Tag Archives: sex

August 4, 2016 · 6:41 am

How Religion Affects (Damages) Your Sex Life

As I’ve already pointed out before, there are multiple health benefits to sex. In that same post, I also pointed out that none of those benefits require that the individuals involved be married, trying to have kids, or even be in the same zip code. It’s one of those wondrous ways nature encourages us engage, explore, and embrace our sexuality.

That’s somewhat of an affront to the rhetoric of certain parts of our culture, namely the socially conservative, very religious type. According to their ideals, sex only belongs in marriage and should only be used for procreation and not recreation. That’s also a major tenant of nearly all major religions, especially the Abrahamic religions of Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. Their ideology is pretty strict. Adherents should not have the wrong kinds of sex with the wrong kinds of people or their God will punish them horribly.

It’s a pretty twisted ideology that warps part of our basic human nature. Major political candidates actually run on this ideology, sometimes successfully. It works too because because according to Pew Research, 6 in 10 people say that religion plays an important part of their lives. Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with people who are religious. There are religious organizations that do great work. That said, the ideology surrounding sex can be pretty damaging.

I went to high school. I took sex ed. It wasn’t abstinence only, but it wasn’t exactly positive either. The way it’s taught to young people gives a lot of false impressions about sex. Even in a diverse public school system in a largely secular community, my teachers overplayed the negative aspects of sex and pretty much ignored the positive aspects. That’s a clear sign that even in secular communities, religion does affect our sexuality.

So what are those effects? Well, not many of them are positive. Religion does affect our identity and our psychology. Religion often uses (and sometimes hijacks) our natural capacity for guilt, shame, and empathy to enforce its ideology. It’s a big reason why a large chunk of those who claim to be addicted to porn are actually highly religious. It’s like a placebo effect. If you think sex is harmful, then it’s more likely to be harmful. If you think sex is positive, then it’s more likely to be positive. It’s one of those things that is highly influenced by our own psychology, which makes it difficult (if not impossible) to quantify objectively.

I do worry about those who are highly religious and highly negative in their perceptions about human sexuality. Being someone who writes erotic stories and explores heavy romantic themes, it sounds so cold and solemn, being so negative about something that’s so intimate and human. I shudder to think at the unhealthy ways this can manifest.

I’ve actually don’t more than think. This unhealthy mix of religion and sexuality is a core theme of my book, “The Final Communion.” In that book, I create a world where sexuality is strictly controlled and show what happens when someone finally gets a chance to explore it. It’s a book that I’m sure won’t sit well with certain religious types, but it reflects an important sentiment.

We are, a our core, a social species. We seek out one another. We seek intimacy with one another. It’s part of what makes us human and it’s a big part of what makes us a successful species.

It’s a topic I regularly explore when I’m not writing erotic stories. One recent book I’d like to recommend takes a much deeper look at religion and sexuality from someone who knows way more about it than I do. It’s by Darrel Ray, who has written numerous books on religion and how they affect human psychology. This one focuses exclusively on sex and it’s aptly titled, “Sex and God.” Some elements of this book have impacted my approach to telling erotic stories. I intend to continue my exploration of this subject in hopes that those stories will be better.

https://read.amazon.com/kp/card?asin=B0073WNSV6&asin=B0073WNSV6&preview=inline&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_hxXOxb4JXP3MX

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August 3, 2016 · 6:31 am

10 Health Benefits of Orgasms

Let’s face it. Most people don’t need many reasons for having orgasms. It’s one of those wonderful little gifts nature gives us that needs no instruction manual, accessories, or certifications. It comes to us hard-wired, up-to-date, and primed for use as soon as we’re ready. It’s still somewhat taboo to talk about, let alone celebrate, but writing and reading erotic stories gives me a special appreciation for them.

On this blog, I’ve already talked about the unexpected health benefits of BDSM and the benefits of sexual promiscuity. Those benefits may be surprising to some, but I doubt anyone is surprised to hear that there are actual health benefits to orgasms. On some levels, I think we all know that. Nature wouldn’t make them feel so good or urge us to seek them so passionately if there weren’t some benefits.

