Monthly Archives: July 2016

July 31, 2016 · 7:50 am

The (Unspoken) Benefits of Sexual Promiscuity

A while back, I wrote an post about the lesser-known benefits of BDSM. It’s true. There is actual real-world evidence that BDSM is good for your health. It’s one of those things people automatically assume is deviant and unhealthy. While it’s easy to see why people would think that, the real world tends to never be quite that easy.

So I thought it might be interesting to look at another assumption that most people in the western world have about sexual mores: the impact of sexual promiscuity. Like BDSM, a good chunk of the population has a certain set of assumptions about those who are sexually promiscuous. I could spend 10 blog posts describing them.

Someone is promiscuous? They must have issues at home. They must have horrible self-esteem. They must have been abused or something.

On top of that, there’s an egregious double standard with respect to sexual promiscuity. With men, they’re expected to be promiscuous to some extent. People look at a young man and assume, “That man wants to fuck every girl in his zip code.” It’s not necessarily an accurate assumption. The intensity of the male sex drive is often vastly overestimated, but society tends to structure itself around this assumption because it’s men who seem to commit most of the sexual crimes. It’s true that men do tend to commit more crimes in general, be they sexual or otherwise, but the rate for women is not zero. According to the FBI, women do commit their share of crimes.

That doesn’t stop the blind assumption that women who have a lot of sex must be “damaged” or something. How can anyone want to do something that feels so good and is such a vital part of life and not be damaged? That last sentence was sarcasm by the way. Society has progressed in recent years to see sexually active women differently. Comedian, Amy Shumer, even made a successful movie around it.

Even with this progress, however, there’s still this perception that sexual promiscuity is a bad thing. There’s a good reason for that. There’s even some history behind it. For most of human history, particularly in western land-owning cultures, promiscuity made it difficult to know for sure that your children were yours. If they weren’t, then passing down land and wealth became exceedingly difficult.

Then, there’s the disease factor. For most of human history, we didn’t have effective treatments for various STDs. That made promiscuity legitimately dangerous for many parts of the world, especially those living in cities and slums. However, modern technology has done a lot to change that. Most of the terrible diseases of the past have been wiped out or are easily treated by modern medicine. Some are still incurable, but the progress of modern medicine is still progressing. There will come a day when even those diseases are cured. So our understanding of sexual promiscuity needs to change.

So what is the psychology behind sexual promiscuity? Well, it’s a fairly new field of study to say the least. Research is still developing so the picture isn’t clear, nor should anyone expect it to be. Sexuality and human biology are complex, despite what some in the media would have us believe. What works for some people is not going to work for everyone. Human beings are just too diverse.

That said, Psychology Today did an in depth analysis on the research surrounding sexual promiscuity last year. It’s aptly titled, “What are the Psychological Effects of Casual Sex?” It’s an interesting idea that will definitely undermine some of the things we were taught in sex ed class as teenagers, but it has major implications. One of the most defining quotes of this article is this one:

If casual sexual activity doesn’t violate your moral code, your sense of integrity, or the commitments you have made to yourself and/or others, then it’s probably not going to be a problem for you in terms of your psychological well-being.

This seems to imply that the effects of sexual promiscuity have a lot to do with our assumptions about it. It’s sort of a classic self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think it’ll be harmful, then it’ll be harmful. If you think it’ll be good for you, then it’ll be good for you. Religion, culture, and upbringing all play a role and we’re just starting to understand it. As that understanding evolves, it will likely effect the way we tell stories about sexuality, which will in turn affect my stories. So I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on this topic.

Also, as they did with BDSM, the fine folks at ThinkTank did a video about the possible benefits of casual sex. I value their insight so I’ll let them make their case as well.

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July 29, 2016 · 8:55 am

A Relationship of Unequals: Penny and Leonard of “The Big Bang Theory”

Earlier this week, I talked about the importance of romantic relationships between equals. It’s too common these days that strong female characters have to overpower male counterparts. That makes finding examples of a romance among equals, even if it’s as simple as an X-men comic, more important as our culture evolves. By that same token, it’s just as important to acknowledge relationships between apparent unequals. That brings me to one of my favorite shows on TV right now, “The Big Bang Theory.”

