Tag Archives: feminism

December 17, 2016 · 7:56 am

Why Women (And Men) Need More Sex-Positive Role Models

There was a time when we just didn’t talk about the sex lives of role models and superheroes. To talk about what Superman, Wonder Woman, or Captain America did in private with lingerie, bottle of lube, and a willing partner wasn’t just obscene. It was akin to hearing your parents talk about the night we were conceived, right down to the color of the nipple clamps our moms used.

While we still shudder at the thought of our parents describing their sex lives to us, we’re a bit more comfortable with our heroes and role models filling us in on their intimate lives. In some respects, we’ve come a long way. We’ve gone from joking about how Superman can have a baby with a human woman to big (not so) shocking reveal earlier this year that Wonder Woman is bisexual.

The topic of superhero sex lives has always been somewhat taboo, except for perverse fan fiction, some of which I actually write. There’s an even greater taboo about the sex lives of our real-life role models and that can be very damaging, especially if the private sex lives of those role models become scandalous. Just ask Tiger Woods.

As an aspiring erotica/romance writer, who often navigates taboos and favors more sex-positive superheroes like Starfire, I feel like we’re vampires working in a blood bank. We’re putting ourselves in stressful, self-destructive circumstances that will only lead to disappointment and heartache with respect to our role models.

I get it. We want our role models to embody ideals. We hold them to a higher standard. We want Superman to not be concerned with whether his wife can bear his child. We want Tiger Woods to be a faithful, upstanding pillar of virtue. The problem with having such high standards isn’t that it puts undue pressure on the role models. The problem is that it makes it way too easy for us to hate ourselves for being human.

The problem with ideals is in the very definition. According to Dictionary.com, the core meaning of the word is:

  • A conception of something in its perfection

  • A standard of perfection or excellence

  • Something that exists only in the imagination

We expect our role models to embody these ideals, whether they’re real or fictional characters. The fact that we can’t even get our fictional characters to live up to those ideals, as evidenced by Superman’s role in a porno tape with Big Barda, is pretty damn telling. So why should anyone expect Tiger Woods to live up to that ideal?

What we need now isn’t an ideal for a role model. We don’t even need a flawed role model either. We already have plenty of that with Batman, Wolverine, and Mick Jagger, who just had his eight kid at 73. What we need, in my humble opinion, is a true sex positive role model.

By “sex positive,” I don’t mean a role model who isn’t afraid to talk about their sex lives. We already have plenty of celebrities and superheroes who do that. We have Cortney Love, Tony Stark, and pretty much every hair metal band from the 1980s. By sex positive, I mean someone who both embraces sexuality and subverts the stigma.

It’s that last part that’s the challenge here. It’s one thing for a hero or an icon to have sex and be casual about it. It’s quite another to do it in a way that undermines the stigma that still surrounds sex.

Make no mistake. That stigma is still there. We expect rich and successful men to have a lot of sex with a lot of random women, but when a woman does it, we think there’s something wrong with her. There’s still this frustrating taboo surrounding female sexuality and it’s ruining our sex lives, among other things.

It goes beyond the rich and powerful too. Even among youth and adults, there’s still this strange disconnect with our sexuality. It’s legal for two consenting adults to have sex for whatever reason they want, but we still shame and stigmatize it. We still have this arbitrary standard that if you have too much sex, then something’s wrong with you.

How much is too much? Well, that’s the tricky part. Nobody knows. One person’s slut is another person’s free spirit. One person’s stud is another person’s beta male. We just don’t know because we don’t talk about it. We don’t discuss it. We can’t even agree on what constitutes consent in sex anymore.

Enter a sex-positive role model. Enter someone who will approach sexuality the same way most people approach a hot cup of cocoa on a cold winter day. They don’t just embrace the crude elements of it. They embrace the beauty as well. They shatter the awkwardness. They spit on the taboos. They don’t need to flaunt their sexuality. To them, it’s just normal.

Sadly, there aren’t a lot of role models like that right now. In fact, I could only come up with two: Starfire and Deadpool. I’ve already made it abundantly clear why Starfire is the perfect sex-positive superhero. The fact she looks like this only helps.

With Deadpool, it’s a little trickier. He’s not much of a hero. He even says as such in his hit movie. However, while he’s crude in pretty much everything he does, he’s not crude when it comes to sex. It’s not this dirty, forbidden act. It’s just this basic thing that people do.

Sometimes it’s for love. Sometimes it’s for fun. Sometimes it’s how you celebrate the holidays with your lover. In that sense, Deadpool perfectly captures that spirit.

As much as I love Starfire and Deadpool, I don’t think they’re nearly enough. I think we need more sex positive role models and heroes. Some, like Amber Rose, are making an effort. I think we’ll need to make an even greater effort because all taboos and stigmas, be they sexual or not, don’t fade easily.

We human beings are anxious and uptight about things that make us uncomfortable. Our culture, going all the way back to the Puritans, the Vatican, and the Mullahs, has done too good a job at making us uncomfortable about sex. We’ve made progress over the centuries in breaking that discomfort. More sex-positive role models and heroes can only help.

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December 16, 2016 · 7:00 am

Storm Of The X-men: A Better Role Model For Women And Girls

I used to think some issues were completely apolitical. Seriously, who could create a political firestorm out of puppies, cat videos, and chocolate? I still want to believe that there are some things beyond our collective ability to taint, but when there are coherent men claiming that Satan uses Pokemon Go to corrupt people, I can’t help but question that belief.

I also used to think that Wonder Woman’s place as a cultural icon and a role model for women was beyond dispute. Sure, she has some kinky subtext in her origins, but she’s still a powerful character in modern pop culture. She’s a strong, passionate woman who protects the innocent and fights injustice with the heart of a warrior. How could her status as a role model possibly be disputed?

Well, the humorless asshats who petition the United Nations and weak little shits who take them seriously decided Wonder Woman is just too much woman for them to handle. Apparently, being a badass warrior who fights injustice and protects the innocent isn’t enough because she’s too damn sexy. Seriously, that’s the UN’s reason for ditching her as an ambassador to women and girls.

It still makes me want to spit fire and shit bricks. So a woman can do everything and anything to make the world a better place, but she can’t look like someone that some people want to see naked? What the fuck does that have to do with being a role model?

I could spend the next five blog posts ranting angrily about this issue, but I like to be more productive with my anger. I understand that there’s only so much, in other words nothing, that posting angry words on the internet can accomplish. With that in mind, I’m going to take a deep breath, drink a glass of whiskey, and try a different approach.

Since the folks at the UN and the humorless asshats who petition them are so keen on making this an issue, I’d like to do a public service and propose a solution. I’m not going to convince humorless asshats that Wonder Woman isn’t too sexy. I understand that these are people who tremble in fear at the thought of women being too naked and men being too fond of naked women. I can’t hope to change that.

With that in mind, I’d like to nominate another iconic woman for the role of UN Ambassador to women and girls. I believe there is another cultural icon who can be a symbol to women and girls all over the world. She’s also a badass superhero who protects the innocent, fights injustice, and looks damn good while doing it.

Ladies, gentlemen, and those of unspecified gender, I hereby nominate Storm of the X-men for the ambassadorship for women and girls all over the world.

Before the same humorless asshats who rejected Wonder Woman start whining, give me a chance to make my case. Then, go ahead and find a reason to reject this amazing testament to female badassery. I dare you.

