Tag Archives: erotica

September 25, 2016 · 8:22 am

“Embers of Eros” Edits Have Arrived!

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Well, it took a little extra patience and some coaxing (as well as repeated emails), but I finally got the edits of “Embers of Eros” back from Crimson Frost. This is somewhat of a relief because it means they’re still putting time and energy into releasing this book, which would still mark my first ever book that wasn’t self-published. I don’t expect it to be a best seller, but you have to start somewhere.

According to the editor (who has not exactly been punctual, mind you), “Embers of Eros” will be released in time for the holidays if I can get these edits back within two weeks. It’s a deadline I gladly intend to meet. After that, I have to play the waiting game again and hope they release it in the time-frame they promise. That’ll require more than just hope, I imagine, but if it goes through, it’ll be something worth celebrating.

Given my current status as an aspiring erotica/romance writer, the bar for success is somewhat low. I didn’t get into this with the expectation that I would be the next Tolken or Rowling overnight. I understand that publishing is a tough business to break into. However, it’s one of those industries that is basically like a lottery that’s free the play. The odds are against you, but so long as you keep rolling the dice, the law of averages will eventually turn out in your favor.

I really do hope that Crimson Frost at least cracks the door or even a window into the romance/erotica market. I just need a little bit to get some attention for my work. From there, I hope I can get more publishers and/or agents to take note of my work.

As I’ve said before, I’m currently sitting on several manuscripts that I haven’t published yet. I have sent some to prospective publishers and agents, but so far only Crimson Frost has responded. With one publication under my belt, I hope this gives my submissions a bit more weight.

So for now, my main focus will be to complete these edits and get them back to Crimson Frost. Once I know more about the release schedule, I’ll be sure to announce it. Until then, I intend to explore other sexy topics on this blog. I haven’t decided which I’ll focus on, but I’ll figure it out once I’m in the mood. That’s exactly as dirty as it sounds.

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September 20, 2016 · 9:19 am

ANOTHER Rejection and “Embers of Eros” Update

I’m trying not to make too much a habit of this. I don’t want this blog to become one long stream of me bitching and complaining about how hard it is to become a successful writer. There’s enough bitching and complaining on the internet as it stands. Just look at the comment section of any movie message board and watch your faith in humanity shrivel.

That said, I do want to provide continuous updates on my various writing endeavors, as fruitless they may be. I mentioned a few days ago how I finally heard from Crimson Frost Publishing that “Embers of Eros” just needed my approval on the edits. They said they would send those edits to me on Monday. It’s Tuesday now and I’ve heard nothing. I can’t say I’m surprised, but I am ready to bang my head on the wall again.

On top of that, I received yet another rejection letter from a publisher on my latest project, “The Big Game.” Perhaps I was expecting too much from this book. It’s much shorter and far less ambitious than my previous works. Even so, it makes me that much more inclined to bang my head against the wall. This is actually the extent of their response:

Thank you for your submission. However, it is not a good fit for us.

I know. It’s not exactly specific. I can’t really expect it to be specific. These people probably get so many submissions on a daily basis that they’ve suffered irreparable brain damage from banging their heads against the wall in frustration. I can appreciate that, albeit begrudgingly.

It’s starting to look more and more likely that I’ll have to go the self-publishing route with “The Big Game.” I’ll try to make a decision on that by the end of the year. I’ll probably have to do the same with “Embers of Eros” if Crimson Frost Publishing starts ignoring me again. It’ll be a disheartening way to end the year, but I hope that sets things up for improvement in 2017.

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September 19, 2016 · 6:04 am

(Long) Overdue Update (I Hope) on “Embers of Eros”

It’s been a while since I talked about the status of “Embers of Eros” and Crimson Frost Books. It’s actually been a long while. I haven’t mentioned this issue on my blog since July. There’s a reason for that and a distressingly good reason at that.

I haven’t heard a peep from Crimson Frost in nearly two months. There are celebrity marriages that last that long. It led me to believe that they either went bankrupt or just forgot about me entirely. Either way is troubling and makes me wonder if I’ll have to start from square one again, which is not an appealing idea.

Despite my concerns, I’ve been trying to keep it quiet until I actually know what the hell is going on. That has taken much longer than I had hoped, but I finally got a message from them last night. I’ve been told that my book is still on for publication and the current target date is some time in November. I just need to go over the edits first.

Now, I’ve heard this before. This isn’t the first time Crimson Frost has promised a publication date for me. I’ve learned to maintain an healthy (or unhealthy, depending how you look at it) bit of skepticism with their promises. However, this time they do seem a bit more responsive. They say they’ll get the edits to me some time today or tomorrow. If they can actually deliver, then that’ll set some of my concerns at ease. If I don’t hear from them by Wednesday, then I’ll know that nothing has changed.

I’ve been very patient with Crimson Frost, mainly because I have to. They’re the only publisher to date who has given me a chance to publish with them. I’ve yet to hear back from other publishers and at Crimson Frost’s request, I didn’t submit “Embers of Eros” to another publisher. So this story that I’ve had completed for quite some time now is basically in limbo because of these people. I just need them to follow through.