Now let me make this clear, just in case I didn’t make it clear enough already. I love this show. It’s one of my favorite shows on TV. It’s funny, it heartfelt, and it’s has lovable, compelling characters. That’s the most you can ask of any TV show these days. However, there’s one component of this show that bugs me and it has to do with the never-ending romance of Penny and Leonard.

I know that this is, by far, the most important romance of the show. From the show’s first episode, this romance has been the driving force behind many plots. It’s perfectly understandable. A cute girl moves in across the hall. A lonely, single guy is going to notice. There’s nothing wrong with that being the foundation of a relationship. There are many wonderful love stories, real and fictional alike, that begin this way. It’s what happens after the beginning that make Penny and Leonard an unstable relationship at best and a toxic one at worst.

We’ve all heard it before. Opposites attract. It’s a common theme in many romance stories and it definitely works in some respects. It’s cute and concise so of course it isn’t entirely reflective of reality. Even science doesn’t offer a clear-cut answer. According to Psychology Today, research involving relationships among opposites tend to have mixed outcomes. It can work. It can also fail. In the fictional world of TV and within the limits of a half-hour show, those failings often get overlooked with Penny and Leonard.

Let’s look at the basics first:

  • Penny is an outgoing, bubbly, impulsive, irresponsible young woman who caters to nearly every “blonde” stereotype imaginable
  • Leonard is a shy, repressed, awkward, neurotic, needy young man who caters to every “nerd” stereotype imaginable

There’s definitely some appeal to seeing these two come together. Love finds a way, right? Well, love is only part of the equation here. Love is an important element of a relationship, but making that relationship work requires a lot more.

As I’ve written about before, doomed romances tend to have a common theme. Chief among those themes are the inequalities among the characters. It’s one thing for a princess to fall in love with a smuggler. It’s quite another to make that relationship work, given the differences between these characters. When two people come from different worlds and have different interest, it can hinder communication between them. Any relationship expert with any degree of competence will agree. Poor communication is toxic to a relationship.

Communication between Penny and Leonard is rarely clear. It leads to many of the hijinks within the show. Early in Season 2, they send each other a lot of mixed messages by dating other people. Penny dates one of her stereotypical dumb jock types while Leonard dates another stereotypical nerd type. Having already gone on a date at this point in the show, there’s no excuse for ambiguity. They know where they stand.

Later in Season 3, it gets even more erratic. In Episode 19, “The Wheaton Recurrence,” Leonard tells Penny he loves her. Her response, “Thank you.” It leads to yet another break-up between them, which is a recurring theme. Yes, they eventually come back together. Yes, Penny eventually does admit she loves him, albeit several seasons down the line. Along the way, the inequalities become more and more striking.

These inequalities go beyond just being different personality types. Good relationships can overcome different personalities. It’s the inequalities that become toxic. What makes this relationship so unequal is that nearly every major decision, every point of progress, and every major turn is done by one person: Penny.

She decides if and when they go out on dates. She decides if and when they begin/resume a relationship. She decides if and when she and Leonard have sex. Leonard, being the quintessential beta male, never does anything to assert himself. He tries at times and often fails hilariously, most notably in Season 3, Episode 23, “The Lunar Excitation.” In that episode, he tries to do exactly what Penny did with him, get drunk and assert that they’re going to have sex. It works when Penny does it. It doesn’t work when Leonard does it.

Now I know there’s a double standard in that scenario. A man asserting sex with a woman is still taboo, but the comic ineptitude that Leonard demonstrates makes this taboo a moot point here. It further reinforces that Penny is the one with all the power in this relationship. She can end it, start it, and guide it as she sees fit. Leonard, being so meek, can never assert himself convincingly.

These sorts of inequalities don’t just create bad dynamics. It also makes jealousy a whole lot worse. In Season 6, Episode 8, “The 43 Peculiarity,” Penny and Leonard are together again. Then, Penny gets an attractive male lab partner while going to community college and this is enough to freak Leonard out. While it is funny at how he deals with it, this kind of jealousy hints at another troubling trait that is toxic to relationships.

Jealous, namely the unhealthy variety, can go beyond simple envy, which we all have whenever we see someone driving a nice car. The jealousy in this instance becomes possession. Leonard sees his relationship with Penny as a precious piece of property that he must guard from those who may steal it. He doesn’t trust Penny. He knows she has a promiscuous past. He lets it get to him.

