Category Archives: Jack Fisher’s Insights

October 6, 2016 · 8:17 am

Fixing The Flawed Wiring Of The Human Brain

I talk a lot about the flaws, failures, and absurdities of the human species on this blog. It’s not by accident, I assure you. It’s not entirely by choice either. I’d love to be able to attribute shortcomings in the human condition to evil spirits, curses, and watered down beer. It’s just a matter of inescapable pragmatism that I constantly circle back to the flaws in our collective human brains.

These flaws extend to issues like unhealthy attitudes towards sexuality, religiously-motivated self-torture, and irrational understandings of gender differences. There’s no escaping it. We, as a species, are a buggy beta version at best and a 10-year-old, malware infested laptop running Windows Vista at worst. The fact we’ve been able to survive this long is a testament to our adaptability and/or dumb luck.

There are a lot of complexities and intricacies to these flaws in the human condition. I’ve touched on many to date on this blog and I intend to explore many more, both here and within my own books. Some may argue that these flaws are part of what make us human. That may be true to some extent, but I also believe that we’re way overdue for an upgrade.

The problem with these upgrades is that the flaws in the human condition are closely tied to the flaws of nature as a whole. Nature, by its own overly-pragmatic accord, is a blunt instrument that is stuck using painfully slow processes to fix and tweak its creations.

Natural selection, adaptation, genetic variation are all painfully slow. They’re akin to bunch of blind rats trying to direct traffic down a busy city street during rush hour. This means they can’t be precise, calculated, or measured. They basically have to build a house using nothing but a baseball bat and globs of wet cement. It is possible, but it’s not going to be very refined.

This clunky, crude process is a big reason why humans are at the mercy of the caveman logic that’s hardwired into our brains. Human civilization progresses quickly and chaotically, but our collective brains are still stuck on the same settings they were when we were hunting sabretooth tigers in the African savanna and shitting in gopher holes.

These are some pretty serious flaws, but the human species, like other species that manage to survive this long, can still adapt because of and/or in spite of these flaws. The human brain itself can do this to a significant degree thanks to brain plasticity, the wonderfully complex process that allows the brain to adapt and tweak its wiring in accord with new experiences.

While this plasticity is somewhat limited, it does provide a mechanism for tweaking our faulty wiring when it gets too faulty. This mechanism can be used to treat issues like addiction, depression, or learning disabilities like dyslexia. There’s a whole cottage industry of sorts, complete with accomplished experts and outright frauds, for rewiring the brain in this way.

About a year ago, Big Think did an article that focused on methods for rewiring the brain to improve performance in their careers. They cited a study where people who actively practiced a particular skill on a piano affected their brains in a similar way as people who just thought about practicing that same skill.

It once again reveals the crudeness of our biology. Our brains don’t always know the difference between action and thought. Both will help tweak the wiring to some degree. Crude or not, it does show the power of this mechanism. It’s easy to exploit if you understand and appreciate the clunky processes it uses.

We can use these new findings about the brain to help us become better performers at work, more successful in our business dealings, and more fulfilled professionally. By consistently training our thoughts, like those imaginary piano players, we can expand the number of branches and synaptic connections in our hippocampus, potentially leading to an increased ability to retain new information and adapt to new situations.

This alone should give some people hope that they can wire themselves to be more efficient in their jobs, their personal lives, and everything in between. Just understand that thoughts and actions can have a similar impact. Thoughts will inspire your actions and vice versa.

So when a parent tells their kid, “If you think it’s going to be awful, then it will be!” they’re not bullshitting them. They are actually telling the truth and they have scientific studies to back it up. That’ll be handy to have for when I have kids one day.

It’s even possible to push this process even further. In his book, “How To Fail At Everything And Still Win Big,” Scott Adams talks about using self-hypnosis to re-wire your thoughts into a more successful framework. He even provides actual instructions for those seeking to get in shape, eat a healthier diet, and deal with idiots at work. It’s a great book that I highly recommend. Given the amount of idiots in this world, this kind of advice is invaluable.

While having a faulty brain that can be hacked is nice to some degree, there are limits. Human beings are complex creatures who are at the mercy of equally complex and exceedingly clunky natural processes. Sure, we have Einstein, Mozart, and Shakespeare, but we also have Stalin, Dahlmer, and Bieber as well. The sheer range and breadth of that margin of error is a tad disconcerting.

This is the point where I close my eyes, ignore the doomsayers, and speculate on the progress mankind will make with its technology one day. We have a distinct advantage compared to the gorillas, elephants, and raccoons of this world. We can do more than just gather food from trees and trash cans. We can build shit. We can build some pretty amazing shit. Hell, we built this.

Our ability to build awesome shit gives me some hope that one day mankind will find a more comprehensive way to fixing the egregious flaws of our biology. It’s not enough to just train our minds and bodies to be better. We need to build shit that’ll make us better beyond anything that biology will allow.

Nature can create the grand canyon. We can make Mount Rushmore, the Hoover Dam, and spray cheese in a can. These are things that can’t happen naturally and, in some cases, are impossible even in ideal conditions. At a certain level of complexity, there needs to be an intelligence force armed with more than a blunt instrument to shape the world around it.

When it comes to the wiring of the human brain, the biggest promise at the moment is nanobots. These are little tiny robots that we can put in our bodies or in anything else and have them perform processes that are impossible to achieve with blunt natural forces.

These processes include going into our brains and physically rewiring the parts that are making us dumb, dispassionate, and depressed. Since these things would have a measure of intelligence, they could do more than just slap duct tape on the structure. They could break it down and rebuild it with shiny new fixtures, polished marble, un-rusted nails.

What does that mean for us? What does that mean for society? How will men and women function in a society where our brains are not at the mercy of the cavemen logic that has guided, for better and for worse, since our hunter/gatherer days?

It’s very difficult to say since I, like the rest of the human race, am limited by my caveman brain. However, it is an idea that I’ve toyed with to some extent in my books. One of my first novels, “Skin Deep,” explored the idea of using technology to reconfigure the human body, which vastly changed how certain characters interacted with one another.

I’ve been contemplating ways to explore this idea in other books. I find myself imaging a future where the brains of men and women are bereft of the flaws and limitations of our current condition. I don’t see us all being these mindless drones in such a future. I actually see us becoming more emotional, more connected, and more passionate than we would be otherwise.

Since this is the internet and pretty much any bit of technology will be applied to sex, I also find myself thinking about how this would affect intimacy. What would it be like for two people, be they gay or straight, to have sex when their brains have been enhanced to such a degree that they don’t have any biological limitations?

What sort of emotions would we feel? What sort of thoughts would we think? What sort of orgasms would we have? These are the kinds of kinky ideas that keep me up at night, among other things. They’re ideas worth contemplating because this future may manifest in some form or another down the line.

According to futurist, Ray Kurzweil, nanorobotic technology will advance to a point where it can re-wire our brains at some time in the 2030s. He claims:

We’re going to expand the brain’s neocortex and become more godlike.

That’s a pretty bold claim, but one that only seems bold from our limited, caveman brains. I’m sure a mouse looks at a hot pocket or a cup of Ramen noodles and struggles to comprehend that as well.

Unlike a rat, we can speculate and tell stories about the lives of those who live in a world where their brains are functioning beyond that of mere cavemen. Will these brains be absent of the flaws, taboos, and hindrances that hinder our ability to be intimate with one another? It’s amazing to contemplate and could make for a damn good, damn sexy story.

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Tagged as biotechnology, emerging technology, health, human nature, human sexuality, nanotechnology, Pop Culture, psychology, sexual health, technology

October 5, 2016 · 6:54 am

I Wish Ads Were THIS Honest

I saw this ad on a message board today and just had to share it. It’s a wonderfully relevant summation of the issues I discussed last week on radical feminism and sexual objectification. I know I said I didn’t want to keep talking about those issues. Believe me, I’d rather get a prostate exam from a lobster than talk more about these issues. Sometimes though, you just have to make an exception when it’s warranted.

When I saw this ad, I knew it was warranted and I’ll gladly make an exception because it reflects a point I didn’t get a chance to make in my previous posts. In our overly politically correct culture, we tend to get so emotionally worked up about overly specific shit that we can’t see the forest from the trees. If we’re not careful, we end up burning the whole goddamn forest down.

This particular tree already has wilting branches and dead leaves. It’s the tree of sex in advertising. Like peanut butter and jelly, Jack and Coke, or ketchup and damn near everything, it’s the go-to target for the politically correct crowd that loves to complain about objectification of women. To be fair, it’s hard to blame them when the target it this big.

However, this whining (like pretty much all forms of whining) doesn’t fix anything, nor does it acknowledge the actual context of the situation. It’s the other C-word that offends so many people without realizing it. That word, context, is the key to making sense of so many politically correct absurdities.

In the case of this ad, it basically says what shouldn’t need to be said to a reasonable mind, male or female. The fact we have to actually remind ourselves these days is deeply troubling for both genders. I guess some things just need to be belabored.

With that in mind, I’ll belabor the same point that this ad belabors so retreat to your safe space if you have to:

It’s okay for a heterosexual man to find a beautiful woman attractive.

