Tag Archives: comedy

For much of my life, I’ve always been a creative person. All the sexy short stories and erotica romance novels I’ve written should be proof enough of that. Even before I developed a taste for romance, I had an active imagination. Growing up with cartoons and comics definitely nurtured that. While the nature of that creativity has evolved over the years, I still value it greatly.

I’ve also learned that it has sex appeal. If you need proof, then look no further than rock stars and the groupies that love them.

Now, that’s a very particular kind of creativity, but it still counts. It’s one thing to just look good on stage while playing a guitar or a set of drums. It’s quite another to put together a string of notes and lyrics that sound awesome. It’s just as challenging to create a beautiful piece of art, be it a picture, a movie, or a story. The ability to meet that challenge says a lot about someone.

It’s not just that they’re creative. They’re willing to put in the effort and the passion to make it real. It took months of writing, revising, and editing to write just one of my novels. For some, it takes even longer. If they’re still willing to put in the work, then that’s the mark of a genuinely creative person.

That will give them sex appeal. If you’re willing to put that much work into a piece of art, then just imagine what they can do in the bedroom. I’ll leave those with dirty imaginations to fill in those blanks. Here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help in that effort. I hope they’re sufficiently creative. Enjoy!

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“Even the most wholesome family must start with a raunchy act.”

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“We’re only weird until we find someone who shares our kinks.”

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“To some extent, civilized society requires that we hide how horny we are most of the time.”

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“The line between great passion and the simple desire to get laid will always be blurred.”

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“A slow learner will need a patient lover, by default.”

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“Like it or not, revenge sex will always be more satisfying than make-up sex.”

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“What you yell during sex reveals a lot about your priorities.”

I love going to the gym. I love working up a sweat, grunting through sets, and pushing my body to be better and stronger. I say all that after having made very clear that I was not at all like that for a good chunk of my life. I know I belabor that a lot, but it’s still worth saying. If a guy like me can learn to love going to the gym, then anyone can. Of that, I am certain.

However, I still wouldn’t go so far as to call myself a full-blown gym rat. I know people who definitely qualify. I am not at their level. I go to the gym at least three times a week, usually for an hour or so at a time. I know people who go every day and for hours at a time. Trust me. It shows and not just in terms of their muscle mass.

For a gym rat, going to the gym isn’t just about staying in shape. Working out is a passion and an understandable one. You work hard, you push your body, you feel the burn, and you get a good rush from it when you do it right. You don’t need to have too dirty a mind to see how that can have some sexier connotations.

It’s not just men, either. I know a few women who are just as fond of the gym and would definitely identify as gym rats. Their workouts tend to be different, but they’re just as passionate. It also shows in how they carry themselves, both in terms of their effort and their sex appeal.

That shouldn’t surprise anyone. Working out and exercising helps make you healthier, fitter, and sexier. Most people understand and appreciate that. Gym rats just take it to another level. Most of us will never be on that level, but you have to respect the passion they put into it, as well as the results they get from all that hard work.

To all the passionate gym rats out there, keep sweating, grunting, and pushing. Here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to get your heart pumping, among other things. Enjoy!

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“The existence of the orgasm gap between men and women is definitive proof that psychics don’t exist.”

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“An accident during sex can either be horrific or revealing or both.”

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“It’s very likely we’re all underestimating how many people have tried anal sex in some form or another.”

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“We’ll never know the biggest pervert for the same reason we’ll never know the greatest spy.”

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“Our taboos towards sex ensure we’ll always be suspicious of women with vibrating back massagers.”

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“Those who struggle to improvise are destined to struggle in spicing up their sex lives.”

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“Having a boring sex life is like having a car that can never go above the speed limit. It’ll get you where you need to go, but you’ll rarely get excited along the way.”

Today is a special day for those as lucky as I am. That’s because today is Mother’s Day and, as it just so happens, I have the greatest mom any guy could ask for. I’ve shared stories about her before. Trust me, they’re just a small sample of my mom’s greatness.

The older I get, the more I come to appreciate her and everything she did for me. I don’t deny I made it difficult for her, at times. While I don’t think I was ever too big a handful, there were times when I’m sure I stressed my mother out more than I intended. That never stopped her from loving me and showing compassion, understanding, and patience.

I am a better man because of my mother. That, I can say with complete certainty. With each passing year, I realize more and more just how much she did for me. I also realize how right she was on so many occasions, even though it took me way too long to realize it. Mom, if you’re reading this, I apologize for that.

Having a mom like mine is great. It makes Mother’s Day that much more special. At the same time, I also realize it can be bittersweet for some. I know people who did not have a great relationship with their mother. I even know a few who sadly lost their mother at a young age. To them, I hope you find some solace in this day, as well. To my own wonderful mother, who gave me life, raised me right, and changed my diapers, I love you with all my heart. I also know I would not exist without sexy thoughts. So, in the spirit of Mother’s Day and all the wonderful mothers out there, please accept these Sexy Sunday Thoughts as my thanks for all the awesome mothering you do. Enjoy!

