Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Stoner’s Edition

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I don’t consider myself a stoner, but I know a few people who are and they are some of the nicest, most relaxed people I know. Compared to some of the drunks I’ve known, I’d much rather spend an afternoon with them. That tends to say more about the people than the drug itself.

I know that this past week was a big deal for the stoner crowd. This past week was 4/20, the closest thing stoners have to a holiday. It’s only fair. Alcohol has St. Patrick’s Day and Mardi Gras. Why can’t marijuana have a holiday to call their own?

Now I know there are a lot of controversial opinions about weed. I know it’s still an illegal substance in most states and countries. Sure, that’s changing for a few and that change is way overdue, but it has a long way to go. As a lover of freedom and the right to indulge one’s preferred vices in a responsible manner, I hope stoners reach their goals.

Until then, I can only offer my support and my weekly entry of Sexy Sunday Thoughts. Between releasing my first published novel and an unofficial holiday for an entire subculture, it’s been a busy week. I can think of no better way to cap it off than with some crude, sexy humor. Enjoy!


“Someone who’s developing a spanking fetish must get very confused when they’re being punished.”

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I sometimes wonder about those who develop certain fetishes. It’s one of those things that just can’t happen overnight. It’s got to be a process to some extent. So those in the midst of that process who have a spanking fetish must get very conflicted when a parent, nun, or prostitute tries to punish them. It may or may not have the desired effect.

That doesn’t mean the process has to be difficult though. If a punishment ends up making you horny and those doing the punishing don’t realize that, then you win in the end.


“Objectively, men with big dicks and women with big tits struggle the most under public nudity laws.”

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I get that public nudity laws exist for a reason. Even though I enjoy nudity more than most, I still feel like certain people struggle with it. If you have a really big dick or a pair of awesome tits, I imagine public nudity laws are very stressful. You have an innate desire to show of your endowments, but the law says you can’t. It’s a constant struggle. In that sense, the well-endowed men and women of this world deserve our sympathy.


“Being sexy will only get you noticed. Having sex appeal will actually motivate someone to get you in their bed.”

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Make no mistake. There is a difference between sexy and sex appeal. It’s usually subtle. It usually determines whether a stripper gets an extra tip or whether a man gets that cute cocktail waitress’ phone number.

In essence, being sexy is just like being a flashy sign along a busy highway. Having sex appeal is like having a map that shows all the shortcuts to help you get from that initial encounter to someone else’s bed. It’s a powerful tool so you know the difference.


“Guns take lives. Genitals help create life. For some reason, though, it’s controversial to teach kids how to use them both safely.”

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This is an odd paradox of sorts. There are all sorts of programs for gun safety aimed at kids. The NRA even uses cartoon characters to teach it. Parents who own guns are more than happy to teach their kids all about safe and responsible use. It’s rarely controversial.

For genitals, though, parents recoil in horror. Never mind the fact that the proper use of genitals is the very reason children exist in the first place. The fact that abstinence only education is so prevalent shows an odd disconnect from those who want to teach children safe and responsible behavior.


“The fact that a women can make any part of their body sexier, but a man can never make his balls sexier says a lot more about female sexuality than most are willing to admit.”

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It’s amazing how women can take any body part, from head to toe, and find a way to make it sexier. Whether it involves painting toe nails or piercing labias, women get astonishingly creative when it comes to making parts of their body more attractive.

It says something about men that there are only a handful of body parts they can make sexier. Most of those require more work than painting toe nails. On top of that, men have certain body parts, like their balls, can never be attractive. Either our imaginations are just that limited or women are just that beautiful.


“Are bisexuals more sexually flexible or are they just plain greedy?”

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I’ve often wondered about this. From a pure numbers standpoint, bisexuals have a huge advantage. They can get frisky with 100 percent of the planet while those of a heterosexual persuasion are stuck with only half at most. That’s a hell of a disparity.

Does that mean that bisexuals are just that flexible? Is it possible that they’re just greedier and they’re playing a numbers game? We can’t know for sure, but I often find myself envying bisexuals. They know that when it comes to getting laid, the math is on their side.


“The fact that sex toys exist proves that our brains can be horny and rational to some extent.”

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Many say that we cannot be rational when we’re horny. I’ve even echoed that claim here on this blog. However, that’s not to say that it’s impossible to some degree. The creation of sex toys still requires a certain amount of rationality and logic.

Sure, we’re still prone to making stupid decisions when we’re really horny, but we can also be pretty damn motivated as well. Sometimes motivation can lead to beautiful creations. Excuse me. I just teared up a little.


“Lust is the meat on the bone. Romance is the sauce we use to cook it. Divorce is the food poisoning we get when neither is done right.”

Love and lust are a potent combination. That’s something I try to demonstrate in my books, especially “Passion Relapse.” It can create a perfect storm of passion and ecstasy the likes of which make life worth living. It truly is a beautiful thing.

Divorce, on the other hand, makes life about as pleasant as explosive diarrhea. It is the ultimate gut punch, both to our hearts and to our wallets. Like the difference between chocolate and food poisoning, it can take something beautiful and turn it into an agony that only a robust toilet is equipped to handle.


To stoners and non-stoners alike, I thank you for this momentous week. If you haven’t already, please take the time to check out “Passion Relapse.” Regardless of how high you are, it should put you in just the right mood to cap off your week.

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