Penny is just as guilty of this as well. In Season 6, Episode 3, “The Higgs Boson Observation,” Leonard connects with Sheldon’s new female assistant, Alex. Penny flat out admits this bothers her. Despite her having so much power in this relationship, she still gives the impression that she owns Leonard’s affection for her.

When jealousy becomes possessive, it’s usually a sign that a relationship is entering dangerous territory. Jealousy is supposed to remind us of how we feel about our partners, not that we own them. That’s the biggest flaw with Penny and Leonard. Their relationship is something they both think they own. They can’t discern the concept from the person.

What makes this even worse is how Penny’s power extends beyond this relationship. Throughout the show, her promiscuity is well-documented. It fits into the “blond” stereotype that Penny seems to embody at every turn. Again, there’s nothing wrong with that, but it does expose what I think is the most egregious inequality of this relationship.

If she wanted to, Penny could end the relationship and find someone else just like Leonard or someone the exact opposite of him. Due to her looks and her social skills, she can find another relationship fairly easily. Leonard, being so socially awkward and weak, cannot do this. While he certainly could find someone else, his poor social skills limit him in ways that don’t limit Penny.

Naturally, these flaws don’t derail the relationship on the show. TV always takes liberties with certain relationship dynamics. Authors do the same. I know I have, but I like to think the stereotypes I use in books like “Skin Deep” aren’t as egregious or excessive as we see in “The Big Bang Theory.”

I don’t doubt the appeal of Penny and Leonard’s relationship. It certainly helps make the show entertaining. However, when I take a step back and look at the dynamics of this relationship, I see in it a lot of flaws that reflect outdated themes. I hope to avoid these flaws and explore new themes in my books. At the very least, “The Big Bang Theory” can offer a guide on what to avoid.

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July 28, 2016 · 6:39 am

A Relationship of Equals: An Unexpected Example From An X-men Comic

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This past week, I’ve been writing my thoughts about strong female characters and evolving trends in our concept of romance. I think these are thoughts worth sharing because popular culture is always evolving. Our tastes in stories, characters, and romance changes from person to person, from generation to generation, and from culture to culture. I’ve already seen plenty of changes in my lifetime. I expect to see plenty more, especially as I work on my own love stories.

One of the points I made in my article about doomed romances involves the flaws in dynamics of such romances. When one person, be it male or female, is unequal in terms of sacrifice and input, then that’s typically an obstacle that’s difficult to overcome. When a relationship is between equals, then the romance between them makes both characters stronger. That’s the kind of romance I’m hoping to create with one of my future books. As such, it’s important to take note of promising examples. Low and behold, I found one yesterday.

As I’ve already stated before on this blog, I’m a huge comic book fans. Some of my early exposure to love stories came from famous comic book romances. Among those romances are Cyclops and Jean Grey, two of the most prominent members of the X-men. I always had a soft spot for them. Their love story is among one of the most epic (and convoluted) in the history of comics, stretching all the way back to 1963 and involving multiple deaths along the way (long story).

Like many romances that began in different eras, it didn’t always make both sides equal. However, I would argue that the relationship of Cyclops and Jean Grey was far more equal than those of classic superhero romances like Superman and Lois Lane or Spider-Man and Mary Jane. Unlike those romances, Cyclops and Jean Grey are both superheroes on the same team. They both have superpowers and a superhero identity. On paper, they should be equals. In practice, however, it often led to tiresome tropes. A lot of them centered around Jean Grey fainting and needing to be rescued a lot. Case and point, here’s a clip from the famous X-men animated cartoon in the 90s.

Make no mistake. That happened A LOT. Jean Grey seemed to faint way too often in this cartoon. Things got slightly better for her in the X-men movies, but until her role in this years X-men: Apocalypse, she was largely relegated to being a prize for Cyclops and Wolverine to fight over. It’s a major reason why this romance isn’t quite as celebrated as other major comic book romances and I say it’s a valid reason.

So imagine my surprise when I picked up my comics yesterday and came across X-men 92 #5. In this issue, we catch up with Cyclops and Jean Grey, who are now retired from the X-men and trying to build a life as two normal, healthy lovers. Despite terrible tastes in sweaters, their efforts yield mixed results as superheroes rarely stay retired.

