Tag Archives: women

December 4, 2016 · 8:05 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts (And Staying Warm)

It’s been more than a week since Thanksgiving. I take it everyone has had sufficient time to digest their meal, pick at the leftovers, and hate themselves for the weight they gained. To those who still feel bloated, I say cheer up! You’ll feel better just in time for Christmas. Then you’ll get to feel bloated all over again, but you’ll get presents this time. That should help you hate yourself a little less.

It’s amazing. We’ve made it to the last month of 2016. What an eventful/crazy/please-God-let-it-be-over year it has been. Stephen King, J R. R. Tolken, Shakespeare, and Ernest Hemmingway could collaborate on an entire series of novels and not do justice to the sheer insanity we’ve had this year. They’d probably quit and/or throw up in disgust halfway through and nobody would blame them.

I won’t harp on the details. I’d rather look forward to making this last month of 2016 a bit less insane. The holidays are here. I’ve got my Christmas tree up. I see decorations, pretty lights, and cheap eggnog everywhere I turn. It’s a wonderful time of year, one that gives us all a chance to end the year on a high note.

I’m certainly ready for the holidays. I’m entering the final month of this year on a bit of an upswing. My book, “Passion Relapse,” is in the works with my new publisher. I just finished a draft for another manuscript. I’ve got a long list of sexy stories to develop on my plate. I like to think I’m making the most of this crazy year and feeling sexy as hell while doing it.

I can’t undo any of the craziness that 2016 has given us. I can’t do much to allay the fears of those who dread 2017 just as much. I can only continue to fill the world with my eccentric, sexy, and colorful musings in hopes they’ll brighten someone else’s day.

That brings me to yet another addition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts. I’m trying to make it a weekly column that everyone can look forward to on this blog. Had a long week? Feeling tired, burned out, and run down? Say no more because I’m here to help!

So sit back, relax, hug your lover, hug a friend, and ditch the clothes. Let yourself feel content and free as I share with you the crazy sexy musings that fill my head on a Sunday morning in December.

“We build a holiday around a woman who gave birth without having sex, but we still celebrate when we or our friends give birth with sex. Am I missing something here?”

I’ve always wondered about that. The Virgin Mary is so revered, but we also revere those who can get laid and give birth. So which is it? Which is more worthy of such reverence?

“A cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter day is like an orgasm in liquid form.”

Staying warm in the winter is a challenge. With hot chocolate, marshmallows, and a little nutmeg, it’s be one of those fun challenges we can enjoy and we don’t even have to take our pants off.

“Anyone who says it’s better than sex might just be doing it wrong.”

I’m not saying it’s impossible for something to be better than sex. I’m just saying that some may have a skewed perspective.

“Large breasts and soft pillows offer a similar level of comfort. Coincidence? I think not.”

Large breasts have many functions. They are among the most beautifully functional structures in nature. What other body part can arouse us and calm us so effectively?

“Does sex really have a smell? Or is it just our other senses conspiring against us to keep us horny?”

I’ve often heard people claim that something or someone smells like sex. I’m not sure sex has a specific scent, but I am sure our bodies will use any excuse to make and keep us horny.

“A fat wallet is to a man what breast implants are to a woman.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. There’s no such thing as an unsexy rich man.

“The only difference between porno and action movies is that porno exchanges violence for sex.”

This is something that does bug me to some extent, sex being put on the same level as violence. When it comes to shooting someone or giving them an orgasm, I don’t think it’s a fair comparison.

“When you think about it, mutual oral sex between partners is an extremely enhanced hug.”

As a hugger by nature, I think there’s a spectrum of sorts when it comes to sharing intimacy. Mutual oral sex, namely that of the 69 position that Playboy loved to describe, is right in the middle.

That’s it for this week’s edition of sexy Sunday thoughts. Hope this helped warm you up, made you horny, or put you in the holiday spirit. If it ends up doing all three, then consider it a bonus.

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November 27, 2016 · 8:30 am

More Sexy Sunday Thoughts

It’s Sunday morning. It’s after an official holiday in Thanksgiving. It’s also after an unofficial holiday in Black Friday. So for those of us who love food, shopping, and everything in between, we’re pretty spent. We’re burned out on turkey, pumpkin pie, potatoes, and navigating crowded malls that often lead to fist-fights over parking spots. So how are we going to recover?