If they can, then all is forgiven. I’ll finally be able to say that I actually published a book on a scale other than self-publishing. That’s a crucial step for me if I want to achieve any level of success as a writer. It’s a small step, but step none-the-less.

I want to give Crimson Frost until the end of the year to make this happen. If they can’t or if they stop responding to my emails again, then I’m wiping my hands clean of them and moving on. I don’t want to start from square one again, but that may be necessary.

At the very least, it seems Crimson Frost is showing some level of commitment. They did give me a cover for Embers of Eros and it’s sexy as hell. To help get some of you excited about this book, here’s what that cover looks like.

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Hope this gets people excited, in more ways than one. I really want this book to find an audience. I want it to be my first sliver of success after seven self-published books that went nowhere. So here’s hoping that Crimson Frost pulls through.

With that said, I do intend to begin discussion of another topic this week. I don’t want to divulge that topic just yet, but it’s bound to be a bit more controversial than hugs and foreplay. Stay tuned for some more juicy details!

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September 14, 2016 · 6:42 am

Another Manuscript Complete!

Just a quick announcing today and then I promise, I’ll get back to talking about fun, fuzzy topics like hugs and orgasms. I have an announcement to make and one that always puts a smile on my face. I, Jack Fisher, finished another manuscript. That’s right! Another elaborate tale from my creative (and at times perverse) mind is complete and it feels so good.

I love this part of the creative process. I like to think of it as the writing equivalent of afterglow. You did all the foreplay. You worked through each position. You achieved what you wanted. It may or may not have gotten a bit messy and uncomfortable at times. You still did it though. You finished the job and it’s a damn good feeling.

It’s a great feeling. It kind of reminds me of some other great feeling that involves physical exertion, intense focus, a touch of creativity, and intense satisfaction that makes you want to light up a cigarette and smile. I’m not sure which feeling it is right now, but I’m guessing most of you can figure it out for yourselves.

This story, which is still untitled, ended up being longer and more elaborate than I planned. I announced it months ago as a sci-fi thriller mixed with a little romance and erotica. I originally intended it to be short, focused, and concise. As is often the case, those intentions got thrown away faster than a used condom once I got into the dirty details of the story.

Overall, the final word count ended up being over 73,000 words. Without any revisions, that would make it the second longest book I’ve written after “Skin Deep.” Make no mistake though. There will be revisions. That’s a big part of the writing process. Anyone who writes a story with more plot than “Go Dog Go” knows this.

Revisions can be tedious and cumbersome. Like most pranks involving alcohol and fireworks, there are some concepts in a story that seem like good ideas at the time. Then, you read them over with a fresh set of eyes and question how sober you were when you came up with that idea.

I’ve certainly done my share of revising. Every book I’ve written has been subject to extensive revisions. I think “The Escort and the Gigolo” ended up being several thousand words shorter after I got done with it. When you’re trying to add polish to a story, especially one that emphasizes erotic and romantic elements, you want it to shine.

This book will be no different. It’s one of those projects that I’ll probably keep on the back-burner for a while until I can get a publisher or an editor to help me finalize it. That’s something I’m still working on with my other manuscripts. At the moment, it’s the biggest obstacle that stands between me and becoming a marginally successful writer.

I’m still wondering if I should pay for “Writers Market” services to find myself a publisher. I’m also still waiting to hear back from publishers like Crimson Frost on my previous submissions. Waiting sucks, but good things are worth waiting for. I hope this is one of them.

So now I have yet another completed project in my portfolio. In my line of work, you can never have too much. That also means I’m just about ready to start my next project, which I’ve already discussed in a previous post. I hope to start that soon once the afterglow wears off.

As always, I’m interested in what others have to say about my ambitions. I’m not a success yet. I’m an aspiring writer, not a successful one. That means I don’t have the luxury of turning away advice, criticism, and general comments. I know this blog gets about as much traffic as store that sells only used gum, but I’m willing to put in the work to make this endeavor a success. Another completed manuscript is just another part of the process.

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September 12, 2016 · 6:58 am

Important Life Lesson From An X-men Comic: Don’t Skip Foreplay

Growing up, we all learn valuable life lessons from various sources. For some people, they get many of their lessons from reruns of “Leave It To Beaver.” Others get it from new episodes of “Modern Family.” Others still will cite the works of the Bible, J. R. R. Tolkien, William Shakespeare, or Weird Al Yankovick. Not all convey the same lessons. Not all of those lessons are healthy either. The point is we derive them from our own sources.

For me, I’ve derived most of my lessons from superhero comics. I think I’ve already made that clear on this blog. I’ve used superhero comics to cite sex-positive heroes like Starfire and to demonstrate the worst possible example of a love triangle gone wrong. Today, I’d like to cite superhero comics again to convey another valuable lesson that I think every man and woman can appreciate.

What is that lesson, you ask? How valuable can it possibly be? Well, during times like this when our culture is driving us farther and farther apart, this lesson cannot be more vital. So to all the men and women out there, young and old, gay or straight, please heed this lesson. It comes courtesy of the X-men once more and from Ororo Munro, aka Storm, so you know it’s not something you should ignore.

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This scene comes courtesy of Amazing X-men #1, a comic released back in late 2013. The woman with the red hair is Firestar. She’s a new teacher for the X-men. The short guy with the manliest mutton chops in the universe is Wolverine, a man whose romantic history alone is more epic than any other hero. The woman next to him, who makes pretty damn clear that foreplay is not to be skipped, is Storm.

