Tag Archives: long distance relationship

Loneliness, Bitterness, And Perspectives From Pandemics

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The crisis surrounding the Coronavirus/COVID-19 pandemic affected our world and our lives in ways too numerous to list. I hate talking about it and lamenting on all the things we’ve lost because of it, from March Madness to movies to new comics. Unfortunately, it’s unavoidable. Unlike misguided outrage or clickbait, I can’t just step away from my computer and escape. The world around me is still quarantined.

It’s a rare, unprecedented level of awful that will likely resonate for decades to come. It’s awful on so many levels, but it’s often through awful experiences that new perspectives emerge. I’d like to offer one today, if only to divert attention from how bad the news keeps getting.

Let’s face it. If you’re a very social person who enjoys going out, meeting new people, and forging new connections, this experience has been hell. It’s not just that bars, clubs, malls, and movie theaters are closed. You can’t even get close to people to connect with them anymore. Social distancing has made everyone less inclined to get close. For people who value that closeness, it’s nothing short of devastating.

At the same time, the less social crowd has probably noticed just how little their lives have changed. If you enjoyed sitting on your ass all day, watching TV and playing video games, then chances are you’re not feeling the impact that much. You might even take a perverse satisfaction out of the fact that your hobbies and passions have already equipped you to weather this crisis.

Between those extremes, however, lies the insights that are worth noting. Before this crisis took hold, it wasn’t uncommon to cite lonely, anti-social people, most of which were men, as damaged and dangerous. They’re behind many of the insults thrown at the “incel” community or those who debate feminism and social justice on message boards.

I know because I’ve been called that on more than one occasions. It’s often some variation of “basement-dwelling neckbeard” or something of the sort. I honestly don’t pay much attention to those insults. I’ve been on the internet long enough to grow fairly thick skin. At the same time, I think this crisis can offer a new perspective on loneliness to those who aren’t used to it.

Being trapped at home for days on end, unable to go out and socialize, means a sizable chunk of people who haven’t experienced loneliness to this extent can now know what it’s like. While I genuinely hope it ends soon and doesn’t leave any lasting scars on people, I hope it makes the necessary impression.

If you’re lucky enough to have a family, then you’ve got some support. If you’re lucky enough to have a lover, then you’ve got a source of intimate contact that feels like a precious luxury to many. That assumes that nobody you care about is sick, which adds a new level of dread to the loneliness. It’s not a pleasant feeling. It’s also a feeling worth scrutinizing.

To get that point across, I’d like to pose some questions to those who have ever labeled someone an incel, toxic, problematic, or any other insult that makes them unworthy of compassion.

How does it feel to have the desire to connect with others, but not the means?

How does it feel to be cut off from intimate human contact through no fault of your own?

How does it feel to have hours on end to yourself with nothing more than your hobbies to occupy yourself?

How does it feel to feel so utterly alone through no fault of your own?

How does it feel to be completely powerless to change your current situation?

I apologize if any of these questions come off as harsh. I hope they still convey the necessary message. Some of it may be personal for me. I’ve had people insult me whenever I’ve admitted to feeling lonely. Being a man, I feel like I don’t get much sympathy. People just assume I’m not doing something right and it’s up to me to fix it.

While part of that might be true, there are also parts that are simply beyond my control. A global pandemic is one of those things that’s beyond everyone’s control, from young men who play video games to world leaders who wield real power. For once, we’re all at the mercy of the same overwhelming force. We can’t hide from it or its effects.

There’s no patriarchal conspiracy, radical feminist plot, or secret cabal of lizard people working against us. This is just something that emerged from nature and hit us where it hurt at the worst possible time. For once, we’re all on the same page in terms of how vulnerable and concerned we are.

It’s a rare, but bittersweet opportunity. In recent years, there has been this narrative about lonely, bitter men, as well as lonely bitter women. They’re lonely and bitter because the world didn’t give them everything they wanted on a silver platter, so they take it out on everyone else.

They want the world to cater to their sensibilities.

They claim their preferences are right and anything to the contrary is flawed, political, or in some ways invalid.

They cling to their opinions, citing only the facts that justifies them while attacking those that oppose them.

Everyone is guilty of doing this. I certainly am. It’s tempting to write them off as products of a bitter, lonely existence for which they are wholly responsible. If nothing else, this pandemic shows that everyone is at the mercy of their circumstances.