That’s not a rhetorical question. I’m serious because at this very moment, I still feel like a a hung over sumo wrestler. I’ve had so much turkey and done so much shopping. Both my stomach and my credit card are turning against me. I’ll recover, but I’m going to need some help.

Being an erotica/romance writer, my skills are somewhat limited in that respect. However, in my experience, such feelings of bloat and burnout are best handled by simpler feelings that even our cavemen ancestors would appreciate. Now I’m not implying that it has to be the sexy kind of feelings, but those are the feelings I have the most experience with. They also happen to work so why argue with results?

With that in mind, I’d like to share another edition of Jack Fisher’s sexy Sunday thoughts. I thought the last entry went over fairly well. If possible, I’d like to make this a regular thing for those who need to recover from a hard week or, in this case, an eventful holiday. So sit back, let all that turkey and pie digest, and enjoy a few sensual musings from an aspiring erotica/romance writer. Enjoy!

When you have a quick fuck in the shower, is it dirty or clean?

Isn’t that the existential question that every frisky couple ponders?

The thought of breasts and the sight of breasts have a similar effect on straight men.

It’s no secret. Men have dirty imaginations. You can pixilate them all you want. Men are still going to respond to breasts in ways the FCC and the Catholic Church don’t like.

Is it physically possible for a beautiful woman to eat a banana in a way that doesn’t seem sexual?

I’ve tried to think of a scenario. Even with my twisted  imagination, I still can’t.

Does the fact that lips can sometimes look like an engorged vagina make gay men feel conflicted?

I’m not gay, but I’m often curious about how they manage their sex lives. There are more than a few issues where I feel they may need to get creative.

We shudder at the thought of our parents having sex, but they also shudder at the thought of their children having sex. That says a lot about how much nature trusts our libido.

I’ve always wondered about this. I think it may be some elaborate way to keep us from humping everything. Then again, it must not work because incest porn is still a thing.

Generally speaking, there’s no such thing as an unsexy rich man.

I’m not saying all women are enamored with rich men, but I do think it’s too pragmatic a way to make use of good looks. It’s also proof that having nice breasts counts as a good investments.

The invention of bikinis and lingerie is proof that people had to get creative in the days before internet porn.

In every society, there needs to be an outlet for horny men. Both necessity and horniess can be powerful motivators that produce amazing results.

Does drinking really make us horny? Or does it just make us realize how horny we actually are?

It’s another one of those existential questions that doesn’t have a real answer. In the end, I think the truth will often lie somewhere in between.

That’s it for now. Hope this helps aid in your post-holiday recovery and/or puts you in the mood, whichever comes first. If you have any other sexy thoughts you’d like to share to cap off this holiday weekend, please do.

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November 22, 2016 · 6:40 am

Breaking Down The “Creepiness” Factor

Have you ever had a man or woman in your life that makes you so uncomfortable that you wish you’d go out of your way to be in a different time zone? What was it about them that made you so uncomfortable that you were poised to become an Olympic sprinter if they got within 10 feet of you? Would you describe them as “creepy?”

Chances are, calling them “creepy” would probably be the most polite way to describe such people. Everybody’s concept of “creepy” may be different to some degree, but like bad porno, we all know it when we see it. In biological terms, it’s our “fight or flight” instinct going into overdrive for reasons that have nothing to do with facing a hungry grizzly bear.

Even if we all have an idea of what constitutes “creepy,” it’s one of those ideas we don’t scrutinize that much. Again, it’s one of those “I know it when I see it” type feelings and unlike bad porno, it can affect our lives in pretty profound ways. It’s led to a plague of creepy clown sightings. I’d say it’s more serious now than it has ever been in recent years.

What does it mean to be “creepy” though? This is one of those concepts for which a dictionary just doesn’t do the trick. It’s so subjective and personal that one person’s phobia is another person’s fetish. Those who are into clown porn probably understand this more than most.

