Lesson About Love I’ve Learned From Writing Romance

When writing, talking, or criticizing a certain topic, we often do so thinking we know enough about it to make it matter. It’s not until we actually make the effort that we realize just how inadequate our knowledge is. It can be distressing and disheartening on some levels, but it can also be revealing.

I’ve been writing romance stories since I was a teenager. I don’t deny that those first stories I wrote were awful. I’ve even gone back and deleted some of them, both from my memory and my computer. They were that bad. I made the effort because I believed I could tell a good, meaningful love story. It wasn’t until I started writing that I realized how much I had to learn.

I’ve learned quite a bit since then, but I don’t doubt for a second that I’ve a lot more to explore. The fact that I’m still single, unmarried, and not dating anyone at the moment is proof enough of that. However, after reading about and writing so many love stories, both as novels and as short stories, I’ve uncovered countless insights into love.

Writing about it, discussing it, and even observing it in people who have found it has taught me a lot. Much of those lessons have found their way into my writing over the years. In the interest of sharing those revelations, I’d like to offer a few of those insights for those still struggling to make sense of this emotion that drives so many people, both in real life and in the world of fiction.

Some may seem obvious. Others may seem corny. That’s to be expected. Love is one of those strange emotions that seems so simple on paper, yet so overwhelming in practice. That’s part of what makes it special. That’s also part of what makes it worth pursuing. Hopefully, these insights help with that.

Lesson #1: Love requires effort, but can become tedious if it turns into work.

Lesson #2: Love is often more opportunity than destiny. Fate may bring people together, but it’s through choice and effort that something comes of it.

Lesson #3: The line between lust and love is often blurred, but becomes more defined when those involved are honest with themselves and each other.

Lesson #4: It’s okay for love to be shallow on some levels, but greater depth is needed in order for it to blossom.

Lesson #5: Being in love means growing and evolving with a person. That means loving someone for who they are and who they’re trying to be.

Lesson #6: Being in love is only part of a functional relationship, but it’s a critical part that can make others work.

Lesson #7: Love isn’t always logical, but genuine love is coherent and consistent.

Lesson #8: You cannot control how, when, and where you fall in love, but you can control the situation around you.

Lesson #9: Being in love, like being in a relationship, is an ongoing feeling. Treating certain parts as endpoints only undermines both.

Lesson #10: In the same way love means different things to many people, the experience of love can be just as different. Even if others don’t understand it, that doesn’t mean the love is less sincere.

Lesson #11: Love is unpredictable, but there are often patterns that become noticeable when you’re honest with yourself and your partner.

Lesson #12: There’s no one right way to love someone, but there will always be many more wrong ways.

Lesson #13: Love build on lies is always unstable in the long run.

There are probably many more I could list or haven’t thought of. If you have some lessons in love that you’d like to share, please do so in the comments.

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Filed under Marriage and Relationships, romance, sex in society

New Comic Book Day January 15, 2020: My Pull List And Pick Of The Week

In the times before the internet, comic fans like myself built their entire Wednesdays around when and how they could get to a comic book store. As horrifying as a time before the internet might be to most people under the age of 25, some of us remember it. We also remember the challenges, but we don’t miss them.

For me, it was a tough challenge to get around. There would be days in which I couldn’t get to a shop to get my stack of comics and the mail service almost never delivered subscription titles on time. For that reason, and many others, Wednesdays were stressful. Now, thanks to online shops like Comixology, those dark times are distant memories.

It’s because of companies like Comixology, and their Amazon overlord, that Wednesdays are far less arduous. We wake up, log in, and have our entire pull list for the week at our fingertips. Throw in a cup of hot coffee with a pinch of whiskey and you’ve got a perfect storm of morning heaven.

Today is another trip to that heaven. With it, I have a digital pull list tailor made to make my Wednesday as special as it deserves to be. What follows is my pull list for the week and my top pick from that special lot.

Also, I wasn’t joking about the whiskey in my coffee.