That’s right. The same woman who controls weather, unleashes hurricanes, and further enhances Halle Berry’s sex appeal has a very important policy with respect to foreplay. It’s a policy we should all adopt. Hell, let’s make it a brand new commandment. Let’s all agree that whatever gods or goddesses we worship have delivered upon us a new revelation that shall henceforth be among mankind’s highest morals.

Thoust Shalt NOT Skip Foreplay

The human race can’t agree on much. I think we can make an exception here. In the X-men comics, Storm was once worshiped as a goddess. It’s not just because she can end droughts, kick-start tornado, and shock your ass with lightning if you get on her bad side. She also looks like this, in case you’ve forgotten.

Would any sane heterosexual man or homosexual woman dare deny this woman foreplay? Unless you’re itching for a lightning bolt to the spine, I think not. She is not one to do anything callously or half-hearted. If she’s going to let anyone into her panties, they damn well better put some effort into it. That means foreplay is right up there with air in terms of importance.

It’s a damn good policy from a damn good character. There’s a damn good reason why Storm is played by the likes of Halle Berry and why she’s widely seen as one of the greatest female superheroes of all time. She commands respect. She exudes charisma. The fact she’s also sexy as hell is a nice bonus too. So when she says foreplay is that important, it’s a lesson we ought to heed.

It doesn’t just apply to one gender as well. Ladies, I’m going to let you in on a little secret about men that really shouldn’t be a secret in the first place. Here it is:

Men really enjoy foreplay.

I know. Shocking, isn’t it? Well, it shouldn’t be. I don’t know why it became popular that men don’t appreciate foreplay. It’s a bad joke, the idea that men just want to bend a woman over a dirty table and get right to the humping. I’m sure there are men who do that. I’m sure there are women who do that too. It’s not the template on which most men build a satisfying intimate encounter.

As a man, I can say without reservation that I love foreplay. Hell, what’s not to love? The kissing, the touching, the sentiment all work in conjunction to build a satisfying experience. I love it even more when the woman puts just as much effort into it. I can’t speak for all men, but I think I speak for plenty when I say we like to share in the work.

As a point of reference for the ladies, allow me to paint a clearer picture. Look back at that snapshot of Amazing X-men #1. Then, remember for a moment that Hugh Jackman played Wolverine in the X-men movies and he looked like this while doing it.

Ask yourself honestly, ladies. Would you skip the foreplay with a man like that? I’m not gay, but even I’d want to get a feel for those manly ass muscles.

Now please don’t make light of the message I’m sending here. Some may read this post and think of it as just some naughty satire from an aspiring erotica writer. It’s not. I really do believe that this is a vital lesson for men and women alike. Foreplay matters. Intimacy matters. Don’t skip it.

We live in an increasingly detached world. We also live in a world where one too many gestures can be classified as harassment. It’s making us reluctant to embrace each other. As someone who is a hugger by nature, this worries me. Even WebMD agrees with me and Storm that foreplay is vital.

Human beings are social creatures by nature. We seek intimate contact with one another and not just for sex. So whether you’re gay, straight, man, woman, trans, or something in between, please heed the lessons of Storm and the X-men. Do not skip the foreplay. Enjoy the intimate company of your partners. It’s good for your body and your soul.

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September 10, 2016 · 10:57 am

An Idea For My Next Book

After spending the week discussing distressing topics like circumcision, including a distressing anecdote about my own circumcision, I’m ready to move onto topics that don’t completely kill the mood. I’m trying to be a successful romance/erotica writer, damn it! I need to keep that mood sexy on this blog. Maybe this will help.

With that in mind, I thought I’d provide a quick update on my current work. For the past couple months, I’ve been writing the first draft to a sci-fi romance story. It’s a story that has turned out to be much longer and much bigger than I initially planned. That tends to happen with my stories. I start writing them, but they go in directions I don’t expect, hopefully for the better.

Despite the size of this story, I can say that it’s almost over. I hope to finish it within the next few days. Even with the end of another book in sight, I like to think ahead to my next book. It’s just how my mind works. It’s not enough to just finish something. I have to have another project waiting in the wings that’ll help me improve. I’ve done this ever since I wrote Child of Orcus. Part of getting good at any craft is always seeking to improve.

As it turns out, the stuff I do on this blog actually helps me explore new ideas. By writing about certain topics, be they insights into sex-positive comic book characters or my love of sleeping naked, it gets my brain in the right state, among other parts of my body. One topic in particular got me thinking.

A while back, I explored the issue of jealousy. I asked whether or not this was a truly natural emotion or a byproduct of our cultural and societal attitudes. It’s not a question I expected to answer. It’s one of those questions that can’t really be answered for everybody, but does make us think differently about concepts of romance.

This leads into this new idea. I don’t have a title for it yet (although I am open to suggestions), but I feel like this is an idea I should pursue. Here’s the scenario:

We have two people, a man and a woman who married young and did all the right things. They love each other. They support each other. They both have fulfilling careers that keep them busy. By all accounts, they followed society’s rules towards relationships, sex, and romance. Despite this, they’re still deeply unsatisfied.