It’s also a serious question for a guy like me. Recently, I talked about some of the strange looks I get when people find out I’m in my 30s and still single. While I don’t dress like a clown and collect hairs of young women, that does evoke a certain “creepiness” factor for some people. They see a single guy in his 30s and a part of them thinks that’s just wrong somehow, even if there’s nothing on the surface that comes close to clown makeup.

At its core, our revulsion to those we deep creepy is an extension of our gag reflex. When it comes to protecting our frail, fleshy forms, nature can’t be gentle. It has to make the process of vomiting or wanting to vomit so debilitating and uncomfortable that it drives us away from distressing situations. Without that sort of gag reflex, what would stop us from swimming in a pool of elephant poop too cool off on a hot summer day?

As is often the case with nature, our gag reflex tends to be overly broad and for some people, it severely overcompensates. That means the things that make us gag don’t always involve seeing a dead horse floating around in a pool. They can involve how and why we avoid certain people.

Sometimes those people do have a reason for being avoided. I’ve walked by homeless people who clearly have issues that go beyond just being homeless. Some of them do a lot more than just ask for money. Some will go out of their way to tell you that there’s a fairy on their shoulder who refuses to scratch their butthole. That’s usually going to trigger a gag reflex for most reasonable people.

However, those situations are the obvious ones. The situations that effect most people, including some people like me, are a bit more subtle. We all have traits and quirks that set us apart. We can’t always control when someone sees those things and calls them “creepy.”

For some people, my love of comic books and infatuation with sexy superhero women counts as creepy. For others, it’s a reason to hold a major convention in New York City. One person’s creepy obsession can be another person’s passion.

Then, there’s the added bit of overcompensation that we as a society heap on all things creepy. What does that entail? Well, most kids who attend a public school these days get a crash course in something called “stranger danger.”

When I was in school, it was a big fucking deal. We would have assemblies in the middle of the day to hear counselors and police officers tell us about the danger of talking to strangers. Never mind the fact that the amount of dangerous strangers is a tiny sub-set of most strangers. Never mind that a good chunk of crime and abuse comes from intimate partners and not strangers. We need to keep kids from getting kidnapped, damn it!

I get it. This is a big fear for parents and communities. It’s not an unreasonable fear, wanting to protect kids from creeps, but urging the to stay away from strangers can have side-effects. It can make kids mistrustful, paranoid, and even xenophobic. Later in life, these kids will become the adults that wants to kick minorities and foreigners out of their country.

We’ve already seen recently how this can have some pretty serious impacts on society. I won’t go into details, but I think recent trends in wall-building enthusiasts speak for themselves.

Now I’m not going to say that we should ignore the things that spike our “creep” factor. Again, that feeling is there for a damn good reason. Until we become superhuman cyborgs, which may happen one day, we need that reflex to remain. However, we also need to avoid pushing people to the fringes of society who don’t deserve it.

This might just be the hugger in me, but we do ourselves no favors by focusing on the “creepiness” in everybody. We all have our quirks. So long as those quirks don’t involve mutilation, exploitation, or clowns, we should give people a chance. If they mess up that chance, then that’s their problem and not yours at that point.

We want to be safe. We want to protect our kids. However, it is possible to overdo it. We can be doing more harm than good to those around us. Let’s not assume the extremes of creepiness outright. Until they put on clown makeup, let’s give people the chance they deserve.

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November 21, 2016 · 6:20 am

Being Single At My Age: Should I Worry?

A while back, I was walking through a mall, as I often do on a nice weekend. This particular mall happened to have these kiosks where people would walk up to you and try to sell you anything from beauty products to exotic vacations to cult membership. I’m usually pretty good at ignoring them, but one in particular got my attention.

This woman was selling some sort of fancy skin care product. She did her pitch. I listened, trying to find a polite way to brush her off. Then, she said this product would make a great gift. She asked if I was married. I said no. She then asked if I had a girlfriend. I said no. Then, she asked me something that kind of struck me.

She looks at me strangely, gives me this cock-eyed glance with her eyes, and asks, “Are you gay?” I said no and I laughed it off. She laughed too and after that, I had a good reason to walk away. However, something about that conversation really struck me. As time goes on, it strikes me even harder and not in the way most BDSM enthusiasts would enjoy.

