Tag Archives: horror

“My Guardian Vampire” A Sexy Short Story (With Sexy Vampires)

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The following is another sexy short story in the spirit of Halloween. My previous story included demons. This one has vampires. Yes, I know vampires have had a mixed reputations for reasons I don’t think I need to recount. I’m banking that enough time has passed for people to give them another chance at being sexy. I hope this story helps with that effort. Enjoy!

The darkest nights often reveal someone’s greatest vulnerabilities. It was easy to be brave, bold, and daring in broad daylight. Anyone could present themselves to the world as something greater than what they were. They might even convince a significant number of people. However, when they laid in bed at night, alone and in the dark, their greatest fears often caught up with them.

Howard Hunley knew those fears better than most. He’d lived most of his life dreading such dark nights. Unlike most men, his fears were justified. He was the son Max Hunley, also known as Main Man Max, one of the most infamous henchmen of the Blood Moon Cartel. He’d lived his entire live as a target and for the first nine years of it, he handled it as well as any kid could. If anything, he had less to fear than most because his father was so respected.

That all changed when he was targeted by an ambitious rival. In one fateful night, which happened to be on Halloween, a hit squad stormed his family beach house and slaughtered almost their entire family. They thought they got them all, but he and his father miraculously survived. From that day forward, his life changed, as did his fears.

“We’ll never feel safe again, son…especially in the shadows,” his father often told him.

Those words had echoed in Howard’s mind ever since that fateful day. His father kept him from seeing the dead bodies of his mother, his older brother, and his sister, but there was no hiding the truth.

His father’s life destroyed his family. It came very close to destroying him, as well. In a moment that radically changed the course of his life, Main Man Max turned himself into federal authorities. In exchange for entry into the witness protection program, he offered his testimony and knowledge of the Blood Moon Cartel. He claimed that his primary motivation was protecting his only remaining child, but Howard knew the truth.

He was scared too.

He would always be scared.

No matter where they went or how far they ran, they would always be vulnerable.

In his youth, Howard resented his father for putting him and their family in such a position. Over time, however, he came to admire him. He watched as his father sacrificed everything, willingly going into hiding for the sake of what he had left.

There was only so much that he and witness protection could do. Howard went by a new name, Jason Jermaine Ramon. He was relocated to a small town over a thousand miles away from the home he knew. He’d even managed to make the most of that life, going to school there and eventually training to be an EMT with the local fire department. Instead of taking lives, like his father, he saved them.

Even with this life, Howard never felt self, especially on Halloween. It was usually the night when he locked all his doors, barricaded his bedroom, and just waited for the night to end. That all changed a few years ago when he encountered a beautiful creature named Adelia.

“Good night, guys! Happy Halloween,” Howard said to his co-workers at the station as he completed his shift.

“Later, Jason!” said Darian Drummond, a close friend of his. “You sound excited. Got any special Halloween plans?”

“You could say that,” he replied coyly as he got into his car.

“You said that last year too. Are you ever going to tell us about them…or her, for that matter?”

“Sorry, Darian. But if I told you, then those plans wouldn’t be as special, would they?”

His friend laughed and shook his head. He had no idea how astute his comments were. However, he was only partially right about why his Halloween plans were special. There was a much larger part that he’d never believe.

After waving goodbye, Howard drove off. His home was less than a 10-minute drive, but he couldn’t get there fast enough. The sun was just setting. Various Halloween festivities were just about to begin. He had some festivities of his own, but none of them involved candy, costumes, or parties.

“I know you’re waiting for me, my loving guardian,” Howard said under his breath. “I’m on my way. I have your favorite treat…and then some.”

As he drove through the evening traffic, he looked to the small cooler in the passenger’s seat of his car. It was a special container he got from the local clinic. It was specifically designed to hold donated blood in plastic pouches. He often used it in his work as an EMT, but tonight, he used it to store a packet of his own blood that he’d taken earlier that day.

He did it off-hours and without permission, but it was for a good reason…an intimate, personal reason.

“Howard…my blood mate…my love,” said a soft voice within his head. “I sense you. I’m waiting.”

Howard’s smile widened and he drove faster, running a couple of stop signs to get home faster. That voice in his head echoed with the same alluring tone that had made the past several Halloween nights feel completely different. It wasn’t just in his head, either. Hearing that voice so clearly helped remind him that Adelia wasn’t just the one who helped him appreciate Halloween again. She was a creature not of this world.

Specifically, Adelia was a vampire.

“Blood mates,” Howards said to himself as his house came into view, “you make it sound so intimate.”

“That’s because it is, my dear,” said the voice, still echoing within his head. “It is one of the most intimate terms of endearment that a vampire can use.”

“And you use it with me,” he said out loud. “I wish I had better terms for a woman like you.”

“You don’t need them. Take it from someone older than this town. Words can never truly capture a love like ours.”

His heart skipped a beat. He sensed that excited her. It might have been a signal to all vampires that they’d found a special specimen, so to speak. It just as easily could’ve been his emotions running high on Halloween.

It was so fitting, if not poetic. The one person who had given new meaning to Halloween was a vampire. Most people didn’t even think vampires were real. Even those that did had incredibly flawed assumptions about them. The many myths, folklore, and fairy tales surrounding vampires had fueled many misconceptions, some of which were intentional.