I’ll give everybody a moment to stop gasping. I know. Shocking, isn’t it? Are we really at the point in our culture where we have to remind ourselves of shit like this? Do we really have to explain slowly and carefully to people that there is a context to all this sexy advertising? I’m usually pretty good at resisting the urge to punch my computer screen, but some days are harder than others.

There’s this disturbing trend in our culture where we’re shaming heterosexual men for finding women beautiful. We may as well shame them for breathing, farting, and coughing as well because this isn’t some elaborate patriarchal conspiracy. This is human biology 101. Heterosexual men find beautiful women attractive. Why does that have to be controversial?

Beyond the controversy, there’s another important point in the ad that’s worth belaboring. Again, retreat to your safe spaces because this may get heavy.

You’re not obligated to look at this ad and it’s perfectly okay to ignore it

This is where I feel like people give way too much credit to the human attention span. We live in a world where everyone cares about a dentist killing a lion one day and Kim Kardashian’s ass the next. We, as a species, are not good at paying attention for long periods of time. Anyone who fell asleep at an economics lecture understands this.

This is where my old friend, caveman logic, comes into play again. We have to have a finite attention span. Pay attention to one thing for too long and either a lion eats us or we forget to procreate. Our brains are wired in a way to help us forget trivial shit and what’s more trivial than an ad?

That’s not to say an ad can’t be offensive. An add that uses the Nazi holocaust to cell an oven is a bit harder to ignore because it exploits an egregious tragedy that actually killed people. A beautiful woman is not on that same level. It’s not even in that same time zone.

I get that some people find things more offensive than others. I get that some people are offended by next to nothing while others are offended by damn near everything. That makes ignoring trivial shit like ads all the more important. It serves everybody better.

Now, there’s one more point in the ad I’d like to make and this is probably something else that requires certain people to hide in their safe space.

Ads that involve beautiful women are targeted towards heterosexual men

I know it’s obvious. I know it’s downright inane, but it still needs to be said because it’s a context that some politically correct types just refuse to see. These ads aren’t just thrown out into the world to piss people off. There is another reason for it and, shockingly enough, it involves selling shit to a specific market.

Like it or not (and some do hate it), heterosexual men make up a good chunk of the market. They are a sizable chunk of the human population and, as I’ve pointed out before, tend to be much more visual compared to women.

They also make a lot of money. Heterosexual men don’t have babies and, historically speaking, have made up a larger chunk of the workforce. It wasn’t really until the 20th century that women, thanks to the development of birth control, were able to join the workforce in larger numbers.

Heterosexual men have money. Advertisers want them to buy their products so they can get some of that money. They make money by getting the attention of customers and what’s the easiest way to get the attention of a heterosexual man? Use a beautiful woman. It’s not just pragmatic. It’s basic biology. I’ll even argue there’s beauty in that biology.

Are you back from your safe space? Have you avoided any possible trigger warnings? Good. I’m glad I could share this ad and this insight.

As an aspiring romance/erotica writer, I want to appeal to everybody, be they heterosexual male, transsexual female, or something in between that I’m not equipped to define. As such, it doesn’t make sense and is kind of a dick move to single out one chunk of that population for shaming.

It’s okay for men to find beautiful women attractive. It’s okay for women to find handsome men attractive. It’s okay for gay men and women to find their own gender attractive. It’s also okay for ads to use this imagery. It’s not going to change our biological wiring. No amount of shame is going to change that. It’s better for everyone if we just accept it, hug each other, and move on with our lives.

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Tagged as feminism, marketing, Pop Culture, Radical Feminism, sex, sex positive, sexism, sexual objectification

October 4, 2016 · 6:26 am

A Little Story About My First Trip To Las Vegas

Every now and then, I feel inclined to get a little personal on this blog. I don’t know where that inclination comes from. I know it’s dangerous to share some of your personal secrets on the internet, especially if you want a career in politics or try to argue with the wrong people on a message board. It’s a risk, I know, but it’s a risk I feel is worth taking in order to make this blog more entertaining.

I don’t feel like I’ve gotten overly personal on this blog thus far. I’ve talked about little things I find sexy. I’ve confessed to sleeping naked and loving it. I’ve even shared a story about my own circumcision. These stories may be personal to some extent, but they’re not stories that would get you kicked out of a bar if you told them out loud.

We all have stories like that. We all live crazy lives to some degree, some being crazier than most. I like to think I’ve had a healthy amount of crazy in my life. Some of that crazy has found its way into my personal life and my novels. However, there are some stories that stand out more than others and I’d like to share one.

Now don’t worry. This story isn’t so personal that you’ll need a rubber glove and some industrial strength lubricant. It’s just a little experience that stands out at a time in my life when my overall experiences were limited for reasons that are too convoluted to explain. It’s also an experience that influenced one of my novels in a very particular way for reasons that should be laughably obvious.

So what is this experience and how did it affect me so much? Well, in order to explain it, I need to establish the setting and context. This took place during my first trip to Las Vegas, Nevada. That alone should give you a hint of where this story is going.

Keep your panties on. It’s not going to be that kind of story. I save those stories for my books. This one is a different kind of story, one that requires a bit more imagination than we can afford in the era of internet porn.

It starts out with a younger, inexperienced, socially awkward version of Jack Fisher. At the time, I was 21-years-old. For some, that’s a magical age, one where fake IDs become useless and opportunities to fuck up grow exponentially. For me, it was just a number.

I did not take advantage of these opportunities. Like I said, I was socially awkward and exceedingly self-conscious. This was before I started working out, before I got my eyes fixed, and before I fully recovered from my terrible teenage acne problem. All-in-all, I was a pretty boring guy to be around.

I finally kicked my ass into taking advantage of an opportunity when a relative of mine offered to take me to Las Vegas. They had a business trip that came with a free hotel. I could tag along and all I’d have to pay for was the plane ticket. It was as sweet a deal as I could’ve hoped for and since economics tends to trump social awkwardness, I went through with it.

I didn’t know what to expect. I’m 21-years-old and still in college too so I didn’t have a lot of money to spend, but I did have a decent summer job so that helped. I ended up being overwhelmed in the best possible way when I first saw the flashy sights and spectacles of Las Vegas. It was like walking into a fantasy world where the hold boot of reality didn’t kick my ass nearly as hard as it usually did.

On my first day there, I just took in all the sights. I come from a town where a Holiday Inn is considered the fanciest hotel in town. Las Vegas made that look like a third world shit-hole by comparison. It was pretty damn amazing.

Once I started exploring the casino floors, I had to get used to the idea of people offering free drinks every couple of minutes. I’m normally not one to turn down free drinks of any kind, but the sheer volume of free drinks they offered at this place was overwhelming. I’m pretty sure I could’ve permanently scarred my liver if I were so inclined.

I managed to resist the urge to get plastered on free booze. For the rest of my first day there, I hung out with relatives and friends. We ate this awesome Italian restaurant where the waiters actually spoke real Italian. We walked the old parts of Las Vegas and met real Elvis impersonators. We even caught a concert in the middle of the street. It’s as much fun as it sounds.

Needless to say, I was pretty damn excited from all this. By the time it got late, I was too giddy to sleep. I had never been this restless before in my life. I had to see more of Las Vegas.

While everyone else in my party slept, I just walked the halls of the casino at my hotel/resort. I played some games, listened to some music, and yes, I helped myself to more free drinks. There’s only so much free alcohol I can turn down. Then, at around two in the morning, something happened that still sticks with me to this day.

As I’m walking through the casino floor, I pass by the main bar. There aren’t many people there at this hour, but one figure stands out more than most. There’s a beautiful woman just sitting at the bar alone, wearing this perfectly fitted blue dress. I swear this dress was like a second skin on her. It fit her so beautifully that I have to assume it cost at least half my tuition from last year.

Keep in mind, I’m still wearing clean jeans and the nice dress shirt that I wore to the restaurant that evening. So when she looks at me, she doesn’t see some dorky college boy whose several grades behind on his social skills. She sees a well-dressed young man wandering the floors of a casino alone, looking for new experiences.

At that moment as I’m walking by, she looks at me. Then, she smiles and lightly parts her silky blonde hair behind her ear. I may have the social skills of a brain-damaged monkey at the time, but I get the message loud and clear.

Clear or not, my brain struggled to process it. I swear, my heart jumped right up into my throat and I almost spit up all the free drinks I had over the course of that night. I manage to keep my composure and my dignity. I keep walking, but I make it clear to her I’ve noticed her glance. I acknowledge that message.

After this, things get a little blurry. My brain is struggling to process everything, but my body keeps moving. I keep on walking, although I’m not entirely sure where I’m going. I barely remember how I ended up in the men’s room next to the bar. I just remember looking at myself in the mirror, blinking a few times, and convincing myself that what I just saw wasn’t a trick or a product of sleep-deprivation.

My mind is going a million miles a minute. Should I go back to the bar and talk to this woman? Should I buy her a drink? What the fuck do I do? I’m a socially inept 21-year-old dork for crying out loud! I’m not equipped to handle this.