Whatever someone’s attitude may be, even if it is misguided and flawed, it doesn’t make their loneliness any less real. It’s easy to insult those kinds of people when your situation is entirely different and arguably better. Now, this disease has put every one of us in the same boat, relatively speaking.

I hope we all remember this feeling and how much it sucks. I genuinely hope it inspires and educates others to understand how crippling loneliness can be for some people. Not everyone deals with it in a healthy way. Many will continue to cope in unhealthy ways long after this crisis is over.

At least now we know what drives those feelings. Whether you’re a lonely man, a lonely woman, or just lonely in general, we’ve all experienced the struggle it brings. Keep that in mind the next time you judge someone who seems bitter and angry at the world. They may just be lonely and no matter what your politics or ideology may be, it can make us feel as sick as any pandemic.

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Daily Sexy Musing: Hot Tub Sexy Time

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I don’t care who you, where you come from, or what you believe about human nature. A dip in a hot tub feels fantastic. You could be having an awful day or even a string of awful days. If you get a chance to submerge yourself in the sweet bubbly warmth of a hot tub, then your day isn’t going to feel so bad.

I can personally attest to the therapeutic effects of hot tubs. I can also attest to the inherent sexiness they offer. That’s not just because hot tubs have inspired both pornos and time travel movies. By design, they help relax us. Naturally, we’re less uptight when we’re relaxed. We’re more open to all things intimate and sexy. That’s the power of a good hot tub.

It also helps that being in a hot tub usually requires that people not be fully clothed. That certainly helps. While getting frisky in a hot tub is prone to certain complications, there’s no denying its ability to inspire sexy feelings in us all. I’ve witnessed it in others. While I never got a chance to enjoy a hot tub privately with my ex-girlfriends, it’s still a sexy effort worth striving for.

Not everyone has access to a hot tub. Even fewer have access to one they can enjoy in private with a special someone. However, I feel that only adds to its appeal. Whether you’re a romance fan or not, you can find something sexy about a good dip in a hot tub. If not, I hope this Daily Sexy Musing helps convince you. Enjoy!

The jets turn on.

The motor starts humming.

The bubbles start forming.

The steam starts rising.

It feels like the perfect reward for an arduous journey, an act of mercy granted to us for all our efforts. We work hard and struggle harder, building a life for each other and a love worthy of such strife. Finally, we taste the fruits of our labor. However, this particular fruit can only be enjoyed together.

We ditch our clothes.

We forget our swimsuits.

We jump in together.

We soak in this sweet, succulent reward.

Immediately, our naked bodies are surrounded by the bubbling water. It’s like being embraced by utter contentment in liquid form. Its magic heals and soothes away the strains and rigors that dampened our spirits. A wave of wonderous relaxation comes over us. Through it, our bodies and spirits are born anew.

In this therapeutic domain, we still find each other. Through the bubbling water, my flesh seeks yours. Unburdened and unencumbered, we answer the call. We find one another, daring to pursue even greater bliss. Our wet skin is so smooth, invigorated and energized by this feeling. We let it guide our passion and the fruit only gets sweeter.

We share a hot kiss.

We exchange a hot gesture.

We caress our hot flesh.

Everything is so hot and lively. In this steamy domain, our passions are ignited while our souls are soothed. What could be more relaxing?

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Daily Sexy Musings: Intimate Feats Of Strength

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In the vast spectrum that constitutes one’s sex appeal, strength is one of the most basic manifestations of that appeal. By strength, I don’t just mean an ability to bench press a refrigerator. Strength can take many forms, from lifting heavy boxes to giving birth to new life. At its core, it reflects an ability to forge something new into a chaotic world that doesn’t change easily.

As someone who used to be out of shape and under-motivated, I can attest to the benefits that basic strength can lend to our sex appeal. I noticed it shortly after I began working out. When I pushed myself and achieved a feat of strength, whether it was running five miles on a treadmill or bench pressing 150 pounds, I felt inherently sexier.

I can also attest that seeing women perform feats of strength makes them sexier. That’s not just my love of female superheroes talking, either. When we see someone pull off an amazing act of strength, we can’t help but feel attracted to it. Even if we’re intimidated on some levels, it gets our attention for all the right reasons.

For that reason, feeling strong and feeling sexy often go together. When we exercise or apply our strength, we demonstrate just how much we’re willing to push ourselves to achieve what we desire. It’s as sexual as it is practical. In that spirit, I hope this Daily Sexy Musing functions as both an acknowledgement and a celebration of that strength. Enjoy!

