a time, it really wasn’t high on the list of things that pissed us off.

That time wasn’t too long ago. For reference, allow me to cite one of the most iconic female characters of the past couple decades, Lara Croft. She’s always been one of those characters with a special kind of sex appeal. You could argue that her sex appeal helped make her an icon. How could it not? This is what she used to look like.

That’s pretty sexy. I won’t deny that it’s somewhat impractical for a soldier or a fighter, but Lara Croft is still a badass, globe-trotting fighter who happens to look good in short shorts and bikinis. There’s nothing wrong with that. As a man, I greatly appreciate that sort of visual appeal.

Then, back in 2013, her character was essentially revamped and rebooted. The sex appeal was downplayed, if not outright purged. Lara Croft went from being a badass, globe-trotting fighter with a sexy attitude to just a badass, globe-trotting fighter. She’s still a beautiful woman by most objective standards, but she’s not allowed to be quite as sexy anymore. This is what she looks like now.

Now I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with how Lara Croft looks now. That hasn’t made her video games any less enjoyable to play. However, the removal of her sex appeal is somewhat jarring.

Lara Croft isn’t the only female character to undergo that change either. Remember when I did my list of female characters that make men hate women? Well, on that list, I put a character named Felecia “Black Cat” Hardy. She’s a typical female vixen character from the Spider-Man comics. She’s another character whose persona is built around sex appeal, as evidenced by her costume.

Well, like Lara Croft, she underwent a change too. No, she didn’t become any less likable. Yes, she’s still a character who will make men hate women on some levels. The only difference now is that she doesn’t show as much cleavage.

It’s part of an ongoing story in the Spider-Man comics to make Black Cat more of a crime lord than a vixen. The story has been mediocre for the most part. I won’t say it’s bad, but I will say that it has done nothing to change the parts of Black Cat’s character that make her so unlikable. Whether she’s fully clothed or wearing a G-string thong, she’s still a character that make men say stupid crap about women.

I find this trend somewhat troubling and not just because it means less visible boobs. It troubles me because for some reason, the image of sexy women is somehow a bad thing. Granted, sexy women have always made people feel a bit uncomfortable and not just in their pants, but this is getting into dangerously regressive territory.

There’s no doubt that there’s a certain level of sexism in the media. There’s also a vocal component of radical feminism that has this mentality that any man who admires the image of a sexy woman is somehow sexist, perpetuating sexism, or contributing to rape culture. For a guy just admiring a beautiful woman, that’s pretty extreme.

Beautiful women, pictures of beautiful women, and any female character that has some form of sex appeal is now somehow contributing to this concept of “toxic masculinity.” That’s basically a catch-all term for all the terrible things men do and, conveniently enough, the cause is something that’s hard-wired into their own biology. That’s like calling a man sexist because he sweats more than most women.

Never mind the fact that the ideas of toxic masculinity and rape culture are somewhat flawed concepts. Never mind that since 1995, rates of sexual assault against women have declined by 58 percent. Apparently, all these sexy images are causing a crisis somehow.

Regardless of the facts, these crises are becoming more and more petty. Last year, I mentioned some of the laughable outrage generated by a comic book cover for Invincible Iron Man. Maybe I should’ve pointed it out then too, but that was just one sign among many.

Whether it’s due to concerns about body image or female representation in media, there’s a new moral crusade brewing. This time, however, it’s not being led by clerics, mullahs, monks, and popes. It’s being led by ordinary, educated people who have somehow convinced themselves that being sexy or admiring sexy things is somehow wrong.

I’m here to say that’s simply wrong. It’s okay to be sexy. It’s okay to admire sexy images. Whether you’re a man or a woman, you’re not a bad person for enjoying things you find sexy. You’re just a healthy mind in a healthy body. There’s no reason to apologize for that.

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Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Tagged as beauty, beauty standards, body image, body positive, feminism, internet outrage, love, masculinity, outrage culture, popular culture, Radical Feminism, sex, sex appeal, sex in the media, sexy, the human body, toxic masculinity

October 17, 2016 · 6:58 am

Injustice, Male Privilege, And Why It’s So Unsexy

There are a lot of unsexy things out there that really kill the mood. Dead kittens, an overflowing toilet, and Rush Limbaugh’s voice all come to mind. We all have certain tastes and proclivities that either make our pants feel 10 degrees hotter or make us want throw up in the nearest trash can.

These tastes vary from person to person. Some are more typical of certain cultures. Some are more typical of genders. Men tend to get more aroused by big boobs and women tend to get more aroused by big biceps. It’s basic biology. In terms of what turns us off, that’s a bit less obvious. Aside from the things that involve heavy vomiting and excessive back hair, it’s hard to pin down things we deem universally unsexy.

