This past weekend was a momentous occasion for women, female superheroes, and anyone who just likes seeing women kick ass in sexy outfits. After way too long a wait, “Wonder Woman” finally came out in theaters. Between its Rotten Tomatoes score and box office predictions, the wait was worth it. Sure, it won’t make everyone forget about “Catwoman,” but it’ll definitely help.
As a long-time comic book fan who has a special appreciation for Wonder Woman, including her BDSM history, I couldn’t be more excited about this movie. Gal Gadot has done Lynda Carter proud. She has proven that she is worthy of wielding the heart, spirit, and sex appeal of Wonder Woman. It bodes well for the future of female superhero movies and superhero movies in general.
Granted, we’re still a long way from getting a Starfire movie, but I’m willing to be patient. I understand that certain concepts need to use a one-step-at-a-time approach. By every measure, “Wonder Woman” is a huge step in the best possible direction.
As such, I’m proud to dedicate this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the most iconic female superhero (with secret BDSM undertones) of all time. To Gal Gadot, Patty Jenkins, and all those who helped make “Wonder Woman” possible, this is for you.
“No relationship has ever failed because of too many mutual orgasms.”
There are a lot of things that go into a successful relationship. It is possible for some relationships to succeed without sex being a major part of it. I don’t deny that does happen. However, I’ve yet to come across an instance where a relationship faltered because of too many mutual orgasms. I’m not saying it’s a requirement. I’m just saying it’s an obvious indicator.
“Alcohol may not enhance sex, but it gives us a convenient excuse for the awkward morning after.”
Contrary to popular belief, alcohol does not enhance sex. It just lowers inhibitions, which in turn may make people more willing to do things they wouldn’t do in a sober state of mind. However, being willing to do something and actually being able to do it are two different things.
That said, alcohol does provide a convenient, wholly understandable excuse for those awkward mornings when you wake up next to someone and don’t remember how you got there. I’ve made a big deal of excuses in the past. When it comes to those awkward moments, you can never have too many.
“Is it possible that a part of the reason we love babies because they remind us of the joy that went into making them?”
I love babies as much as the next guy. I think they’re adorable. I don’t deny that we’re biologically wired to find babies adorable. However, a part of me can’t help but wonder if that cuteness has other roots. Making babies, ideally, is a fun, joyous process. If babies remind us of how enjoyable it was, how could we not find them cute?
“Does having sex while you’re hungry have the same effect as shopping while you’re horny?”
I’ve noticed that I have some odd personal buying habits when I’m horny. I don’t know why, but I tend to buy a lot more fruit and chocolate when I’m trying to hide a boner in the grocery store. It’s enough to make me wonder if there’s a similar effect for those who have sex when they’re hungry. Does the dirty talk involve a steak dinner? It’s just something to think about.
“Internet porn has given an entire generation of teenagers a false impression of what it’s like to be a pool boy.”
Like it or not, internet porn is everywhere. It is also, by definition, a fantasy that isn’t meant to be real. Like watching Superman punch Lex Luthor into the sun, it’s meant to entertain as well as titillate. Healthy, functioning adults understand this. Hormonal, impressionable teenagers, however, might take a while to figure it out.
It’s enough to make me worry that too many teenage boys will aspire to be pool boys, not knowing that they don’t get laid nearly as often as internet porn would have them believe. At the very least, we should guide them towards professions like fire fighters, who actually do have a certain level of sex appeal with the ladies.
“When you think about it, shaking your ass isn’t that different from a pop-up ad.”
I love the sight of a sexy ass as much as the next heterosexual male. It’s one of the most visually appealing parts of the human body for men and women. It has a legitimate function, both in and out of the bedroom.
I just don’t quite get the appeal of entire dance moves that revolve around shaking your ass. It’s one of those body parts that doesn’t need that kind of advertisement. Shaking it too much is akin to shoving something in your face that you already know is great. Pop-up adds do the same thing. At least shaking your ass won’t crash your internet browser.
“Morning wood would be much more useful to men if it also made their dicks smell like fresh coffee.”
This is something that often frustrates me, as a man. I’ve woken up with more than my share of morning wood. It’s hard to deal with sometimes in the sense that the crack of dawn isn’t always the best time to set the mood. I can’t think of too many women or gay men who describe themselves as morning people.
As such, I believe morning wood would be so much more useful if it somehow make our genitals smell like coffee. Think about it. The scent of freshly-brewed coffee is one of the most appealing scents anyone can smell in the morning. Associate that with your penis and suddenly, it’s going to be a lot more appealing in the morning.
It’s a wonderful time to be a fan of sexy female superheroes. It’s also a wonderful time to enjoy sexy thoughts as many in my part of the world settle in for the summer heat. It’s a time of bikinis, short shorts, and Wonder Woman. I honestly can’t think of any way to make that any better that doesn’t break any local indecency laws.