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“A lazy lover has no right to complain when their partner buys a sex doll.”

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“Going on a date with a prostitute is like going to a movie after reading the spoilers.”

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“You know you have sex appeal when you can wear pajamas to a grocery store and still get hit on.”

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“Cybersex is just fantasy role playing combined with real masturbation.”

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“Sexual innuendo is just a polite way of indicating how horny we are.”

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“Boredom and curiosity have created more kinks than porn ever will.”

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“If someone is not willing to do a striptease for you, then can you honestly say they’re in love with you?”

Football fans are a special breed of fan. I can say this because I’ve been a football fan all my life. I also come from a long line of passionate football fans that include my dad, my grandfather, my uncle, and my siblings. For us, watching football on Sundays during the fall isn’t just something we do on the weekends. It’s a genuine passion.

There are those who just watch football because it’s something to watch on the weekend and there isn’t much else happening on a Sunday afternoon. That’s perfectly fine. Then, there are the fans who keep following the game closely, even after the end of the Super Bowl. Those fans often start paying attention to the NFL Draft before the confetti stops falling.

I am that kind of fan. As such, the NFL Draft is an exciting time.

Yes, it’s mostly just people in suits announcing the new players they’ve selected from college. There’s no football actually being played and no choices they make actually guarantee any improvement for any team. Just look up Ryan Leaf for proof of that.

It doesn’t matter. It’s still exciting. For passionate football fans like me, these past few days have gotten me more hyped for the upcoming season. That’s the biggest selling point of the draft. It gives fans of every team hope that their team will improve and compete for a Super Bowl. There can only ever be one champion, but the draft makes us all feel just a bit closer to that goal.

It may not be the sexiest event in all of sports, but for football fans, it’s a step closer to more football. For us, you can’t get much sexier. In celebration of the 2021 NFL Draft, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help add to the hype. Enjoy!

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“When you think about it, rebound sex can be both an anti-depressant and a victory lap.”

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“A janitor who can still get laid is more impressive than anything celebrities do.”

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“Staying married to the same person for a lifetime requires that two people channel both their passions and their horniness.”

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“Couples who make out in public are either very much in love or very poor at impulse control.”

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“To some extent, foreplay is a form of reconnaissance.”

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“Genital piercings are humanity’s way of complicating evolution.”

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“The fact that a woman can sell her used panties and a man cannot do the same with his jock strap implies that we’ll never have true gender equality.”

There are many ways to set a sexy mood. Regardless of gender, orientation, or kinks, the goal is the same. You seek to create an environment where you and your lover are feeling extra-frisky. Not everyone goes about it the same way, but the results are a big reason why many of us exist.

Of all the ways to set that special mood, talking in a deep, sexy voice has a uniquely profound impact. There’s a reason why Barry White is both a musical icon and a sex symbol. That deep, masculine voice just triggers something in us that makes us want to get intimate. It’s a beautiful thing.

There’s even a very real chance that someone reading this is alive because their parents listened to Barry White, but I’ll try not to belabor that. I’ll just let countless lurid imaginations fill in the blanks.

However, you don’t need to have the musical talents of Barry White to channel the sex appeal of a deep voice. You don’t even have to be a particular gender. You just have to be willing to get close, say the right things, and say them in a way that’s deep, affectionate, and intimate. Put that all together and let your lover react. The results can be both beautiful and sexy as hell.

If you don’t believe me, try it the next time you’re with your lover. Talk dirty in an extra deep tone. See how they respond. If they respond favorably, then you’re welcome. You now have a new tool in your intimate arsenal. If you still need more convincing, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts that I hop inspire you. Enjoy!

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“Is it ironic that something as inherently delicious as chocolate sauce has probably been used in kinky sex acts that would make most people sick?”

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“Telling someone what turns you on is like telling someone your weakness and giving them an instruction manual on how to exploit it.”

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“Would you take marital advice from someone who claims they’ve never cussed during sex?”

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“You can’t be an overly honest person and still be good at kinky role playing.”

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“Like it or not, the presence of a dirty imagination ensures there will always be free porn.”

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“It’s exceedingly difficult to be a bad listener and a skilled lover.”

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“If sex were a video game, then the afterglow would be the bonus level.”

Growing up, I hated yardwork. My parents know this all too well. I’m sure they haven’t forgotten how much I complained about it, as a kid. As I got older, I didn’t grow to like it. However, I did come to respect and understand it a lot more. I even saw some hints of sex appeal behind it.

Let’s face it. There wouldn’t be so many pornos involving gardeners and pool cleaners if there wasn’t some amount of sex appeal at work.

