It is not easy finding that special someone. It never has been, even if you’re rich, beautiful, and have strong social skills. Every generation encounters new challenges in their pursuit of love and companionship. I know I have. I’ve even shared some of those struggles before.
At the moment, I have not found that special someone. I am single, I live alone, and I currently have no romantic prospects of any kind. I’m honestly not even sure where to begin at this point in my life. Nearly everyone else in my immediate family has settled down and started having kids. I am very much behind the curve in that regard.
However, there are some individuals who are in an even tougher situation. I know I am lucky in many regards. I own my own home. I own my own car. I’m never behind on my bills or anything. But there are plenty of men and women my age who have none of that. Some of the people I went to college with are still stuck in debt and can’t even afford to pursue a serious relationship.
In that sense, I don’t blame anyone for seeking other forms of companionship. Loneliness really does suck. It is objectively bad for your health. While it has become a hot topic, even in political fields, it has also led to some controversial trends. And among the most contentious involves people seeking AI companions.
Now, before I go any further, I want to make clear that I am somewhat reluctant to talk about this. While I’m usually up for any discussions about artificial intelligence, especially with how it may affect our love lives, this one specific aspect of AI is riddled with complications.
On one hand, there’s the general stigma. Most AI companions, such as Replika, are essentially idealized avatars of whatever kind of companion the user wants. If a man wants an AI girlfriend to look like a porn star and have hair like a girl from his favorite fantasy anime, he can have that and the personality to match. And while that is appealing, as a product, it still carries a stigma with it.
Men like this who use AI companions aren’t seen in a very sympathetic light. They’re more likely to be seen as examples of toxic male behavior. They’re not just lonely and in need of companionship. They’re seen as perverts who prefer a girlfriend that they can turn off, manipulate, or control in whatever way they please.
And make no mistake, there are men who treat their AI companions like that. They’re not all that subtle about it, either. But most of these men were shallow, crass, and crude before the advent of AI companions. They would’ve been that way regardless of whether or not this technology existed. There have always been men like that. And there always will be to some extent.
But there’s also a double standard at work with these men. Because there are AI companions for women too. They’re every bit as available as the ones men use. They just don’t get as much scrutiny and don’t carry as much stigma. If a woman were to create an AI companion to resemble their favorite male celebrity, chances are they won’t be stigmatized as much as their male counterparts.
Some may see this as concerning, thinking the woman must have issues if she was resorting to AI companions. But she would certainly garner less stigma than the man.
I would still argue there are women out there who seek AI companions for the same reason as men. They’ll even mold avatars meant to resemble the sexiest, most attractive figure they can conjure. I don’t claim to know how common it is, but I don’t doubt this exists.
Even with that kind of shallow use of this technology, I think it’s much more common that these users are just lonely. They seek companionship the same way most humans seek companionship. Even if there are plenty of people to interact with, AI companions help fill a particular need. That’s really all there is to it.
That’s not to say that AI companions are harmless. I strongly believe they can be. It just depends on the user and how they go about interacting with these AI systems.
If someone is manipulative, controlling, abusive, and self-centered, then having an AI companion that they can mold to their whims is not going to temper those tendencies. More than likely, they’ll get much worse. They’ll basically set a standard for the user that conditions them to expect certain qualities in a companion. And since real people can’t be molded, manipulated, or configured like an AI, they’ll never find someone who meets their impossible criteria.
In the process, that same user might grow bitter and angry that no real person can be to them what their AI companion is. And as these feelings simmer, it could just lead them into a destructive cycle of resenting everyone and everything that they can’t control the same way they control their AI companion.
That is very much a worst-case scenario for users of AI companions. I did try to look up research on this, but it was hard to come by. Both the stigma and novelty of these products make it difficult to assess. Maybe I’m being too hopeful, but I think cases like this are rare.
They certainly exist, but they’re the exception rather than the norm. It just tends to get more attention because seeing horrible people reinforce their horrible behavior with these AI companions is disturbing to many people and understandably so.
At the same time, I also believe that AI companions can be genuinely beneficial for a lot of people and those benefits are likely understated. Remember, we are social creatures. And as intelligent as we can be, we’re also blunt instruments with respect to certain mental faculties. Our brains and our psyche don’t care about the nature of social interaction. So long as we find it fulfilling on some levels, we’ll incur the benefits.
In their early form, AI companions probably didn’t offer much in that regard. But in recent years with the rise of AI chatbots and large language models, it’s relatively easy and cheap to create an AI that people can interact with in ways that closely resemble those of real humans. And the growing size of the AI companion industry is solid that there is growing market for this sort of thing.
But the good these AI companions could do goes further than simply giving people a facsimile of human interaction. Remember, the current crop of AI chatbots and LLMs are relatively new. They’re like the early models of the iPhone. They’re going to continue being refined, developed, and improved upon now that an industry is being built around it.
In time, AI chatbots and general AI technology will improve.
At some point, AI technology will get advanced to the point where it can offer more than just a base level interactions. In theory, an AI could be configured in way that didn’t just perfectly complement the personality of the user. It could also interact with them in a way that fosters healthy personal growth, just like any other good relationship.
There could even be AI companions specifically configured to deal with abusive men or women, helping them understand and deal with their issues in a way that makes them better individuals. That could be life-saving for certain people who struggle to find companionship due to issues like personal trauma or mental illness.
These AI companions don’t even need to take a physical form. They don’t need to be incorporated into sex robots or anything. They can still be effective as simple avatars on smart devices. There would certainly need to be some level of testing, safeguards, and refinement in order to make them work effectively. It might even take years before AI companions have such capabilities.
That’s the most I’m willing to say about AI companions at the moment. I don’t doubt this industry will continue to evolve in the coming years. I also don’t doubt there will be plenty of controversies about the ethics of these companions, as well as how they affect the user.
But even in their current form with their current level of intelligence, it offers lonely people an outlet. Reasonable people can argue just how healthy or unhealthy it is. But it doesn’t change the fact that lonely people are out there. They’re seeking connection and companionship like everyone else. These AI companions aren’t perfect replacements, but they’re better than nothing.
Jack Fisher's Official Publishing Blog 