However, it’s not that Cyclops and Jean Grey end up having to don their superhero costumes again that strikes me about this issue. It’s how utterly refined their relationship dynamics are here. Remember that clip I linked to earlier with Jean Grey fainting? That doesn’t happen here. Not once. Anyone who watched all 76 episodes of the X-men cartoon in the 90s can probably appreciate how big a deal that is.

Instead, the comic does something special with these two, something that I actually don’t see very often in comics these days. It shows Cyclops and Jean Grey as two lovers, being superheroes on an equal playing field. At no point do they end up having to save one another. At no point do they undermine or frustrate one another. Every step of the way, they support and complement each other.

That’s not to say there aren’t some disagreements. Cyclops is initially mistrustful of some of the allies they come across, which is perfectly in line with his character, but Jean Grey vouches for them and he trusts in her. He trusts her as anyone should trust their lover and it pays off. He supports her. She supports him. It’s a beautiful thing that shows a relationship actually functioning.

This is something that pop culture overlooks and for good reason. The narrative of how two people fall in love or how two people fall out of love is often more dramatic. However, it’s a story that gets told and retold too often and in too many different forms these days. Rarely do we get a story that shows two lovers actually functioning together on an equal playing field. That’s what makes X-men 92 #5 so astonishing. It uses the romance to complement the story rather than drive it.

This is an important insight and one that I definitely want to take note of for my own work. As I said before, I do have a few projects in mind that rely on relationships between equals. I want to use strong male and female characters who don’t have to rely too much on overplayed tropes because I want my work to stand out. I can’t do that if I tell the same kind of story that people have read a million times before in various forms. So comics like this are vital tools for writers like me.

For others seeking different kinds of love stories, I strongly recommend X-men 92 #5. It offers a different take on an under-appreciated, and often underrated, relationship between two iconic characters. I hope we see more stories like this in comics, as well as movies, books, and TV shows. I think the time is right for this kind of romance to take hold.

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July 27, 2016 · 1:06 pm

Strong Female Characters and the (Strange) Assumptions About Them

I’m of the opinion that we make more progress than we think, but not nearly as much as we should. There’s no doubt about it. Novels, TV shows, cartoons, comics and video games have come a long way with respect to female characters.

We’re all familiar with the time-tested tropes. For a long time, a female character could basically be cut and pasted from any James Bond movie. Either she’s a devious, femme-fatale or a pretty love interest meant to supplement the story of the male protagonist. If she’s promiscuous in any way, she’s probably going to die. If she’s innocent and pure, she’ll probably live and be the hero or the prize for the hero. While there’s a place for these kinds of stories, the times are changing.

In recent years, there is a renewed interest in strong female characters who don’t fit into these same tropes. I’ve mentioned a few, like Vanessa in the Deadpool movie. Other more prominent characters include Black Widow in “The Avengers,” Furiosa from “Mad Max: Fury Road,” and Katniss Everdeen from “The Hunger Games.” These are all characters that take center stage, neither supplementing male protagonists nor becoming too similar to male protagonists. It’s a beautiful thing and an overdue change.

However, is our understanding of what makes up a strong female character really that refined? I’m of the opinion that pop culture in general is still stumbling around in the dark like a drunk monkey, trying to figure it out. It’s kind of important for me to acknowledge because I’m a writer. I’m trying to create strong female characters in my books. I admit it’s a work-in-progress, but how much progress have we actually made?

Once again, the fine folks at Cracked.com use a little dirty humor to point out some of the flaws in our current understanding in strong female characters. I don’t agree entirely with their assessment of certain aspects of pop culture, but some of their points are worth making and they’re points I need to consider for my own work. They focus specifically on movies, but I think it can apply to any medium right now.

6 Bizarre Assumptions Movies Make About Strong Women

So maybe we’re not as progressive as we think we are. The one quote in the article that stands out the most is this one:

It seems to come back to this idea that this is all a zero-sum game, that anyone asking for more female characters really hates males and wants to see them mocked and emasculated. “Oh, you say you want more strong female characters? How about if we just showed them shooting a dude right in the penis? Would that do it?”

This, I think, is the key to understanding the core of a strong female character. Their strength doesn’t come from overpowering men or being better than men. It comes from being able to operate on a level playing field with men. It’s not about one gender dominating the other. It’s about equality. There’s a time and place for dominant and submissive personalities. The success of “50 Shades of Grey” is proof of that. Those times and places, however, should be the exceptions rather than the norms.

