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Birthday Reflections: My 20s Vs. My 30s

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Recently, I celebrated my birthday. It didn’t involve an elaborate party or some special event. It wasn’t just another day, either. I went out of my way to make it special, as did my friends and family. By the standards of a man in his 30s, it was a good birthday. I didn’t need much. I just needed a day that made getting older feel less daunting.

As we get older, our attitudes towards birthdays change. When we’re young, birthdays are this big event that we go out of our way to make memorable. As kids, it’s an excuse to have a big party full of cakes, presents, and birthday checks from generous relatives. As teenagers, it’s another year gone by and another step closer towards greater independence.

Once we enter our 20s, however, things get trickier. We start to see birthdays less as events and more as formalities. By that time, most of us have other pressing concerns beyond which cake we want and how we’ll spend our birthday checks, assuming our relatives still send them. That experience may vary, depending on your circumstances. For me, my 20s was a strange time and it showed in how I celebrated birthdays.

These days, I feel like I’ve achieved just the right balance when it comes to birthdays. At the same time, each passing year has helped put what I went through in my 20s into a clearer perspective. You can’t always see the forest from the trees when you’re young. It takes years of living, learning, growth, success, and even failure to truly appreciate how your life changes.

I found myself appreciating that even more this past week. When I look back at how I was in my 20s, I see just how far I’ve come. Ten years ago, I was in a very different place. I had just graduated college. I was still paying off debt, searching for a steady job, and trying to establish myself. It was not a smooth ride, but it was not as difficult as it could’ve been.

It helped that I had a supportive family who helped me transition from college to the adult world. It helped even more that they let me move back home and live rent free until I saved up enough money to pay down my debts and move out. They helped make parts of the transition easier, but I still made it harder on myself in way too many ways.

In my 20s, the memories of high school were still fresh in my mind. On top of that, I had broken up with my college girlfriend and I still hadn’t quite recovered. I also had a long way to go in terms of refining my social skills. At that time, I was still very socially awkward. I avoided parties and large crowds. I had a hard time striking up conversations. I also lacked confidence, poise, and vision.

For the most part, I treated adult life in my 20s the same way I treated college. In my defense, that was the life I’d gotten used to at that point. I treated work like going to class. I only ever saw work as a means to a paycheck that I could use to pay down my debts and pay my rent. When problems came up, my first instinct wasn’t to solve them. It was to find someone else who could.

In some cases, I held myself back. I clung to the less burdensome life I had in college. I relied heavily on friends and parents to help me with things like taxes, car repairs, and finding quality health care. Again, my family was awesome every step of the way and didn’t berate me for relying on them so much. However, at some point, I had to grow up on my own.

That process didn’t really pick up until my late 20s. That was around the time when I finally caught up in terms of social skills. It was also the same time I gained more professional and career experience. I no longer saw work as a means to a paycheck. I saw it as a part of a blossoming career. Compared to how many others in their 20s have struggled, I was considerably lucky.

Once I made it into my 30s, my outlook changed even more. I stopped looking at things in terms of when I got my next paycheck and started making plans for the future. I dared to set bolder goals for myself. I also dared to learn more skills that hadn’t interested me before. Something as simple as inflating a tire on my car or fixing my garbage disposal became a real endeavor.

At that same time, I also became more health conscious, both physically and mentally. I’ve noted before how unhealthy I was in my early 20s. Back then, it wasn’t unusual for me to create entire meals around bowls of cereal drenched in chocolate milk. The most I did in terms of cooking involved hot pockets and burritos.

Again, in my defense, that was what I’d gotten used to in college. It certainly wasn’t healthy and that showed in my appearance. Even though I was young, I wasn’t exactly fit. I had no muscle tone and a less-than-toned stomach. I also avoided exercise to the utmost. My hatred of gym class in high school somehow followed me into my 20s.

