Tag Archives: sexy stories

Update On Latest Novel (Unofficial Progress)

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It’s June. Summer is here and the heat is making clothing more optional by the day. It’s a wonderful time for erotica romance stories. For an aspiring writer, like myself, the presence of heat and bikinis is always an inspiration. For those still looking to heat things up, “Passion Relapse” is still on sale. Whether you’re on the beach or lying naked in bed, as I often do, it’s a great way to heat up your summer.

While I’m still going to push “Passion Relapse” at every turn, rest assured I’m still hard at work on my next novel. A couple months ago, I talked about my plans for future novels. In those plans, I left this teaser.

Have you ever been trapped? Has your life ever been stuck on a dark path from which you cannot escape? Well, a beautiful young woman from a dying town was on such a path. Her life seemed set. She’d long since stopped trying to avoid it. Then, one fateful night, someone came to her in her time of greatest need. That someone became her angel, saving her from a cruel fate. Now determined to escape the path that had trapped her, she seeks to forge a new life, one that she hopes will lead her back into the arms of her angel.

At the time, that idea was still in development. I had the idea for a story. I had the overall structure and theme of it. I just needed to polish it off with a little sexy frosting to ensure it fits the same sexy themes as “Passion Relapse.”

Well, I’ve since finished polishing and sent the first draft to Totally Entwined Group. A couple days ago, I got a response and I think it was a positive response. They didn’t automatically tag it as a best seller from the beginning, which would’ve been pushing it. However, they didn’t hate it either and that counts as a victory in my book.

They did ask me to make a few edits, though, which is promising. I was asked to do the same thing when they first responded on “Passion Relapse.” These edits were minor, though. Compared to the ones I had to make for “Passion Relapse,” they weren’t too big a deal and didn’t change the overall substance of the story.

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Now, that’s still not a guarantee that Totally Entwined Group accept it. After another read-through, they may decide that this novel just isn’t what they’re looking for. I’m fully prepared for that possibility. I hope it doesn’t come to that, but I’m bracing myself in case it does.

For now, I’m hoping that this novel will offer a similar appeal to those who enjoyed “Passion Relapse.” There’s plenty of heart, drama, and sexy moments to go around in this story. I hope to work with Totally Entwined Group to get it out there by the end of the year. Until then, I’ll just keep drawing inspiration from summer heat and sexy bikinis.

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Plans For Future Novels (And Beyond)

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It’s been a month since I released my first published novel, “Passion Relapse,” with Totally Entwined Group. It’s still an exciting milestone in my ongoing efforts to become a successful erotica/romance writer. At some point, I’d like to remove the “aspiring” moniker to that title. I know I have a long way to go, but I want to keep taking steps.

Now I’m still going to promote the hell out of “Passion Relapse.” Expect me to fit that into future blog posts in any way I can, whether the topic involves sex robots, superhero comics, virtue signaling, or sleeping naked. I’ll keep finding ways to promote my book and my brand.

On top of that, I want to announce that I’m already working with Totally Entwined Group to publish a second book. I’ve also just started writing a third one. On top of that, I’m still doing regular blog posts. So I’ll be keeping myself pretty busy, but when you’re work involves telling sexy stories and talking about sexy topics, it really doesn’t feel like work.

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With respect to details about my next book, I can’t reveal much because I just submitted the manuscript to Totally Entwined Group a few days ago. I don’t even know if they’ll accept it. They may find something about it that just doesn’t fit with their catalog at the moment. I probably won’t know for sure until my editor reviews it and makes the decision.

In the event it’s not accepted, that’s okay. I’ll see that as a setback, but not a defeat. That’s because that when I send query letters to other publishers, I can now say that I’ve been published before.

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One of the most frustrating parts of the dozens of query letters I’ve sent over the years was that I had to reveal that I’ve never been published before. Most publishers and agents request that you answer that question in your letter. If you’ve been published before, then that gives you an edge. I know “Passion Relapse” is my only published book, thus far, but it’s still better than zero.