I contend there is something that does turn us off faster than a picture of Pat Robertson taking a shit. It’s something that’s also ingrained in our biology, beyond the extent of the caveman logic I so often love to cite. Pull your pants up, skip your next meal, and brace yourself because I’m about to tell you the least sexy force in the world:

Injustice

I’ll give everyone a moment to stop gagging. For those of you who are confused, stay with me and skip your next meal as a precaution. It’ll make sense soon enough.

I spent a good deal of time talking about gender double standards and just how much they suck. I know it’s not as sexy a topic as sleeping naked or the different types of orgasms we can have, but I’m exploring these issues for a reason and I promise those reasons are sexy in nature.

In order to convey the extent of that sexiness, however, I need to touch on one more inescapable detail that stems from these double standards. I originally wasn’t going to dig any deeper on this admittedly unsexy topic, but then I came across a powerful video on YouTube that changed my plan.

There’s one feature of gender double standards I’ve tried to avoid, if only because it’s a loaded term. I can’t avoid it anymore so I might as well come clean. It’s the concept of “Male Privilege.”

Now I’m not going to lie. As a man, I do feel like I have my share of privileges. For one, I can walk around without a shirt on and not get arrested. I don’t feel compelled to shave my legs every other day. I don’t feel pressured to put on a certain amount of makeup before I go out. People even assume I’m tougher than I really am, never knowing that I grew up in a family with two older sisters who could kick my ass with their eyes closed.

However, there has been a growing trend in recent years, some from feminists and others from bullshit media controversies, to shame men (particularly white men) for having so many privileges. We’re getting to a point where “male privilege” has become a blanket term to undermine every benefit that any man has ever achieved.

Now I’m all for gender equality. I hope I’ve made that abundantly clear on this blog. Men and women can’t be biologically equal, but we can be socially and legally equal in the eyes of justice and fairness. The problem is we are a woefully imperfect species. That means there’s a long list of instances where men have created horrendous injustices for petty, sexist, bullshit reasons.

However, there’s a problem with this approach and it comes back to that horrendously unsexy force that we call injustice. As someone who grew up on a steady diet of superhero comics and superhero cartoons, I like to think I’m well-versed in what constitutes injustice.

In pretty much every episode of Superfriends and every other issue of Superman, there’s a common message about injustice. You can’t fight it with more injustice. Injustice is like an ant infestation. Fighting injustice with injustice is like trying to fight ants by throwing surge cubes at them. It’s only going to make the problem worse.

The popular perception is that “male privileged” ensures that men get more justice than they deserve. Ignoring for a moment how we measure the quantity of justice each person deserves, let’s not cross our eyes so that we can’t see the forest from the trees. Injustice, like spam email or annoying pop-up ads, finds a way to hit everyone. That includes men.

So what kind of injustices do men face? Are they at all comparable to the injustices that women face? Well, that’s hard to gauge because some of these comparisons are subjective. I’m sure there are women out there who see injustices against men and laugh their ass off at it. It may even make them horny.

These people are despicable excuses for human beings and are beyond reaching. If you are at all okay with injustice against men, please do me a favor and don’t come to my blog, buy my books, or interact with me in any way. I can do without that kind of douche-baggery in my life.

For those with a sense of compassion, decency, and justice, here’s the video that I found so powerful. Whether you’re a man or a woman, I hope it has the same impact on you that it did for me.

I hope this makes those who complain about “male privilege stop and think for a moment. It’s true. There are injustices in the world that are fueled by direct and indirect sexism, but it’s not just women who endure those injustices.

Our society is imperfect. Our species is imperfect. I’ve pointed it out many times before. Our biology is crude, clunky, and prone to errors, overkill, and oversight. Despite this, there’s still some glimmer of hope within those flaws that keeps us honest as a species.

Remember, children as young as two already possess an innate sense of fairness and justice. When we see something that’s unfair, it bothers us. It makes us anxious and uncomfortable. In essence, the feelings we get when we see injustice are the complete antithesis of the feelings we get when we see something sexy. That alone sends a powerful message about the innate sense of justice we all share.

Within that justice, it shouldn’t matter whether they adversely affect men or women. The abuse, harassment, and subjugation of women is a gross injustice. The denigration, dehumanization, and disparity that men endure is just as great an injustice. Writing it off as “male privilege” is just a pitiful excuse to ignore injustice and whenever injustice is ignored, more injustice will follow.

I’ll give everyone another moment for the non-sociopaths out there to swallow their disgust. These injustices should make everyone, male or female, sick to their stomach. That still leaves one burning question. What do we do about it?

I’ve made clear before that I’m not a fan of whining. Just talking about an issue is akin to throwing dirt on a festering wound and calling it medicine. Our society has made progress since the caveman days, but there’s still plenty more to make. With that in mind, how do we go about fixing this? Can it be fixed?