That kind of simple logic isn’t enough for some people though. Science likes to verify things, even if they’re intuitive. Sometimes the results are shocking. In this case, however, I don’t think anyone will be surprised to hear that there are substantial health benefits to an orgasm.

And before the uptight, overly conservative, sex-negative crowd (who probably don’t read this blog in the first place), let me just say this. No, these benefits aren’t contingent of two people being married, the same gender, or even in the same room. Nature can only be so elaborate when it comes to politics. Orgasms, as a whole, are as non-partisan as they come.

The fine folks at WebMD compiled a short list of just a few. I think they’re worth citing, if only to inspire those who love romance and erotica.

WebMD: 10 Surprising Health Benefits of Orgasms

1. Orgasms Keep Your Immune System Healthy – Beats chicken noodle soup, that’s for sure

2. Boosts Your Libido – Makes too much sense, but nice for science to verify it just in case

3. Improves Women’s Bladder Control – Anyone who’s been on a road trip knows this is a good skill to have

4. Lowers Your Blood Pressure – How can anyone be tense after an orgasm?

5. Counts as Exercise – Needs way less motivation than a treadmill

6. Lowers Heart Attack Risk – Much better than giving up fried foods

7. Lessens Pain – Perfect balance when you think about it

8. May Make Prostate Cancer Less Likely – For men, it counts as medicine and no prescription required

9. Improves Sleep – It’s basically nature’s tranquilizer dart

10. Eases Stress – Again, how can anyone be tense after an orgasm?

So for the good of your health, people, have more orgasms! I’ll try to do my part with my books, but we must all do ours as well. The benefits to orgasms are, quite literally, in our hands.

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August 1, 2016 · 6:46 am

The Rise (and Necessary Fall) of the Beta Male

Over the course of the past couple decades, which are the primary decades in which I’ve lived my adult life, I’ve noticed a trend in popular culture. I think others have noticed it as well. I see it in novels, TV shows, cartoons, comics, and movies. It doesn’t matter if the themes are erotic or romantic. It shows up everywhere. More specifically, they show up everywhere. Who are they? I’m talking about beta males.

Let’s face it. Whether we admit it or not, we all know the traits of an alpha male. We know because those traits show up in pretty much every story that needs a villain. They’re aggressive, tough, angry, mean, self-centered, self-absorbed, and self-centered. They are bullies, plain and simple. Look at Biff Tanner from the “Back to the Future” movies. He’s basically the template of the alpha male.

Why is this an issue? It’s simple. We hate the alpha male. More often than not, he is the least likable character in a story. Never mind that these are traits associated only with men and never women. They are the enemies. They are the villains. They are the ones we’re supposed to root against, even if they’re the ones we turn to for protection and strength in the real world.

Enter the beta male, the lovable underdog who is everything the alpha male is not. He’s sweet, he’s sensitive, he’s caring, and above all, he’s emphatic. In other words, he’s basically a stereotypical woman.

In many respects, he’s an affront to both men and women. He is the antithesis of masculinity and symbolic of all the weaker traits we associate with women. It’s almost as if popular culture can’t stand the idea of men being tough without being assholes. It demeans both genders when you think about it.

So how did we get here? Well, that’s hard to say and probably something that requires multiple blog posts. I suspect it comes from our innate desire to root for the underdog or the unspoken acknowledgment that most men don’t possess the traits of an alpha male, which in turn makes us jealous. I can look into that later. For now, I’m talking about the beta male and why he matters.

There’s no dictionary definition for a beta male. We define him basically as what an alpha male is not. That’s not a good definition, defining something solely by what it isn’t. Urban Dictionary isn’t exactly a definitive site, but it does offer some interesting takes.

An unremarkable, careful man who avoids risk and confrontation. Beta males lack the physical presence, charisma and confidence of the Alpha male.

That’s a short and simple definition. Then, there are those favored by radical feminist and extremely liberal types.

A man who is content with nontraditional gender roles; i.e., he is not threatened by intelligent and/or powerful women, and he does not have to be in control of every situation to maintain his sense of self. (Frequently, he does manifest a quiet kind of confidence and control over his surroundings, but it’s not important to him that this is noticed by others.)