Regardless of how you feel about that kind of porn scenario, the appeal is worth breaking down. We are getting into the middle of spring right now. The weather is warming up. The trees and flowers are blooming. Most people who have gardens or lawns are starting to tend to them. If you want your home to look good, you have to put in the work.

That’s where I think the bulk of the sex appeal comes from. Yardwork is an extension of maintaining the home you’ve built. By putting work into your living space, you show a number of key traits. Most notably, you demonstrate that you’re willing to work hard in hot, muggy weather and you value adding beauty to the world.

Those are all traits that are attractive in many respects. You’re out in the sun, working hard, getting your hands dirty, and building up a sweat. There are people who find that attractive. The sweaty musk alone is enough for some people.

Now that I own a place of my own, I certainly appreciate the work that goes into it. I hope to one day find someone who sees the sex appeal in that work, as well. In the meantime, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts for all those who value yardwork, as well as those who find it sexy. Enjoy!

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“Beautiful women will never truly know, or be comfortable with, how many awkward boners they’ve caused.”

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“Any man who gets remarried after an ugly divorce is a masochist by default.”

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“Behind every awkward teenager is a bitter realization of how hard it is to get laid.”

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“If real psychics existed, then most of them would die of nausea for being able to read peoples’ most depraved thoughts.”

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“Is it really fair that a woman’s feet tend to have more sex appeal than a man’s balls?”

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“By definition, you can’t be a slut with high standards.”

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“Dick jokes will always be funnier than vagina jokes because dicks can literally be in funnier situations.”

Spring is upon us and, even with a pandemic still raging, it brings welcome relief. For me, that sentiment is mixed. I certainly embrace warmer weather, as well as less precipitation that requires shoveling. I just don’t enjoy the allergy onslaught that comes with it. It’s why I don’t need a calendar to know it’s spring. My allergies do plenty to let me know.

It’s why I have a hard time enjoying the simple spectacle of blooming flowers. While most see their emerging presence as a thing of beauty, I see them as a potential precursor to more sinus congestion. I still make an effort to admire them, but that admiration has to be tempered.

However, I do make an exception for certain flowers. Cherry blossoms are at the top of that list. Some of that is due to where I live. I’m less than an hour away from Washington DC, which is known for beautiful cherry blossoms, as well as corrupt politicians. If you can ignore the politics, though, the cherry blossoms are a sight to behold.

They also hold a personal value to me. Years ago, my now ex-girlfriend came for a visit from college during Spring Break. As part of a day out, we traveled to DC where we got to see the cherry blossoms in full bloom. It was beautiful, as well as romantic. She certainly appreciated the spectacle and so did I. Even my allergies couldn’t stop me from enjoying it.

It was a great moment for us both. I bet if I asked her now, she would agree that was one of the best memories we shared together during our relationship. Even if you don’t live near DC, cherry blossoms are a beautiful manifestation of the best parts of spring. Their vibrant colors offer both a sign of the seasons and a uniquely romantic ambience.

As the weather gets warmer, more opportunities like that will emerge. If you’re with someone special, it’s a great way to get out of the house and enjoy the spirit of spring. Here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to further liven your spirits. Enjoy!

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“If every cop was also a stripper, then getting pulled over would be a lot less stressful.”

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“At some point in your life, there’s a good chance you’ve called or texted someone while they were masturbating.”

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“Only those who sell sex toys can claim they’re selling happiness.”

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“When you’re really prude, everything seems kinky. But if everything is kinky, then can anyone really be a pervert?”

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“A major part of loving someone is trusting them to be alone and horny for extended periods.”

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“Horny men are more likely to challenges whereas horny women are more likely to have options.”

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“It’s difficult to have a successful relationship without an orgasm quota.”

Let’s be honest. Last year had one of the worst Easter holiday weekends since the days of Jesus himself. It hardly counted as a holiday. Even if you only know Easter as that holiday that involves plastic eggs and ham dinners, it was a holiday to forget.

At this time last year, the pandemic was escalating with each passing day and since viruses don’t take holidays, it got much worse in the coming weeks. It wasn’t just bad. It was downright scary. We didn’t know just how bad this pandemic was going to get. We didn’t know how many people would end up sick or dead because of it.

You can’t really celebrate anything in that kind of situation. I think Jesus would understand that too.

My family still made an effort to have an Easter dinner last year. It was better than nothing, but the pandemic kept everyone from getting into the spirit. Easter is usually one of those holidays that my family uses as an excuse to just get together and hang out. I always enjoyed that. A day with family, sharing a good meal and catching up, is a holiday well spent.

Last year robbed us of that. This year, things aren’t entirely back to normal. Only a few relatives have been vaccinated and plenty are still not able to travel. However, it’s a lot less scary this time. The pandemic is still raging, but we’re closer to the end than we are the beginning. That alone is reason to celebrate.