Now that I’m in my 30s, I can safely say that I’m more physically fit than I was when I graduated college. I’ll even go so far as to say I’m more attractive. I can see my ab muscles. I have biceps that are worth showing off. I can run for three miles with ease and I go to the gym at least twice a week. I also eat much better than I did in my 20s. I can actually cook a healthy meal without relying on a microwave.

It may not sound like much, but all those little things really accumulated once I hit my 30s. It didn’t happen all at once. It was a process, one that allowed me to become a functional adult that I’m proud to be. I’ve built a good life for myself. I have confidence, good health, a great family, and a strong support structure that brings out the best in me.

It even showed in how I approached birthdays. In my 20s, birthdays reminded me that I’m getting older. In my 30s, they affirm that I’ve grown into a man that I’m proud of and I want to keep growing.

Every now and then, especially around my birthday, I find myself contemplating what I would’ve done differently in my 20s, knowing what I know now. With each passing year, however, I realize that there’s not much I could’ve done. Even with the benefit of hindsight, I feel like I had to go through that awkward transition period in my 20s. It made me a better person, in the long run.

Now, as I near my 40s, I look forward to seeing the kind of person I grow into. I also hope to meet that special someone along the way. Until that time comes, I feel like I’ve got a healthy attitude towards birthdays and most other things now that I’m in my 30s. My 20s were fun in many ways, but I don’t miss them.

I’m excited about my future. I’m hopeful about where life will take me. I don’t doubt for a second that who I am now will be very different than who I am in another 10 years. Hopefully, by that time, I’ll be able to share more reflections about that journey. Only time will tell.

Until then, to all those who helped make my birthday special this year, I sincerely thank you.

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Daily Sexy Musing: Party Time

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Who doesn’t enjoy a good party? Even if you don’t consider yourself a social person by nature, there’s no denying that a fun, festive gathering has a way of boosting everyone’s spirit. Why else would New Years, Mardi Gras, and bachelor/bachelorette parties be so popular?

I say that as someone who, at one point, was not a party person. In my defense, I was a socially-awkward teenager with a terrible acne problem and no dancing skills. For me, going to a party was like going to the dentist. I only went because I had to. I couldn’t enjoy it. I could only endure it. Over time, that changed.

Between college breaking me out of my shell and several weddings that helped me refine my partying skills, I came to appreciate what a good party brings to the table. I also came to appreciate the unique sex appeal it can create. I’m not just talking about bachelor/bachelorette parties either. Even a casual gathering can take on a uniquely intimate feel.

A good party will get people moving, draw people together, and maybe even get some sexy sparks flying. It’s one of those primal forces that brings people together. While there is real science behind they psychology good party, you don’t need to know the particulars to have fun. For this Daily Sexy Musing, I’m just going to focus on the fun stuff and all the sexy undertones that come with it.

There’s loud music playing.

There’s alcohol available at every turn.

There’s bodies moving, closely and intimately.

There’s a mood in the air, growing more intense with every passing second.

I feel it. I know you feel it too. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. We just stop trying to put what we feel into words and let our bodies do the talking. It’s exhilarating, but honest. I can say so much to myself and others, just by being in the middle of such controlled chaos. For once, I understand what I need and want. The only question is who shares those feelings with me?

In the midst of revelry and inhibition, I forget why there’s a party in the first place. I sense others have since forgotten as well. Time, space, and memory quickly lose meaning. All that we know is in the present. All that we want and seek is nearby. We need only embrace it.

I abandon my restraint and cut loose.

I move erratically and intimately around a sea of total strangers.

I tell the world that I’m having fun and I don’t care who knows it.

It’s not my true self, nor is it a lie either. In this festive moment, I am who I’ve always been, but at my most free. I wear every passion on my sleeve. I don’t hesitate to reach out and share myself with others. I am what I need to be, for myself and others. Whoever shares that need is welcome to join me.

In the spirit of the party, I am my greatest champion.

In the heat of the moment, I am as open as I’ll ever be.

In the ambiance that surrounds us, I am what I hope to be.