A beta male is often introverted, intelligent, and introspective. Though he may have been branded a “nerd” growing up, the adult beta is frequently a thoughtful, capable, and fascinating individual whom many women find appealing.

Then, there’s the opposite side of that coin.

To be a bitch like male.

In many respects, the beta male embodies the agenda of whatever someone or some line of thinking wants. If feminists want the beta male to be their ideal template for men, then that’s what he’ll be. If liberals want the beta male to be the superior, enlightened, understanding men who embody their ideals, that’s what he’ll be. The beta male is basically the universal tool for those looking to play into stereotypes for their protagonists.

There are already plenty of them. There’s Ross from “Friends.” There’s George from “Seinfeld.” There’s Peter Parker from “Spider-Man.” There’s the entire cast of “The Big Bang Theory.” There are even movies built entirely around this concept, my personal favorite being “She’s Out of My League.”

In every case, the story is the same. The weaker beta male is the underdog who never gets a break. Then, through some magical thinking and obscene luck, they win the day against the odds. It can be a good story and it makes for a nice fantasy, but that is what it is at the end of the day: a fantasy.

In real life, we don’t want beta males running everything. We don’t want beta males being our police officers, our fire fighters, or our star athletes. We want alpha males for those jobs.

When we look for a spouse or a lover, we tend not to favor those who we constantly have to coddle and protect. We want someone who will at least be our equal. We want someone who makes us stronger or at least can stand by our side on the same playing field.

So in a sense, our sentiment towards the beta male is downright schizophrenic. We love them in movie, but we discount them in real life. In real life, we see alpha males still dominating in terms of success. They get more attention, more sex, and more opportunity. Can this kind of discrepancy last? I say it can’t.

Reality, being the frustrating force that it is, tends to chip away at false fantasies in the long run. The cult of the beta male cannot last. There are only so many times we can watch Peter Parker get dumped or Ross from “Friends” get rejected. At some point, it stops being entertaining and we seek something else.

I say this as someone who has, to an extent, used beta male characteristics in my own stories. My book, “Skin Deep,” gives the main protagonist, Ben Prescott, a few beta male traits. It also gives his main rival, Zachery Crenshaw, a number of stereotypical alpha male traits. In this story, I stop short of making them too flat. I do make a conscious effort to balance them out. I like to think I succeed more than a typical episode of “The Big Bang Theory.” However, it’s a skill I’m still trying to refine.

In my other stories, I try to avoid too many beta males. I’ve actually noticed that erotic fiction in general tends to avoid beta males. Even in BDSM stories, they favor alpha male traits for both men and women alike. The success of “50 Shades of Grey” is a sign that there is a market for these kinds of characters. I hope to contribute to that market with future books, as well as my current books.

So for those who are as sick of beta males as me, check out my books or look back on the beta males in previous stories. Yes, that’s a shameless promotion of my own work. Yes, it’s entirely self-serving. However, it’s not something you’d expect of a beta male, would you? I rest my case.

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July 31, 2016 · 7:50 am

The (Unspoken) Benefits of Sexual Promiscuity

A while back, I wrote an post about the lesser-known benefits of BDSM. It’s true. There is actual real-world evidence that BDSM is good for your health. It’s one of those things people automatically assume is deviant and unhealthy. While it’s easy to see why people would think that, the real world tends to never be quite that easy.

So I thought it might be interesting to look at another assumption that most people in the western world have about sexual mores: the impact of sexual promiscuity. Like BDSM, a good chunk of the population has a certain set of assumptions about those who are sexually promiscuous. I could spend 10 blog posts describing them.

Someone is promiscuous? They must have issues at home. They must have horrible self-esteem. They must have been abused or something.

On top of that, there’s an egregious double standard with respect to sexual promiscuity. With men, they’re expected to be promiscuous to some extent. People look at a young man and assume, “That man wants to fuck every girl in his zip code.” It’s not necessarily an accurate assumption. The intensity of the male sex drive is often vastly overestimated, but society tends to structure itself around this assumption because it’s men who seem to commit most of the sexual crimes. It’s true that men do tend to commit more crimes in general, be they sexual or otherwise, but the rate for women is not zero. According to the FBI, women do commit their share of crimes.