However, I remind myself that this is Las Vegas. This is an opportunity that I won’t get back home. So, with way more courage than I’ve dared to grasp to this point in my life, I decide I’m going to buy this woman a drink. What happens after that may or may not determine whether I die happy.

After I fix myself up and try not to look like someone still healing from the scars of high school, I leave the bathroom and make my way back to the bar. Then, in what I’m sure is karma’s way of kicking me in the balls, the woman is gone.

I walked up and down the bar for a good 10 minutes or so, looking for this woman. I never found her. For all I know, she wasn’t even real. She was just a figment of the fantasy world that is Las Vegas, a manifestation of a socially awkward young man who had yet to fully connect with the adult world.

Even so, I often find myself wondering what would’ve happened had I not hesitated the way I did. What would’ve happened if I just walked up to the bar, offered to buy the woman a drink, and go from there? Would I have ended up in bed naked with a beautiful woman? Would I have gotten a firm slap across the face for assuming way too much? Would I have accidentally flirted with an undercover cop?

I don’t know. I’ll never know. It’s one of those experiences that will always haunt me to some extent. It’s also an experience that highlighted a certain part of my life when I was woefully inept at connecting with people. While I have made progress in improving those social skills, I still have a long way to go. However, I think back to this memory and see it as a clear sign of where I was and how far I’ve come.

In case you haven’t figured it out, this experience did serve as the primary inspiration for my book, “Jackpot.” This book is not quite an accurate telling of that night. It is embellished to say the least, even by Las Vegas standards. However, it’s one of the few books I’ve written that has a genuine personal element to it.

I haven’t been back to Las Vegas since that fateful trip. I do plan to go again one day, hopefully while celebrating my success as an erotica/romance writer. When I do, I wonder if I’ll have another opportunity like the one I had all those years ago. I hope so because this time, I know I’ll be ready for it.

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Tagged as beauitful women, casino, erotic fiction, erotic novels, Jack Fisher, Las Vegas, novels, sex, sexy, sin city

October 3, 2016 · 6:52 am

Finding Sexiness In The Little Things With Jack Fisher

Everybody has their own unique turn-ons, turn-offs, mood-setters, and mood-killers. Human beings are diverse, innovative, and at-times downright weird in what turns them on. I’m not just talking about exotic fetishes or elaborate role playing either. There really is no one way to make a man or a woman horny.

Whether you’re straight or gay, male or female, monogamous or polyamorous, your sexual wiring is entirely unique to you. Sure, you may share your tastes with some people. Hopefully, you share it with a loving and passionate partner who knows all the right combinations to heat up your loins. Whatever your romantic situation, these proclivities are still unique to you and make up a significant part of our personality.

Having dipped my feet into a few hot-button, controversial topics like radical feminism, porn addiction, and the impact of religion on sex, I feel the time has come to lighten the mood a bit on this blog. If possible, I’d like the made the mood a little sexier. It’s October now. Halloween is just around the corner. That means we’ll all have an excuse to channel our spookier proclivities.

In a perfect world, we really wouldn’t need such excuses. We’d be able to freely share our sexual proclivities and explore them without fear of shame or scrutiny. Sadly, we don’t live in a perfect world, as our irrational attitudes towards circumcision show. So we have to use impersonal blogs and private clubs to discuss such things.

Accepting the many imperfections of this world, I’d like to use this backwater blog of mine to share in those proclivities. I won’t ask what few viewers I have to get too personal. I understand that’s an unreasonable request from someone who is a long way from achieving his goal of being a successful erotica/romance writer. So I’m willing to do what 95 percent of the internet won’t and be reasonable with my audience.

In that spirit, I’m going to list a few of the little things that I find sexy. Now when I say sexy, I don’t necessarily mean these are fetishes of mine. There are no clubs for these little things, at least not that I know of. Rest assured though, I do check for these things and as far as I can tell, these are just personal proclivities that I happen to have.

I won’t list everything that I’ve ever found sexy. That would take multiple blog posts and there are only so many hours in the day. Plus, I had some awkward teenage years. There are some things I’d rather not list, discuss, or even acknowledge.

With that in mind, here are a few little things that I, an aspiring erotica/romance writer, find sexy.

Sexy Little Thing Number One: Women in Sweatpants

There are any number of sexy garments that a woman can wear. Hell, the “intimate apparel” industry is a $10 billion chunk of the economy. I understand and appreciate all those sexy garments. Yes, I mean all of them.

That said, there’s just something inherently alluring about a simple pair of sweats that’s not to baggy, not to tight, and much easier to get off than a pair of skin-tight jeans. I can’t say for certain that sweats look as good on a man, but I can say that a woman wearing sweats will make my twisted mind wander into sexy domains.

Sexy Little Thing Number Two: Badass Female Soldiers

I don’t think this will surprise anyone who has followed this blog, but I have a thing for heroes and superheroes. I’ve cited superheroes as a prime example of a romance of equals. I’ve cited superheroes as example of sex-positive female characters. Naturally, I’m going to find heroism sexy on some levels.

Since the superheroes in my favorite comics are fictional, I find myself drawn to the women who serve this wonderful country. With their badassery, they protect this wonderful land of freedom, liberty, and spray cheese in a can. How can I not find that sexy on some levels?

Sexy Little Thing Number Three: A Simple Casual Sigh

Now what do I mean by this? How can a simple sigh be sexy? Women can do so many sexy things with their voice. Why else would sexy 1-900 numbers have racked up so many phone bills in the mid to late 90s?

For me, a simple sigh sends so many subtle messages. There’s enough obscene dirty talk in internet porn and “50 Shades of Grey” these days. There’s a time and a place for that kind of crude, overt dirty talk. There’s also a time and place for something simpler and subtler. Those times are woefully underappreciated.

Sexy Little Thing Number Four: A Woman Who Cheers At Sports.

I know sports are supposed to be a “guy thing.” I get that 95 percent of all sports prey upon our testosterone-soaked brains, bombarding us with manly feats of ass-kicking manliness in the name of winning that sweet, sweet championship and all the bragging rights that come with it. It’s part of the culture.

We, as a society, don’t expect women to share the same passion for sports that men do. Those expectations are unreasonable and flawed. Women can like sports too. I don’t deny that. I just find the women who aren’t afraid share in this manly passion a special kind of sexy. I see a woman wearing a football jersey and I can’t help but smile.

Sexy Little Thing Number Five: Sharing A Tub Of Ice Cream

There are all sorts of sexy turn-ons involving food. Make no mistake. There is an entire fetish that mixes food and sex in the weirder, messiest, most extreme way possible. I won’t describe it because I just ate and I’d like to keep the contents of my stomach in place.

This little act is not like those. For me, this is more romantic than it is sexy. Who doesn’t love ice cream? Who doesn’t love something sweet and savory? The idea of sharing it with a lover, eating out of the same tub and using the same spoon because we don’t care where our mouths have been, just has this special allure.

So there you have it. Those are five little things that I find uniquely sexy. I’m sure I’m not the only one, but I feel like we all need to appreciate the little things every now and then, especially the things we find sexy. It reminds us that not everything has to be some elaborate setup in a Las Vegas honeymoon suite to be sexy.

With all that said, I’d like to open the floor up to what few commenters I have on this blog. Please share with me what little things you find sexy. It doesn’t have to be weird. Actually, it would be downright interesting if it were weird because I might be able to incorporate that into my novels. In that case, weirdness is optional.

Weird or not, please take the time to share it! I’d love to hear what others find sexy. It’s a weird and wonderful world we live in. We should find sexiness wherever we can and celebrate it!

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Tagged as erotic fiction, erotica, health, love, making love, romance, sex, sexiness, sexual health, sexy

October 1, 2016 · 8:32 am

Logical Fallacies And How They Mess With Your Caveman Brain

I like to think this blog offers something useful other than announcements on books from a no-name aspiring erotica/romance writer. I want to both entertain and enlighten with my writing. If I can also titillate and arouse, then that’s a nice bonus. I’d like to enhance that bonus down the line, but for now I’m willing to be flexible.

Since I started this blog, I’ve talked about numerous topics. I’ve touched on controversial issues like unfair divorce laws, body shaming, and misogyny in modern society. I’ve also touched on lighter, less serious issues like sex-positive superheroes, terrible love triangles, and the joys of sleeping naked. For the record, I still sleep naked and I don’t intend to stop.

Through many of my twisted, and sometimes perverse thoughts, I use a common phrase. That phrase is “caveman logic.” It’s something I may want to copyright or trademark because I find myself applying more and more of it to various issues, be they exceedingly serious of overtly juvenile. It’s not intentional. It’s just that it works so damn well in making sense of the craziness in this world.

I’ve started contemplating a new idea, one that would be a major departure from my typical romance/erotica aspirations. I’m thinking of writing a non-fiction book to flesh out the concept of caveman logic. It’s an intriguing thought. What else could I apply to? Politics? Economics? Religion? More overly sexy issues to explain the insane sexual landscape of this crazy world? I think you all know which one I’m leaning towards.