It’s one thing for a guy in his early to mid 20s to be single. Society really doesn’t look down on that. We see a young guy in his 20s who is single and think:

“He must between girlfriends. That or he’s just humping everyone and everything he can to get it out of his system before he settles down. That’s okay. I will not shame him. He’s a valuable part of the labor force so it’s probably not a good idea to bust his balls.”

Okay, maybe that’s not exactly what we think when we see a young 20-something single guy, but it’s a close approximation. The point is that when a man is young, society is okay with him being single and unattached. We don’t look at that as anything strange or suspicious.

That all seems to change when a man crosses that special, magical threshold otherwise known as “turning 30.” I’m over 30 and I’ve been over 30 for a while now. I try to stay healthy. I made it a point several years ago to be healthier in my 30s than I was in my 20s. I like to think I’ve kept that promise to myself.

However, no matter how much I work out or how healthy I am, I can’t change the number of days that have passed since I was born. That also means I can’t change the fact that I’m single and over the age of 30. For whatever reason, that’s the age where being single suddenly becomes an issue.

It’s another one of those lesser-known double standards. I’ve bemoaned many of the double standards plaguing women and men, but this one affects me personally. It may very well affect my ability to find love, interact with the public, or work ahead in my career. It’s a serious issue for me and one that I don’t know how to address.

It may sound like a trivial, first-world problem by current standards, but it is there. We’ve made a lot of societal progress. We no longer arrange marriages for our children and force them to stay in passionless, abusive relationships. I say that counts as progress in my book.

A byproduct of this progress, though, is that we’re going to end up with a sizable population of men and women who either lag behind or never really catch up in the end. It’s true. There is a stigma to being single these days. I’m not just talking about a stigma that amounts to the “creepy guy” factor either.

When we find out someone like me in their 30s is single, society has these strange set of assumptions that are somewhat understandable within a context. I’m not saying those assumptions are right, but there is a context. So when people find out a man is over 30 and single, there are sentiments like:

  • He must be gay or something
  • He must be some kind of pervert who can’t get a woman
  • He must have some kind of mental health issue
  • He must have some sort of gross habit that repels women
  • He must be a serial killer or a child molester in the making
  • He must be abusive or selfish to an extreme degree
  • He must be some kind of man-whore who only sees women as disposable tissues
  • He must be terrible with kids
  • He must be broke and have nothing to offer

These are all harsh assumptions. Some are more extreme than others. Again, there is a context though. For most of human history, we lived in small tribes. Men and women often paired up out of necessity and convenience at young ages. If someone, male or female, became distant from the tribe, that was inherently harmful to the tribe. In that sense, the stigma is understandable.

Here in the modern era, the circumstances have changed, but the caveman logic hasn’t. A single man in his 30s is often seen as a sign of a larger problem. It’s still seen as a failing of sorts. Even in this more progressive era, men are expected to be married or in some form of relationships after a certain age. They’re expected to be locked into some sort of social bond. When they don’t meet that expectation, that’s cause for concern.

This has a real impact that goes deeper than just creepy glares and accusations of being gay. Some of these impacts affect men much more than women as well. It means that when I see a cute kid and play around with that kid, it’s going to come off as creepy to some people. A single man in his 30s playing with a kid? That makes some people shudder for reasons I don’t think I need to describe.

It also has an economic impact. If you’re a single man over 30 and you’re working full-time, you can expect to make less than a single woman the same age. Society does, and understandably so, reward those who are married and in relationships. I can understand society wanting to incentivize those in relationships, but sometimes incentives can have a snowball affect.

I worry that as I get older, the stigma will become harder and harder to avoid. With each passing year that goes by without me getting in a relationship, people are going to start making more and more assumptions. As a result, people will also keep their distance from me. For someone like me, a natural hugger, that can be pretty damaging.

It’s a self-reinforcing cycle, one that will make things worse in the long run. It’s a cycle that may drive me to enter a relationship for the wrong reasons and I don’t want to put myself, or any woman for that matter, through such an experience.

I do want to find love. I do want to forge close, intimate relationships with others. I just worry that my age and the stigma that comes with being single will work against me. I hold out hope that I’ll find someone to share my life with one day. I just hope that day comes sooner rather than later.

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