That doesn’t stop the blind assumption that women who have a lot of sex must be “damaged” or something. How can anyone want to do something that feels so good and is such a vital part of life and not be damaged? That last sentence was sarcasm by the way. Society has progressed in recent years to see sexually active women differently. Comedian, Amy Shumer, even made a successful movie around it.

Even with this progress, however, there’s still this perception that sexual promiscuity is a bad thing. There’s a good reason for that. There’s even some history behind it. For most of human history, particularly in western land-owning cultures, promiscuity made it difficult to know for sure that your children were yours. If they weren’t, then passing down land and wealth became exceedingly difficult.

Then, there’s the disease factor. For most of human history, we didn’t have effective treatments for various STDs. That made promiscuity legitimately dangerous for many parts of the world, especially those living in cities and slums. However, modern technology has done a lot to change that. Most of the terrible diseases of the past have been wiped out or are easily treated by modern medicine. Some are still incurable, but the progress of modern medicine is still progressing. There will come a day when even those diseases are cured. So our understanding of sexual promiscuity needs to change.

So what is the psychology behind sexual promiscuity? Well, it’s a fairly new field of study to say the least. Research is still developing so the picture isn’t clear, nor should anyone expect it to be. Sexuality and human biology are complex, despite what some in the media would have us believe. What works for some people is not going to work for everyone. Human beings are just too diverse.

That said, Psychology Today did an in depth analysis on the research surrounding sexual promiscuity last year. It’s aptly titled, “What are the Psychological Effects of Casual Sex?” It’s an interesting idea that will definitely undermine some of the things we were taught in sex ed class as teenagers, but it has major implications. One of the most defining quotes of this article is this one:

If casual sexual activity doesn’t violate your moral code, your sense of integrity, or the commitments you have made to yourself and/or others, then it’s probably not going to be a problem for you in terms of your psychological well-being.

This seems to imply that the effects of sexual promiscuity have a lot to do with our assumptions about it. It’s sort of a classic self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think it’ll be harmful, then it’ll be harmful. If you think it’ll be good for you, then it’ll be good for you. Religion, culture, and upbringing all play a role and we’re just starting to understand it. As that understanding evolves, it will likely effect the way we tell stories about sexuality, which will in turn affect my stories. So I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on this topic.

Also, as they did with BDSM, the fine folks at ThinkTank did a video about the possible benefits of casual sex. I value their insight so I’ll let them make their case as well.

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July 29, 2016 · 8:55 am

A Relationship of Unequals: Penny and Leonard of “The Big Bang Theory”

Earlier this week, I talked about the importance of romantic relationships between equals. It’s too common these days that strong female characters have to overpower male counterparts. That makes finding examples of a romance among equals, even if it’s as simple as an X-men comic, more important as our culture evolves. By that same token, it’s just as important to acknowledge relationships between apparent unequals. That brings me to one of my favorite shows on TV right now, “The Big Bang Theory.”

Now let me make this clear, just in case I didn’t make it clear enough already. I love this show. It’s one of my favorite shows on TV. It’s funny, it heartfelt, and it’s has lovable, compelling characters. That’s the most you can ask of any TV show these days. However, there’s one component of this show that bugs me and it has to do with the never-ending romance of Penny and Leonard.

I know that this is, by far, the most important romance of the show. From the show’s first episode, this romance has been the driving force behind many plots. It’s perfectly understandable. A cute girl moves in across the hall. A lonely, single guy is going to notice. There’s nothing wrong with that being the foundation of a relationship. There are many wonderful love stories, real and fictional alike, that begin this way. It’s what happens after the beginning that make Penny and Leonard an unstable relationship at best and a toxic one at worst.