As I contemplate this idea, it’s worth exploring more of the finer details of how caveman logic works and how it affects us. It’s important to understand because if we can at least acknowledge the mechanisms of our craziness, then we can at least appreciate it in the right context.

Make no mistake. Context does matter. People aren’t going to stop doing crazy stupid shit. We’re a species that obsesses over cat videos, hashtags, and the size of Kim Kardashian’s ass. We’re not a logical species. We can’t expect ourselves to make logical choices in religion, government, popular culture, and sex. I’ve already covered some of the sexy parts of this illogical nature. There’s still plenty more to cover.

The main crux of caveman logic is that human beings are not wired, be it by nature or whatever magical deity you think made us, to be logical. Our biological programming, from our brains to our body chemistry, is wired for two things: survival and reproduction.

Whether it’s by nature or by deity, it makes sense in that’s exceedingly pragmatic. It doesn’t matter how smart you are. If you can’t survive long enough to get laid, your species is screwed. This is why jocks and their meathead kids still dominate in the halls of public schools today. It’s why they’ll likely keep dominating, no matter how many shitty teen movies Hollywood makes.

In the context of caveman logic, it’s important to understand that the traits that aided our survival and ability to bone emerged in the African savanna. Biologically, our bodies are adapted to an environment that allows small tribes of humans to hunt, gather, and farm food. There’s nothing in our DNA that equips us to deal with smartphones that can download unlimited amounts of free porn.

Civilization, despite its many glories, doesn’t always do a good job of complementing or supplementing our caveman brains and bodies. Nature is, by and large, a blunt instrument and not a scalpel. It can’t tweak and fine-tune itself for us as we would like.

As a result, civilization and the complexities of the universe tend to screw us over. When the situation before us doesn’t involve survival and reproduction, humans tend to do a sub-par job of making use of it. This often reveals the faulty programming of our caveman brains. It’s the reason why we do things like mutilate our genitals or overly repress our basic desires.

This faulty wiring can manifest in very specific ways. Some call them logical fallacies. I just call them bugs in human software that nature is not going to fix as soon as we’d like. Evolution and adaptation are painfully slow. Societal progress is painfully slow. There are still countries that practice slavery for crying out loud.

That’s not to say we make no progress. Indoor plumbing, smartphones, and bacon flavored lube are all testaments to just how far we’ve come as a society. However, the bugs are still there. The flaws in our biological program still fuck with us every day.

Just how much do they fuck with us? Well, the fine folks at Cracked.com once again provide a valuable service by highlighting some of those kinks in our programming and they do it in a way that’s funny. For that, I thank them and share with you just how bad those kinks are. If you’re scared, worried, or depressed afterwards, I recommend getting some bacon-flavored lube. That’ll make your day better in some way or another.

Cracked: 5 Logical Fallacies That Make You Way More Wrong Than You Think

Five: We’re Not Programmed to Seek “Truth,” We’re Programmed to “Win”

Go on any message board or talk politics with anyone who voted for George W. Bush twice. You’ll see just how deep this bug in our system runs.

It’s called the argumentative theory of reasoning, and it says that humans didn’t learn to ask questions and offer answers in order to find universal truths. We did it as a way to gain authority over others. That’s right — they think that reason itself evolved to help us bully people into getting what we want.

It helped us get laid and get food. That’s all evolution needs.

Four: Our Brains Don’t Understand Probability

Anyone who plays lotto is proof of this. For the record, I play lotto. Yeah. I’m part of the problem here.

It’s called neglect of probability. Our brains are great for doing a lot of things. Calculating probability is not one of them. That flaw colors every argument you’ve ever had, from the tax code down to that time your friend totally cheated you in a coin-flip.

Again, think back to the African savanna. Overestimating the probability that there’s a giant bear hiding under a rock may be stupid, but it decreases your chances of being eaten by a bear. That’s good enough for nature.

Three: We Think Everyone’s Out to Get Us

It’s not just bear attacks we like to overestimate. Remember, survival is a blunt instrument. You’re not going to do brain surgery with a sludge hammer and avoid collateral damage. So of course you’re go a little overboard when assessing threats. Again, you’re less likely to be eaten by a bear and that’s still good enough for nature.

Think about all the people you’ve disagreed with this month. How many of them do you think were being intentionally dishonest? Experts say you’re almost definitely overshooting the truth. It’s called the trust gap, and scientist see it crop up every time one human is asked to estimate how trustworthy another one is.

So can we trust ourselves? To an extent, we can. Let’s just be careful about that extent.

Two: We’re Hard-Wired to Have a Double Standard

I’ve talked about double standards before. There’s no logic to them, but remember. Nature doesn’t give a shit about logic and nor do our caveman brains. It sucks, but it helps us survive and get laid. That’s good enough.

It’s called the fundamental attribution error. It’s a universal thought process that says when other people screw up, it’s because they’re stupid or evil. But when we screw up, it’s totally circumstantial. Like if you notice a coworker showing up to work high on mescaline, it’s because he’s an out-of-control peyote hound. But if you show up at work high on mescaline, it’s because you had a flat tire and you needed the distraction.

So the next time you hear an athlete meltdown at the end of a post-game show, you know why he or she makes excuses. They still have to pull them out of their ass, but that’s our brain’s default setting.

One: Facts Don’t Change Our Minds

Go to any message board that talks politics and try to convince someone to change their mind. After you’ve punched your computer screen enough times, you should have sufficient proof that this is real.

Let’s go back to the beginning for a moment, and the theory that people figured out how to build arguments as a form of verbal bullying rather than a method of spreading correct information. That means that there are actually two reasons somebody might be arguing with you: because they actually want to get you to think the right thing, and because they’re trying to establish dominance over you to lower your status in the tribe (or office or forum) and elevate their own. That means there’s a pretty severe cost to being on the wrong side of an issue completely separate from the issue itself.

Facts are wonderful things. They help us make sense of the universe, seek universal truths, and expand our understanding. However, they don’t do quite enough to help us survive and have sex so they’re shit out of luck.

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Tagged as Cavemen, Cavemen Logic, cracked.com, health, human nature, human relations, Humanity, Logical Fallacies, Pop Culture, sex

September 30, 2016 · 6:54 am

CONFIRMED: Wonder Woman is “Queer”

In my limited experiences in this wonderfully imperfect world we live in, one of the most infuriating retorts is the horrendously overused, “Better late than never.” Every time I hear someone say that, I want rip my ears off punch the nearest brick wall. I’ve said it myself and I want to punch myself whenever it comes out of my mouth.

That said, there are some circumstances where this annoying phrase applies. It’s very true that good things are worth waiting for. Whether it’s a pizza, a cookie, or a lap dance at a strip club, the wait and anticipation can make the end result more satisfying.

Well, some things are just so damn late that you stopped giving a shit years ago. It becomes one of those unspoken taboos, like asking someone about a tattoo they regret or an oddly shaped scar on your ass. Even so, it’s still satisfying on some levels when someone finally gets around to finishing something that should’ve been finished.

Today is one of those days. Today, DC Comics finally came clean about one of the worst kept secrets in all of comics. That’s right. They admitted that Wonder Woman is “queer.”

Newsarama: Is Wonder Woman Queer? “Obviously yes,” says Rucka

Let that sink in for a moment. One of the most iconic superheroes of all time, and definitely one of the most iconic female superheroes of all time, is not entirely heterosexual. For most people in 2016, who have already seen same-sex marriage legalized and major gay actors become successful, this is barely worth a raised eyebrow. For noted comic book fans (and romance/erotica fans) like myself, it’s a big fucking deal.

Now I’ve talked about Wonder Woman before on this blog. I’ve explored the hidden BDSM elements of her origins and the unorthodox ideas championed by her creator, William Marston. By and large, these elements were ignored or outright nullified by DC Comics. It wasn’t until recently with the release of Wonder Woman: Earth One that these elements were finally revisited.

As a result, this created kind of a problem for Wonder Woman and by “kind of,” I mean “are you fucking kidding me?” After Marston, DC Comics took Wonder Woman down a very different path. They completely and utterly removed sexuality from her character. Yes, she was a woman. Yes, she was a beautiful woman by almost any standard. However, her sexuality could only ever be assumed and never explored.

This is a problem and not just because it allows fanboys on message boards to ascribe every kind of perverse proclivity to Wonder Woman and believe me, they are pretty damn perverse. The problem is that it removes a critical element from Wonder Woman’s character while sending a terrible message about female characters in general, albeit indirectly.

For most of her history (a good chunk of which was spent distancing her from her BDSM origins), Wonder Woman has been conveyed as a badass female warrior. Now there’s nothing wrong with that in the slightest. There’s definitely a place for badass female warriors in our culture. Woman can, and do, kick ass. They’ve kicked plenty of ass throughout history and that should be celebrated.

The problem with Wonder Woman, as she was developed for most of the 20th century, was that being a badass female warrior meant effectively nullifying her sexuality. That’s not to say she was completely asexual. She did have love interests, the most famous being Steve Trevor.