That said, I do have high hopes for this second book. I think it fits with the themes and brand of Totally Entwined Group. Those who enjoyed “Passion Relapse” will definitely enjoy this book. Again, I don’t want to reveal too much since it’s being reviewed, but here’s a quick teaser.

Have you ever been trapped? Has your life ever been stuck on a dark path from which you cannot escape? Well, a beautiful young woman from a dying town was on such a path. Her life seemed set. She’d long since stopped trying to avoid it. Then, one fateful night, someone came to her in her time of greatest need. That someone became her angel, saving her from a cruel fate. Now determined to escape the path that had trapped her, she seeks to forge a new life, one that she hopes will lead her back into the arms of her angel.

It’s a story that’ll cater to many sexy tastes. It has love, lust, drama, action, heart, and everything in between. While it won’t be quite as long as “Passion Relapse,” it will be just as sexy and heartfelt.

I’ll be working closely with my editor on bringing this book to the market as soon as possible, assuming they accept it. I’ll post regular updates on this process. I don’t know if it’ll happen by the end of this year, but I’ll work to get it out there for fans of sexy stories as soon as possible.

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In the meantime, I just started my next novel. I can’t even tease this one because I haven’t even finished the first chapter. I will tease one part about it, though. The story within and the themes of that story were largely inspired by some of the topics I’ve discussed on this blog. When you read it, you’ll know which topics I’m referring to. You might even know the specific posts.

Beyond that, though, I have plenty of ideas. However, I’m not going to make concrete plans until after I finish this book and get a sense of where I’m at with Totally Entwined Group. I don’t want to get too ahead of myself and jump the gun. There are some very dirty jokes I could make with that last sentence, but I’ll hold off.

There are a lot of sexy stories I want to tell. I’m hoping one of those stories is sexy enough to make me a truly successful erotica/romance writer. It may take a while, but much like true love or great sex, it’s worth working towards.

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Behind The Passion: What Inspired “Passion Relapse”

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Now that “Passion Relapse,” my first published erotica/romance novel by Totally Entwined Group, has been released, I can finally take a deep breath and reflect for a moment. I admit I’m still somewhat giddy. It’s my first release from a publisher. Like losing your virginity on your prom night, it’s an intense experience for all the right reasons.

I still intend to savor this moment and promote the hell out of my book. So if in my future posts, I keep sneaking in a mention of “Passion Relapse” and why you should buy it, you’ll know why. I’m not trying to get overly subliminal on my audience, but I do want this book to sell. I also want to grow my brand as an erotica/romance writer.

As part of that process, I thought I’d take some time to talk about gritty, sexy details of “Passion Relapse” and what inspired it. Like all novels, there was some inspiration behind this sexy story. It’s not just about two people coming together and sharing some sexy time. There are some serious themes that help heighten the passion. It’s a kind of passion you won’t find on any late-night Cinemax movie.

The first spark of inspiration for this novel came from discussions about sexual addiction. It’s actually a controversial topic and one that’s lacking in major substance. There’s even controversy over whether sexual addiction is really a thing because it doesn’t share some key qualities with other forms of addiction.

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Regardless of how real it is, I was more interested in the mentality of those who really felt addicted to sex. I do believe that addiction is more complex than anything Nancy Regan ever claimed. I believe it is possible for our faulty human brains to become wired in a way to that leaves people hopelessly addicted to this basic biological act.

What exactly goes through the minds of someone who’s addicted to sex? How do they see themselves and their addiction? What happens when that addiction becomes too much for them? That’s what I explore through the two main characters in “Passion Relapse,” Mary Williams and Peter Rogers.

Both of these characters struggle with sex addiction, but not in the comical way that bad porno movies joke about in between scenes. Their addictions really have ruined their lives and undermined their ability to function. They enter this story so broken, so devastated, and so utterly lost that finding love is the last thing on their mind.