We’ve all heard it before. Opposites attract. It’s a common theme in many romance stories and it definitely works in some respects. It’s cute and concise so of course it isn’t entirely reflective of reality. Even science doesn’t offer a clear-cut answer. According to Psychology Today, research involving relationships among opposites tend to have mixed outcomes. It can work. It can also fail. In the fictional world of TV and within the limits of a half-hour show, those failings often get overlooked with Penny and Leonard.

Let’s look at the basics first:

  • Penny is an outgoing, bubbly, impulsive, irresponsible young woman who caters to nearly every “blonde” stereotype imaginable
  • Leonard is a shy, repressed, awkward, neurotic, needy young man who caters to every “nerd” stereotype imaginable

There’s definitely some appeal to seeing these two come together. Love finds a way, right? Well, love is only part of the equation here. Love is an important element of a relationship, but making that relationship work requires a lot more.

As I’ve written about before, doomed romances tend to have a common theme. Chief among those themes are the inequalities among the characters. It’s one thing for a princess to fall in love with a smuggler. It’s quite another to make that relationship work, given the differences between these characters. When two people come from different worlds and have different interest, it can hinder communication between them. Any relationship expert with any degree of competence will agree. Poor communication is toxic to a relationship.

Communication between Penny and Leonard is rarely clear. It leads to many of the hijinks within the show. Early in Season 2, they send each other a lot of mixed messages by dating other people. Penny dates one of her stereotypical dumb jock types while Leonard dates another stereotypical nerd type. Having already gone on a date at this point in the show, there’s no excuse for ambiguity. They know where they stand.

Later in Season 3, it gets even more erratic. In Episode 19, “The Wheaton Recurrence,” Leonard tells Penny he loves her. Her response, “Thank you.” It leads to yet another break-up between them, which is a recurring theme. Yes, they eventually come back together. Yes, Penny eventually does admit she loves him, albeit several seasons down the line. Along the way, the inequalities become more and more striking.

These inequalities go beyond just being different personality types. Good relationships can overcome different personalities. It’s the inequalities that become toxic. What makes this relationship so unequal is that nearly every major decision, every point of progress, and every major turn is done by one person: Penny.

She decides if and when they go out on dates. She decides if and when they begin/resume a relationship. She decides if and when she and Leonard have sex. Leonard, being the quintessential beta male, never does anything to assert himself. He tries at times and often fails hilariously, most notably in Season 3, Episode 23, “The Lunar Excitation.” In that episode, he tries to do exactly what Penny did with him, get drunk and assert that they’re going to have sex. It works when Penny does it. It doesn’t work when Leonard does it.

Now I know there’s a double standard in that scenario. A man asserting sex with a woman is still taboo, but the comic ineptitude that Leonard demonstrates makes this taboo a moot point here. It further reinforces that Penny is the one with all the power in this relationship. She can end it, start it, and guide it as she sees fit. Leonard, being so meek, can never assert himself convincingly.

These sorts of inequalities don’t just create bad dynamics. It also makes jealousy a whole lot worse. In Season 6, Episode 8, “The 43 Peculiarity,” Penny and Leonard are together again. Then, Penny gets an attractive male lab partner while going to community college and this is enough to freak Leonard out. While it is funny at how he deals with it, this kind of jealousy hints at another troubling trait that is toxic to relationships.

Jealous, namely the unhealthy variety, can go beyond simple envy, which we all have whenever we see someone driving a nice car. The jealousy in this instance becomes possession. Leonard sees his relationship with Penny as a precious piece of property that he must guard from those who may steal it. He doesn’t trust Penny. He knows she has a promiscuous past. He lets it get to him.

Penny is just as guilty of this as well. In Season 6, Episode 3, “The Higgs Boson Observation,” Leonard connects with Sheldon’s new female assistant, Alex. Penny flat out admits this bothers her. Despite her having so much power in this relationship, she still gives the impression that she owns Leonard’s affection for her.

When jealousy becomes possessive, it’s usually a sign that a relationship is entering dangerous territory. Jealousy is supposed to remind us of how we feel about our partners, not that we own them. That’s the biggest flaw with Penny and Leonard. Their relationship is something they both think they own. They can’t discern the concept from the person.