With that in mind, I encourage everyone out there to make the most of this Easter Sunday. Even if it’s not a big holiday in your book, try doing something to make it special. Even if it’s as simple as making hardboiled eggs, do something to help make up for all the festivities we lost last year. Here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help get you in the Easter spirit. Enjoy!

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“There’s a good chance that at some point in your life, you’ve talked to your parents shortly after they did something kinky.”

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“You can’t outlaw prostitution without criminalizing orgasms to some extent.”

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“True charisma is measured by an ability to make people horny without touching them.”

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“A skilled tongue can do far more than make up for a small penis.”

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“Does having sex with identical twins truly count as a three-way?”

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“In many respects, a skilled dominatrix is better at enforcing rules than cops.”

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“Things that make certain people feel horny are sure to make other people feel scared.”

Cartoons are not just for kids and haven’t been for decades. That shouldn’t need belaboring in this day and age. With shows like “Rick and Morty” and “Bojack Horseman,” it’s safe to say the debate is over. Anyone who still thinks cartoons are for children are either willful idiots or just cantankerous trolls.

I’m lucky in many respects because I grew up at a time when cartoons were mostly for kids. Then, in my teen years, they started maturing before my eyes. From “The Simpsons” to “Bevis and Butthead” to “King of the Hill” to “Avatar: The Last Airbender,” I watched as this rich and colorful medium matured.

A big part of that maturity came from how these shows depicted romance. Being a long-time romance fan, I noticed this more than most. For years, romance in cartoons was restricted to Bugs Bunny occasionally kissing Elmer Fudd. There was little in terms of refined relationships, like the ones we see in movies, TV, or books. That has since changed.

Shows like “Futurama” and “The Dragon Prince” have really raised the bar for how romance can unfold in a cartoon. Some animated romances are genuinely beautiful. They have the same dynamics as their non-animated counterparts. It’s a big reason why the “Futurama” finale brought many fans to tears. It was just that beautiful.

Granted, good cartoon romances are still few and far between, but that only makes the ones that work more endearing. As the medium continues to evolve, I hope we get more romances like that. There will always be a place for Looney Toons style slap-stick, but cartoons need not be defined by that. They can be romantic for all the right reasons.

To celebrate all things animated and romantic, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts. Enjoy!

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“Being sexy while refusing to give oral sex is like being a drag racer who refuses to exceed the speed limit.”

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“Like it or not, perverse thoughts are a pre-cursor to our very existence.”

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“Is a push-up bra really that different from a cod piece?”

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“Teenagers today will never appreciate the amount of work, tact, and cunning it took to both find and hide a porn stash before the internet.”

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“There should be no shame in being seduced by someone who is exceptionally good at it.”

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“A man cannot condemn homosexuality without indirectly insulting his own genitals.”

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“Boring sex can only ever be a luxury in the grand scheme of things.”

This past winter sucked and for once, it had nothing to do with the weather. I don’t think I need to remind everyone of why it sucked. I think I’ve belabored that enough these past few months. There’s a good chance things will continue to suck for the same reason in the coming months. They just won’t suck nearly as much.

That’s because, as of yesterday, spring has arrived. It’s official now. We made it through one of the worst winters most of us will ever experience. Now, we have warmer weather and a less apocalyptic outlook before us. I, for one, am elated. I usually don’t celebrate the arrival of spring this much, mostly because of my allergies, but I’ll make an exception this year.

I want to believe things will be better this time. Hopefully, pools and water parks will open, movie theaters will have blockbuster movies to release, and we’ll be able to travel without fear or lockdown restrictions. Moreover, we’ll be able to do all of this without dressing in layers. I cannot overstate how appealing that all sounds right now.

I’m trying to be optimistic. I really am. My spirit is still far from intact. They’ve been crushed several times too many over the past year. I want to make the effort and I hope the arrival of spring will help. Nobody knows how much worse or better it’ll get. All we can do is move forward.

To help my broken spirits, as well as many others, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to get everyone in the spirit of spring. Things may suck, but at least they’ll suck with better weather. Enjoy!

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“We will never know the identities of couples who are most skilled at thrill sex.”

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“A man with six-pack abs will always work harder to maintain his sex appeal than a woman with big tits.”

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“If nice guys only finished last in bed, then they’re more likely to be ahead when it comes to finding love.”

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“Is it ironic or appropriate that idiots who find love rely mostly on dumb luck?”

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“The term, gross incompetence, was probably coined after a failed sex act.”

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“A quickie is the espresso shot of sex while tender lovemaking is a perfect latte.”

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“Logistically speaking, you’re better off sleeping with someone ugly because they have more incentive to put in the extra effort.”