My Pull List

Avengers #29

The Flash #86

Jessica Jones: Blind Spot #1

Valkyrie: Jane Foster #7

Saban’s Go Go Power Rangers #27

Iron Man 2020 #1


My Pick of the Week

Back in the mid 1980s, Marvel published a mini-series called Machine Man by Tom DeFalco, Herb Trimpe, and Barry Windsor-Smith. This underrated gem envisioned a cyberpunk future in which an emerging class of artificial intelligent beings clashed with humanity. On the front lines of that clash was Iron Man 2020.

At the time, it just seemed like a cool concept and a valid excuse to build a world around epic robot battles. Now, it is 2020. While we don’t have the same robot battles envisioned in that book, there are increasingly serious concerns about the emergence of artificial intelligence and what that could mean for the human race.

Iron Man 2020 #1” doesn’t just take this concept and run with it. It channels the spirit of Jack Kirby in pursuing bold ideas and the bolder implications behind them. Writers Dan Slott and Christos Gage embrace the aesthetics and themes of that old story. The Iron Man that emerges is a different kind if Iron Man.

If you haven’t been following the recent Iron Man comics, that’s not too great an obstacle. All you need to know is that Tony Stark lost control of his company and his Iron Man armor. It’s not because he’s “dead.” I put that in quotes because that’s somewhat of a relative term in this book, as well as many other Marvel books.

The Tony that had been running around as Iron Man was declared not to be the “real” Tony. He was just an artificial intelligence in a fresh body. Legally speaking, that means Tony is dead and everything he once owned now belongs to his brother, Arno Stark. If you don’t know his story, you’d be wise to look it up. For “Iron Man 2020 #1,” it’s not entirely necessary. You just need to know that he’s a new kind if Iron Man.

Tony’s presence still looms large, as do the ideas surrounding artificial intelligence, identity, and how it fits into a society still run by flawed, fleshy humans. There are a lot of new plots on top of ones that have been unfolding for years in the pages of Iron Man. “Iron Man 2020 #1” just sets the stage for what should be a very special year for all things Iron Man.

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Filed under DC Comics, Jack's Quick Pick Comic, Marvel, superhero comics

My (Mixed) Reaction To The “Morbius” Trailer

Whenever a trailer for a new superhero movie comes out, I get excited. It’s basically a reflex at this point. In this golden age of superhero movies, we’re at a point where the bar is high, the variety of movies is fast, and it promises to get even more diverse in the near future.

While movies like “Avengers Endgame” and “Joker” have left fans like me feeling spoiled, it’s still possible for some movies to come along and just not strike any chords. That’s not to say they’re terrible or doomed to “Catwoman” levels of failure. They just come along at a strange time when they don’t seem to fit.

That’s what colored my reaction to the recent release of the “Morbius” trailer. I knew of this movie. I knew it was set to come out this year. I also knew that Jared Leto had been cast in the main role of Michael Morbius. After how poorly his rendition of Joker panned out in “Suicide Squad,” I welcomed this news. Leto is a great actor who just needs to find the right role. I thought Morbius could be that role.

It’s one of those roles that could be great for both Leto and the character. Even if you’re familiar with Marvel comics, especially the Spider-Man branch of the comics, you probably don’t know much about Michael Morbius. He’s not a new character. He’s been around since 1971.

However, he has never been a high-profile hero. He’s best known as an occasional antagonist for Spider-Man, but in terms of notoriety, he’s a far cry from Venom, Doctor Octopus, or the Green Goblin.

Since his debut, he’s tried to stand on his own. Sometimes, he succeeds, but he’s never risen to the same levels as other popular Spider-Man characters. This movie could change, but after seeing the trailer, I’m not so sure.

It’s not bad. It’s not great, either. It didn’t get me excited like “Venom” or “Joker.” It didn’t paint Morbius in a unique light, either. It teases a plot that feels pretty generic. It doesn’t feel bold or groundbreaking. It doesn’t come off as stupid or poorly handled, either. Leto looks great in the part, especially at the end.

I don’t hate it. I don’t love it, either. For the moment, I’m ambivalent about this movie. Compared to the colorful antics of “Birds of Prey” and the horror themes of “New Mutants,” this just doesn’t stand out.

I’ll still give it a chance. I’ll still root for this movie to succeed, but I won’t be surprised if it fails. It could be another “Venom” or it could end up as bad as “Catwoman.” It’s hard to say at this point. Only time will tell.