That leads to the second major inspiration of “Passion Relapse,” which is somewhat related to the first. To highlight this, here’s a quick question that should put it into context.

Think back to your youth. Think of someone who had everything that others aspired to be. They were beautiful, charismatic, outgoing, loving, and affectionate. Everyone wanted to be around them. Everybody wanted to know them. They always had a lover. They were always the life of the party. They could enjoy every little pleasure with little effort. Getting sex for them was like getting a pizza.

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We’ve all known someone like that in our lives. I can remember a few from my youth. Now imagine that there’s a much darker undertone to that person’s charisma. Imagine there’s a problem gnawing at them internally, one they hide well, but never truly escape. It goes beyond addiction. It’s something more fundamental, something that addiction only makes worse.

Some people go their whole lives covering up this problem. Peter and Mary could’ve been one of them. In “Passion Relapse,” they were uniquely situated to basically mask every problem they ever had. They could’ve easily spent their whole lives never having to confront it.

That’s not how it plays out though. Like many addicts, Peter and Mary go through their own distinct “moment of clarity.” For them, however, the moment isn’t just difficult. It’s downright traumatic.

What happens to someone when they go through something so traumatic that it utterly breaks them. Psychological trauma is a very powerful force. It strains our brain’s ability to process our feelings, emotions, and everything in between. Add addiction to the mix and you’ve got a volatile cocktail of mental distress.

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That distress, however, can force us to become more honest with ourselves and others. It can also force us to see the world in a new way. For two people, like Mary and Peter, who once saw the world as an endless parade of pleasures, it’s sobering in the best and worst of ways.

It’s also through this distress that Mary and Peter connect. It’s not just an emotional connection either. It’s not just physical. How do two people who are struggling with addiction and mental trauma come together? What kind of passion does it take to forge such a connection? Just how powerful can that connection be?

I’ll stop teasing right there because that’s getting dangerously close to spoiler/foreplay for “Passion Relapse.” I’d much rather people actually buy it and see for themselves how these two characters come together through their pain. It’s a difficult journey, but one I do my best to make sexy as hell.

In the continued interest of promoting the hell out of my first book, I’ll leave you with a quick excerpt that should get the blood flowing in the right direction.

“As my needs became a full-blown addiction, things escalated pretty quickly,” Mary said. “To exercise my growing libido, I made it more challenging on myself. I fucked police officers, aspiring politicians, pastors and even a gym teacher who worked at a local elementary school.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” commented Peter.

“Oh, yeah? I once blew the pizza guy in exchange for extra toppings,” added Mary.

“Okay, I take it back. It does sound bad.”

Are you curious now? Want to see more? Well, head over to Totally Entwined Group or onto Amazon to buy “Passion Relapse.” Your heart, your libido, and various other parts of your body will thank you.

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It’s still sinking in. I’m still processing it. I’m a published author who just released his first published book. I know it’s only been a day, but I’m still more excited than a squirrel in a nut factory.

Already, “Passion Relapse” has one review on Amazon and it’s a respectable four stars. Since this is my first published novel, I’ll gladly take that. In addition, a sexy blog that specializes in sexy book reviews called Wicked Reads did their full assessment of my book. It too gained a respectable four stars. I hope to raise the bar with future novels, but I’ll still take it.

So thank you, Wicked Reads, for your insight. If anyone is interested, or just not convinced that my book is worth the cost of wet panties, check it out. I hope it changes your mind.

Wicked Reads: Passion Relapse

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April 19, 2017 · 5:29 pm

After The Passion: What’s Next After “Passion Relapse”

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Afterglow comes in many forms. As an aspiring erotica/romance writer, there are a few specific forms I appreciate more than most. If you read “Passion Relapse,” you’ll see what I mean.

Afterglow is a damn good feeling. It’s a feeling born from knowing you accomplished something wonderful. Whether you’ve just made love to a beautiful woman for fixed a car without having to pay three grand to a mechanic, that feeling of accomplishment is a beautiful thing. Why shouldn’t we enjoy it?