While it’s true that Storm hasn’t been around as long as Wonder Woman, having made her debut in 1975’s Giant-Sized X-men #1, her impact on the world of comic books and on pop culture is beyond dispute.

Storm is one of those characters who just arrived at the best possible time. She’s a minority within a minority, a African woman playing the part of a superhero at a time when most of them still looked like extras from a “Leave It To Beaver” rerun.

She helped usher in a new wave of diversity in both comics and popular culture. She came at a time when people started to realize that not every superhero had to be like Superman, Batman, or Wonder Woman. It was also a time when people started realizing that minorities can have a place in popular culture. Some people are still shocked by this for some reason.

This made Storm’s ascension to being one of the greatest female superheroes of all time all the more impressive. It’s not just that she was a woman of color playing the part of a superhero. She was never just there to fill a quota. She actually contributed to the growth and success of the X-men.

Look at her resume and you’ll find a woman who made her presence felt and not just because she can direct a lightning bolt up your ass. She’s been a leader, a teacher, a friend, a lover, and a champion for peace. Even recently, she’s led the X-men in a peaceful struggle, despite her people being routinely gassed to death.

She didn’t start with many advantages either. She wasn’t a princess like Wonder Woman. In fact, she started at the opposite end of the spectrum, having been a thief and pick-pocket early in life. She had to fight to survive, eventually seeking new opportunities with the X-men and escaping a life of crime. In a world where millions of children live in poverty, that makes Storm much more relatable and relevant.

In addition, Storm isn’t the kind of female hero who becomes a damsel in distress every other week. In fact, she’s been one of the X-men’s heaviest hitters, as opposed to characters like Kitty Pryde and Jean Grey, who seem to faint or need rescuing every other issue.

Storm has also lead the X-men, having fought Cyclops for this role in Uncanny X-men #201. In case you’ve forgotten, Cyclops is a white guy. That should make ultra-liberal hipsters at least somewhat happy.

She’s also not like Lois Lane or the Invisible Woman, whose character is often defined by the relationships she has. Storm has always been her own person and done her own thing. That doesn’t stop her from pursuing romance for all the right reasons.

She’s pursued relationships with the likes of Forge, Black Panther, and Wolverine. She was even married to Black Panther for a while. Granted, that marriage got annulled because Storm dared to not side with her husband during a major clash between the Avengers and X-men, but that should only strengthen her case, especially in the eyes of more radical feminist types.

She’s not overly traditional in her views of love and relationships. She doesn’t believe in a woman becomes a man’s glorified pet when she decides to marry him. She can still have thoughts of her own. There are still men in the Middle east and this country that are appalled by such an idea.

She also believes strongly in loyalty and understanding, which any woman would need if they dared to date someone like Wolverine. She doesn’t always have to be in a relationship, but when she is, she puts in the effort. She does her part. Just don’t you dare have the audacity to skip foreplay.

In terms of looks, which the UN just couldn’t overlook with Wonder Woman, Storm definitely has her own unique style. It’s not overtly sexual. Her costumes rarely emphasize her breasts, butt, or any other body part that might make a man’s pants too tight. If anything, her most defining physical feature is her white hair, which she’s not afraid to style in all sorts of exotic ways.

Storm is beautiful. She knows how to be sexy too. However, sexuality is not a big part of her deal. She’s not like Starfire in that she channels her sexuality in unique ways. She is sexual, but in a very healthy way. She can count all her lovers on one hand. How many politicians can make that claim these days?

I could go on and on. I could spend multiple blog posts arguing why Storm is the perfect role model for women and girls. I’m sure there are still some humorless asshats out there who will nitpick her to death in hopes of finding an excuse to complain about her.

They’ll probably throw around terms like “cultural appropriation” or “colonialism” to discount Storm’s qualifications. Maybe she’s too exotic. Maybe she’s too obscure because she’s part of a team. Maybe having an Oscar-winning actress like Halle Berry play her in multiple movies is somehow a problem.

Whatever the case and whatever the excuse, Storm’s legacy speaks for itself. Storm’s place in popular culture, superhero comics, and being uniquely sexy is secure. If that’s not enough for the UN and the asshats who petition them, then that’s their problem.

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December 15, 2016 · 6:21 am

United Nations Ditches Wonder Woman Because She’s Too Sexy

Growing up, I’ve learned to see excuses the same way I see zits and hangovers. I hate that they’re there. They’re often unavoidable. There are very few good ones, if any, and the best we can do is make a concerted effort to avoid them.

That said, there are a few particular excuses that make me want to punch the nearest brick wall and throw a brick through the nearest window. Within the top five of those excuses, and there are times when it’s at the very top, is the one that amounts to something like this:

“She’s just too sexy to take seriously.”

Read that sentence again. Try to read it with a straight face, as hard a task at that might be. Under what circumstances does that excuse make sense? Under what circumstances does it not warrant punching someone in the dick? It’s hard to come up with one off the top of my head.

Unfortunately, the fine folks at the United Nations, as in the same organization that has failed miserably to stop massacres, genocides, and child sex trafficking, decided to use that infuriating excuse when they dropped Wonder Woman as their ambassador for women and girls.

I wish this were a joke. I wish this were one of my crazy thought experiments. This is really happening. The United Nations and in all their inept, prudish wisdom, responded to a petition that made this argument:

“A large-breasted white woman of impossible proportions, scantily clad in a shimmery, thigh-baring body suit with an American flag motif and knee-high boots” is not an appropriate spokeswoman for gender equity at the United Nations.

Yes, they really said that. Apparently, a woman who has large breasts and doesn’t dress like a nun on Christmas is not appropriate. A woman who is beautiful and sexy is somehow disqualified from being a symbol of freedom and empowerment to women and girls. I guess it would be just too traumatic for women and girls to be inspired by someone that might actually look good naked.

Since this is probably too much for certain folks at the United Nations, or those who put together this bullshit petition, to understand, let me address a few of their concerns.

Has Wonder Woman ever told girls that they have to look as good as her? Hell no!

Has Wonder Woman ever told girls they have to be sexual in a certain way? Hell no!

Has Wonder Woman ever told girls they have to dress in sexy clothes to be empowered? Hell no!

With this in mind, how the hell is a badass warrior women who protects the innocent and fights injustice not worthy of being a role model to girls everywhere?

I’m trying to wrap my head around this. I’m trying to be polite about it. I can only try so hard, I’m afraid.

Now I understand there are some repressive, overtly patriarchal cultures in the world where women have just a few additional rights over dogs and pets. In those cultures, a woman showing her ankles is akin to Madonna shaving her pubic hair during the Super Bowl halftime show.

I’ve even tried to put this kind of repression into a context when I revealed the inner-workings of a misogynistic man. There are some powerful, non-political forces driving misogyny in this world and they don’t need some vast, patriarchal conspiracy to support. A lot of this sentiment comes down to economics, health, and social norms that govern how men seek sex from women and how women respond to those efforts.

However, none of those forces factored into this decision. None even showed up in the petition, which around 45,000 people signed. To put that into context, over 60,000 people bought the November 2016 issue of Wonder Woman. Even if you suck at math, you know the difference between those two numbers is not trivial.

The primary argument in this petition is that Wonder Woman is too much of a pin-up girl. Too many men want to have sex with her. Too many men fantasize about her. How can she possibly be a role model to young women and girls all over the world?