I push and pull.

I left and lug.

I grunt and grit.

Through it all, I endure the strain and you take notice.

By now, the dirt and grime has accumulated on my flesh. Sweat pours down my brow as my muscles ache from extended use. The air around me is thick with hot musk and it only gets thicker with every strenuous act. Through it all, I can feel your eyes upon me. I can also sense your intrigue growing.

My body is just a mechanism. Through it, I exact my will as best I can. To get what I want, I need strength. To get that strength, I exercise and toil. You’ve watched me every step of the way, encouraging and motivating my spirit at every turn. At first, it’s to help me. In time, however, it affects you in the most intimate ways.

The sweat provides spectacle.

The musk provides ambience.

The grit provides inspiration.

The results evoke intrigue.

I can see it in your face, thoughts and fantasies dancing across your mind. You want to see my strength applied in a more sensual context. With it, a simple touch is not so simple. Every kiss, embrace, and caress gains more power and meaning. You don’t just seek it. You crave it.

My strength is your spark.

My strength is your fuel.

My strength is a powerful signal.

I can handle the rigors of your love. You believe your desire is enough to endure my strength. Neither one of us is certain, but we’re both so eager to find out.

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Daily Sexy Musing: Cars And Passion

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Let’s not lie to ourselves. A lot of sexy things happen in cars. Some of the people reading this might have been conceived in a car. Some might have conceived one or more of their children in a car. While I don’t consider myself a car guy, I can certainly appreciate its value as a facilitator of sexy activities.

It’s no secret that the car changed the world, our culture, and how we go about pursuing love and intimacy. Suddenly, the world wasn’t so small and inaccessible. People, places, and experiences that were once fanciful dreams became within our reach. Say what you will about traffic, pollution, and mechanics who charge way too much for a tune-up. We live in a more vibrant world because of cars.

That’s especially true of those who get frisky in cars, sometimes in obscenely dangerous ways. They can take lovers places where they can explore and expand their passions. They unite lovers who wouldn’t have otherwise met. I know this first-hand because my first girlfriend is someone I met online. We even shared our first kiss in a car.

It’s easy to take for granted just how much our love lives are dependent or made possible by cars. A major part of any great love story is being able to visit your lover, no matter the distance. That’s what cars have been doing for over a century and it’s worth celebrating. Whether you’re a car lover or not, this Daily Sexy Musing is an ode to this incredible catalyst for so many sexy moments. Enjoy!

I get in the driver’s seat.

You get in the seat next to mine.

I insert the key and turn on the engine.

I know the car isn’t the only one turned on.

As we speed off into the open air, we feel that special freedom that the strongest legs and healthiest horses can’t match. The road is open. Our potential destinations are limitless. It’s just you and me, riding the roar of a powerful engine to wherever our passions take us.

It’s an escape.

It’s an adventure.

It’s a catalyst for new experiences.

It’s whatever we want it to be.

So much distance once separated us. To know you only went so far. Hearing your voice, seeing your face, and learning about your world was enough to win my love. However, I still yearned to express it. I longed to be in your presence, feel your touch, and share my world with you.

A short drive can take those passions a long way. Suddenly, you’re not just a dream or an image to admire. You’re right here next to me, riding with me down the open road, venturing wherever our desires take us. I am with you because I can be near you. The car was the means, but you were the end.

I reach over and touch you.

I embrace you at speeds beyond the legal limit.

I ride with you into a world of shared passion.

Maybe we’ll just pull over, get in the back seat, and unleash our passions upon one another. Perhaps we’ll find a quiet place, shelter ourselves within the shadows, and let loose the desires that once only went so far. Whatever the case, the car makes it possible. It is both the ends and the means. It is our highway to love.

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Daily Sexy Musing: Special Occasions

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Holidays are great. Whether they’re religious, national, or the ones that specifically benefit the Hallmark corporation, they reflect sincere sentiments that can’t always be expressed in a five-dollar card. That kind of sentiment has a place in any intimate relationship, be it between casual lovers or spouses who have been together for a half-century.

However, some holidays aren’t reflected on a calendar or a marketing gimmick from Hallmark. Some are more personal than that. They might not even fit the traditional definition of a holiday. They’re more specialized and focused. They celebrate events that are unique to a particular person or couple. For some, they can make for some genuinely special moments.