This is the best possible moment for you to approach me. Within this feeling lays the greatest opportunity to make that intimate connection. Through the noise, the music, the cheering, and the festivities, I give myself to the world. I am ready and eager to love. That, more than anything, is worth celebrating.

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Daily Sexy Musing: On Beautiful Butts

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The human body is sexy. Most people don’t deny that. To some extent, it has to be sexy. How else could the human race become the most dominant species on this planet? It’s not enough to be cunning, coordinated, and adaptable to all sorts of changing conditions. We need to be sexy so we can propagate and thrive.

While everyone has their own particular tastes and kinks to what they find sexy, some parts of the human body contain an almost universal sex appeal. Chief among those parts is the human buttocks. Now, I’m not going to break out into song and sing an elaborate ode to sexy butts everywhere. I’ll leave that to the likes of Nicki Minaj and Sir Mix-A-Lot. I still want to celebrate that unique sexiness.

Unlike female breasts, a sexy butt is gender neutral. We all have one and while the nature of the sex appeal differs with gender, the sexy logistics are the same. A nice butt in a woman accentuates feminine sex appeal. A nice butt in a man complements masculine prowess. When properly applied, it can bring out all sorts of sexiness among lovers.

Whether it’s for a one night stand or between spouses who’ve been married for several decades, a simple glimpse at a strong butt can lead to something sexy. It’s part of why I’m so descriptive in my novels and sexy short stories. This Daily Sexy Musing is just my way of acknowledging the power that a sexy butt can exude. Enjoy!

You bend over.

I lean in.

That’s all it takes.

Whether by accident or intent, you show off what gets my heart racing and my loins going. Suddenly, everything else around me is muted. I don’t notice where we are, what we’re doing, or why we’re doing it. My sole focus is on you and your amazing butt.

It begins as something primal. I notice one of your features that I like. It appeals to the animal within, but it acts as the first step to something deeper. In a great butt, I don’t just see a potential lover. I see someone who takes care of themselves. In you, I envision us caring for each other and not just intimately.

So round and firm, it exudes a sexy strength.

So smooth and sensual, it conveys a sexy aura.

So beautiful and grand, it evokes a great passion.

Excited, I lean in as well. I whisper into your ear and offer my loving touch. You respond in kind. Whether your actions were on purpose no longer matters. You sent a message. I received it. Now, we act on it.

You guide my hands to your butt.

I guide yours to mine.

Together, we caress and fondle.

The worlds around us becomes an afterthought. What begins as simple allure transforms into full-blown desire. Like beacons of passion, your butt summons me. Without hesitation, I answer the call. From there, we follow it together.

From a simple motion, our bodies draw us together.

From a primal lust, we respond with targeted touching.

From a greater feeling, we forge a heated love.

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Daily Sexy Musing: Birthday Sex

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As we get older, birthdays tend to lose their spectacle. At some point, we’re no longer excited about the prospects of cake, presents, and silly hats. We’re just content to have a day to ourselves and an excuse to drink heavily. However, there is one aspect about birthdays that has overtly sexual connotations and it’s not just about lovers being more willing to wear kinky underwear.

To some, it’s running joke. At some point in a long-term relationship, you can only expect those sexy moments on your birthday and your anniversary. More often than not, it’s your birthday that’s more fun because you’re in a better position to set the mood. That works great if you’ve got a kinky mind, but not so much if that’s the only love-making you can look forward to.

As a romantic and a fan of all things sexy, I believe that sexy potential of birthdays is grossly undervalued. It shouldn’t be among the handful of days when you can assume some extra intimacy with your lover. It should be one of those occasions where you let your mind run a little wild and take your lover along for the ride.

To some extent, birthdays are already sexy. It marks a day that wouldn’t have been possible if someone hadn’t gotten laid. It’s worth celebrating, no matter how old you are. Our lives literally began with a sexy moment. Why not use the anniversary of your birth to add to it? Today is not my birthday, but I hope this Daily Sexy Musing gets adults and their lovers excited about celebrating again. Enjoy!