Being an optimist with a dirty imagination, I think it is fixable. I believe we will see more progress than we think. What form will that progress take? Why is a romance/erotica writer even talking about it in the first place? I’ll reveal that in future posts, but there is a reason for it and that reason will become clear very soon.

3 Comments

Filed under Jack Fisher's Insights

Tagged as feminism, gender issues, injustice, Male Privileges, masculinity, sex, sexism, toxic masculinity

September 28, 2016 · 6:51 am

Re-Objectifying The Concept of Objectification (Including the Sexual Kind)

Picture, for a moment, the following scenario. A man and a woman are sitting on a couch watching a movie. Since every movie outside of gay porn is supposed to include an attractive woman, a scene comes along where the cameras emphasize just how attractive she is. Sometimes it’s a body double. Sometimes it’s Photoshopped. The brains and genitalia of men don’t care. It often leads to a conversation like this.

Man: Wow. That woman is pretty damn hot!

Woman: Yeah, I can see why you’d think that.

Pretty mundane, right? How many people have had that exact conversation with only a slight variation in the verbiage? Hell, I’ve heard my own parents have this conversation. It’s not awkward, nor should it be. When something or someone shows up on a screen and we find it attractive, it tends to start a conversation.

That scenario is not an issue. It probably happens, in some form or another, on a daily basis. Now, let’s picture another scenario. It’s the same scene. A man and a woman are watching a movie. Right on cue, the attractive woman shows up. Then this conversation happens.

Man: Wow. That woman is pretty damn hot!

Woman: How dare you think that way! You’re objectifying that woman! You’re a disgusting excuse of a man! You should be harassed, denigrated, and shamed! You are contributing to the sick and disgusting culture of rape and patriarchy that has disenfranchised women for centuries! If you had any decency, you’d apologize to all women and kill yourself!

It’s hard to really assess all the issues with this scenario. I think Ron Burgundy said it best.

Now I don’t claim that this kind of conversation happens all the time. I’m sure it has manifested in some form, if not among feminist circles, then definitely in blind dates that go horribly wrong. No matter what form it takes, it’s a growing part of our culture, specifically the growing tumor that is politically correct culture.

I’ve talked about feminism before on this blog and I always feel like I have to walk over a pile of broken glass before I get to the issues. I don’t expect this to be different.

I know without a doubt that I’m going to offend some people with what I say here. I know there are some people, male and female, who will never be convinced that they’re wrong about anything. So long as we don’t elect these people to public office, I’m okay with that. I want this post to be thought-provoking and informative to those who are actually open it.

With that said, I’m going to put on my politically correct flak jacket and talk about sexual objectification. I’m bracing myself as much as I can, but I guess this is one case where being a no-name aspiring erotica/romance writer works to my advantage. Not enough people give a shit about who I am or what I say to whine so I guess I don’t have to brace for much.

Even so, I know this is a sensitive issue. It also relates closely to my recent posts on body shaming. My position on this issue isn’t a popular one. I understand that. I try to see it in the context of the real world that functions on the functionally flawed processes of human biology. In politically correct crowds, who think reality can be muted, this is a big no-no.

In these crowds, objectification (especially the sexual kind that emphasizes women) is right up there with animal cruelty, slavery, and poor wifi in terms of evil. Say the word “sexual objectification” in an overly PC crowd and you’ll send most of them into a rage that rivals that of the Incredible Hulk. As a noted comic book fan, I can say that even the Hulk would be taken aback by the anger that this concept evokes.

So what the hell is sexual objectification anyways? Well, the fine folks at Wikipedia define it as follows:

Sexual objectification is the act of treating a person as an instrument of sexual pleasure. Objectification more broadly means treating a person as a commodity or an object without regard to their personality or dignity. Objectification is most commonly examined at the level of a society, but can also refer to the behavior of individuals.

That’s fairly reasonable. I think most people would agree with it. On the surface, it really doesn’t sound like a good thing. Reducing a human being to the same status of a used dildo or semen-encrusted sock just feels wrong. Ask radical feminists and overtly PC folks and they’ll say that’s what happens whenever there’s a pretty girl in a movie, comic book, or video game.

They’ll even take it 10 steps further than any reasonable person should. They’ll claim that the mere presence of a woman with attractive features, be they big breasts or hourglass figures or shapely butts, contributes to rape culture and the denigration of women. They’ll argue that just seeing these images is enough to make men feel like harassing and degrading women is okay.

Anyone know this woman? Also known as the most hated woman on the internet?

I won’t say her name. I refuse to give her more attention that she deserves and she already gets way more than she should. She is just one of many in the overly PC/radical feminist crowd that go out of their way to look for something to get offended over. Then, for some reason, they’re surprised when people call bullshit.

People like this, male or female, don’t deserve to be taken seriously. They are ill in the sense that they’re addicted to the attention and the money/fame/legal protections that come with it. There’s nothing valid or honest about it whatsoever and it contributes nothing to this issue.