What makes this even worse is how Penny’s power extends beyond this relationship. Throughout the show, her promiscuity is well-documented. It fits into the “blond” stereotype that Penny seems to embody at every turn. Again, there’s nothing wrong with that, but it does expose what I think is the most egregious inequality of this relationship.

If she wanted to, Penny could end the relationship and find someone else just like Leonard or someone the exact opposite of him. Due to her looks and her social skills, she can find another relationship fairly easily. Leonard, being so socially awkward and weak, cannot do this. While he certainly could find someone else, his poor social skills limit him in ways that don’t limit Penny.

Naturally, these flaws don’t derail the relationship on the show. TV always takes liberties with certain relationship dynamics. Authors do the same. I know I have, but I like to think the stereotypes I use in books like “Skin Deep” aren’t as egregious or excessive as we see in “The Big Bang Theory.”

I don’t doubt the appeal of Penny and Leonard’s relationship. It certainly helps make the show entertaining. However, when I take a step back and look at the dynamics of this relationship, I see in it a lot of flaws that reflect outdated themes. I hope to avoid these flaws and explore new themes in my books. At the very least, “The Big Bang Theory” can offer a guide on what to avoid.

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July 25, 2016 · 6:25 am

Anatomy of Doomed Romances

I’ve talked about the right and wrong ways to explore sexuality and BDSM on this blog. I’ve talked about the potential benefits and insights that alternative concepts of sexuality may bring. However, there’s another side of that coin that’s worth talking about and, given that my work involves both erotic and romantic elements, it’s something that needs to be touched on.

A lot of my books have heavy romantic elements. At their core, books like “Skin Deep,” “Child of Orcus,” and even the aptly titled “The Escort and the Gigolo” are love stories. A big part of the story involves two characters coming together in a meaningful way. For the most part, I try to make this journey compelling, as well as sexy. I try to avoid typical Disney cliches. We all know them when we see them. It’s a “love at first sight” or a “forbidden love they can’t have.” Those make for tantalizing possibilities, but do they really make for healthy relationships?

It’s an important question to ask because some of these stories fail to acknowledge the flaws in those relationships. Make no mistake. Those flaws are there. The concept of “love at first sight” is sweet and all, but it’s barely the first step to a meaningful relationship and not taking more steps can undermine both the story and the relationship as a whole.

This isn’t a new issue either. Doomed romances are a big part of literature, going back to the days of the ancients. There’s an undeniable appeal to them, albeit one that reflects a crass understanding of love and meaningful relationships. Paste Magazine even made a list a few years back that highlights some of the most notable. I don’t think their choices will surprise anybody.

8 Epically Doomed Relationships in Literature

That’s one kind of doomed relationship. Most won’t argue the premise. Then, there are the doom relationships explored by Cracked.com in an article that may surprise some. Being a humor website full of dirty jokes, they took a more crass look at certain iconic romances. As is often the case, a crass gaze reveals an unexpected insight.

5 Movie Romances That Won’t Last According To Science

Some of the romances on this list are sure to make a certain subset of fans tense, but sometimes science and reality can be just that harsh. We tend to forget that relationships founded on excessive sacrifice or two people from different words, such as Han Solo and Princess Leia or John Bender and Clair Sandish, have more obstacles to overcome than most. By and large, those obstacles can be pretty detrimental. They’re not impossible to overcome, but the stories rarely explore this. It’s almost always just about how they come together. Then, the credits roll and we’re all left to fill in the blanks.

I understand why that happens. Exploring the intricacies of how relationships blossom and flourish is rarely as interesting as the process of coming together. I’m guilty of that as well in some of my stories. My book, “The Final Communion,” is the best example of that. At the same time, the concept of doomed romances provides an important context to developing romance as a whole. It’s a context I hope to keep in mind as I explore new stories. “The Big Game” doesn’t have heavy romantic elements, but some of the other books I have in mind will. Whatever comes of them, I hope I can show that there is a place for more meaningful romance that won’t feel so doomed in the end.