On this day, years ago, an act of love began my life.

On this day, here and now, I continue that life in my own special way.

It has been a life of many upheavals. However, the obstacles became opportunities and losses became lessons. At every turn, I learned and grew, becoming who I am and striving to be greater. Now, with another milestone met, I strive in a very special way.

What is a life well lived if not shared?

What is a life continued if not celebrated?

With you, I seek to share in the moment. This uniquely personal occasion, another year of life well-lived, I need no treats or presents. I seek only the most intimate kind of gift. From you, I seek something special that can neither be purchased nor packaged.

It’s a day like no other, your own personal holiday mixed with memories and reflections. You have a chance to look back and look forward, remembering what you’ve gained and mourning what you’ve lost. It’s also something more precious, a reason to go the extra mile and achieve something greater. With you, I don’t just seek it. I make it gift, both given and received.

The day is mine.

The moment is ours.

The party begins.

You offer yourself to me, perfectly wrapped and presented with glee. I unwrap it eagerly, the energy of youth flowing through me once more. No longer a child, but not constrained by age, I dare to play in life’s orchard. You are my playmate, a joy worth celebrating and a treat worth sharing.

Our love is a constant gift, but on this day, we celebrate in a way unique to this occasion. It is another year for me, but another blessing for us.

I am here.

We are together.

On this day, my birthday, we cherish the greatest gift we’ll ever have.

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Birthdays And Mid-Life Crisis: Should I Worry?

What goes through the mind of a person having a mid-life crisis? I used to ask that question a lot and laugh at the implications. Now, I ask that question more than I care to and often dread the implications.

Recently, I just celebrated my birthday. I’m not an old fart just yet, but I’m long past the age of celebrating birthdays with candles, puppets, and trips to Chuck E. Cheese. I can’t really call myself young anymore either. The fact I often recall my colorful college years is proof enough of that.

As of now, I think it’s safe to say I’m middle age. I’m in the early part of my 30s. I’m not married, I have no kids, and I’m single. While I’ve had a few failed efforts at online dating, I’m currently a long way away from having a stable relationship. That makes me worry that I’m on track for a mid-life crisis.

That may come off as paranoid, on my part. According to actual research on the subject, which does exist, people don’t have these things until their mid-forties at the earliest. However, I feel as though I check one too many boxes with respect to men who end up overly obsessing about where they are or aren’t at a certain point in their lives.

Maybe I’m just overreacting, after having celebrated a birthday that reminded me I’m a year older. I hope that’s the case because I don’t think I would handle a mid-life crisis well. According to WebMD, these are the signs that a man may be going through one and isn’t handling it in a healthy way:

  • You’re uneasy about major elements in your life
  • You feel that your time for taking a new direction is running short
  • You’re making unusual choices
  • You feel trapped and are tempted to act out in ways that will blow up your life

Either one of these symptoms is something I don’t think I’d handle well. In the past, I’ve shown an ability to effectively shame myself into changing my habits for the better. Who’s to say it won’t work in the opposite direction? I like to think I have enough perspective to avoid that, but I don’t know for sure what age will do to that perspective.

I’ve also had a tendency to be significantly behind the curve when it comes to social skills. Based on the particulars of a mid-life crisis, I worry that I might start pushing myself in unhealthy ways to unhealthy extremes. In a mid-life crisis, I imagine I won’t learn just how unhealthy it is until it’s too late.

This may all still be paranoia on my part. It might also be me worrying about getting deeper into my 30s, but still being single. I’ve already had that cause some issues in the past. As I get older and remain single, I’m sure those issues will continue.

It doesn’t help that a lot of friends and family members are starting to get married, have children, or get involved in long-term relationships. When I was in my 20s, I could sort of get away with being an outlier. I could just fall back on youth, inexperience, and stupidity. Those were good excuses, but like all excuses, they eventually become hallow.