At the very least, this will be a story in which the vampires don’t sparkle.

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Filed under Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, movies, superhero comics, superhero movies

How To NOT Be Miserable On Mondays

It’s Monday and let’s face it. For most people with a steady job, Monday’s suck. It’s not just that the weekend is over. It’s the longest possible time between you and next weekend. Logistically speaking, it’s as bad a day as you can have that doesn’t involve going to the dentist.

I certainly felt that way about Mondays. I still do on occasion, but it was a lot worse when I was in high school. I know I belabor how much I hated high school, but it’s still worth emphasizing. I was always miserable, depressed, and despondent on Mondays. I was also insufferable to be around. I know because other people, including friends and family, told me that on multiple occasions.

Over time, I got tired of being that guy. I hated being the person people actively avoided on Mondays. The only thing that makes misery worse is spreading it to others. It can quickly become a self-reinforcing cycle in which everyone suffers. Nobody deserves that.

As such, I decided to change my attitude. It didn’t happen overnight. In fact, it took years. It didn’t really become noticeable until after I graduated college, but I cannot overstate how beneficial it was. If you can change your attitude on how miserable you are on Monday, then a whole lot of other challenges become less daunting.

With that in mind, I’d like to share a few tips on how to make Mondays better. Whether you’re working, in school, or retired, I encourage everyone to try making the least liked day of the week just a bit less miserable. Life is hard enough. We don’t need to go out of our way to make certain days even harder.

Tip #1: Be as positive as you can, even if you have to fake it.

Tip #2: Surround yourself with people who are positive or try to be that person within a group.

Tip #3: Start the day doing something you enjoy to boost your mood or try something new that does the same.

Tip #4: Treat yourself to a breakfast that’s bigger and more filling than you usually have.

Tip #5: Wear your favorite clothes that make you feel attractive and confident. Looking good helps you feel good.

Tip #6: Listen to music that’s loud, energetic, and upbeat on a high volume.

Tip #7: Do, watch, or listen to something that makes you laugh. It really is the best medicine.

Tip #8: Don’t look at clocks or keep track of time. Try and lose yourself in the day.

Tip #9: Talk to people and have simple conversations, but avoid topics that involve how much you hate Mondays.

Tip #10: Watch videos like this to put you in a better mood.

If you have other tips, please share them in the comments. The more we have to make Mondays less miserable, the better.

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Filed under Uplifting Stories

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Seductive Humor Edition

couple-laughing

Over the years, as I’ve watched many friends and relatives get married, I often ask them what it was that attracted them to their spouse. Most of the time, they’ll reference a dramatic or emotional moment that brought them together. However, within that story, there’s often a point when they’ll say their love made them laugh.

It may seem minor in the grand scheme of things, but make no mistake. There is power in humor, including the sexy kind. It’s not just from laughter, which has a powerful impact of its own. The simple act of making someone smile goes a long way towards evoking deeper emotions.

In that sense, humor is like a catalyst. When someone makes you laugh, you want to be around them more. The more you’re around them, the deeper the connection goes. When that connection becomes romantic, then humor gains an even greater influence. Suddenly, the act of smiling has greater meaning. It goes beyond the humor or the laughter. It can be downright intimate.

Knowing how to make your lover laugh shows that you know how to make them happy. It’s a simple, basic act, but one that sets the stage for many others. I believe that I’ll know I’ve met someone special if they make me laugh. I hope my future wife will feel the same way. In the meantime, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help deepen your appreciation of seductive humor. Enjoy!


“Exploring anal sex often requires that you be more horny than curious.”


“A quickie is basically a pop quiz for your genitals.”


“Being in a loveless marriage is like being trapped at a buffet that only serves expired cat food.”


“It’s safe to assume that someone with a good poker face knows how to fake an orgasm.”


“A divorce settlement is basically a bar tab for your heart.”


“Religion stigmatizes sex because it knows that orgasms are more powerful than prayers.”


“Camera angles are the only thing that keeps porn from being poorly-acted romance movies.”