It’s a challenge. That’s for sure. Everything worth doing is a challenge. It’s one I want to take on. I believe I did to some extent with “The Big Game.” Yes, it is a story that utilizes some BDSM elements. However, I do it in a way that allows both male and female characters to operate equally. It’s my next book that will present a far greater challenge.

This next book, which is still without a title, is structured around what I hope to be a strong female character. I don’t want that character to fall into some of the same traps that Cracked.com so eloquently laid out. I want her to be tough and strong without having to dominate over every male character. I won’t claim I’ll succeed in full, but I’d like to make a concerted effort. If I can find a publisher willing to take a chance as well, I’d like to see that effort pan out.

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July 26, 2016 · 6:32 am

Video Game Romances – Beyond Princesses and Pac-Man

There are a lot of mediums to tell stories these days. Sure, there will always be a place for books, but media is a lot more complex. I’m not just talking about TV and movies either. I’m sure that with the success of Pokemon GO, someone is trying to use AR and smartphones to make a love story. However, there is one medium that has influenced me more than most and it’s not one people usually associate with love stories. Yes, I’m talking about video games.

First off, I’m not just talking about Mario rescuing Princess Peach. That’s romance at its most basic, overly Disney-like levels. In Mario’s defense, there weren’t many ways to tell meaningful stories in the 8-bit days. That changed as gaming technology improved. Now, video games can tell stories every bit as intricate as any big budget movie. The difference here is that the audience can control the direction of that romance. That makes people more engaged in the development of this romance, as opposed to watching it unfold on a movie screen or seeing it unfold in the pages of a book. Make no mistake. That can be pretty powerful.

Having played a lot of video games as a kid, I can vividly remember the first video game romance that really struck me. It’s this one:

That’s Tidus and Yuna from a video game called Final Fantasy X. It’s a game I didn’t play for the romance. I played it because at the time, I was really into RPG style games. I knew this game had a story. I even knew it had some romantic elements to it, as plenty of other games had. What I didn’t know was how deeply the romance in this game would strike me.

Without getting into the long, convoluted story, which would take no fewer than 15 blog posts to do justice, I’ll just say that by playing this game, you put yourself in a position to grow attached to each character. You’re the one that helps them grow and moves them along in their story. You have a say in terms of the pace and efficiency with which they move. So when two characters develop a strong romance, it does have an emotional impact.

For me, the biggest impact came at the end of the game. Without throwing too many spoilers into the mix, I’ll just say that it’s the first time I ever got genuinely emotional at the end of a game. I remember feeling a lump in my throat when I watched the final cutscene. I just sat there holding my controller, my mouth hung open in amazement. Did it really happen? Did I really get this attached to these characters? Short answer: yes, I did.

Playing Final Fantasy X didn’t just influence my taste in video games. It helped shape my tastes in romance for years to come. Other games built on what Final Fantasy X established, at least for me. Games like Mass Effect and Dragon Age actually allow players to choose which romantic partner they want to pursue. It doesn’t even have to be male/female. It can be a same-sex romance as well. It can even be between a human an an alien. That’s how much video games have progressed these days.

It’s a level of engagement that cannot be matched in a book, but it does offer an important lesson. It shows that when there’s an emotional and personal investment in a romance, it has a much stronger impact. The strength of any love story, be it a Shakespearean play or a game of Super Mario Brothers, is the impact it has.

That’s the biggest challenge I have with my stories, creating a romance that has that impact. I like to think books like “Skin Deep” create an engaging romance that gets people worked up, but I know there’s room for improvement. My upcoming book, “Embers of Eros,” is my most ambitious effort at such a romance. However, it’s still at the mercy of Crimson Frost Publishing, who continue to delay its release.

I will continue to make more effort at these romances in future books. For now, there’s plenty of other romance to explore, including games. So while I wait to tell my story, here’s a nice article from Complex.com about realistic video game romances.

The 25 Most Realistic Video Game Romances

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July 25, 2016 · 6:25 am

Anatomy of Doomed Romances

I’ve talked about the right and wrong ways to explore sexuality and BDSM on this blog. I’ve talked about the potential benefits and insights that alternative concepts of sexuality may bring. However, there’s another side of that coin that’s worth talking about and, given that my work involves both erotic and romantic elements, it’s something that needs to be touched on.