However, this relationship never developed into the kind of epic love story that other male superheroes enjoyed. Superman got to have a relationship with Lois Lane. Reed Richards got to have a relationship with Sue Storm. Spider-Man got to have a relationship with Gwen Stacy, Mary Jane Watson, the Black Cat, and a whole host of other women that would probably qualify him as a man-whore.

For Wonder Woman, though, Steve Trevor has rarely been more than a supporting character. They were never really that intimate. Most of Wonder Woman’s story focused on making her this badass warrior who could hold her own with Superman, Batman, and the rest of the Justice League. So it’s not right to say that Steve Trevor got relegated to the Friend-Zone, but he did get grossly overshadowed.

That’s not to say she didn’t have actual, functioning, intimate relationships with men. For a brief time between 2011 and 2016, Wonder Woman was in a relationship with Superman. It was a pretty serious relationship too. This was a time when he wasn’t with Lois Lane and she had a different role in the comics, but it was as serious a relationship as Wonder Woman has ever had.

It was one of the few times when DC Comics even acknowledged that Wonder Woman had a desire for intimacy. They never show them naked in bed or anything, but they do heavily imply that Superman and Wonder Woman engage in a little super sex. I’ll leave readers to fantasize about what that entails.

Admit it. You’re curious and intrigued by the idea of these two getting frisky. I know I’ve thought about it. Then again, I’ve thought about a lot of crazy sexual things in my life. That actually makes DC’s efforts to limit Wonder Woman’s sexuality all the more egregious.

It’s hard enough that DC goes out of its way to avoid sexual issues with Wonder Woman. They’ll let her get romantic with someone. They’ll even let her get intimate. However, they don’t dare dig a little deeper, as though a woman who grew up on an island of women would be a perfectly functional heterosexual woman.

This is where the context of this news gets pretty asinine. On top of all the taboos surrounding Wonder Woman’s sexuality, there’s the not-so-minor detail of Wonder Woman growing up on an island full of immortal women. Despite every effort by prudish comic creators who wanted Wonder Woman to be a kid-friendly superhero and not a gay icon, there’s only so much anyone can do to avoid the implications.

On an island populated only with women, do they all become lesbians? Do they all become bisexual? These are all questions that DC Comics was all too happy to leave unanswered. They had to know that generations of fans would assume that there would be a lesbian orgy on this island every now and then. It just took them until 2016 to actually acknowledge the possibility.

Greg Rucka, the current writer on the Wonder Woman comic and an accomplished comic book writer in his own right, finally ended DC’s silence. He didn’t put it in terms best reserved for an issue of Hustler, but he does finally put a dent in this old, outdated taboo.

“And when you start to think about giving the concept of Themyscira its due, the answer is, ‘How can they not all be in same sex relationships?’ Right? It makes no logical sense otherwise,” he continued. “But an Amazon doesn’t look at another Amazon and say, ‘You’re gay.’ They don’t. The concept doesn’t exist. Now, are we saying Diana has been in love and had relationships with other women? As [artist] Nicola [Scott] and I approach it, the answer is obviously yes.”

It’s painfully true, albeit in a sexy sort of way. Wonder Woman comes from an exotic culture of warrior women, gods, and demigods. Naturally, her approach to sex and her understanding of what means to be gay, straight, or bisexual will be very different.

We need only look at the matriarchal societies in the real world to see just how different our assumptions can be on matters of sex and intimacy. Why should Wonder Woman’s situation be any different? It shouldn’t.

It’s 2016. We have same-sex marriage, gender-neutral bathrooms, and enough lesbian porn to build a small island in the Pacific. The news that Wonder Woman isn’t entirely straight shouldn’t be an issue. It also shouldn’t have taken this long to come out, but better late than never, right?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go punch myself for saying that.

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Tagged as Amazons, comic books, DC Comics, erotic, erotica, Greg Rucka, LGBT, Pop Culture, queer, sex, Themyscira, Wonder Woman

September 29, 2016 · 6:32 am

Sex-Positive vs. Sex-Negative Feminism

I know I keep saying I don’t like talking about feminism. I know I make it a point to belabor that concept way more than I should. Well, it still needs to be belabored.

It still needs to be emphasized too because I really don’t want to get too deep into this issue. It’s only going to distract from the larger purpose of this blog, which is to get people interested in issues that will make them inclined to by more romance/erotica novels, hopefully the ones I write.

Well, as much as I don’t want to talk about this, there still a few more things that I feel need to be said. Then, we can get back to talking about more interesting topics, like the several different kinds of orgasms. Again, if this is the kind of discussion that makes you want to punch your computer screen, you may want to skip this article and Google “cute baby pigs” to cheer yourself up. Here, I’ll even help.

Still with me? Did the cute baby pigs help? If not, then I’ve done all I can. It’s up to you to brace yourself from here on out because I am going to talk about feminism again. I want to get this over with as much as you so let’s do this.

I didn’t originally intend to write another post on feminism, but during my research (which is basically nothing more than multiple Google searches) for my article on sexual objectification, I came across an issue that ties in closely with this concept. It’s an issue that highlights an ongoing struggle within feminism that, at least from the perspective of a straight male who writes romance/erotica, is a major source of division and disdain among those in this field.

A big part of the issues the surrounding sexual objectification of women in movies, TV, and video games comes from these sets of assumptions that certain feminists hold regarding female sexuality. These assumptions include esoteric concepts like “rape culture” and “male gaze.” I won’t discuss these concepts at great length, if only because they require even more assumptions than I can reasonably make for this discussion.

However, these assumptions are at the core of a larger conflict. That conflict is between feminists who consider themselves sex-positive and those who are more sex-negative, who are often referred to as radical feminists. It’s not an irrelevant conflict. Sex is pretty damn important in any issue that involves either gender. As an aspiring romance/erotica writer, I know how important it is.

In that sense, it’s completely understandable that there would be disagreements among feminists about how to handle sex. Hell, there are disagreements among men about how to handle sex, but it’s more likely to involve whether breasts or butts are sexier. With women, there are more issues at play here and these are issues wholly unique to women.

As a man, I really can’t contribute much. As I’ve said before, I believe that women’s issues are best handled by women and men like me have next to nothing to contribute. However, since men have sex too and it is kind of important to us, I feel like I can add at least something to this conversation. I’ll just try my best to be polite and thoughtful about it.

First, here’s a little background on the conflict. Back in the 1970s, a time when wearing bell-bottoms wouldn’t earn you awkward glares, the emerging feminist movement developed some radical elements, as all movements do. Just look at recent trends in boy bands for proof of that.

Within these radical strains of feminism, this extreme ideology developed on issues involving pornography, prostitution, and marriage. These strains saw all these things as inherent evils of a patriarchal, white heterosexual male dominated society that must be destroyed, outlawed, or overthrown. Pretty much anything men deemed sexy was considered wrong. Even by non-patriarchal standards, it’s pretty extreme.

In response to these radical strains, which also created some nasty PR for those who didn’t want to live in world devoid of sexiness, a different strain of feminism emerged. This was sex-positive feminism and, as the name implies, they had a much more positive view about sexy issues.

That’s not to say they didn’t oppose certain patriarchal traditions. They most certainly did. However, they did not agree with their radical counterparts that the world needed to be devoid of pornography, prostitutes, and sexy Super Bowl ads. A society like that isn’t very free or just. Look at Saudi Arabia for proof of that.

It’s an entirely reasonable response. It happens in every movement that gets too radical. One part goes too far so another has to emerge to counter it. It’s like a house party that’s starting to get out of hand. Someone needs to step in before they burn the whole house down.

This debate between sex-positive feminism and radical feminism remains unresolved and will probably never be resolved. As is often the case with ideology, be it feminism or opinions on a message board, people are fairly entrenched in their beliefs.

They will not, and in some cases cannot, change their minds on an issue until there is a clear benefit to doing so. I’m not going to try to change anyone’s mind with this post. I know I’ll fail. Instead, I’m going to try and assess this conflict within a proper context.

Since the issue of sexual objectification was the catalyst for this post, I’ll use this to help make my point. There are cases when women (and men to some extent) are overly objectified and exploited. Slavery, forced labor, and forced prostitution reduce women and men to glorified slabs of meat whose thoughts and feelings have the same value as a dead fly. Those are crimes. Those should be fought.

However, the picture of a sexy woman in lingerie or a man in tighty-whitties should not be lumped into the same category. The same goes for the porn we consume and the romance/erotica that guys like me write. We can, and sometimes do, sexualize things to an extent that sends a bad message.

Nobody should assume that a shampoo endorsed by Jennifer Lawrence is going to make someone as beautiful as she is. Nobody should assume that a diet pill endorsed by David Beckham is going to make them as fit as he is. Nobody should assume they can fuck like porn stars after watching a few hours of porn. This is that obscure gray area where we, as a society, have to inform one another that the real world still exists.

Yeah, it sucks. It has limits. Some of us are incapable of exceeding those limits while others have more opportunities than they deserve. However, that doesn’t mean that we should obsess over making sure nothing is sexually objectifying to anyone. That’s not possible. Human beings are sexual creatures. We are going to see our media and each other through a sexual lens. It’s just how we’re wired. It’s part of what makes us human.