I’ve been lucky enough to celebrate and share some of those moments in my personal life. I’ve known other couples who do the same. One particular couple I know don’t celebrate their wedding anniversary or birthdays with much fanfare, but they go out of their way to celebrate the day they shared their first kiss. That day means something to them and they make it a point to celebrate that.

I feel like those moments bring out an under-appreciated, but profound connection between people. It can also make for some of the best romance in both the real world and in sexy stories, like the ones I tell. If you’re lucky enough to have those occasions, I hope you have a passionate way of celebrating them.

That’s what this Daily Sexy Musing is intended to inspire. There are plenty of commercial holidays already. There’s a National Pizza Day, for crying out loud. If you don’t already have one of those special occasions to share with your significant other, I hope this encourages you to make one Enjoy!

We’ve marked the calendar.

We’ve cleared our schedule.

We’ve reserved the necessary time.

For everyone else, it’s just another day. The sun rises and sets, ushering in the daily grind that so many endure. We’ve had those days too. They are as much a part of our lives as any. However, this day is different. Today is special to us and together, we make it our own.

Not long ago, this day was nothing special. We spent much of our lives forgetting it as soon as it ended. Then, you came into my life. With you, every day gained greater meaning. Some had more than others. Whether by fate, choice, or luck, this day marked the moment when our paths converged.

On this day years ago, you kissed me.

On this day years ago, I felt your love on my lips.

On this day years ago, I dared to believe I’d found the one.

On this day years ago, we became something more.

In just one moment, an unremarkable date on a calendar gained immeasurable meaning. It became ingrained in our memories, a moment we’ve come to cherish more and more. I thought I knew its power at the time. With each passing year, I’ve come to know more and more.

Once again, we celebrate that moment.

Once again, we cherish that power.

Once again, we relive that precious memory.

You kiss me and I kiss you. On a fateful day years ago, it created the spark that we so eagerly fuel. Now, it is our favorite holiday and we’re ready to celebrate, as only we can.

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Daily Sexy Musing: Long Distance Love

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If you’ve ever been in love or followed romance in any capacity, you’ve probably heard the saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder. As someone who has consumed more romantic media than any straight man will dare admit, I can attest that it’s one of the most common mantras that doesn’t involve old Beatles songs.

At its core, it makes an important point about the strength of love. It’s not always possible for two lovers to be together, if only physically. Even before the age of the Internet and Tinder, the natural chaos of life required people to part ways every now and then. When that happened, the extent of someone’s love truly reveals itself.

I know this because one of the most serious relationship I ever had was a long distance relationship. In college, I dated a girl who went to another university that was not just a quick bus ride away. Much of our romantic exchanges had to happen through a phone or a computer screen. It was tricky, but it did make those moments when we came together that much more meaningful.

Relationships over distance are tough. There’s a good reason why over half of them fail in the long run. However, those that succeed show a strength that reflects just how powerful love can be, despite the distance. Even though my long-distance relationship didn’t work out, the romantic in me can’t help but admire those that do.

For some, a long-distance relationship is untenable. There’s just no substitute for true physical intimacy. For others, however, distance really does foster a fond heart and that heart beats stronger when they finally get a chance at intimacy. This Daily Sexy Musing is a brief exploration of this old romantic saying and its deeply intimate undertones.

When I first felt your touch, there was a spark. That spark became a fire and that fire became an inferno. The memory still burns hot in my mind, from the moments that led up to it to those we created after. With one touch, the breadth of our passion was born.

Then, new obstacles emerged.

Then, new endeavors revealed themselves.

Then, new distances formed.

Between us, the gap widened and grew. Suddenly, the memories of your touch became more precious. For long periods, it is beyond my reach. I can only evoke those memories through screens and sounds from afar. They keep the memory vivid, but they make that fire burn brighter.

Through the distance, I feel your love.

Through the distance, I convey my desire.

Through the distance, I long for you.

Through the distance, I seek the right strength.

At times, it gets so cold and lonely. Memories and messages only go so far. Warm reminders keep our love going, but only adds to greater longing. Every moment we spend apart becomes a moment of escalating tension. On some nights, it’s unbearable, knowing you’re out there and I’m not with you.

Finally, you return and the tension breaks.

Finally, you touch me again and a new fire erupts.

Finally, you are with me and our love is stronger.

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