A lot of my books have heavy romantic elements. At their core, books like “Skin Deep,” “Child of Orcus,” and even the aptly titled “The Escort and the Gigolo” are love stories. A big part of the story involves two characters coming together in a meaningful way. For the most part, I try to make this journey compelling, as well as sexy. I try to avoid typical Disney cliches. We all know them when we see them. It’s a “love at first sight” or a “forbidden love they can’t have.” Those make for tantalizing possibilities, but do they really make for healthy relationships?

It’s an important question to ask because some of these stories fail to acknowledge the flaws in those relationships. Make no mistake. Those flaws are there. The concept of “love at first sight” is sweet and all, but it’s barely the first step to a meaningful relationship and not taking more steps can undermine both the story and the relationship as a whole.

This isn’t a new issue either. Doomed romances are a big part of literature, going back to the days of the ancients. There’s an undeniable appeal to them, albeit one that reflects a crass understanding of love and meaningful relationships. Paste Magazine even made a list a few years back that highlights some of the most notable. I don’t think their choices will surprise anybody.

8 Epically Doomed Relationships in Literature

That’s one kind of doomed relationship. Most won’t argue the premise. Then, there are the doom relationships explored by Cracked.com in an article that may surprise some. Being a humor website full of dirty jokes, they took a more crass look at certain iconic romances. As is often the case, a crass gaze reveals an unexpected insight.

5 Movie Romances That Won’t Last According To Science

Some of the romances on this list are sure to make a certain subset of fans tense, but sometimes science and reality can be just that harsh. We tend to forget that relationships founded on excessive sacrifice or two people from different words, such as Han Solo and Princess Leia or John Bender and Clair Sandish, have more obstacles to overcome than most. By and large, those obstacles can be pretty detrimental. They’re not impossible to overcome, but the stories rarely explore this. It’s almost always just about how they come together. Then, the credits roll and we’re all left to fill in the blanks.

I understand why that happens. Exploring the intricacies of how relationships blossom and flourish is rarely as interesting as the process of coming together. I’m guilty of that as well in some of my stories. My book, “The Final Communion,” is the best example of that. At the same time, the concept of doomed romances provides an important context to developing romance as a whole. It’s a context I hope to keep in mind as I explore new stories. “The Big Game” doesn’t have heavy romantic elements, but some of the other books I have in mind will. Whatever comes of them, I hope I can show that there is a place for more meaningful romance that won’t feel so doomed in the end.

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July 24, 2016 · 9:13 am

Wonder Woman Movie Official Trailer (No BDSM)

Since I’ve been talking about Wonder Woman all week, it’s only fitting that this is the week where the trailer to her first big movie drops. It has been a long time coming. Despite being one of the most iconic female heroes of all time, she has never starred in her own movie. Catwoman got a movie. Elektra got a movie. But not Wonder Woman? It’s an injustice to say the least.

The wait is almost over though. The trailer is here and no, it does not show any signs of Wonder Woman’s BDSM origins. Not that anyone expected it to, but that’s kind of where we are with Wonder Woman right now. The vision of William Marston, her creator, has undergone many shifts and revisions. Right now, DC and superhero movies need a Wonder Woman that plays into the same themes that other movies have in recent years. It may take a long time for those BDSM origins to be revisited in a movie, but it’s a start.

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July 23, 2016 · 8:43 am

A Nice Little Graphic on BDSM

Earlier this week, I wrote an article about the potential health benefits of BDSM. Later, I found a nice little piece on Cracked.com that sums it up a little better than I can. So if you’re not in the mood to read a whole blog post, just check this out.

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July 22, 2016 · 6:29 am

A Response from Crimson Frost…Sort of

As I’ve been sharing my thoughts on the kinky origins of Wonder Woman and the health benefits to BDSM, I’ve also been waiting to hear back from the folks at Crimson Frost Publishing on the status of my book, “Embers of Eros.” Unlike “The Big Game,” this book has been finished for three years now. I hoped it would become my first non-self published book, thereby opening the doors to new audiences and new opportunities. Since then, I realize I might have been hoping for too much.

For over a year now, I’ve been sending email after email, chatting with editors on the time-frame for the release of this book. It should’ve been out last year, but family issues with one of the editors caused a delay. I understand that completely. Family does come first. However, in that time, I’ve submitted and re-submitted paperwork to Crimson Frost. I’ve heard on multiple occasions that my book is undergoing edits. Despite all this, I’ve seen little to no progress and to date, none of the promises they made me have come to fruition.