I’ve certainly been enjoying the feeling of having released my first publisher-supported novel. It’s a huge step for me. Since I began writing erotica/romance novels, I’ve had to rely solely on self-publishing to get them out there. Unless you’re already an established writer, self-publishing only goes so far. Sure, it can work if you’re good at marketing. If not, you basically spitting into hurricane-force winds.

One of my primary goals since I began was to get the support of a publisher. That proved much harder than I thought. I’ve compiled a rather impressive list of rejection letters, some more demoralizing than others. Finally, Totally Entwined Group took a chance on me and now I can say I’ve actually been published. By all measures, that’s a damn good feeling.

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It’s also not the end. Getting the support of a publisher was a major goal, but it was also a step in a much larger process. I certainly don’t intend for “Passion Relapse” to be my only published novel. I also don’t intend for it to be my best. I believe I still have much better and sexier stories to tell. I also believe I can improve on my skills as a writer.

That’s the key to any skill or endeavor. You must be willing to keep improving. A skill like writing, be it erotica/romance or children’s pop-up books, isn’t something that can ever be completely mastered. It can only ever be improved. That’s not some sort of snappy Zen quote. That’s just what I’ve learned through nearly two decades of experience.

With that in mind, I want to lay out my plans for what comes next after “Passion Relapse.” At the moment, I still have several completed manuscripts that I finished while getting “Passion Relapse” to market. I hope to submit some of those manuscripts to Totally Entwined Group, but the style of some of these manuscripts will likely require some tweaking.

Beyond the stories I’ve already completed, I also just started another novel that I actually came up with while I was revising “Passion Relapse.” It’s a novel with similar themes, but a very different set of circumstances. It also involves a bit more action compared to drama. It’s not just emotional pep talks. There will be some heart-stopping moments in this story and not just those that make our pants feel too tight.

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I don’t have a name for this novel yet. The first draft isn’t even complete. However, this is a novel I intend to submit to Totally Entwined Group for review. I think if “Passion Relapse” finds an audience, then this book will do the same.

Beyond that, I have two other book ideas I want to flesh out. One involves a few sci-fi elements, some of which I’ve already discussed on this blog to some extent. The other one involves a few supernatural elements, but that idea is a bit more tentative. I do plan to write, or at least develop, these ideas in the coming months. Whether they’ll generate the same interest as “Passion Relapse” remains to be seen.

Right now, my main concern with my writing style is breadth. One thing I’ve noticed about my work is that my stories end up being a lot longer and wordier than I expect. When I saw the final word count for “Passion Relapse,” I was genuinely surprised and a little concerned. I don’t want my novels to drag. I don’t want them to get boring either. I want them to be fun, sexy, and well-developed.

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That’s something I really hope that Totally Entwined Group can help me with. I feel I’ve already made improvements compared to my other self-published novels. I want to keep improving with my next novel and others after it.

Make no mistake. I’m still going to bask in the afterglow of having gotten a novel published. Like getting laid the first time, it’s not enough to just do it once. You want more. You’re intent on seeking more. You’re willing to jump through more hoops and work harder to get more.

In that sense, I feel like I’ve matured as a writer. Now, I’d like to continue that process while telling some very sexy stories along the way. I hope that means plenty more moments of afterglow for both myself and those who read my novels.

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First Promotional Materials For “Passion Relapse”

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Forgive me if my writing reads like something a chipmunk on crack. I’m still buzzing because of the news that my first published novel, “Passion Relapse,” now has a release date. This is really happening. In a couple months, I’ll be able to say with a straight face that I’m a published author.

Expect plenty of overly excited posts over the next few weeks. There will be times when I sound like a giddy cheerleader from a John Hughes movie. I won’t apologize for that either. I’m excited! I can’t help it, nor do I want to.