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July 23, 2016 · 8:43 am

A Nice Little Graphic on BDSM

Earlier this week, I wrote an article about the potential health benefits of BDSM. Later, I found a nice little piece on Cracked.com that sums it up a little better than I can. So if you’re not in the mood to read a whole blog post, just check this out.

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July 21, 2016 · 6:58 am

Learning From Wonder Woman’s BDSM Origins

This post is a follow-up to the one I did yesterday about Wonder Woman’s Semi-Secret BDSM Origins. I feel a follow-up is necessary because in looking into this issue, it got me thinking about a few concepts that I explore in my recently-completed book, “The Big Game.” While I have explored BDSM concepts in my books, namely in “The Final Communions,” I’ve never really explored the actual merits of these concepts. I think I’ve scratched the surface with “The Big Game” and I hope it inspires more exploration with future projects.

In discussing Wonder Woman’s BDSM origins, I pointed out how her creator, William Marston, had some pretty unusual views about the concept of submission and domination, at least from traditional Western perspective. With Wonder Woman, he frames the act of submission as an act of love and trust. It’s an act someone does willingly to show their respect and love. He sees it as a part of the feminine ideal, the complete antithesis of a patriarchal system where power oppresses for the sake of power.

It’s a powerful and admittedly radical concept, especially in an era where people are less trusting of those in power. The historically low 11-percent approval rating of Congress is proof enough of that. If Marston were alive today, I imagine he’d see this as further indication that patriarchal power structures are inherently corrupt. Too many people in this system seek power as a means to avoid submission to anyone or anything because they believe such submission is a bad thing. In a culture that shames itself over legacies of slavery and oppression of minorities, that’s understandable.

It also presents a unique opportunity to explore alternatives. I think William Marston’s ideas surrounding BDSM, including those highlighted in Wonder Woman’s origin story, offer something unique and different for a jaded population. Think about it a little deeper. Can submission be an act of love? Can domination be an act of love? Can these concepts be done in a way that subverts the kind of patriarchal corruption that Marston criticized?

I say it can and I make that case in “The Big Game.” The setup of the book alone puts it in a perfect position to highlight both systems. The story involves football, the ultimate exercise in masculinity and domination. The men who play this game are conditioned to seek domination over their opponents. Naturally, this is going to skew their idea of submission. Football players, especially those who play beyond pee-wee levels, will be more reluctant than most to entertain this idea.

So what happens when one player who carries himself with these skewed ideas more than most gets a lesson in loving submission? What does it do to him? How does it affect him? Is the effect positive or negative? Can it help him be a better football player?

These are all questions I explore in “The Big Game.” They’re ideas that I hope to flesh out even more in future projects. The act of submission doesn’t have to be cold, cruel, and callous. William Marston used Wonder Woman to frame this act in the opposite context. I use that same context in “The Big Game.” It is possible for submission and domination to convey love and trust. Without those emotional undertones, it becomes the kind of cold, callous act that leads to corruption and abuse.

I think the time is right for these concepts to enter the mainstream. I think the public is more open to alternative ways of thinking than ever before. I’m still waiting for responses from publishers, but I hope “The Big Game” can be part of that.

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July 20, 2016 · 2:37 pm

The BDSM Origins of Wonder Woman

As a longtime comic book fan, I like to think I know a bit more about comic book characters than fans who only know them through the movies. That said, even non-comic book fans probably know who Wonder Woman is. She’s one of the most iconic fictional characters of the last 70 years, ranking right up there with Superman and Batman. Most know her as a badass warrior princess from a secret island run by other badass warrior women. What isn’t quite as well known is that Wonder Woman’s origin is actually closely tied to the world of BDSM.

It’s true. That’s not just some twisted interpretation of early comics talking. It’s well-documented that Wonder Woman’s creator, William Marston, had some rather unconventional views about sex, gender, and feminism. In some respects, he was ahead of his time. In others, he just represented an alternative voice at a time when it was hard for those voices to be heard.

So how exactly does BDSM fit into Wonder Woman’s origin? Well first and foremost, it’s important to note that most of these origins have been ignored, undone, or nullified in some elaborate way within the modern comics. Pick up a Wonder Woman comic today and you won’t find many signs of BDSM or radical feminist undertones. You’ll see a woman being a badass warrior fighting monsters, aliens, and super-villains. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, it does underscore the vision of Wonder Woman’s creator.