There are all sorts of big, elaborate gestures we can make to someone we love. There’s a time and a place for those kinds of gestures. Other times, something as simple as making them laugh helps get the point across. It’s from these simple things that many powerful connections are forged. The laughter is just a nice bonus.

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The Ambiguity Of Anti-Heroes And How To Make Sense Of Them (According To Overly Sarcastic Productions)

Certain concepts easy to discuss, but poorly defined. You could get 100 people in a room, get them talking about art for hours on end, and at no point will anyone have a clear definition of what constitutes art. For some, it’s a beautiful painting by a long-dead artist. For others, it’s a banana taped to the wall.

The conflict occurs when discussing anti-heroes. I know because I’ve discussed them before. I’m guilty of throwing that label around and attaching it to certain characters. However, despite having a definition, the concept is still poorly defined. It’s so poor, in fact, that you can argue that almost any character with the “hero” is also an anti-hero to some extent.

Like art, it’s one of those things we think we know when we see. Given the sheer volume of superhero comics I’ve read over the years, I like to think I can point out and define an anti-hero better than most. Even with that experience, I doubt my standards are flawless. In fact, I’m fairly certain most peoples’ standards are ridiculously flawed.

I say this because I recently came across a new video by Overly Sarcastic Productions, a wonderful YouTube channel that I would highly recommend for all aspiring writers. Whether you’re writing adventure, sci-fi, or erotica romance, this channel offers invaluable advice and lessons.

My favorite part of the channel is its ongoing series, Trope Talk. It covers a wide range of writing topics, from paragons and pure evil villains to romantic sub-plots and reformed villains. Recently, it tackled the concept of anti-heroes in a comprehensive, colorful way. What made it even more compelling, in my opinion, are the characters it singled out to make the most important points.

There’s a lot I could say about it. Rather than spoil it, I strongly encourage everyone to watch the video. If you think it’s wrong on some areas or missed something, then please make your case in the comments. As both a comic fan and an aspiring writer, I’m always happy to discuss such topics.

If nothing else, I hope that video convinced you to go watch “Star Wars: The Clone Wars.” Seriously, even if you’re not a Star Wars fan and utterly despised the sequel trilogy, go check it out. It may not have Baby Yoda, but it has plenty to offer, both for anti-heroes and so many other wonderful things.

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Filed under media issues, superhero comics, superhero movies, video games, Villains Journey

A Brief Message To My Future Wife

Every now and then, I find myself wondering what I’ll say to the love of my life when I meet her. I also wonder what I’d say to my future self if I could. I think everyone contemplates what they’d tell themselves at a certain point in their lives, past and future. Most of the time, it’s just a daydream or a thought experiment. As you get older, though, every sentiment feels more urgent.

I still believe the love of my life is out there. I doubt I’ve met her yet. I hope I meet her soon and not just because I’m getting older. There are so many things I want to say to her. Chances are, if you love someone with all your heart, you can never convey the totality of your feelings. Sometimes, you need both foresight and hindsight to keep things in perspective.

With that in mind, I’d like to share this as a simple message to my future wife, whoever and wherever she may be. I may not be able to put this into words at any point in our lives, but as someone who is still searching for that special someone, know that this sentiment is honest and true.

There will be days when I’m a pain to be around.

There will be days when I am distant and cold.

There will be days when I just don’t want to talk to anyone.

There will be days when I’m not in a romantic mood.

There will be days when I’m stressed out, overwhelmed, and in a bad mood.

There will be days when I focus only on where I’ve gone wrong and where I’ve failed.

There will be days when I blame others for things I’m responsible for.

It’s on these days, however, when your love means the most to me. I may not say it at the time, but know that it’s true. Even when I’m at my worst, I still love you. Moreover, I still need your love.

With time, I get through these days. They quickly become distant memories and I make an effort to ensure the good days outnumber the bad. Know that it’s you who helps make those good says worth waking up for, but it’s easy to acknowledge that when all is well. It’s much harder to convey when things are going wrong.

It’s easy to cherish love when all is well, but you can only know the strength of that love when things are at their worst. I believe our love is that strong. Never doubt that for a second, no matter how many bad days we face.

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Filed under Jack Fisher's Insights, Marriage and Relationships, romance, sex in society, Thought Experiment