There’s a very simple answer to that question. I’ll try to frame it in the least vulgar way possible. It goes something like this:

“WHAT THE FUCK DOES BEING SEXY HAVE TO DO WITH BEING A GODDAMN ROLE MODEL?”

I’m sorry. That really was the least vulgar way I could’ve said that. Anything else would’ve risked a fine from the FCC.

I don’t doubt that Wonder Woman is beautiful. By almost every objective standard, she wields above-average beauty. Given her origin, which involves Greek Gods and divine forces, that makes perfect sense. Even in ancient mythology, beauty is kind of a big deal. Just ask Helen of Troy.

Beyond her origins though, Wonder Woman’s beauty is rarely an issue in terms of what she does and how she carries herself. She doesn’t flaunt her sexuality. She doesn’t distract her enemies by flashing her tits or something. She’s a warrior. She comes from a culture of warriors. That’s how she fights injustice and she’s been doing it since 1942.

To call Wonder Woman just another pin-up girl isn’t just insulting to her. It’s insulting to the actual pin-up girls within the comic book world. I’m not just talking about Starfire either, a character whose sex-positive persona would probably make the UN faint in horror.

Ladies, gentlemen, and those of unspecified gender, I give you Power Girl.

Notice anything distinct about her appearance? Maybe a couple of things?

If that’s not enough, here’s Emma Frost of the X-men.

Still not convinced? Well here’s another female hero named Vixen. Seriously, that’s her actual name.

See the pattern here? Do I really need to explain why these women qualify as pin-up girls? Hell, Emma Frost was an actual stripper at one point. Power Girl has actually used her big boobs to her advantage at times. These are female characters that channel their sexuality for justice and it’s a beautiful thing. Apparently, the UN just doesn’t appreciate such beauty.

Even so, that’s still a bullshit excuse to lump Wonder Woman in the same category. There are characters who do use their sexuality as a tactic of sorts. Wonder Woman does not. She is a warrior. She’ll fight an army of Nazis, zombies, and aliens before she even pretends to show a nipple.

Women who use their sexuality as a weapon have been part of our society for centuries. Just ask Cleopatra. However, even in the 21st century, our asses still clench at the thought of a woman just having the potential to use such a weapon. What’s that say about the state of women and how we approach women’s issues?

Regardless of United Nation’s bullshit excuses, Wonder Woman is still an icon. She’s still a role model. She still embodies so many of the traits we associate with the strengths of women and femininity. If that’s not enough for the United Nations, then that’s their problem.

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December 6, 2016 · 6:16 am

How NOT To Talk About Marriage

Picture a scenario with a man and a woman. No, it’s not one of those scenarios. They’re both fully clothed, in public, and otherwise normal. Then, imagine the kind of outrage/public shaming that would occur if this took place in front of one too many cameras.

Woman: I’m so sad! I’m so lonely! Why does the world so cruel?

Man: Maybe it’s because you’re really fat. Were you abused as a kid or something? Just exercise more or get some surgery.

You feel that? That’s the inescapable urge to roll your eyes because you know what kind of outcry this is going to cause. You know the kind of arguments, insults, rants, and raves that’ll emerge from this topic. Human can be pretty crazy and unpredictable when it comes to certain topics. Topics that involve marriage or gender issues, though, are annoyingly consistent.

So why do I bring up this scenario and the predictable outcry it tends to cause? Well, it was inspired, in large part, by a video I came across recently. It involves a small talk show discussing recent trends in marriage, namely why men are more and more reluctant to get married.

I’ve talked about this issue before, namely the part where the legal system gives men and women one too many tools to screw each other over and not in the way they enjoy. I generally avoid talking about it because it tends to make people less horny, which isn’t good for any erotica/romance writer. However, sometimes I do feel compelled to comment on something that feels overly relevant.

With that in mind, here is the clip in question. To get to the part that really annoyed me, fast forward to the 2:20 mark. I should warn you though. You may feel the urge to punch your computer screen.

Did you see it? Is your computer screen still intact? Are you confused as to why someone who is single, in his 30s, and worried about his romantic future would feel uneasy with this exchange? Well, let me break it down in a way that I hope won’t cost anyone a new computer screen.

The argument the man in the clip makes is not a new one. They’ve been made before, the pitfalls of marriage and the reasons men aren’t too eager to participate. In fact, Fox built one of its most successful sitcoms about the ills of marriage and what it does to men. These are not new issues is what I’m saying.

Even so, there’s still this imbalance of sorts between men and women when it comes to the decline of marriage. There’s still a stigma against those who are reluctant to join an institution that has become exceedingly unjust for legal, political, and social reasons that are too complicated and unsexy to get into.

That stigma, however, doesn’t apply to both genders equally. I know this because I’ve actually felt this inequality to some extent. It plays out like this:

  • You’re a woman and you don’t want to get married? You go girl! You don’t need a man! You just need to be you! Girl power!

  • You’re a man and you don’t want to get married? What the hell is wrong with you? Are you gay or something? What kind of creep stays single all his life?

See the difference? The clip itself doesn’t do justice to the extent of this difference, but the man does get crap for making these arguments. When he calmly and reasonably lays out his arguments, the first response isn’t to take them seriously or ask more questions. The response is, “Were you hurt?”

To the man’s credit, he laughs it off. That shows he has more maturity and self-awareness than 95 percent of the people I see on talk shows these days. It’s still a very telling assessment though, assuming outright that the man is criticizing marriage was somehow hurt in the past.

Even as a man who does want to find love and does want to marry someone, I find that pretty insulting. I get that marriage has rarely, if ever, been an equal institution. I get that for most of human civilization, women had it pretty rough with respect to marriage. I’m not denying that.

However, if I’ve learned anything from all the superhero comics I’ve read over the years, it’s that you can’t fight injustice with more injustice. That’s like trying to fight a wildfire with napalm. It’s only going to make the situation worse.

At the moment, marriage is not a good deal for men. At the moment, women have more legal and social protections with respect to marriage then men. Women can divorce their husbands whenever they want for whatever reason and, in many states, get half their husband’s assets by default. They can get custody of kids, get favorable treatment by courts, and are more readily believed with accusations of spousal abuse.

Now I’m not Al Bundy in that I see marriage as its own circle of hell for a man. I believe marriage, love, and all the passion that comes with it is a beautiful thing. The problem is that our assumptions, legal traditions, and social constructs are horribly imbalanced at the moment. It’s only when marriage becomes a relationship of true equals that its beauty can be appreciated.

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November 5, 2016 · 8:25 am

My Thoughts (And Concerns) On The Second Wonder Woman Trailer

Over the past decade or so, there have been a major glut of superhero movies and for an admitted comic book fan like me, I couldn’t be happier. Every now and then, someone will ask me if I’m getting tired of all these superhero-themed movies. My response usually some form of “Hell no!”

This year has been a damn good year for comic book movies, thanks in large part to the contributions of Deadpool and Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. It’s still not over with a Dr. Strange movie coming out this month, but that’s basically another movie about a white guy becoming a superhero. As much as I love superhero movies, I do appreciate a little variety.

That’s why 2017 holds a great deal of promise because that’s where Wonder Woman will finally enter the arena that is superhero cinema. Yes, it’s finally happening. The most iconic female superhero of the 20th century, who just happens to have an origin story with not-so-subtle BDSM undertones, is going to get her own movie. I think I speak for generations of comic book fans when I say it’s about damn time.