This is where the radical feminists get too radical and where the radical Men’s Right’s Activists follow suit. In this extreme context, a few stains on a couple shirts warrants throwing out an entire wardrobe. One crack in a single window warrants demolishing the entire building. Can you see why that approach is problematic, not to mention needlessly destructive?

It already manifests in ways that are disingenuous to women and men alike. Recently, Playboy magazine featured its first Muslim woman wearing a hijab. Naturally, it’s going to generate plenty of criticism from a population of religious zealots who think their god wants women to be glorified pets/baby-makers. However, even some women got worked up over this.

One of them was a blogger named Nishaat Ismail. In many respects, she takes on the radical feminist ideology that all sexual media is inherently exploitative towards women. Considering that many Islamic countries continue traditions that are grossly exploitative towards women, it’s pretty ironic. Look up “honor killings” for proof of that.

It is a twisted form of irony that radical feminists would share the same sentiment as religious zealots, who would prefer to see women subjugated and censored in a way that even Christian Grey would find excessive. Ms. Ismail did try to make her criticism sound reasonable though, but the irony is still there.

Blogger Nishaat Ismail also questioned in an opinion column the wisdom of Tagouri associating with an institution “based on the objectification of women.”

“Are the voices of women — and in particular Muslim women — buried so deep under the cries of those who claim to speak on our behalf that our only available response is (to) involve ourselves with Playboy, a magazine that has solely existed for the past 63 years for men to gawp at the bodies of half-naked women?” wrote Nishaat.

“Is this really how we reclaim our own narrative?”

I can actually answer that to some degrees. Yes, it’s part of how you reclaim your own narrative. You’re a woman. You’re a human being. Humans are sexual creatures. So why suppress what you are? Celebrate it!

There are flaws in our society and some of those flaws dis-proportionally affect women. There’s no doubt about that. We live in an imperfect society full of imperfect people. That’s why it’s important to keep making improvements every step of the way.

This is why, in the grand scheme of things, sex-positive feminism is more conducive to the human condition. It acknowledges that women are sexual creatures too. It acknowledges that women can enjoy sex just as much as men and why shouldn’t they? It’s something that gives pleasure to both genders when done right. It literally brings us together in a deeply intimate way and that’s definitely a positive.

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Tagged as feminism, objectification, Pop Culture, Radical Feminism, sex, sex negative, sex positive, sexual health, sexual objectification

September 28, 2016 · 6:51 am

Re-Objectifying The Concept of Objectification (Including the Sexual Kind)

Picture, for a moment, the following scenario. A man and a woman are sitting on a couch watching a movie. Since every movie outside of gay porn is supposed to include an attractive woman, a scene comes along where the cameras emphasize just how attractive she is. Sometimes it’s a body double. Sometimes it’s Photoshopped. The brains and genitalia of men don’t care. It often leads to a conversation like this.

Man: Wow. That woman is pretty damn hot!

Woman: Yeah, I can see why you’d think that.

Pretty mundane, right? How many people have had that exact conversation with only a slight variation in the verbiage? Hell, I’ve heard my own parents have this conversation. It’s not awkward, nor should it be. When something or someone shows up on a screen and we find it attractive, it tends to start a conversation.

That scenario is not an issue. It probably happens, in some form or another, on a daily basis. Now, let’s picture another scenario. It’s the same scene. A man and a woman are watching a movie. Right on cue, the attractive woman shows up. Then this conversation happens.

Man: Wow. That woman is pretty damn hot!

Woman: How dare you think that way! You’re objectifying that woman! You’re a disgusting excuse of a man! You should be harassed, denigrated, and shamed! You are contributing to the sick and disgusting culture of rape and patriarchy that has disenfranchised women for centuries! If you had any decency, you’d apologize to all women and kill yourself!

It’s hard to really assess all the issues with this scenario. I think Ron Burgundy said it best.

Now I don’t claim that this kind of conversation happens all the time. I’m sure it has manifested in some form, if not among feminist circles, then definitely in blind dates that go horribly wrong. No matter what form it takes, it’s a growing part of our culture, specifically the growing tumor that is politically correct culture.

I’ve talked about feminism before on this blog and I always feel like I have to walk over a pile of broken glass before I get to the issues. I don’t expect this to be different.

I know without a doubt that I’m going to offend some people with what I say here. I know there are some people, male and female, who will never be convinced that they’re wrong about anything. So long as we don’t elect these people to public office, I’m okay with that. I want this post to be thought-provoking and informative to those who are actually open it.

With that said, I’m going to put on my politically correct flak jacket and talk about sexual objectification. I’m bracing myself as much as I can, but I guess this is one case where being a no-name aspiring erotica/romance writer works to my advantage. Not enough people give a shit about who I am or what I say to whine so I guess I don’t have to brace for much.

Even so, I know this is a sensitive issue. It also relates closely to my recent posts on body shaming. My position on this issue isn’t a popular one. I understand that. I try to see it in the context of the real world that functions on the functionally flawed processes of human biology. In politically correct crowds, who think reality can be muted, this is a big no-no.

In these crowds, objectification (especially the sexual kind that emphasizes women) is right up there with animal cruelty, slavery, and poor wifi in terms of evil. Say the word “sexual objectification” in an overly PC crowd and you’ll send most of them into a rage that rivals that of the Incredible Hulk. As a noted comic book fan, I can say that even the Hulk would be taken aback by the anger that this concept evokes.

So what the hell is sexual objectification anyways? Well, the fine folks at Wikipedia define it as follows:

Sexual objectification is the act of treating a person as an instrument of sexual pleasure. Objectification more broadly means treating a person as a commodity or an object without regard to their personality or dignity. Objectification is most commonly examined at the level of a society, but can also refer to the behavior of individuals.

That’s fairly reasonable. I think most people would agree with it. On the surface, it really doesn’t sound like a good thing. Reducing a human being to the same status of a used dildo or semen-encrusted sock just feels wrong. Ask radical feminists and overtly PC folks and they’ll say that’s what happens whenever there’s a pretty girl in a movie, comic book, or video game.

They’ll even take it 10 steps further than any reasonable person should. They’ll claim that the mere presence of a woman with attractive features, be they big breasts or hourglass figures or shapely butts, contributes to rape culture and the denigration of women. They’ll argue that just seeing these images is enough to make men feel like harassing and degrading women is okay.

Anyone know this woman? Also known as the most hated woman on the internet?

I won’t say her name. I refuse to give her more attention that she deserves and she already gets way more than she should. She is just one of many in the overly PC/radical feminist crowd that go out of their way to look for something to get offended over. Then, for some reason, they’re surprised when people call bullshit.

People like this, male or female, don’t deserve to be taken seriously. They are ill in the sense that they’re addicted to the attention and the money/fame/legal protections that come with it. There’s nothing valid or honest about it whatsoever and it contributes nothing to this issue.

So if we’re going to ignore these people (and they deserve to be ignored), what is the true context of sexual objectification? How serious is it? Has the bombardment of Victoria’s Secret ads and Nikki Manaj videos made the world more dangerous for women?

Well, believe it or not (and PC/radical feminist types usually don’t), we have data on this issue. According to the US Department of Justice Statistics, there has been little to no change in the rates of rape, sexual assault, or domestic violence over the past 10 years. During that time, everything from internet porn to Megan Fox movies have come out and spread, but they all failed to turn society into a smoldering pool of misogyny.

Shocked? You probably shouldn’t be. Those same statistics show that crime as a whole is going down. People today, men and women alike, are far less violent than they were 50 years ago. So either we’re learning to get along or patriarchal media conspiracies are woefully inept. I like to be optimistic about the progress of humanity, but that tends to get me into trouble.

That’s not to say that objectification isn’t a relevant issue. It is. However, I think our approach to sexual objectification is a bigger problem than the objectification itself. There’s no question that we should prosecute crimes against women to the fullest extent of the law. There is a question, though, on the full context of objectification.

Last year, Alexia LaFata wrote an article for Elite Daily explaining “Why it’s Completely Okay To Objectify Men…No Really, It Is.” With a title like that, it’s safe to assume that the context is going to be horribly misconstrued. She ends up validating those assumptions with quotes like this:

Well, I hate to silence straight white males again (I know you guys have been getting a lot of flak from me for merely existing lately), but until you live in a world in which your objectification leads to excessive victim-blaming, unwelcome catcalling, mortifyingly high rates of sexual assault and rape and having your value in society based exclusively on what you look like, I will continue to exercise my God-given right to objectify you.

Offended yet? I doubt it. I’ve seen worse on a Harry Potter message board. That said, there is something very flawed about this sentiment. For one, it’s an excuse, not a reason. Reasons have logic and facts behind them. Excuses are just the less stinky, overtly contrived shit we pull out of our asses to justify something that’s too hard to justify with facts.

It is a double standard, plain and simple. Ms. LaFata doesn’t even hide from that. However, double standards rarely have a basis in reality or morality, for that matter. They’re just elaborate excuses. Men look for ways to justify how they feel about women, even if those ways are bullshit. Women can do the same for men. The bullshit stinks just as much.