So last week, I sent the editor I’ve been working with an email. I basically said to give me a clearer time-frame or I’ll withdraw my manuscript. I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to start all over from scratch again. Well yesterday evening, I finally did hear back. It wasn’t much of a response though. It amounted to, “I apologize. We wanted to shoot for an August release, but things came up so we’re pushing it back.”

I want to be understanding. I really do. I’m not an unreasonable man. I’m willing to be patient for a mutually beneficial payoff. However, Crimson Frost is straining even my patience at this point. I sent a response email, which hasn’t been replied to you, that if “Embers of Eros” isn’t released by the end of the year, I’m taking my business elsewhere. I hope that doesn’t happen. I hope Crimson Frost can come through for me. That might be hoping for too much.

In the meantime, I’m holding out hope that the publishers I submitted “The Big Game” to will be a bit more responsive. They understand as well as I do that self-publishing only goes so far. If I want to build an audience for my books, I need help from an agent or a publisher. I was hoping Crimson Frost would be my first. I hope it is, but I’m tempering my expectations accordingly.

In the meantime, I’ll continue to explore new directions for this blog. People seem to be enjoying my discussions about insights into BDSM culture and what not. As I wait for news on publishers, I’ll look for new topics to discuss, but I am hoping that the news I’m waiting for comes soon.

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July 21, 2016 · 6:58 am

Learning From Wonder Woman’s BDSM Origins

This post is a follow-up to the one I did yesterday about Wonder Woman’s Semi-Secret BDSM Origins. I feel a follow-up is necessary because in looking into this issue, it got me thinking about a few concepts that I explore in my recently-completed book, “The Big Game.” While I have explored BDSM concepts in my books, namely in “The Final Communions,” I’ve never really explored the actual merits of these concepts. I think I’ve scratched the surface with “The Big Game” and I hope it inspires more exploration with future projects.

In discussing Wonder Woman’s BDSM origins, I pointed out how her creator, William Marston, had some pretty unusual views about the concept of submission and domination, at least from traditional Western perspective. With Wonder Woman, he frames the act of submission as an act of love and trust. It’s an act someone does willingly to show their respect and love. He sees it as a part of the feminine ideal, the complete antithesis of a patriarchal system where power oppresses for the sake of power.

It’s a powerful and admittedly radical concept, especially in an era where people are less trusting of those in power. The historically low 11-percent approval rating of Congress is proof enough of that. If Marston were alive today, I imagine he’d see this as further indication that patriarchal power structures are inherently corrupt. Too many people in this system seek power as a means to avoid submission to anyone or anything because they believe such submission is a bad thing. In a culture that shames itself over legacies of slavery and oppression of minorities, that’s understandable.

It also presents a unique opportunity to explore alternatives. I think William Marston’s ideas surrounding BDSM, including those highlighted in Wonder Woman’s origin story, offer something unique and different for a jaded population. Think about it a little deeper. Can submission be an act of love? Can domination be an act of love? Can these concepts be done in a way that subverts the kind of patriarchal corruption that Marston criticized?

I say it can and I make that case in “The Big Game.” The setup of the book alone puts it in a perfect position to highlight both systems. The story involves football, the ultimate exercise in masculinity and domination. The men who play this game are conditioned to seek domination over their opponents. Naturally, this is going to skew their idea of submission. Football players, especially those who play beyond pee-wee levels, will be more reluctant than most to entertain this idea.

So what happens when one player who carries himself with these skewed ideas more than most gets a lesson in loving submission? What does it do to him? How does it affect him? Is the effect positive or negative? Can it help him be a better football player?

These are all questions I explore in “The Big Game.” They’re ideas that I hope to flesh out even more in future projects. The act of submission doesn’t have to be cold, cruel, and callous. William Marston used Wonder Woman to frame this act in the opposite context. I use that same context in “The Big Game.” It is possible for submission and domination to convey love and trust. Without those emotional undertones, it becomes the kind of cold, callous act that leads to corruption and abuse.

I think the time is right for these concepts to enter the mainstream. I think the public is more open to alternative ways of thinking than ever before. I’m still waiting for responses from publishers, but I hope “The Big Game” can be part of that.

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