Did I mention that the man works as a body guard at high end clubs that cater to beautiful women and aspiring Hollywood stars? Did I also mention that the woman works as trainer to top male athletes? If not, I guess I should mention it because this line of work surrounds them with all sorts of beautiful people and a lot of temptation. Think about it. If your work involves hard-partying women and sexy male athletes, wouldn’t you be tempted?

Some people can brush off that temptation. These two can’t. Following the unspoken rules that society says they should follow just isn’t enough for them. It leaves them feeling stressed, frustrated, and incomplete.

Finally, they come to one inescapable conclusion. They can’t be monogamous. It just isn’t how they’re wired. They need to step outside these rules. They need to explore the temptation that surrounds them. If for no other reason, they need to see if this fulfills them.

This leads them to join a special private club in the Hollywood Hills. It’s a club run by a mysterious woman who claims she can make their love stronger by immersing them in a world of sex, decadence, and excess. It sounds crazy. Hell, it’s the outright antithesis of the rules they so ardently followed. So why not give it a try?

This is the main base of the story. Larger details, like the names of the characters or the names of the club, haven’t been fleshed out yet. I intend to wait until I finish my current book before I work on issues like that. Until then, I feel like this is the story I want to tell next. This is the concept I want to explore.

There are already so many romance/erotica stories out there about two people falling in love and facing challenges to their relationship. Hell, I’ve written some of those stories myself. Sure, they’re fun and titillating in their own right. I want to try a different route. I want to tell a different kind of love story.

I admit it is counter-intuitive, the idea that two people can love each other and still give into temptation. It’s basically the basis of 95 percent of all bad pornos. I think there’s a more meaningful story to tell. I think there are more relevant issues to explore. I hope to do that with this book. I also hope I can get a publisher to take a chance on it.

I’ll provide additional details and insight later on. Until then, I’m always happy to hear back from others. What do you think of this idea? Is it something you’re interested in reading? Is it something you’re interested in discussing? I’m only an aspiring writer at the moment. That’s code for, “I’m not a success and have a lot of free time.” So I’m more than happy to chat about this or any other sexy/romantic topic.

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September 3, 2016 · 8:27 am

Porn and the Hypocrisy of Pamela Anderson

Let’s face it. We’ll forgive celebrities for damn near anything, so long as they keep entertaining us. It’s a flaw in society. It’s a flaw in us, as a species. Our caveman brains will bend over backwards and even beyond that in order to rationalize our love/obsession/fixation with celebrities. We don’t care if the President himself is getting blowjobs while in office. We just want them to keep entertaining us.

However, there is one sin that even our flawed society has a hard time overlooking. It’s a sin so egregious that our brains will simply not allow us to ignore it. It is the alpha and omega of dick moves. It’s so disgusting and distressing that no amount of entertainment value can make up for it. So what is this horrendous sin? It comes down to one foul word:

Hypocrisy

We’ll forgive Olympians for cheating. We’ll forgive athletes for animal cruelty. Until very recently, we even forgave spousal abuse to some extent. We just can’t handle hypocrisy. It’s one thing to just lie to our faces. We all deal with lies. We all lie to ourselves and others to some extent. We can understand that to some degree. It’s only when someone elevates themselves with that infuriating holier-than-thou  spirit, only to be guilty of it themselves, that we get truly outraged.

This week, famed Playboy star, Pamela Anderson, joined the infamous ranks of celebrities who either are revealed as hypocrites or willingly embrace it. In this case, Ms. Anderson did the latter. She penned an opinion piece in the Walls Street Journal denouncing the porn industry that made her rich, famous, and relevant. She took a page out of the playbook of every anti-sex crusader, calling porn a “public health crisis” and decrying the effects it has on its users.

Now, it’s one thing when some sexually repressed, overly uptight, puritanical moral crusader denounces porn. We expect that from those people are are happy to ignore them. There’s no law against being uptight or puritanical about sex, nor should there be. They’ve always existed in society and will continue to exist to some degree. We can tolerate that.

What Pamela Anderson does here is far more egregious because she’s denouncing the very thing that made her successful. If she were to pay back all the money she ever made from posing naked, acting sexy, or just giving men something to jerk off to, then she’d give her words some weight. As far as we know, Ms. Anderson is still living a luxurious, celebrity-style life and isn’t planning to give it up anytime soon.

It’s asinine, dishonest, and just plain ridiculous. It’s not a moral stand. It’s a joke. That’s what hypocrisy does. It takes an issue and removes any critical, substantive context from the conversation. It gets reduced to a case study in what an asshole someone is for having the audacity to claim moral superiority over others, despite not living up to those morals.

Now I admit that, as a teenage boy, I fantasized about Pamela Anderson. A lot of men did. She’s a beautiful woman and she used that beauty to get ahead. There’s nothing wrong with that. Hell, that’s the the entire premise of my book, Skin Deep. I doubt Ms. Anderson would ever read my book, but I think it would be pretty revealing for her because it confronts the impact of beauty and how we use it to our advantage.

It’s not so much a flaw in our society as it is a byproduct of our biology. We’re inclined to be attracted to things and people we find beautiful. It denotes health, vigor, energy. To condemn us for this attraction is to condemn the very mechanisms that keep us alive.