I already got wondrously giddy when the first trailer came out. That gave us our first taste of a cinematic Wonder Woman, played by real-life female soldier and overall badass, Gal Gadot. She already proved herself in Batman v. Superman. Say what you will about that movie (and believe me, everything that can be said has), but she was the best part of that movie. She alone made that movie worth seeing.

Now, Gal Gadot is ready to take center stage on her own movie. It’s a movie that promises to explore Wonder Woman’s origin, setting her on the path that eventually led to her arrival in Batman v. Superman. It’s an opportunity to show just how awesome Wonder Woman can be and the trailer only reinforces that sentiment.

Seeing this trailer gave me goose bumps in the best possible way. It got me excited in ways I usually reserve for holidays, parties, and strip clubs. It has all the right ingredients. It has Wonder Woman kicking ass, defending the innocent, and standing up for the values of her people. It’s a beautiful thing and she looks damn sexy doing it.

As excited as I am about this trailer, though, I do have concerns that will likely keep me up until people start whining about it on message boards (and they will because people whine about every superhero movies). I can tolerate and ignore whining. That’s one of the most important skills any comic book fan can learn. With Wonder Woman though, the stakes are a little different.

Unlike Batman, Superman, or Deadpool, there are very different stakes for Wonder Woman’s movie. At least with heroes like Superman and Batman, they have a track record. At times, that track record is mixed. Do I need to remind Batman fans of this?

I’ll avoid scrutinizing that pile of shit, but I bring it up because it sends an important message. No matter how far a franchise sinks or how bad it gets, strong characters will bounce back. Wonder Woman is one of the strongest, most iconic characters in the history of superhero comics. She’s reliant. She can endure more than one blows by Joel Shumacher.

However, it’s not the issues with horrible Batman movies that concern me. It isn’t even the acting capabilities of Gal Gadot or her co-star, Chris Pine. Both are quality actors with a solid track record of playing powerful characters in heroic roles. Gal Gadot already got a head start with Batman v. Superman. So what could possibly be so disconcerting.

It can be best summed up in one word: Catwoman. Anybody remember this? If not, consider yourself lucky.

Why do I bring up Catwoman? Why do I dare reference the abomination that even the Oscar-winning talent of Halle Berry couldn’t save? Well, it’s important to mention because the failure of this movie is part of what set back female superhero movies for so long.

There are many who complain about the absence of female leads in superhero movies. Those complaints aren’t without merit. I certainly wouldn’t lump them in with the typical whining that comes with superhero movies. What gets lost in the complaining though is the context and that context doesn’t have as much to do with sexism as radical feminists would have us believe.

As is often the case, it all comes down to that wholly unsexy force: economics. Yes, I can already sense your eyes glazing over. I can sense panties drying up and boners being killed. Bear with me here. There’s a reason for this and it’s a good reason if you want to understand why Wonder Woman’s movie is so important.

According to Box Office Mojo, Catwoman was a commercial and critical bomb that made only $82 million against a $100 million budget. It’s one thing for a movie to be critically despised. If it loses money, then it becomes an even bigger problem.

Michael Bay movies are among the most reviled by critics, but he gets away with it because movies like Transformers: Age of Extinction make over $1 billion. If Catwoman had made that much money, you can bet that Halle Berry would’ve been in no fewer than three sequels. Hell, Michael Bay may have even directed those movies.

Unfortunately, Catwoman didn’t make that kind of money. As a result, that movie’s failure sent the message that female superhero movies aren’t profitable. They’ll lose a studio money, even if they throw in Oscar-caliber talent. Studios don’t listen to much, but they do listen to money and if a movie doesn’t make money, it may as well be smothered in elephant shit.

This is why Wonder Woman is such an important movie. If it is a success, it’ll prove to Hollywood that strong female heroes can succeed. They can turn a profit. This would be huge, especially for those still pining for a Black Widow movie. Joss Whedon even said he’d return to direct that movie. That raises the stakes for Wonder Woman even more.

If, however, Wonder Woman flops like 2015’s Fantastic Four movie, then that’ll set female superhero movies back even more. That’ll only reinforce the notion that female superheroes can’t hold their own without a strong male lead supporting them. It would be the worst possible message to send to Hollywood, who still control the checkbook.

With that in mind, I eagerly and anxiously await the release of Wonder Woman. She’s entering a golden era of superhero movies. She’s got everything going for her. She got a head start in Batman v. Superman, she’s got a talented actress in Gal Gadot, and she’s got a fanbase who has been hungry for a Wonder Woman movie since Lynda Carter retired.

The stakes literally couldn’t be higher. Gal Gadot, DC Comics, and Wonder Woman have a lot riding on their shoulders. It’s going to take a special kind of female superhero to break through and show the world that women can kick ass. I can think of no one more special than Wonder Woman to make that happen.

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November 3, 2016 · 6:48 am

Thoughts On Male Birth Control And Why It’s Making Men Look Bad

Let’s face it. Men can be very targeted with their masculinity. Show us a deer that needs killing, a wall that needs smashing, or a bucket of fried food that needs eating and we’ll flex our nuts like we’re John Wayne. We all have egos, but men tend to jump at the chance to feed those egos more than most. Sure, it gets us in trouble and we make asses of ourselves in the process, but it makes us feel manly and that’s all we need.

Men may be overly simple creatures in that respect, but by excessively targeting our masculinity, we leave ourselves vulnerable. It doesn’t matter how thick our manly armor is. If there’s a target on our ass, we’ll get hit and we’ll still whine about it more than we dare admit.

This is why the recent news surrounding the first male birth control shot caught my attention. For those of you too distracted by the World Series, the economy, or sexy romance/erotica novels (hopefully written by me), here’s a quick and dirty recap.

In a study co-sponsored by the UN, a group of 320 healthy men in monogamous relationships were recruited to test a new male birth control method. This method involved two injections given every eight weeks, one consisting of a synthetic form of testosterone and the other consisting of a derivative of the female hormones progesterone and estrogen.

I’m not a doctor. I’m barely qualified to make a cheese sandwich so please don’t take my assessment as definitive. Based on what I’ve read about this procedure, it’s basically a one-two punch of hormones basically tricks a man’s body into thinking it doesn’t need to produce sperm anymore. That’s good if you don’t want to be on the wrong end of a paternity test.

There’s just one problem though and it’s a problem that is making women everywhere roll their eyes and resist the urge to punch something. The study ended because, according to CNN, the men became concerned when side-effects like mood disorders and depression emerged.

On the surface, that sounds like a reasonable concern. If something is affecting your mood that badly, then you should be concerned. If this were just a new blood pressure drug, it wouldn’t be news. The problem is this drug affects our sex lives and in a culture where a wardrobe malfunction becomes a national scandal, it’s going to be news.

If those effects involved men growing a third limb or having the sudden urge to sing show tunes in public, it may be news for all the right reasons. Unfortunately, those reasons are nowhere to be found this time. Instead, this news basically gives women everywhere an excuse to bust more balls and honestly, I can’t say I blame them.

Why can’t I blame them? Well, check out WebMD and look up the side effects of hormonal birth control for women, which has been legal and available for 50 years now. Here’s a quick rundown of the side-effects.