That said, I know that getting a book published and having that book be a success aren’t the same thing. At some point, I’m going to have to learn how to market myself. That’s something I know next to nothing about. Self-publishing doesn’t really give you much to work with. If you were to self-publish a novel, as I did, and sculpt dildos out of balsa wood, you’d get the same amount of guidance.

In the case of “Passion Relapse,” I have a publisher helping me. Totally Entwined Group is actually going to hold my hand as I enter this bold, new, sexy world. Again, I’m as excited as a squirrel in a nut factory. I look forward to working with them on this and, hopefully, future projects.

They’ve already started doing their part. Yesterday, they sent me a few promotional images. I’ll be adding them to my website as the release date draws near. For now, I’d like to share the first and most vital image.

Think of it as the first trailer to my novel. It doesn’t have bad rock music from the early 2000s or Tom Cruise running from random explosions, but it offers a brief, concise teaser of sorts for what this novel is about. If it helps, play some old Backstreet Boys songs to set the mood.

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This, my friends, is the first in what I hope to be many teases for “Passion Relapse.” Are you intrigued/excited/horny yet? Good! In just a couple of months, that feeling will pay off. I’ll make sure of it.

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Big Announcement: “Passion Relapse” Release Date!

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I’ve been waiting a while to make this announcement. I’ve been waiting like a 21-year-old man anticipating his first lap dance at a strip club. To say I’m giddy with excitement would be like saying kids are intrigued by chocolate fudge ice cream.

Last year, I announced that my book, “Passion Relapse,” had been picked up by a publisher. Then, a couple months ago, I announced that I had been working with the publisher on some major edits to the manuscript. It was a lot of hard work, requiring late nights and extra glasses of whiskey, but I got it done. Now, those efforts are about to bear fruit.

So with pride in my heart and a bulge in my pants, I’m ready to officially announce the release schedule for “Passion Relapse,” courtesy of Totally Entwined Group. Yes, this is happening. My first true published book is really happening. I wish I could show everyone the expression on my face as I type these words. It would make your day.

Earlier this week, I got confirmation of the release schedule, as well as the sexy cover art that I think worked out nicely. As of this moment, here’s how “Passion Relapse” will find its way to the masses and, hopefully, into the hearts and panties of many.

Pre-Order: March 7, 2017

Early Download (Digital Only): March 21, 2017

General Release (Digital and Paperback): April 18, 2017

Mark your calendars. Clear your schedule. If possible, arrange some intimate private time with your lover or significant other. This novel should get your hearts racing, among other body parts.

I’ve been in constant contact with the fine, dedicated, and undeniably sexy editorial staff at Totally Entwined. We’re ironing out a marketing plan that I hope to share on my blog both before and after the release date. I’ll be sure to announce those juicy details once they’re finalized.

Until then, stock up on clean panties and clear out your e-reader as best you can. “Passion Relapse” is coming and hopefully, we’ll all come along for the ride. Yes, I know that was some very suggestive word choice. Yes, I’m aware of the sexy connotations. No, I do not care and will not apologize.

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Final (Hopefully) Edits Of “Passion Relapse” Submitted!

Got a quick, but exciting announcement to make. Late last week, I got an email from my publisher on the status of “Passion Relapse.” Apparently, things are moving quickly with this book. Nobody’s beating around the bush. Those involved seem eager to get to the foreplay and, as I’ve made clear in the past, I’m very much in favor of foreplay.

In the email I got, I also received what my editor said was the last round of edits. She had circulated my manuscript around multiple editors within the publisher. They each had their go at it, sifting through every word and giving it some added polish. Again, I’m totally in favor of this. More polish means more sex appeal and that’s how this book is going to succeed.

Then, I got a chance to go over it one last time and review the edits. From what I’ve been told, this is the home stretch. This is the final round. This is the two-minute warning in a football game. After this, the train can leave the station and “Passion Relapse” can get to work warming the hearts and panties of the masses.