Those same mechanisms are what drive us to these irrational rationalizations about everything from sex to religion to politics to tastes in movies. If I had a chance to talk to Ms. Anderson (and avoid looking at her tits long enough), I’d try to talk to her about why she feels this way about the porn industry now. I don’t claim to be psychic, but human biology does often utilize certain patterns.

As I’ve explained before in previous posts, and will likely continue to do so again in future posts, our brains are not wired to be rational or logical. They are wired for two primary functions: survival and reproduction. If there’s a force that hinders both, then our brains will work as hard as possible to avoid or overcome it, even if it means resorting to hypocrisy.

Being such a social, empathetic species, mental distress caused by guilt is a powerful hindrance. Guilt can impact our ability to survive in that the distress makes us incapable of fighting off a lion or a bear. It’s also not an attractive quality to the opposite sex. Nobody really finds excessive guilt sexy, either in our species or any other. So guilt causes a lot of distress.

To avoid this distress, we’ll lie to ourselves. We’ll forge thoughts, memories, and beliefs in our minds that are completely detached from reality, but they’ll make us feel less guilty and distressed so we’ll accept them. That way, our brains can function again. We can function again.

I suspect that, as an aging woman with children and multiple failed marriages, Ms. Anderson does feel guilty to some degree. She may not admit it. Admitting guilt is right up there with getting open heart surgery from a hammer in terms of unpleasant experiences. By denouncing the industry that made her rich and calling it a “public health issue,” she eases her own distress. Her brain can function a bit better now. It’s selfish on some levels, but understandable on others because we’re just not wired to accept such a distressing state. We’ll do or think anything to escape it.

Now to those who read her article, take comfort in the knowledge that it contains little in terms of actual research into sexual addiction. This is still a topic that is poorly understood. However, given the ubiquitous nature of porn, we do know enough about it to conclude that Ms. Anderson’s assertions are bullshit.

According to the American Psychological Association, pornography does not meet the same criteria for addiction that would put it on the same level as cigarettes or alcohol. It can be damaging to some individuals, but you can say that about many addictions from biting your nails to getting tattoos. While we’re all wired for survival and reproduction, there are many variations of that wiring and sometimes that wiring means porn will be unhealthy for some people. By and large, though, it’s not harmful to most.

There’s still more research to be done and for Ms. Anderson, it still won’t be enough. Like creationists, vegetarians, or Bigfoot enthusiasts, there’s no amount of scientific evidence that will change their mind. Their brains just aren’t wired to accept it. Even so, that doesn’t make this level of hypocrisy any less egregious. She can say what she wants, but she can’t expect the words of a hypocrite to carry much weight on this or any other issue.

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September 2, 2016 · 9:31 am

How To Craft A Love Triangle That DOESN’T Suck

I’ve spent most of this week complaining about how much I despise love triangles and why they’re the worst invention since the concept of sparkling vampires. I’ve explained why they suck and singled out one that sucks the most. Well, now I’m done complaining.

My parents raised me to understand that complaints that aren’t followed up with solutions is nothing more than glorified bitching and moaning. I will not permit bitching and moaning on this blog. Instead, I’m going talk about solutions instead of problems. It’s a step 95 percent of complaints on the internet never bother to make. I’m taking that step here.

As much as I hate love triangles, I know they’re not going away. So long as people keep telling love stories, with or without vampires, love triangles are going to manifest in some form or another. Enews even did an article a while back ranking the “hottest” love triangles on TV. I contest their characterization of these love triangles, but I don’t deny their appeal.

It’s inevitable that plenty of these love triangles will be god-awful for the same reasons I described in previous posts. With that in mind, let me just say that this post isn’t about those. I’m directing this post to those yet-to-be-told stories that have some sliver of hope of being decent.

So how do we go about it? How do we utilize love triangles in a way that doesn’t destroy the story? It requires a little more work and effort on the part of the writer. Those who make porn parodies and fan fiction may not be inclined to do that extra work, but it’s definitely worth doing. There are enough bad love triangles as it stands. Do we really need another reminder?

The primary problem with love triangles, as a concept, is that it narrows the characters. It reduces them to serving singular, shallow roles that limits their development. If a character’s sole purpose is to serve as a source of tension for a particular romance, then that character has as much depth and appeal as a speed-bump. Since we want to inspire love and not road rage, it’s important to have a focused approach.

With this in mind, here are Jack Fisher’s four key tips for making a good love triangle.

1. Make sure the emotions between all parties involved are balanced.

Let’s face it. Lopsided victories are boring. Would a Rocky movie be entertaining if Rocky Balboa got his ass kicked in every fight? Even if you’re going to have a Biff Tanner somewhere in this story, make sure there’s some meaningful depth to the emotions involved here.

This applies to romances involving two men and one woman, two women and one man, or multiple men and multiple women of various sexual orientations. It’s vital, regardless of which body parts are involved. The emotions with everyone involved should be sincere. The people in the love triangle can’t just be attracted to one another. They have to have real, genuine passion for one another. If it’s not genuine, then it’s just creepy and misguided. Look at Wolverine in the X-men movies for proof of how bad this can get.