So what exactly is that vision? Well, Vice.com did an article last year with Noah Berlatsky, who wrote a book about Wonder Woman entitled, “Wonder Woman: Bondage and Feminism in Marston/Peter Comics.” If you’re at all interested in Wonder Woman or older concepts of BDSM, I highly recommend it. In this book, Berlatsky says:

“But Marston has a real feminist agenda, I think, not just in the sense that he wants to put women in power, but in the sense that he wants to overturn the patriarchal idea that power should rule, or that the strongest should rule. Marston sees erotic submission as important not because it puts men down but because submission is actually for him a virtue. Erotic submission is about releasing control to the one you love, for him. So, yes, I think that is opposed to the values patriarchy tells us are important, and I think it has feminist implications, or can have feminist implications when coupled to a belief in women’s power, and women’s right to power, as in Marston’s worldview.”

Let that concept sink in for a moment. Think about just how radically different this is from our Western concept of submission and domination. Some may argue it’s part of human nature. Some may argue it’s a result of Western culture in general, which places such heavy emphasis on individual autonomy and freedom. Is the logic really that twisted though?

Submission, for Marston and for the early incarnation of Wonder Woman, isn’t seen as an act of weakness or defeat. It’s seen as an act of love and respect. We in the Western world have a hard time believing that submission can be anything that someone does willingly and with love. Marston, through Wonder Woman, shows that there can be elements of love and understanding through such acts. It is a concept that routinely plays out with BDSM and one that still remains taboo within our Western culture.

As such, many of these elements are no longer part of Wonder Woman’s mythos. However, some writers are making a concerted effort to revisit these concepts. Earlier this year, famed comic book writer, Grant Morrison, penned Wonder Woman: Earth One. For those of you seeking a version of Wonder Woman different from the movies and more in line with William Marston’s original vision, I highly recommend this book. It goes out of its way to capture that original concept of loving submission, in some cases quite literately.

Morrison stated in an interview with Newsarama that he sought a different approach to telling Wonder Woman’s story. This time, he underplayed the warrior aspect of Wonder Woman and the Amazons. That element is still there, but it’s secondary to the overarching themes of Marston’s ideas about submission and love. As a result, it creates a story that feels as groundbreaking now as it did in 1940.

For the past few decades, Wonder Woman’s BDSM origins have been underplayed or marginalized. However, with BDSM becoming more mainstream, thanks to the success of “50 Shades of Grey,” there may come a time when these radical ideas that are far older than most people think are revisited.

It is still a radical idea, the concept of submission being an act of love. It’s an idea I’m just starting to explore in my own books, particularly “The Big Game.” It’s kind of sobering to know that this idea was being explored seven decades ago and then got swept under the rug. Perhaps that means books like mine are coming out at just the right time as society learns more about these unorthodox, but not-so-radical concepts.

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July 19, 2016 · 6:50 am

BDSM Is Good For You?

In the age of the internet, we shouldn’t be too surprised when we come across insights into the human condition that sound so counter-intuitive, but turn out to be true. The mere fact we can fact-check what adults and authority figures tell us is a pretty remarkable, and fairly new, concept that we’re still wrapping our heads around. As a result, it makes for some pretty remarkable insights.

Like did you know that BDSM and kinky sex practices might be good for your mental health? No really. The Journal of Sexual Medicine actually did a study on the impact of BDSM on couples and it turns out, there are elements of it that are beneficial. Go figure.

As someone who writes about BDSM and “non-traditional” sex acts, this makes some bit of sense. It takes a certain amount of mental fortitude and personal strength to practice these kinds of acts and get the most benefit out of them. For those who don’t write about this stuff, it may sound wrong on so many levels, but it’s hard to argue with science.

Here’s a video from the Think Tank channel that nicely breaks it down better than I can. In addition, it also gives me some added insight for my next book, “The Big Game.” When it finally comes out, I hope it shows.

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