  • Nausea
  • Weight gain
  • Sore or swollen breasts
  • Small amounts of blood, or spotting, between periods
  • Lighter periods
  • Mood changes

These side-effects may not be on par with migraines, dry heaves, and explosive diarrhea, but they’re nothing to scoff at. Women have been enduring them for years and they endure them because they want to have some measure of control over their reproductive destiny. That’s objectively a good thing. We all want to control our lives. That should include the stuff that goes on in our bodies.

However, when it comes to contraception, there’s an undeniable imbalance in terms of who has to take the shot and who has to endure the side-effects. For men, there are no side-effects to condoms other than having to worry about whether your lovers have a latex allergy. They’re also cheap, easy to use, and don’t involve pumping chemicals into our bodies. By all accounts, it’s pretty damn easy.

Compare that with female birth control, which requires either a dose of chemicals or inserting something right up through the vagina and into the uterus. They endure this whereas men will go to any length to avoid inserting anything into their penis. That just doesn’t seem fair, does it?

We humans already have an innate sense of fairness built into our brain wiring. When we see something that we know is unfair, it tends to cause us distress. This discrepancy in contraception definitely triggers that response, if only indirectly.

The fact that women have to bear such a greater burden when utilizing contraception is definitely an issue. I believe it’s part of what fuels some of the gender issues that are driving women apart. Again, this may be indirect, but it’s an effect we can’t ignore.

In nature, when there’s an imbalance, any living system, be it a blob of pond scum or the whole of human civilization, will work to rectify it. Creating contraception that shares the burden between men and women equally is part of an effort that has been going on for centuries, often with unequal results.

A story like this just exposes that inequality even more. It reminds us that men are not bearing their share of the burden. It’s still on the women to make sure that they’re on contraception and that it works. All men can bring to the table is condoms and condoms don’t involve injections into genitals.

This study is definitely a setback and one that’s sure to frustrate women for quite some time. To those women out there, I would only urge patience. I believe that medical science is advancing at a rate our horny ancient ancestors can only dream of.

I’ve talked about the future of the human body and how technology will change it. I believe that one day, we will have the perfect form of contraception that works equally with both genders. It’ll most likely involve a single injection of programmable flesh, each designed to regulate our reproductive systems. It means men and women will be equally capable of controlling their fertility.

When that day comes, it’ll finally balance out what centuries of evolution cannot. It will change the way men and women relate to one another. Hopefully, it means we’ll have fewer stories like this where women want to punch the first man they see for being such a whiner. I say any future where women have fewer reasons to punch men is a future worth fighting for.

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October 28, 2016 · 6:28 am

The Cult/Myth/Absurdity Of Virginity

I talk a lot about the absurdities in our culture that undermine or ruin our ability to love, make love, or just plain hump. These absurdities are important to me because I’m in the business of telling sexy, romantic stories. If there’s something that hinders or attacks our natural inclination to love and hump one another, then it’s going to affect the ability of my readers to get the most out of my books.

Since I want my readers to get the most out of my sexy love stories, I feel inclined to confront these absurdities. Sometimes it comes in the form of radical feminism. Sometimes it comes in the form of religious dogma. There’s no one singular force that’s putting the locks on our collective panties. It’s more of a drunken brawl of forces that are coordinating to attack one person, but don’t realize it.

It’s chaotic. It’s controversial. It’s bound to offend certain people with certain sensibilities. For that, I apologize, but I still feel that these absurdities need to be called out for what they are. It doesn’t matter if sticking your hand in a deep fryer is a sacred tradition. It’s still an absurdity on some levels.

The absurdity in this case has to do with the big V-word that we in the erotica/romance world must navigate. No, I’m not talking about a certain body part for a certain gender. I’m talking about the other big V-word. I’m talking about virginity.

Say that word out loud and measure your reaction. Then say another word like pencil and measure your reaction as well. Is it the same? If so, then you’re excused from reading the rest of this post. You’re more than equipped to appreciate the sex appeal of my books, which I highly recommend. If not, then this is something we need to talk about.

The whole concept of virginity is one of those concepts we, as a society, actively avoid scrutinizing. As a definition, it’s not that hard. Virginity is just a colorful term we used to describe those who have never had sex. If that were there was to it, then it wouldn’t be an issue. We’d lump it together with words like “moist” and “juicy.” They may make some people uncomfortable for entirely personal reasons, but most just shrug it off.

The problem is that, for reasons that have a lot to do with pre-modern culture and little to do with actual physical traits, the concept of virginity has been conflated, twisted, and in some cases deified. There’s a reason why the Virgin Mary has that moniker. If she were just the Hot Blond Mary, it would not have the same impact.

So why does it have this impact? Well, I’d love to say that there’s some complex, fascinating, socio-political reason for it. I’m sure there are some people who teach entire classes on this subject who can conjure complexities from this issue that make it seem akin to quantum mechanics. I’m not one of those people. That means I’m the answer I give is simple, crude, and frustratingly concise. Spoiler alert: I’ll be using caveman logic again.

Virginity has this impact for a pretty simple reason. For most of human history, we didn’t know squat about diseases. We didn’t have reliable pregnancy tests. On top of that, our best contraception involved trusting men to pull out at just the right moment. We can barely trust men with smartphones these days. You really think we can trust them that much when orgasms are involved? Just ask Anthony “Carlos Danger” Weiner.

This means that virginity is pretty much the only thing our ancestors had to be certain that a woman was disease free and not carrying someone else’s child. Marrying a virgin means there’s little chance she has the plague. It also helps guarantee that the kids she has are going to be yours biologically.

When your entire society is based on land-owning, agrarian traditions, that’s kind of a big deal. By kind of, I mean wars will be fought and people will lose their heads (among other body parts) if they find out their bride slept around or had a kid who wasn’t theirs.

Naturally, our caveman brains can’t process this on a wholly rational basis. Our biology, and the mechanisms that drive it, are blunt instruments. That means they’ll see an issue that may be as simple as a bent nail, but try to fix it with a jackhammer. It’s bound to cause some collateral damage. Unfortunately, the collateral damage in this case undermines the sexuality and agency of women.

It’s no coincidence that every major religion, including Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, and pretty much every major religion founded before Scientology, places some emphasis on virginity. For these traditions, virginity isn’t just a pragmatic tool for ensuring disease-free, bastard-free brides. That’s too logical. They have to turn it into this esoteric, mystical brand of purity.

A virgin woman, in this context, is like a freshly-baked cookie that no one else has touched. It’s like perfectly ripened fruit that hasn’t been harvested yet. It’s like polished Rolls Royce that comes fresh from the factory, never driven and never sat in.

Is this starting to get creepy? Is comparing women to food, cars, and things that don’t have thoughts or feelings starting to bother you? Well, don’t go running to the toilet yet. That’s normal. That’s what happens when you peel back the layers about virginity and why it’s so deified. It really just comes down to a convenient excuse for old sexual traditions.

It’s still absurd, but it’s at least understandable to some degree. We didn’t know what we didn’t know for a long, long time. We only had these traditions and superstitions to guide us. The fact that we’re still here as a civilization and a species shows they did have some merit, but that merit is exceedingly limited, especially to those of us who think women should have agency in their sex lives. What a concept, right?

The concept of virginity became obsolete as soon as we discovered methods of contraception that don’t rely on trusting men to pull out at the right time. It’s become even more obsolete as medical science has advanced to a point where the diseases that used to render women sterile, weak, or dead are either curable or treatable. It’s a wonderful thing, women not being sick or at the mercy of their fertility.