2. As a plot, a love triangle must be a secondary plot at most.

This isn’t as easy as it seems. I’ve noticed this in reading other romance stories and trying to craft my own. Whenever a love triangle enters the picture, it often comes to dominate the underlying plot of the story, so much so that it derails whatever major plot came before it.

I’ve seen this happen in fan fiction, comic books, animes, and erotic thrillers. The tension within a love triangle tends to consume the story, becoming one big distraction that keeps the audience from getting too engaged. That’s why a love triangle must always be, except in the rarest of cases, be a secondary plot.

This is challenging, but it is possible. Books like The Hunger Games and TV shows like True Blood (at least the first few seasons) are able to do this in a meaningful way. If done right, it can make stars out of Jennifer Lawrence and Anna Paquin superstars.

3. Don’t force the emotions. Let them manifest naturally.

This is actually easier than it sounds, but it can be tedious. I know this because I found myself taking a lot of extra steps when writing my book, Holiday Heat. That entire story is structured around a pseudo-love triangle of sorts, but no vampires are involved and there’s nobody resembling Biff Tanner. As such, I needed to add a few extra steps to develop the characters so that their emotions made sense.

This is critical because if a romance feels forced, then you’ll make the same mistake that Chris Claremont and the X-men movies made with Wolverine, essentially forcing emotions into a character for all the wrong reasons. If any character is going to have any genuine passion for another, it can’t just be for the hell of it.

4. The end result of a love triangle must be satisfying to all sides

This may sound hypocritical coming from an erotica writer, but try to make sure nobody gets screwed over too badly. This is what happened to X-men. This is what happened to Twilight. This is what happens with almost every bad love triangle. One character gets horribly screwed over and unless that character is a Biff Tanner type, it’s not going to be satisfying to the audience.

Most human beings who don’t have personality disorders tend to have an innate sense of justice. When we see injustice play out in the fictional world, it tends to upset us, just as it does when it occurs in the real world. So if there’s a character in a love triangle who doesn’t win the heart of his or her lover and gets unceremoniously cast off, then that’s not going to be satisfying. That’s going to be the literary equivalent of a dick move.

Again, this requires a bit of extra work. It means crafting a more complex plot wherein all parties involved achieve some kind of satisfying resolution to the emotional upheavals. It doesn’t always have to mean finding another love or forcing some other character to fill the void. Sometimes, it requires some extra layers to a plot, but it’s worth the effort if we, the audience, feel that everyone ends up satisfied on some level. It’s kind of sexy when you think about it.

So there you have it. Those our my four tips for making love triangles that don’t suck. I hope to employ them to some degree as I write more romance and erotica. I hope others can make use of them as well. This world has enough terrible love triangles. Let’s not create more. After Twilight, I think our civilization has had enough.

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September 1, 2016 · 5:59 am

Cyclops, Jean Grey, and Wolverine in the X-men: The Worst Love Triangle of All Time

I’m not a successful writer yet. I’m not certain that I’m an overly skilled writer either. However, as someone who has been writing almost every day since he was 15-years-old, I like to think I know something about this topic. As such, I’m of the opinion that any overly bizarre or frustratingly inane plot can work if written well. With enough skill, a writer can make a story about snake handler hooking up with an alien compelling.

Then, there are certain plots that are so poorly structured, so inherently weak, and so intrinsically flawed that the combined efforts of Shakespeare, Tolken, and Faulkner can’t save it. For me, that plot is that of the love triangle. I even dedicated an entire post about why I think it’s one of the most overused, poorly written plot devices in all of romance.

I avoided getting into specifics in that post because I wanted to focus on the bigger picture as to why love triangles as a concept suck in general. For this post, I’m going to reach deep into the steaming pile of shit that countless stories featuring bad love triangles have excreted over the years and discuss the worst of the worst.

So which love triangle is the worst among the vast mountain of shit that occupies such a prominent position in popular culture? In this case, the worst comes from the world of X-men and involves the characters Cyclops, Jean Grey, and Wolverine.

For the sake of this blog, it’s very convenient that the absolute bottom of the pit that is terrible love triangles takes place in the world of superhero comics. This is, after all, a topic that’s near and dear to my heart. I’ve made my love of superhero comics known on this blog before. I will likely cite superhero comics again in future posts as I discuss similar issues. In this case, however, it really is an issue of pragmatism because I really could not find a worse example of a bad love triangle than this one.

What makes it so mind-numbingly terrible? Well, to answer that, here’s a quick rundown of the structure of this worst-of-the-worst brand of romantic drama. Cyclops and Jean Grey are founding members of the X-men. They were among the original X-men that were first introduced in 1963 by the ultimate creative dynamic duo, Stan Lee and Jack Kirby. They’re also, by far, one of the most iconic couples in the history of X-men, if not all of superhero comics.

Wolverine didn’t enter the picture until later. He doesn’t join the X-men until 1975, which is a while after he makes his first appearance as a supporting character in The Incredible Hulk. As the X-men’s resident bad boy, he’s basically the opposite of Cyclops. He’s brutish, crude, ill-mannered, quick-tempered, and bad-ass to an insane degree. So naturally, he pulls in a lot of ass. There’s actually a chart documenting Wolverine’s many romantic entanglements and it’s even more confusing/impressive than it looks.