Moreover, and this is the point that Ms. LaFata avoids completely, it ignores the one important fact that completely undermines the politically correct approach to sexual objectification. Brace yourselves because this is going to send everyone crying to their safe space.

Men and women are just wired differently.

I’ll give the radical PC crowd a moment to stop gasping. Once again, reality doesn’t give a shit about your excuses. It’s sticks to the crude, but effective forces of biology. Unfortunately for the PC crowd, that biology doesn’t agree with them.

According to a 2013 study, men are more significantly aroused by visual stimulus than women. When measuring their state of arousal, they responded much more to what they saw whereas women’s responses were more complex and varied. That’s not to say that men are solely aroused by sight, but it is more pronounced.

With this in mind, the use of beautiful women in movies, TV, and video games makes perfect biological sense. There’s no patriarchal conspiracy needed. Men are already hard-wired to respond to the sight of a pretty girl. It’s one of the easiest ways to arouse them that doesn’t involve bacon. I’m sorry PC folk, but when something is that easy, people tend to do it. It’s not laziness. It’s pragmatism.

In this context, can you see why using beautiful women in media is a thing? Can you see why fighting it is akin to the Pope telling people not to masturbate? That’s not to say it can’t go overboard. As with masturbation, it can manifest in disturbing ways. Let’s just try to maintain some level of context here.

What does that mean? Well, remember those scenarios I mentioned earlier? Let’s try and make the first one more acceptable than the second. I think men and women alike can do more to address this issue.

Men, understand that women aren’t aroused in the same way as you and be respectful in how you admire the female form. Woman, understand that men are visual creatures who will be attracted to the sight of beautiful women. That doesn’t mean they hate you or want to exploit you. That’s just how they’re wired.

I’m trying to do my part with my books. I’m also trying to focus on relationships in the media that are well-balanced in terms of male/female dynamics and sex-positive characters that deserve more respect. We can make things more pleasant between men and women. In an age where we can find plenty of reasons to hate each other, let’s at least make those reasons valid.

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Tagged as erotic, feminism, masculinity, objectification, Pop Culture, Radical Feminism, rape culture, sex, sexual health, sexual objectification, toxic masculinity

September 27, 2016 · 6:00 am

How I Shamed Myself Into Being Healthier

There’s no way around it. Compared to all the characters in movies, TV shows, and comic books, we’re ugly as hell. We don’t take care of ourselves. We’re fat. We’re weak. We’re unmotivated. Despite all this, we still like to pretend we’re sexier than Jennifer Lawrence in a bikini sucking on a popsicle. It’s as unhealthy as it is delusional.

What I just wrote is not to be taken as motivation or a sales pitch. It’s not even directed towards any person or group in particular. In fact, what I just said is merely a reflection of the thoughts I once conveyed whenever I looked in a mirror, minus that part about Jennifer Lawrence. Just like I am with my writing, I am my own harshest critic when it comes to my body and health.

I shamed myself. I shamed myself a lot for a good chunk of my adult life. It wasn’t just about my looks either. I had a serious self-esteem issue growing up. It wasn’t because of anything my friends or family did. That’s for sure. I did it to myself and not for all the right reasons. I was fucking miserable. I hated myself. In the end, however, it helped me in a profound way.

Confused? That’s to be expected. Annoyed? Yeah, I have that effect on people. Anxious? Well, you should be because I’m about to get personal again. I’ve talked about sleeping naked. I’ve talked about my own circumcision. Those topics are bound to fill peoples’ heads with unpleasant imagery. I hope this time is little anecdote is a bit more pleasant.

This personal story is a follow-up, of sorts, to my post on body-shaming. I understand that what I wrote probably offended certain people because I took the unpopular position that there’s some kind of merit to shaming. Then again, the people who took offense to that probably get offended when someone points out the color of the sky so I’m not going to worry too much about those people.

Instead, I want craft a real-life example of how shaming can make us better ourselves. It’s not enough to just be happy with who you are, love yourself no matter what, and never acknowledge any flaws you may have. I think it’s an important lesson to learn because people make a big fucking deal of self-esteem these days and worry endlessly that kids and adults alike or suffering when they don’t have enough of it.

Like snake oil and diet pills, self-esteem is basically seen as this cure-all for every mental shortcoming. Chief among those shortcomings involves how we look. We shouldn’t shame each other for looking different, right? We should love ourselves and embrace our inner beauty, right? It’s the lesson that Lady Gaga has taught an entire generation.

First off, this lesson is bogus. Second, it’s extremely easy for Lady Gaga to love herself. Why? She looks like this.

It’s very easy to love yourself when you’re beautiful. Beauty like this is beauty you actually have to work at. You think Lady Gaga looks this way because she just loves herself? Hell no! She has to fucking work at it. She has to actually earn the right to look this good.

This is an important concept and one that more people need to learn. Beauty and health aren’t things that we can gain just by loving ourselves. Self-esteem does not help you lose weight, nor does it make your acne go away. A lack of self-esteem can make it even worse. I would know.

This is how my story played out. For most of my life, I wasn’t very attractive. That’s not to say I was ugly. I wasn’t short, fat, or deformed in any way. I was basically just average at best or below average at worst. I also wore dorky glasses and had a horrible acne problem that plagued me for most of my teenage years. I never felt attractive. I never felt sexy. I basically went out of my way to make myself more miserable for not looking good.

I admit I was probably much harsher on myself than I should’ve been. While I was in school, I knew people who actually did have health issues, be it their weight or their appearance. Harsh or not, it did mess me up. It didn’t make me very pleasant to be around, that’s for sure.

I certainly didn’t get a lot of attention from women either. Believe it or not, girls don’t find pudgy, pale, self-loathing guys with an acne problem attractive. This certainly did plenty to undermine my self-esteem even more, but looking back on it, I can hardly blame them. I can’t imagine I would’ve been a good partner for any woman during that time.

So what changed? It had to have changed. I wouldn’t have the energy or the self-esteem to share this story if I had remained this sad, dorky, overly-emo kid with an acne problem. So how exactly did I respond to all that self-shaming and self-loathing?

Well, for one thing, it ensured I didn’t ignore it. When my acne got really bad, I made it a point to go to a doctor and get actual medication to help treat it. Believe it or not, modern medicine does work. I was able to find a treatment for my acne that more-or-less solved the problem. So thanks modern medicine! That’s one issue solved.

Modern medicine helped me out again down the line. Remember those dorky glasses I mentioned? Well, they’re gone now. I don’t wear them because I got Lasik surgery on my eyes to fix them. I now see perfectly. I now have a face that is unhindered by acne or glasses. I like to think it’s a cute face. I’m not Ryan Gosling, but I’m no George Costanza either.

However, modern medicine could only do so much. Sometimes, you need a good kick in the ass to get yourself to change. I definitely got that when a close relative of mine suffered a serious heart attack. He didn’t die, but it was serious.

The fact that he was only in his 50s really concerned me because after that incident, I found out that there is a history of heart disease and cancer in my family. On top of that, I didn’t take care of myself. My meals consisted primarily of sugary cereal, cookies, greasy burgers, and pizza. My exercise regiment was restricted to walking up to the store to buy more junk food. I was playing a risky game of poker with the deck stacked against me.

Despite this very disconcerting knowledge, I was still reluctant to get off my ass. The caveman part of my brain just didn’t want to change. It was just too easy to keep doing what I was doing. Plus, I really like the taste of cookies and junk food.

In the end, I feel the shaming gave me the extra push that I needed. Seeing myself in the mirror every day and not liking what I saw motivated me to do something about it. On top of that, I love comic books, as I’ve made clear on this blog many times before. In case you’ve forgotten, Superman looks like this.

Look at those muscles. Look at those abs. Look at that raw masculine power. Is it an unrealistic ideal for men? Absolutely. Superman is, by his own nature, the embodiment of an ideal. However, just because something is unattainable doesn’t mean it’s worth striving for. That’s a lesson Superman himself preaches.

I finally got that message loud and clear. One day, I finally dragged my pudgy ass out of bed and to a gym at the local rec center. I convinced myself to go there by promising myself that I would soak in the hot tub after getting in a workout. It wasn’t much of a workout to begin with, but it was a start and that hot tub felt dam good.

From there, a new habit formed. I started going to the gym more regularly, once a week to start. I soon felt the urge to do more so I started going twice. I bought workout clothes. I looked up fitness tips online. I didn’t buy into any gimmicky weight-loss crap from late-night infomercials. I just ran, lifted, and sweated.

Flash forward a bit more and now I’m an avid runner. I go out running for at least 30 minutes a day or four miles, whichever comes first. I do weight-training twice a week and I don’t go light either. I grunt, I sweat, and I toil. After every workout, I look like I just swam in a pool of my own sweat loved every second of it. I’m not going to lie either. It makes me feel damn sexy.

On top of the exercise, I did tweak my diet. This was, by far, the hardest. I had to cut a lot of sugar out of my diet. That meant cutting soda completely and saving cookies for special occasions only. That was painful. It meant eating more protein, such as eggs and chicken. It meant eating less red meat. These changes were tough, but worth it.