Unfortunately, these outdated concepts of virginity didn’t die as soon as condoms and birth control pills became easier to obtain than cigarettes. Once again, our caveman brains screw us over and not in the fun way.

Remember, the caveman brain is not rational. That means it will cling to irrational crap for as long as possible because completely re-thinking a concept takes too much time and energy. That time and energy needs to be spent preparing for the winter and avoiding hungry bears, damn it! At least, that’s how our caveman brains see it.

As a result, the idea of virginity still has this strange place in modern society. It’s only strange because some people take it to distinctly creepy extremes. Those extremes lead to something like this.

That’s a purity ring. It’s one of the tools/gimmicks that extremely conservative types use in pushing their preferred brand of sexual education, “abstinence only.” They believe they can override an onslaught of hormones and millions of years of biological imperatives in impressionable, irrational teenagers. I want to admire their bravado, but at some point the absurdities are just too much.

They try to paint it as something romantic like, “true love waits.” As a romance/erotica writer, I just find that offensive. These religious, conservative types have their hearts in the right place. They don’t want young people engaging in risky sexual behavior that they’re not ready for. That’s entirely respectable, but extremely misguided.

It’s true that some people are better off waiting to have sex for the same reason some people are better off waiting to get their own credit card. They need to first make sure they’re responsible enough to handle all the proclivities that such things entail. Taking the abstinence route would be like not giving kids driver’s ed before they get a driver’s license. You’re just asking for trouble in the long run.

Even for those who wait, the religious dogma has a nasty tendency to misconstrue our libido. It’s why the idea of porn addiction is more prevalent among religious people compared to non-religious people. It’s also why some who do wait end up regretting it.

Sex is a lot like that road trip your parents to you on as a kid. You didn’t want to go. You worried and complained about it. Your parents just kept saying that if you think it’s going to be terrible, then it’s going to be terrible. You never admit they were right because you convinced yourself of something before you knew anything about it.

The same thing applies to sex. If you think it’s this dirty, evil deed that Satan created so that he could make babies to sacrifice, then you’re not going to enjoy it. It doesn’t matter whether it’s your wedding night or your prom night. You’ve already convinced yourself it’s going to be terrible.

You bought into all the dogma and let it rewire your brain, which still has that nasty imperative to survive and reproduce. It’s the one way you screw yourself that you can’t enjoy.

To make matters worse, our society still struggles with shaming women who decide to defy these notions of virginity. We don’t do it to men because men are just expected to hump everything with a pulse, which is offensive in and of itself to me, but that’s a post for another day. The women still disproportionately suffer the bulk of the shaming. Lose your virginity and you can expect to be shamed.

Human beings are sexual creatures. We’re also loving, passionate creatures. Trying to temper or restrain that passion for all the wrong reasons is going to have some nasty side-effect. Sadly, women are the ones who suffer those side-effects the most. Women are the ones who get stoned to death in certain parts of the world for not being virgins on their wedding nights. They’re the ones who get shamed when they try to enjoy sex.

As an erotica/romance writer, I want to celebrate and explore these feelings for men and women alike. I think they should be celebrated, but false notions of virginity and purity are getting in the way.

It’s still part of our culture, this idea that women should be pure and virginity is a virtue. It’ll continue to be part of our culture, even if we get to a point where contraception is fail-proof and medical science cures all diseases. Like many absurd traditions, it doesn’t stop being absurd.

With this in mind, anyone looking to learn a bit more about the concept of virginity and purity should check out this book by Jessica Valenti. It’s called “The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession With Virginity Is Hurting Young Woman.” I highly recommend it. If nothing else, it’ll give you another reason to enjoy my books.

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October 27, 2016 · 6:50 am

Male Chest Hair: Sexy Or Not?

I originally had another topic I wanted to discuss today, but then something came up that just felt more pressing. By “came up,” I mean this literally just popped into my head last night while I was working on one of my novels. I admit I tend to think strange, twisted thoughts after a certain hour of the night. A lack of sleep and a couple glasses of whiskey will do that to a man, especially if he thinks a lot about romance/erotica.

However it came to me, it’s something that needs further contemplation. It has to do with a very specific trait pertaining to male sexuality and no, it has nothing to do with the size of certain organs. It has to do with something that we, as a society, can’t seem to decide whether is sexy. So for your consideration, here is the burning question I have to ask.

Is chest hair on a man considered sexy?

It may seem like a trivial detail. There are far more relevant traits and behaviors that improve a man’s sex appeal. We can cook, dance, sing, fight, play sports, play instruments, and shave our asses on a dare. Those are all perfectly valid mechanisms for moistening the panties of women and/or gay men, but what about chest hair?

This isn’t just relevant to my work as an erotica/romance writer where I have to be exceedingly graphic about all those sexy attributes that make a male character want to ditch his shirt. It’s also personal. I come from a family where most, if not all, of the men have a modest to abundant amount of chest hair. For the women in my life, present and future, that makes this somewhat pressing for me.

Yes, I do have chest hair. I’ve actually had some amount of chest hair since I was 19-years-old. I’m won’t I was the first guy in high school to get chest hair, but I’m fairy confident that I was in the top ten percentile. Over time, the amount of chest hair has grown. I’ve never shaved it, nor have I felt inclined to do so, but I find myself asking should I?

It’s a surprisingly difficult question to answer. Chest hair on men is one of those oddly neutral features. Men can have chest hair and be sexy. Men can be as waxed as a newly-minted Ferrari and be just as sexy. Women and gay men in general don’t seem to care either way.

Despite this, the issue of male grooming is still an ongoing discussion. There are no shortage of products and tips for men seeking to shave their chest. Sure, the discussions aren’t as heated as those surrounding pubic hair, but it’s one of those discussions that nobody seems to finish.

We can joke all we want about pubic hair. I’m sure I’ll do a post about that at some point and I doubt that post will be SFW, but chest hair should be less taboo because genitals aren’t involved. Even so, it’s still a topic we refuse to take seriously.

In fact, the closest that recent popular culture has come to addressing this issue was in an old episode of Seinfeld. It’s actually one of my favorite episodes of this show, among many, but it’s a nice metaphor for the issue at hand.

Jerry finds that some women do appreciate a clean-shaven chest, but as he so often does, he finds a way to complicate things. Kramer offers insight, albeit the eccentric type. It’s not entirely relevant, but it is funny.

As a rule of thumb, I think that when a topic finds its way into an episode of a sitcom, then it’s gotten to a point where we, as a society, are stuck on this issue. We can’t figure it out so we make a few jokes about it. It’s immature and goofy, but it can still be funny and that’s better than nothing.

This is also one of those issues where applying caveman logic just doesn’t seem to work. Body hair isn’t so much an integral part of our biological wiring as it is a holdover from our hairy ancestors. For a time, hair had its uses. It provided insulation from cold nights on the savanna. As conditions changed and evolution responded, this just wasn’t necessary anymore.

As a result, evolution basically stopped giving a shit about body hair. It didn’t do a way with it. Evolution is not that efficient. It can be downright eccentric though. Humans are unique in that they’re one of the few primates that lost most of their body hair and science isn’t quite sure why, but there are a few theories.

Whichever theory proves correct, it doesn’t change the fact that we’re still stuck with body hair to some extent. Evolution is basically taking the stance of a dismissive teenager going, “Sure. You want to keep it? You want to ditch it? Do whatever the hell you want.”