So the very idea of Jean Grey falling in love with him while being in love with Cyclops is akin to a man being in love with both a nun and a crack whore. However, that discrepancy alone isn’t what makes this love triangle so horrendously bad. It’s all the circumstances surrounding it that make it the poster child for everything that sucks about love triangles.

First and foremost, the entire reason why Jean Grey developed an attraction to Wolverine in the first place is ridiculously contrived. X-men writer, Chris Claremont (also known as the most prolific X-men writer ever), indicated in numerous interviews that the attraction between them was extremely shallow.

“He sees Jean, Jean sees him, hormones kick in, the rational brain checks into the Happy Hour hotel, and everyone else runs for cover.”

There’s nothing wrong with basic attraction. That’s the sort of thing men feel whenever they see an attractive stripper or the sort of thing women feel when they see Channing Tatum without his shirt on. It’s a good setup for a one night stand. It’s not a good foundation for a meaningful romance, which is the only thing that makes a love triangle functional to some degree.

That never happens in X-men and for a very bad reason. Due to editorial decisions within the X-men comics that are too convoluted for a single blog post, Claremont soured on Cyclops as a character and openly despised his relationship with Jean Grey, despite having done more than any other X-men writer to solidify their status as the premier romance of the X-men. So what does he do? He tries everything he can to break them up and had editors not thwarted him in 1991, he would’ve succeeded.

That’s the entire reason that this love triangle exists. A writer grew to despise a certain character and decided to punish them by making his girlfriend fall for someone who is the exact opposite of him. Think about that long and hard for more than 15 seconds. Seriously, think about it as rationally as any human mind can manage on topics involving fictional characters.

Are you done? Then, I hope you can now see just how flawed that reasoning is. The writer hates one character and uses that as the sole justification for an entirely separate relationship between two characters who have next to nothing in common. That’s akin to loving soccer just because you hate American football. It’s a bad reason to love a sport and a worse reason for a love triangle.

In my post about why love triangles suck, I pointed out that they tend to devalue characters. It turns them into prizes to be won. It tends to override other meaningful traits a character may have. For Wolverine, it turns him from this bad-ass loner into an obsessive, petty asshat. That’s the trait of an insecure teenager, not a bad-ass loner.

The effect is just as bad on Jean Grey, who effectively becomes the ultimate prize of sorts for Cyclops and Wolverine. This is pretty insulting to her character because Jean Grey does so much to set herself apart as a strong female character from an era where the concept hadn’t been refined yet. She is the center of the Dark Phoenix Saga, also known as the greatest X-men story ever written. Reducing her to a prize for two men undermines a character with so much more to offer.

The comics do a terrible job setting up this love triangle, which the writer himself admits was created for petty reasons. However, it’s the way it plays out in the X-men movies that make this love triangle truly the worst of the worst.

How can the movies actually make this worse? Well, somehow they found a way. To this day, I have a hard time believing that the writers at Fox didn’t actively try to make this love triangle worse than it already was. What they came up with still confounds me, both as a writer and an X-men fan.

Anyone who has seen any of the X-men movies knows that most of them are structured around Wolverine. That’s entirely fair. He’s the most popular X-men character of all time and he’s played by Hugh Jackman. In case you’ve forgotten, Hugh Jackman looks like this.

I’m not gay, but even I think he’s sexy. Naturally, he’s going to have a love interest. A man this sexy has to have one. The problem is, the writers of this movie don’t realize how terrible the love triangle is with him, Cyclops, and Jean Grey in the comics. That, or they see it and think they have a way to make it worse.

First and foremost, they gave no reason for Jean Grey and Wolverine to be attracted to one another. Hell, he tries to stab her when he first wakes up at the Xavier Institute in the first X-men movie. That alone should ensure her panties stay dry around him for the entire trilogy. Instead, the chemistry between them is outright forced.

It has to be because these two never really have a meaningful conversation. They never really get to know each other. They’re just physically attracted to one another and the only reason they don’t bone is because Jean Grey is engaged to Cyclops. As a result, Cyclops is reduced to the role of being an obstacle to Wolverine. That’s pretty much his only role in the first three X-men movies, being a hindrance to Wolverine getting into Jean Grey’s panties.

There isn’t even an effort to balance things out. Cyclops is portrayed as someone who’s not nearly as badass as Wolverine, but he’s still respectable and likable to an excessive degree. He helps save Wolverine the first time they meet. He offers to shake his hand, which Wolverine flat out refuses. He never gets overly upset with Jean about her being attracted to another man. He’s bland, but likable.

If anything, Wolverine does everything he can to make himself the asshole you don’t want Jean to end up with. He steals Cyclops’ motorcycle. He steals Cyclops’ car. When he dies in the third X-men movie, he doesn’t give a second thought to making out with his girlfriend. He does this after he tells Cyclops earlier that she chose him at the end of the previous movie. He couldn’t come off as more of an asshole without pissing on Cyclops’ grave and stealing Jean Grey’s panties.

As bad as this is, it actually gets worse. At least in the comics, Wolverine actually knows Jean Grey as a person to some extent. He’s worked with her. He’s been on the same team as her. He’s lived under the same roof as her. Chances are he knows how she takes her coffee, what she watches on TV, and what her favorite brand of cereal is. In the movies, he knows none of this.