Now I’m not saying I look like Superman. I don’t. I’m not saying I have Brad Pitt’s abs or Hugh Jackman’s ass. I don’t. However, I can say that I look a lot healthier and a lot more attractive than I did before I started working out. I don’t have as much body fat anymore. I can actually see my abs. I actually have good bicep now. It does work, people. You can work out, eat better, get healthier, and become more attractive.

None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t shamed myself into action. If I had just done what Lady Gaga said and loved myself, I would be 25 pounds heavier and far less healthy than I am now. Working out and becoming more attractive gave me more confidence and energy. It made me better to be around. It also made me more attractive to women, which is certainly a nice bonus.

I get that there are still problems with body shaming. There are people whose biology simply doesn’t allow them to look the way they want. It’s a difficult issue. Hell, it was the primary topic of my book, “Skin Deep.”

Until science advances to a point where it can make everybody look like Hugh Jackman and Jennifer Lawrence, we need to push ourselves. We need to actually work at it if we want to be beautiful, healthy, and attractive. Just being content with who we are isn’t enough sometimes.

We need to shame each other to some extent to get our asses in gear and get healthier. It can be hard and downright demoralizing at times, but it’s worth doing. You feel better, happier, and sexier as a result.

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Filed under Jack Fisher's Insights

Tagged as beauty, beauty standards, body building, body shaming, diet, exercise, feminism, health, masculinity, Pop Culture, sexual health, weight loss

September 26, 2016 · 6:02 am

Re-framing Body Shaming

Shame on you. Shame on me. Shame on us for not being exactly how others want us to be. We should all be appalled with ourselves. How dare we not conform to societies expectations?

That last paragraph was pure sarcasm, by the way. It’s also an overly simplistic summation of shaming, that inglorious facet of society where we collectively decide to denigrate or denounce someone in a way that’ll make them feel terrible about themselves. It’s one of nature’s crudest instruments for shaping a social species. Being so crude, it’s absurdly easy to misuse.

There’s all sorts of shaming. There’s slut-shaming, fat-shaming, food-shaming, culture-shaming, gender-shaming, and probably some other form of shaming that’s being invented as we speak. Even in the era of the Internet, it’s hard to keep up with all these types of shaming. So for the purposes of keeping this post simple, I’m going to focus on one particular type of shaming: body shaming.

This type of shaming is relevant to me because, being an erotica/romance writer, I deal with a lot of bodies. In my stories, I have to describe bodies. I have to describe how they look and what they’re doing in a way that’s compelling, interesting, and sexy. If I can’t do that, then I can’t tell much of a story. Nobody’s panties will get wet if the story just involves two amorphous blobs rubbing together.

According Urban Dictionary, body shaming is simply defined as:

Shaming someone for their body type.

Pretty obvious, isn’t it? This is one of those concepts that really explains itself. It really shouldn’t be that complex, but like so many things in this world, we love to fuck it up in a way that completely skews the concept.

Body shaming is a big deal these days for reasons that have nothing to do with health and beauty. It, like other forms of shaming, have become tied into the anti-bullying movement that has grown rapidly in recent years. We no longer live in a world ripped from a bad 80s teen movie. It’s not cool to be a bully anymore. Bullies are now right up there with dead skunks and cow shit in terms of things we don’t want in our society anymore.

The stereotypical bully is often the first to laugh at someone’s body, be they fat, skinny, ugly, or deformed. They loudly proclaim that there must be something wrong with a person who allows themselves to get that fat or that ugly. They make someone feel guilty, depressed, or sad for being who they are and that’s just not cool.

Okay, now this is the part where I piss off the politically correct, overly emotional, obscenely sensitive crowd because I’m going to look at this issue in an unusual, unpopular way. Brace yourselves, prepare to send the hate mail, and hide in your safe space because I’m probably going to offend some people here. I’m not going to apologize ahead of time either. I’m just going to say what I feel needs to be said about this issue.

My problem with the current approach to bullying and body-shaming is that my brain just can’t work in such simplistic terms. The simple idea of, “All bullying is bad! All body-shaming is bad! Shame on all those who justify it!” just doesn’t work for me. My brain has a problem with accepting overly simple things that sound too good to be true. Maybe I’ve had one too many bad experiences with infomercials and Nigerian princes, but I just can’t look at this issue in the context of “always bad and always evil.”

Human beings just aren’t that simple. Humanity, in all its inglorious grandeur, is full of all sorts of complexities, both as individuals and as societies. These complexities are a big part of what makes us so interesting and entertaining. If aliens landed tomorrow, I’m sure they’d find something about humanity to laugh at.

With respect to body-shaming, I do think there is a context that sets it apart from traditional shaming. First and foremost, we have to understand that the very concept of shaming is important to our society. We can’t do a way with it, nor should we.

Shame, as ugly as it may be, serves an important purpose for social creatures like humans. You see, for most of human history, we didn’t have laws or message boards to punish or denigrate others for doing something socially unacceptable. We lived in small bands of tribes that roamed the land, looking for food and safe places to hump. Failure to do so means that both the individual and the tribe would suffer.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, for the politically correct crowd), humans come with some built-in biological wiring to keep people in line. If someone did something wrong, they would feel guilt about it and have an incentive not to do it again.

Shaming emerged as an extension of guilt, creating a system for an entire tribe to use to let someone know that they need to get their shit together. It was a way to motivate or incentivize them to do the right thing for themselves and others. It can be harsh, but it can work too. It can even be funny, as Family Guy regularly proves.

It’s a fact of life as a social species. We need shame because it’s built in. It’s hard-wired. It can’t be bribed, corrupted, or bought off. It’s a force that can affect the poorest among us and the richest among us. It is effectively the glue that incentivizes us to function in society. When laws and internet message boards fail, shame can pick up the slack.

So where does this leave body-shaming? First, let me make clear that there are degrees of shaming that have no excuse. If someone’s body is big, small, or misshapen in ways they cannot control, either by genetics or poverty, then that’s a gross misuse of shame. It’s true that human bodies have many variations and some are more prone to be fat, thin, or something in between. However, there is one little detail here that skews the context.

That detail is called obesity.

When I say obesity, I’m not just referring to fat people. I’m also referring to overly skinny people as well. They aren’t shamed quite as often, but it’s the same blunt instrument. It’s the same unjustified use of shame. It’s just being used in a way that isn’t consistent with the biological purpose of shame.

Here’s the issue that I know anti-shamers and obesity activists try to avoid. Obesity, like smoking, does have serious health risks. While it’s not nearly as bad as smoking, it does carry with it some health issues that aren’t exactly attractive. According to WebMD, these issues include:

Heart disease and stroke
High blood pressure
Diabetes
Some cancers
Gallbladder disease and gallstones
Osteoarthritis
Gout
Breathing problems, such as sleep apnea (when a person stops breathing for short episodes during sleep) and asthma

It’s true that not everyone who is obese will have these problems, but the chances are greater and not everybody is willing to play those odds. Eating too much, having too much body-fat, and not getting enough exercise can be damaging, both to individuals and the society that incurs the cost of these health issues.

As a result, our crude biological wiring is going to step in whether we like it or not. When we see something unhealthy in society, we tend to do whatever we can to stop it, even if it means bullying and shaming. It’s true we go overboard at times. We’re human. We’re blunt instruments, not surgical tools. However, there often is some level of logic behind our actions.

It’s just not the kind of logic that will ever show up in an 80s teen movie. This is caveman logic, a term I use so often on this blog that I should probably trademark it. In the old hunter/gatherer days, the biological programming of which is still with us, the fat and unhealthy bodies incurred a burden on the tribe. If the person couldn’t see that, then shaming them was a way of getting them to shape up and get their ass in gear.

We’re not cavemen anymore, but we’re still stuck with their wiring. We need to accept that and there are some politically correct types who can’t seem to wrap their heads around it. They seem to think that human biology can be ignored or circumvented.

It’s the same faulty belief that has effectively doomed the Catholic Church’s crusade on premarital sex and masturbation. You can’t stop people from masturbating. You can’t stop them from shaming bodies either.

By the logic of our faulty human wiring, a tribe of healthy, fit men and women is a good thing. Being fit doesn’t necessarily mean that all the men have to look like Brad Pitt and all the women have to look like Kate Upton. The human body has all sorts of glorious variations, colors, and traits. Being healthy enhances every one of them.

Some people aren’t going to be motivated to pursue that level of health. Shaming is a way of getting their asses off the couch. Again, we do tend to go overboard with it, but it’s one of those unpleasant facets of society that has a legitimate biological function. So those who want to live in a world where nobody is shamed for how they look may as well wish that carrots taste like chocolate. It’s not going to happen.

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Tagged as body shaming, bullying, diet, exercise, fat, fat shaming, health, obesity, poor health, Pop Culture, sex, sexual health, shaming

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Re-Objectifying The Concept of Objectification (Including the Sexual Kind)

How I Shamed Myself Into Being Healthier

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