Naturally, I gave this manuscript the utmost priority over the weekend. I basically ceased work on all my other projects so I could give this manuscript the energy it deserves. This is my first real novel that’s going to be published by an actual publisher. For an aspiring writer whose success at this point has been a handful of brief Amazon reviews, that’s a big deal.

Late last night, I finished. Then, I submitted it back to my editor, who verified that she got it and was ready to proceed with the next step. This being my first real novel, I’m not entirely sure what that step entails. I don’t know if I’ll get a chance to make any last-second changes or have any further input. At this point, I’m okay with that.

I’ve basically done all I can with “Passion Relapse.” The rest of this process is out of my hands. This is a whole different game compared to the self-publishing I’ve done with my other books. While I’m not expecting this book to be the kind of booming success that’ll put me on a first-name basis with Stephen King, I do hope it is a step. I’m sure it’s the first of many, but it’s a step I’m eager to take.

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“Embers Of Eros” Release Date!

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Yesterday, I finally got the news I’ve been waiting for with “Embers of Eros.” Yes, I know I’ve been complaining about the lack of responsiveness of Crimson Frost Books lately. Yes, I know I’ve shown more excitement for “Passion Relapse” since it got accepted by a publisher. No, I’m not going to apologize.

For reasons that are well beyond my control, many of which aren’t my business, Crimson Frost Books has endured its share of delays and upheavals. I know some of the reasons why this is and it’s not my business to reveal them, but through these upheavals, “Embers of Eros” is finally ready for its big release!

It’s taken two years, some extensive edits, and a lot of patience, but the wait is almost over. “Embers of Eros,” a book with both sex appeal and fantasy, is set for release on December 20th of this year.

That’s not a misprint. Mark your calendars. Revise your Christmas list. Take a day off work and buy some clean panties if you have to. On Tuesday, December 20th, 2016, the first major published work by me, Jack Fisher, will be released to the masses. In terms of an early Christmas present for an aspiring romance/erotica writer, this is as good as it gets while fully clothed.

Crimson Frost Publishing looks poised to do their part. The cover for “Embers of Eros” is on the front page of their website, along with the rest of their upcoming releases. It’s exciting and humbling. I’ve been self-publishing my books since I began pursuing this career. Before now, it was really my only option. Now, between “Embers of Eros” and “Passion Relapse,” I have more options to tell my sexy stories.

Now I’m under no illusions here. I don’t expect “Embers of Eros” to become a best seller. Short of lottery-style win or an endorsement from Oprah, it’s not going to happen. For me, this is just another step in a much larger process towards being a real author. It’s a small step in the grand scheme of things, but it’s an important one at that.

Expect me to do my part to hype up “Embers of Eros” and all its sexiness in the coming days. Expect me to start plugging it wherever I can. Yes, I know that’s a poor choice of words for an erotica/romance writer. Again, I don’t care.

Christmas is coming early this year for romance/erotica fans! “Embers of Eros” is set for release and if you’re feeling cold and lonely, this erotic tale should warm you up in all the right ways. Again, save the date! “Embers of Eros” is coming  in every literal and figurative sense of the word.

December 20th, 2016

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A Sexy Anecdote About Black Friday

Does everybody feel full, bloated, and somewhat hung over? Good, because that’s a sign you had a great Thanksgiving. Even if you’re a health nut who agonizes over every calorie you ingest, this is a holiday where you punch your diet in the jaw, throw it out the window, and dive head-first into the nearest cheesecake. It’s part of the holiday spirit.

I certainly did my share of gorging yesterday. Yes, I do feel like a beached whale who had one too many glasses of whiskey. No, I don’t regret a goddamn thing. I love Thanksgiving. I love the food, family, and football it inspires. I also love the day that comes after it as well. It’s not exactly a holiday, but it can be just as much fun if you do it right.