I’ve seen all these movies and based on the sequence of events and the time that passes between them, it’s clear that Wolverine didn’t know Jean Grey for more than a few days at most. He leaves at the end of the first movie. Jean Grey dies shortly after he returns in the second movie. There’s never any indication that they remained in contact. There’s no hint of tortured love letters, long phone calls, or dick pics being exchanged. They literally have no time to get to know one another.

That’s what makes the events of the third X-men movie all the more infuriating. Towards the end of the movie, Wolverine professes his love for Jean Grey before he kills her, at her request. Never mind the fact that this is the exact opposite of what happens in the comics. He proclaims her to be the love of his life despite the fact he doesn’t even know her. He doesn’t know her hopes, her dreams, or even her middle name. So how are we, the audience, supposed to believe that this love is genuine?

It ruins Jean Grey, as a character. It makes her nothing more than a prop for Wolverine. She’s not just the prize he pursues. She’s the only reason he has any emotional development. The fact that he barely knows her makes his affection for her all the more shallow. On top of that, it reduces Wolverine to this mopey pretty-boy instead of the bad-ass loner he’s supposed to be. He’s supposed to be Wolverine and not this guy.

The combined efforts of the movies and the comics ensure that the Cyclops/Jean Grey/Wolverine love triangle is the alpha and omega of terrible love triangles. It’s a horrendous plot that still plagues the characters to this day.

The biggest tragedy is that the Cyclops/Jean relationship has been shown to function well as a meaningful romance. Just this past month, there was an entire issue dedicated to showing how these two are a romance of equals who can make each other better, just like a good romance is supposed to. Good love stories don’t need a love triangle to develop, grow, and thrive. They just need some actual effort and a basic understanding of what makes a relationship work.

As an aspiring writer who hopes to encourage other aspiring writers, I would only cite the Cyclops/Jean Grey/Wolverine love triangle as a case study in what not to do. There are few ways in which a love triangle can actually work in a romance story. None of those ways are used in this case. In fact, some of those ways are turned upside down, inside out, and gutted.

Quality romance and quality characters, be they superheroes or ordinary people, deserve better. In the same way it’s almost impossible to make a quality meal with bad ingredients, it’s almost impossible to craft a quality love story around a love triangle. The convoluted, misguided clusterfuck that is Cyclops/Jean Grey/Wolverine is just a tragic testament to how bad it can get.

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August 30, 2016 · 6:05 am

An Honest Question: How Open Should We Be About Sex?

How much is too much? Isn’t that an existential question that can apply to so many issues? How much government is too much? How much sugar is too much? How much violence is too much in a PG-13 movie? We ask this question about so many things. Naturally, it comes up a lot during issues about sex.

That’s to be expected. Human beings are sexual creatures. We’re programmed to do two things: survive and reproduce. Thanks to the advent of AK-47, fighter gets, and everything associated with Chuck Norris, we got the survival part down. We used to fear tigers, snakes, and wolves. Now they’re either endangered or they’re our pets. We won the survival game.

With reproduction, however, it’s a different story. Sure, as a species, we’re pretty good at sex. There are over 7 billion humans on this planet. Clearly, we’re doing something right. The problem is that our attitudes about sex are more eccentric than Andy Dick on a double dose of LSD.

We need to reproduce. It’s part of our biology. At the same time, however, we’ve created all these weird cultural attitudes that make us anxious and uncomfortable about sex. It manifests in religion, media, and cultural practices. I’ve talked about it before on this blog, but now I’d like to open the discussion up a bit.

Just how open should we be about sex? It’s an important question to ask. I know I’m asking it from an odd angle because I live in America. This is a country founded by Puritans. As the late Robin Williams once said, these are, “people so uptight, the English kicked them out.” So even though we call ourselves a free country, we have exceedingly prude attitudes towards sex. In fact, it wasn’t until 1965 that the last few obscenity laws that prohibited the distribution of materials on birth control were struck down.

It’s fairly clear that, as a society, we need to be more open to talking about sex. It can’t just be with our kids either. That thought alone is enough to make parents want to vomit violently. Even consenting, mature adults have problems talking about it.

In many cases, there are all these unspoken rules about sex. We’re not supposed to talk about our ex-lovers. We’re not supposed to talk about the really good sex we’ve had with partners who aren’t our spouses. We’re not supposed to talk about the sex we had when we were young. So what the hell are we supposed to talk about?

Again, this is an honest question. I talk a lot about sexual issues on this blog. Some, like various types of orgasms, are just fun little tidbits about our biology. Others are a bit more serious, relating to religion and sociopolitical issues like feminism. So what are the limits? What can and can’t we talk about?

I’ve confessed to sleeping naked. That’s pretty tame by internet standards. Seeing as how I write erotic stories, I feel it’s pretty important to know where that line is how far I should take it. So I’ll open this question up for others to discuss. How much is too much? How open is too open? We humans know a lot about being sexually repressed. How much do we know about being sexually open?

As we contemplate this topic, here’s another video discussing this topic from the fine folks at ThinkTank on this subject. I sincerely hope this generates some meaningful, yet sexy discussions.

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