So if we’re going to ignore these people (and they deserve to be ignored), what is the true context of sexual objectification? How serious is it? Has the bombardment of Victoria’s Secret ads and Nikki Manaj videos made the world more dangerous for women?

Well, believe it or not (and PC/radical feminist types usually don’t), we have data on this issue. According to the US Department of Justice Statistics, there has been little to no change in the rates of rape, sexual assault, or domestic violence over the past 10 years. During that time, everything from internet porn to Megan Fox movies have come out and spread, but they all failed to turn society into a smoldering pool of misogyny.

Shocked? You probably shouldn’t be. Those same statistics show that crime as a whole is going down. People today, men and women alike, are far less violent than they were 50 years ago. So either we’re learning to get along or patriarchal media conspiracies are woefully inept. I like to be optimistic about the progress of humanity, but that tends to get me into trouble.

That’s not to say that objectification isn’t a relevant issue. It is. However, I think our approach to sexual objectification is a bigger problem than the objectification itself. There’s no question that we should prosecute crimes against women to the fullest extent of the law. There is a question, though, on the full context of objectification.

Last year, Alexia LaFata wrote an article for Elite Daily explaining “Why it’s Completely Okay To Objectify Men…No Really, It Is.” With a title like that, it’s safe to assume that the context is going to be horribly misconstrued. She ends up validating those assumptions with quotes like this:

Well, I hate to silence straight white males again (I know you guys have been getting a lot of flak from me for merely existing lately), but until you live in a world in which your objectification leads to excessive victim-blaming, unwelcome catcalling, mortifyingly high rates of sexual assault and rape and having your value in society based exclusively on what you look like, I will continue to exercise my God-given right to objectify you.

Offended yet? I doubt it. I’ve seen worse on a Harry Potter message board. That said, there is something very flawed about this sentiment. For one, it’s an excuse, not a reason. Reasons have logic and facts behind them. Excuses are just the less stinky, overtly contrived shit we pull out of our asses to justify something that’s too hard to justify with facts.

It is a double standard, plain and simple. Ms. LaFata doesn’t even hide from that. However, double standards rarely have a basis in reality or morality, for that matter. They’re just elaborate excuses. Men look for ways to justify how they feel about women, even if those ways are bullshit. Women can do the same for men. The bullshit stinks just as much.

Moreover, and this is the point that Ms. LaFata avoids completely, it ignores the one important fact that completely undermines the politically correct approach to sexual objectification. Brace yourselves because this is going to send everyone crying to their safe space.

Men and women are just wired differently.

I’ll give the radical PC crowd a moment to stop gasping. Once again, reality doesn’t give a shit about your excuses. It’s sticks to the crude, but effective forces of biology. Unfortunately for the PC crowd, that biology doesn’t agree with them.

According to a 2013 study, men are more significantly aroused by visual stimulus than women. When measuring their state of arousal, they responded much more to what they saw whereas women’s responses were more complex and varied. That’s not to say that men are solely aroused by sight, but it is more pronounced.

With this in mind, the use of beautiful women in movies, TV, and video games makes perfect biological sense. There’s no patriarchal conspiracy needed. Men are already hard-wired to respond to the sight of a pretty girl. It’s one of the easiest ways to arouse them that doesn’t involve bacon. I’m sorry PC folk, but when something is that easy, people tend to do it. It’s not laziness. It’s pragmatism.

In this context, can you see why using beautiful women in media is a thing? Can you see why fighting it is akin to the Pope telling people not to masturbate? That’s not to say it can’t go overboard. As with masturbation, it can manifest in disturbing ways. Let’s just try to maintain some level of context here.

What does that mean? Well, remember those scenarios I mentioned earlier? Let’s try and make the first one more acceptable than the second. I think men and women alike can do more to address this issue.

Men, understand that women aren’t aroused in the same way as you and be respectful in how you admire the female form. Woman, understand that men are visual creatures who will be attracted to the sight of beautiful women. That doesn’t mean they hate you or want to exploit you. That’s just how they’re wired.

I’m trying to do my part with my books. I’m also trying to focus on relationships in the media that are well-balanced in terms of male/female dynamics and sex-positive characters that deserve more respect. We can make things more pleasant between men and women. In an age where we can find plenty of reasons to hate each other, let’s at least make those reasons valid.

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Filed under Jack Fisher's Insights

Tagged as erotic, feminism, masculinity, objectification, Pop Culture, Radical Feminism, rape culture, sex, sexual health, sexual objectification, toxic masculinity

Tag Archives: toxic masculinity

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Important Announcement: It’s OKAY To Be Sexy

It’s OKAY to be sexy!

Injustice, Male Privilege, And Why It’s So Unsexy

Re-Objectifying The Concept of Objectification (Including the Sexual Kind)

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