That makes for some frustration, but at least it leaves men a bit of flexibility. Hair isn’t like a limb. Cut it off and it grows back. If one lover hates chest hair, you can shave it off and not worry about missing out on lovers who prefer it. As a man, I appreciate and value flexibility in my personal grooming, but I’m still somewhat torn here.

So for the ladies and gay men out there, what say you? Is chest hair sexy? Is a lack of it sexier? Under what circumstances is it sexy? At what point does it cease being sexy? As an erotica/romance writer, I really need to know these things. Any help that anyone could offer on this issue would be greatly appreciated.

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October 26, 2016 · 6:58 am

The Forbidden Fruit Factor: How Taboo Skews Our Sexuality

If I were to walk up to you and say, “Don’t kick elephants!” what would be the first thing that pops into your mind? For one, you’d probably be wondering what sort of head trauma I had suffered as a child to issue such a warning. Then, you’d probably think about kicking elephants.

This isn’t just the musings of someone who may have gotten hit in the head with one too many baseballs as a kid because he sucked at little league. This is a mental exercise that author/reporter/TV personality John Stossel uses in his book, “Myths, Lies, and Downright Stupidity.” It’s as colorful a read as it sounds.

The reason I cite this tactic is because it perfectly demonstrates something that I often see in romance/erotica, be it novels, movies, TV shows, or hardcore porn. Some call it taboos. Some call it tradition. I think it’s best described as the “Forbidden Fruit Effect.” Whatever you call it, it affects our culture, our minds, and our sex lives. Being an erotica/romance writer, it affects my career path as well so I feel I should talk about it.

Most of us in Western traditions know what we’re referring to when we talk about “forbidden fruit.” It comes right out of the bible, symbolizing something tempting that some higher authority have told us to avoid. In the bible, it’s an apple. In real life, it can be damn near anything.

For some people, that fruit is chocolate. For others, it’s alcohol, heroin, or cocaine. It doesn’t even have to be drugs. There have been higher authorities warning people about dungeons and dragons, comic books, and  Pokémon. Some of these fruits are legitimate health concerns, especially with drugs. Others, such as those who whine about Pokémon, are just plain stupid.

For the purposes of this discussion, though, the forbidden fruit effect is applied to something that impacts everybody. Yes, I’m talking about sex. Let’s face it, none of us would be alive if it weren’t for sex. That makes it a slightly more important fruit than Pokémon.

There are a lot of forbidden fruit aspects surrounding sex, erotica, and romance. There are so many, in fact, that I’ll probably have to do multiple posts about it to really explore the breadth of this issue. For now, I’d like to keep things general because this is something that I’m exploring for a reason. I am actively developing a new novel that uses the forbidden fruit effect in an extreme (hopefully sexy) way. Consider this a prelude of sorts.

With respect to erotic issues, there is no one forbidden fruit that applies to every culture or every society in every time period. Human beings are just too damn complex/diverse/eccentric. There is one relatively common fruit that is fairly pervasive in Western traditions, particularly those with roots in the three Abrahamic faiths, namely Christianity, Judaism, and Islam.

That fruit pertains to female sexuality. It’s not sex in general. It’s specifically female sexuality that takes on the aura of forbidden fruit. For proof of just how much it affects us, look no further than Carl’s Jr. ads like this.

Show an ad like this to an audience where female sexuality is taboo and it’s easy to imagine the reactions. Such an audience sees this and thinks, “Oh my God! Look! It’s a sexy female! A beautiful sexy female! It’s so wrong! So immoral/sinful! It’s making me think impure thoughts! Help me!”

I admit, that’s an exaggeration. It still illustrates the impact that forbidden fruit has on our minds. It doesn’t even always come from a strictly moral stand either. There are people on the other side of the socio-political spectrum that see that ad and think, “Oh my heavens! There’s a sexy female! It’s so wrong! It’s so blatantly sexist/misogynistic! This is an affront to women everywhere and it must be destroyed!”

Yes, that’s another exaggerated reaction. It illustrates the same effect. If a man were in that ad, it may raise a few eyebrows, but it won’t generate full-blown distress. It highlights just how much that we, as a civilization, have skewed female sexuality.

So how did this happen? Why did this happen? When did we, as a society, decide that female sexuality was this succulent, delicious treat that we dare not seek, touch, or even think about?

Well, the Richard Dawkins’ of the world would love to blame religion entirely and granted, religion does play a huge part in fetishizing this basic component of human sexuality. The bible spends a great deal of time and effort making women and the desire to be with them taboo. The Quran continues this tradition and even takes it to greater extremes. However, it is not the sole culprit.

Culture, primarily those built around economic models that require large farms where large families are needed to grow crops, are also major culprits. I’ve discussed it before. When there’s an economic incentive to make sure women have a lot of babies and men have incentive to make sure those babies are his, then society will find every possible excuse, crazy or otherwise, to manage female sexuality accordingly.

As a result of these forces, female sexuality isn’t just a forbidden fruit. It’s basically the ultimate prize for men, a Super Bowl trophy on top of a pile of gold-plated elephant’s tusks. For women, it’s this inherent shame that they must carry and be anxious of every moment of every day. For both genders, it’s pretty damn stressful.

Naturally, it’s going to screw with our minds. Sex isn’t like chocolate, video games, or Pokémon. It’s a hard-wired basic drive. Nature programs every living thing to survive and reproduce. It doesn’t program us to survive, reproduce, and level up our Pokémon. It’s one thing to stop playing Pokémon. It’s quite another to subvert basic human drives.

This is born out in research. Some call it, “The Paradox of Temptation.” When you establish that something is just another option, then your brain tends to assess them on equal footing, which is what it’s supposed to do. That’s a survival mechanism. We need that.

However, when you establish that something is a forbidden option, then the wiring of your brain gets a little clunky. That caveman logic in our brains comes back to haunt us again. It follows the skewed logic that if this is forbidden, then it must be valuable and if it’s valuable, then it must be sought.

These results have even been born out by studies about cigarette smoking by the National Institute of Drug Abuse in 2010. When you loudly proclaim that something is forbidden and wrong, it gets peoples attention and sparks curiosity, which is basically the goal of every annoying advertisement ever made.

It also plays out in our interest and desire towards sex. Utah is famous for being a religiously conservative state run by Mormon, another religious sect that places a high emphasis on sexual morality. By sexual morality, they mean women should not have sex for any other reason than to make more Mormon babies that will grow into more Mormons who will give the Mormon church more money.

Despite Utah’s conservatism, it still leads the United States in terms of porn subscriptions. The same situation plays out in Pakistan, which expressly forbids homosexual relationships, but leads the world in internet searches for gay porn. Making something forbidden just makes people more aware of it.

Why does awareness matter? Well, remember this famous speech by Alec Baldwin?

Ignore the premium-level assholery for a moment and look at the sale strategy called AIDA (Attention, Interest, Decision, Action). What’s the first part of that strategy? It’s simply getting the customers attention. You could argue it’s the most important step because the other three steps can’t happen without the first.

Attention is the first step towards making a sale. It’s also the first step towards making connections, forming relationships, and finding the love of your life. It doesn’t matter if your one true love walks right up to you. If you don’t get his or her attention, it doesn’t amount to jack squat.