Yes, I’m talking about Black Friday, that holiest of shopping days that inspire people to cut their Thanksgiving dinner short to stand in line at a big box store in hopes of saving a couple hundred bucks on something that’ll probably be cheaper in a couple months. It’s commercialism at its most egregious. The Catholic Church wishes it could inspire this kind of hysteria.

Personally, I love Black Friday. I love to wake up early, fight off a hangover, and go shopping. I know that’s not a very guy thing to do. I can’t say I care if it were. I’ve always loved to shop.

My mom actually told me stories about how she took me shopping when I was a baby. She claimed that was one of our favorite pastimes. I imagine it instilled in me a love of shopping that remains to this day. Compared to the other loves my mother could’ve instilled, I’ll gladly take this. For that, I thank her.

However, there’s another reason I’m fond of Black Friday shopping and it’s a much sexier reason. Sorry mom, but as an adult, sexier reasons do tend to resonate more with young men like me. In the spirit of Black Friday, I’d like to share that reason in the form of a sexy little story.

A number of years ago, back when I was still in college, I was dating this girl. She was cute, witty, and had a real dirty mouth, but in the most lovable of ways. We had been together for a while since then so when she had a chance to visit me on Thanksgiving, we jumped at the opportunity.

It turned out to be a lot of fun. She really enjoyed herself and my family certainly adored her company. There are a lot of dirty mouths in my family too so she fit right in. However, it was what happened on Black Friday, the day afterwards, that helped make that holiday extra memorable.

The day after Thanksgiving, my girlfriend insisted we go shopping. She didn’t need to do much to convince me, which I think surprised her. She loved to shop too so what better way for a young couple to enjoy their holidays than to share in their mutual loves?

My parents, being so wonderfully supportive of my love life, lent me their car so I could drive her up to the mall. Naturally, it was very crowded. You couldn’t take two steps without bumping into someone. It was so chaotic and so busy and we loved it. Dare I say, it put us in the mood.

How do I know this? Well, one of the first stores we visited was Victoria’s Secret. As a young man in his early 20s, that’s akin to a topless bikini model on a beach asking you if you’ll rub lotion on her tits. I can’t remember a time as an adult that didn’t involve bacon or chocolate where my face lit up so much.

Together, we ventured into that Victoria’s Secret. We were a couple shopping for sexy lingerie. I swear my heart and my penis teamed up to excite me and I think my girlfriend knew it. She actually let me assess some lingerie for her, which for me was like that same topless bikini model asking me how I would like to be pampered. I really did feel like a kid on Christmas morning.

I don’t know how long we stayed in that Victoria’s Secret store. To me, it wasn’t long enough, but we did leave with something sexy to enjoy later. I don’t remember what else we shopped for that day or what we ended up buying, but it felt like we had a more productive Black Friday than anyone else at the mall that day, including the guy we saw loading a 70-inch TV into the back of his SUV.

It only got better the next morning. We had a long night the night before so we didn’t get a chance to make use of the sexy lingerie we brought. My girlfriend, though, was nothing if not opportunistic on the holidays. So at around 5 a.m., she knocked on my door (my parents made us sleep in separate rooms) and gave me the best mourning wake-up call a 20-year-old guy could ask for.

Yes, she was wearing the new lingerie we just bought the other day and while it may have put her on Santa’s naughty list,  it made her worthy of every gift I could give. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, she crawled into bed with me. It was freezing that morning too so we had plenty of reasons to get cozy and comfortable.

Thanks to that lingerie, we warmed each other up pretty damn quickly. Out of respect for a very generous ex-girlfriend, I won’t go into too many details. I’ll just say that our hands, lips, and various other body parts made us feel wonderfully festive.

While I did eventually break up with this girl, she’ll always have a special place in my heart. Thanks to the lingerie I helped her pick out that day, Black Friday will also have a special place in my heart, among other parts of my body.

So with that sexy subtext in mind, I hope everybody out there enjoys their Black Friday shopping. I hope the lovers out there make sexy lingerie a priority. It can only make the holidays sexier and more festive.

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