Perhaps that’s what has me most worried about the prospect of a mid-life crisis. In talking about excuse banking, I’ve had to think a lot more about the excuses I’ve made in the past and the ones I still make to this day. I’m making these excuses at a time when I’m happy, healthy, and not feeling too old.

That could change a great deal after a few too many birthdays. Beyond the fact that the body always breaks down with age, the world around me is constantly changing. It’s a given that at some point in my life, I’m going to feel a certain level of stress, regret, and anxiety. That might tempted more than just extra excuses.

I’m not sure how that will manifest. Maybe I’ll go wild for a while at parties that I have no business attending. Maybe I’ll try to marry a random stranger on a trip to Las Vegas. Maybe I’ll buy a custom sex doll and name it after one of the characters in my books. It’s hard to know until it happens. I don’t want it to happen, but celebrating another birthday makes me wonder whether it’s inevitable.

In many respects, I’m well-equipped to either survive a mid-life crisis or avoid it altogether. I have a very strong support network among friends and family. I’m very close to my siblings, my parents, and my friends. A lot of them, especially my parents, know me better than I know myself. If I’m going through something, they’ll often pick up on it before I do.

Having that kind of support always helps. They’ve been a big part of what has inspired me to write this blog and my novels. I sincerely hope that one day, I can find a beautiful, loving woman to share that inspiration with as well. I’m working on that, but for the moment, I’m more vulnerable to a mid-life crisis than most.

At the moment, though, I’m still healthy, sane, and sexy as I’ve ever been. If that changes, chances are my posts on this blog will get a lot crazier and for a blog that has referenced sex robots, sex-positive superheroes, and cheesy romance movies that few men admit to liking, that’s saying a lot.

For this year, though, I’m going to enjoy all the birthday wishes I got from friends and family. I’m going to lavishly spend all the gift cards and eat all the cake. I’ll even have myself an extra beer for good measure.

Another year in this world has helped me improve as a person and as an aspiring erotica/romance writer. I want to keep improving. I also want to be ready for the moment when things in my life get rough.

I know if I can overcome them, I’ll be even better. Maybe I’ll even be able to get a few sexy novels out of them as well. If that kind of story helps me build my success, then I’m willing to endure in the name of all things sexy.

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How I Celebrate My Birthday

I’d like to take a break from talking about overly sexy, overly controversial topics for a moment. I’d also like to take a break from talking about my ongoing novels and the status of “Embers of Eros.” I have a damn good reason too. It’s my birthday and I like to take it easy on my birthday, damn it!

I come from a family who will use any excuse to have a party or celebration. Yes, I mean any excuse. Whether it’s birthdays, babies, anniversaries, or the Spring Equinox, we love to get together and celebrate. I’ve always been fond of those celebrations. It means I have an excuse to eat cake, candy, chocolate, and whatever else will rot my teeth.

As I’ve gotten older, the parties have gotten a bit more mature in some ways, but not others. Parties in my family are often code for excuses to get a cooler full of beer and seeing if we can drink it all before sunset. It’s as much fun as it sounds. Everybody’s a winner in the end.

Code or not, it’s a fun way to spend the day. I’m not a kid anymore, but that doesn’t stop my family from sharing the moment with me. They’ll take me out to dinner, buy me a few drinks, and help me enjoy myself. They’ll give me plenty of love and plenty of hugs. Being an admitted hugger, that’s a damn good way to spend the day.

Beyond a family celebration, how do I celebrate this day? Well, I try to keep things simple. I get some buffalo wings, some cake, some alcohol (beer and/or whiskey), and set it up so I don’t have to get up from my couch for at least six hours. That usually means watching some of my favorite movies. Yes, most of them are comic book movies, such as Deadpool and X-men: Apocalypse. No, I don’t apologize for loving those movies.

I challenge anyone to find a better way to spend a birthday. As we get older, our needs get a little simpler when it comes to holidays and birthdays. I like to think that I’ve found a healthy balance. If it involves hugs, alcohol, and superhero movies, I’m a happy guy.

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