By making something taboo and forbidden, you immediately give it some extra attention. Just like when John Stossel says, “Don’t kick elephants!” you end up drawing more attention to it than it would if it were just another mundane choice.

Apply that to sex and we’re bound to skew, disrupt, or undermine our attitudes towards sex in a multitude of ways. We’ve created a set of assumptions and morals in our culture that say female sexuality is forbidden and should not be expressed in ways that a Mormon priest wouldn’t approve of. As a result, we give a lot of attention to female sexuality because we’ve convinced our caveman brains it’s somehow more precious than other forms of sexuality.

When you take into account the gold rushes, tulip manias, and black Friday sales after Thanksgiving, it’s easy to see how excessive attention and skewed value can mess with our heads. It affects how we structure our relationships, how we seek love, and how we deal with our lovers.

It’s one thing to forbid something that’s genuinely harmful, like heroin and meth. It’s quite another to forbid basic sexual expressions that are an intrinsic part of our nature. It’s a concept I’m exploring for a future novel.

I don’t want to reveal too much at the moment because my plans for this book are tentative, but expect it to be a story that confronts forbidden sexual expressions in the most direct way possible. It’ll be direct, but it’ll also be sexy as hell and just as entertaining. I’ll post more details as the story develops.

Until then, think about all the sexual taboos in our world. Look at them closely. Try to filter out the flaws in our caveman logic. Should these forbidden fruits really be so forbidden? It’s a question worth asking.

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October 24, 2016 · 6:57 am

The Outrageous Outrage Of The Outrage Over An Invincible Iron Man Cover

As a general rule, I try to stay away from overblown media outrages. It’s not that I don’t have an opinion on them. It’s just that in my experience, peoples’ attention spans are so damn short and their outrage is so damn selective that it’s just not worth the time. I’d much rather dedicate my energy to something more productive, like writing novels that make men and women horny for all the right reasons.

However, there are certain outrages that I feel obliged to address. If said outrage involves comic books, superheroes, and people who whine about insanely petty issues, then I’m going to make my opinion known. I love comic books and superheroes. I hope I’ve made that abundantly clear on this blog. I’ll continue belaboring that love for as long as I must.

So when someone decides to throw a hissy fit that gives comic book fans like me a migraine, I’m going to take notice and I’m going to have an opinion, especially if said hissy fit involves something petty.

So what has people whining, bitching, and moaning at superhuman levels this time? Well, it all has to do with a comic book cover for an upcoming series called “Invincible Iron Man.”

It’s not actually the main cover for the book. It’s what we in the comic world call a variant, meaning there’s only so much that are printed. They’re basically a gimmick for comic collectors and since they can be pretty damn awesome, most comic book fans don’t mind. I certainly don’t.

This one in particular is actually a variant cover exclusive by J. Scott Campbell, a very talented and highly respected artist among comic book fans. This one was actually done for Midtown Comics, a premier comic book store in New York City that I make it a point to visit every time I go there. So of course it’s special and of course it’s going to carry more weight than others.

So what’s the controversy? Well, before I reveal that, let me show you the cover. If you can immediately spot the outrage, then I think you’re already part of the problem so this blog post won’t affect you. If not, then bear with me because it’s going to get even pettier than you think.

Not bad, right? Good colors, good lines, and a generally upbeat tone. It depicts Riri Williams, a young African American woman who will be taking the role of Iron Man for a while. Those of you who only know Iron Man from Robert Downy Junior’s depiction in the Avenger movies may be confused. Trust me, it’s actually more confusing than you think.

I won’t get into the reasons why someone else is taking over Iron Man. I’ll just note that this happens a lot in comics. Every now and then, an established character will either die or go MIA for a while so someone else can take up the mantle. It’s been happening a lot lately because Marvel has been seeking more diversity in its heroes.

Riri Williams is hardly the first. Last year, they did the same with Wolverine. The former Wolverine in the comics died and was replaced by his clone/daughter, Laura Kinney. By and large, it was a success. It generated little to no controversy. Even comic book fans shrugged it off. Who better to take over for Wolverine than his own daughter? It’s a beautiful thing.

So what’s up with this cover surrounding Riri Williams? On the surface, it’s the kind of cover that appeals to comic book fans who want a simple, visually appealing hook for a comic. It’s a visual medium, after all. Shouldn’t it be pretty to look at?

For some people, being pretty is some horrible affront to all that is good and just in the world. How is it terrible unjust? Just look at the cover again. Look at how sexualized it is. No seriously, look at it. Is this piece of artwork really so overtly sexual that a generation of children will be scarred for life by seeing it?

I try to be fair and understanding in all major controversies. I really do. This time, however, I have to fight the urge to bang my head against a brick wall. Is this what really qualifies as being too sexual lately? Is this comic book cover, in an era where the hardest of hardcore porn is available with a simple google search, just too damn sexy for public consumption?

Sadly, enough people whined about it to prompt Marvel to pull the cover from the market. It’s a victory for those who are so fragile, so weak, and so petty that they can’t stand the idea of any form of media being the least bit sexy. For anyone who is just a fan adding more beauty to this deranged world, it’s the equivalent of a tequila hangover.

This isn’t the first time people have lost their shit over a comic book cover being too sexy. A few years ago, those same puritanical, overly petty types lost their shit over this cover for Spider-Woman #1.

That cover is by Milo Manara, an artist with a history of creating artwork that is overtly pornographic. Is it the best style for a superhero comic that’s marketed to adults and kids? Probably not. At the very least, there’s some merit behind the outrage here. It doesn’t take an overly petty person to look at this cover and see that it takes too much inspiration from Nikki Manaj videos.

Again though, how petty do you have to be to think Riri Williams in this cover is too sexual? Yeah, she’s a teenager and she shows off her mid-drift. News flash people, teenagers dress like that. Anybody remember Madonna? She was a teenager at some point too a million years ago and she dressed like this.

Have we really regressed that much since the 1980s? Are we really returning to a time when a woman exposing her mid-drift is on the same level as flashing her tits at a bus full of kindergartners? I know outrage is usually selective and petty to some degree, but this is a world of internet porn and Honey Boo Boo. I think that kind of pettiness is obsolete.

Again, here’s the cover one last time. Again, this is Riri Williams, a young African American woman who is about to become a superhero. Look at it closely.

She’s not wearing a thong. She’s not wearing a bikini. She’s not even wearing a dress for crying out loud. She’s just wearing what you’ll probably see high school kids wear around the beach, a mall, or anywhere they want to show off how many sit-ups they’ve done. If J. Scott Campbell wanted to make an overly sexy cover, there are many other ways he could’ve done it.

Except he didn’t. Some may argue that Riri’s bodily proportions are wrong and unrealistic. Some would much rather have her look like someone we would probably ignore if she walked into a coffee shop in New York. These are the same people who don’t seem to mind Photoshop being used on fashion magazines or breast implants being used by porn stars. Once again, they have to be extremely petty and selective with their outrage.

I can stand people being petty. I can stand people being outraged over dumb shit. We’re a flawed species. We’re bound to act stupid for obscenely stupid reasons. However, when that stupidity is given credibility, I have a problem with it. I doubt this will be the last such problem, but it sets a sad and dangerous precedent. It means that those who whine and complain loud enough will have their childish arguments taken seriously.

We don’t take children seriously when they whine about not being able to eat candy for dinner every day. Why should we take them seriously with this? Trick question. We shouldn’t.

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