It took Howard a while to learn the truth, but it turned out to be more compelling than any lore. Most vampires were not the cruel, blood-thirsty monsters that traditional stories made them out to be. Some aspects were true.

They drank blood.

They burned easily when exposed to sunlight.

They didn’t age beyond a certain point.

They were stronger, faster, and more durable than an ordinary human.

They could become invisible, hiding in the shadows.

They could communicate telepathically with each other and non-vampires to a limited extent.

Other details were pure fiction. They didn’t have an aversion to garlic, crucifixes, holy water, or wooden stakes. They also didn’t turn into bats or look like some sort of goblin creature. Most looked perfectly normal when walking down a street. They could even retract their fangs.

“We’re still human…just a different kind of human,” Adelia had told him on more than one occasion.

That was the most important aspect of real vampires and one that vampire lore often overlooked. They were human. Specifically, they’d all been human at one point. They became vampires through an arduous process that Adelia described as Blood Genesis. She specifics were vague, but it was something that only a handful of people could survive. Those that did enjoyed the many benefits of being a vampire, but it still came at a cost.

The biggest part of that cost was the need to drink blood. It wasn’t out of malice or bloodlust, either. A vampire’s biology had to operate at such a high level to achieve its many benefits. As a result, blood was necessary. They could eat traditional food, but that only gave them a fraction of the nutrients they needed. Blood was necessary. Without it, they died of malnutrition.

“There’s nothing supernatural about it…not entirely,” she’d also told him. “We want to live, love, and prosper like everyone else. It’s just trickier for us.”

That was an understatement. Like every other vampire, Adelia needed to secure a steady supply of blood, which wasn’t easy. Contrary to traditional vampire lore, hunting and killing humans was not their first instinct. Some vampires went that route. They usually didn’t survive for very long. Beyond killing a steady source of blood, Murder and violence tended to draw attention, which often ended with a vampire being hunted by humans and shunned by other vampires.

Most vampires survived by simply finding humans who were willing to donate their blood willingly and compensating them for it. It was no different than any other market, except that it was largely done in secret. Most of the time, the compensation involved money or resources. When Howard first encountered Adelia, that was the arrangement they sought. It just blossomed into something more.

“I’m home, my blood mate,” Howard said upon pulling into the driveway of his small, unassuming house.

“I’m waiting,” Adelia replied through their telepathic link. “Halloween is upon us and I’m ready to start to festivities!”

“So am I.”

With growing excitement, Howard turned off his car engine and retrieved the canister containing his blood pouch. He couldn’t make it through his front door fast enough. In the past, he’d been so paranoid about returning home, even after going into witness protection. He used to check the windows and doors, looking for signs of forced entry. Since Adelia entered his life, he had no such fear.

Upon entering, he was greeted with the sight he’d been waiting for since last Halloween. Lying there on his couch, wearing nothing but simple set of bra and panties, was his vampire lover. Even in the dim light of a full moon, she looked so radiant.

“Good evening, my handsome stud. I take it you come bearing treats,” she said seductively.

“Speak for yourself,” Howard said jokingly. “No elaborate Victorian lingerie this time?”

“Not tonight, my dear. There are plenty of nights for something elaborate and kinky. This is not one of them…and you already know damn well why.”

There was a seriousness in her voice to go along with the sexiness. Adelia didn’t need any vampire-powered telepathy to know that. When she got up from the couch and approached him, she did so with a sense of caring and compassion in her eyes. It was not a look most would associate with a vampire, but Howard knew it was genuine.

Taken by her stunning beauty and vampiric grace, he was drawn to her presence. He kicked the door shut, not even bothering to lock it, like he once did with obsessive scrutiny. They eventually met in the middle of his living room. He still wore his EMT uniform while carrying the container full of blood. With nothing but underwear on, she affectionately embraced him.

“This night will always be a hard night for you,” Adelia said to him. “You’ve handled it well, lately. You even joke about it from time to time. But I can still sense how much it bothers you.”

“It’s not like I hide it that well,” Howard said a tone as serious as it was sincere.

“I don’t need to be a vampire to see the signs, but you don’t have to hide it from me. I became your blood guardian because you craved greater safety as much as I craved blood. But I only became your blood mate when I learned why that safety means so much to you.”

It was a powerful reminder and one Howard still needed, even after building such a successful life for himself. Adelia gave him another as she deepened their embrace, wrapping her arms around him securely and kissing him softly on the lips.

Her touch was so warm. That was another misconception about vampires. They were not cold, animated corpses. Their bodies were actually warmer than most humans. It was an unavoidable byproduct for having such immense abilities. Their unique biology required more activity, as Adelia. It made their touch hotter than most. It didn’t just provide warmth on a brisk fall night. It got his blood flowing in ways few things could.

“I haven’t forgotten, Adelia,” he told her as soon as the kiss parted.

“I still enjoy reminding you,” Adelia said with a light grin. “But on a night like tonight, I like being more thorough than usual.”

“Then, it’s a good thing I brought extra,” Howard said, holding up the container. “If you’re going to be thorough, especially on Halloween, you need your strength.”

Adelia’s grin widened and she kissed him again. She then took the container and opened it, revealing a large pack of blood that he’d donated earlier that day. It already had a special tube connected to the top, acting like an extra-long straw. He’d prepared it with her in mind. With one arm still securely around his neck, she eagerly put her lips to the tube and drank it.

In doing so, Howard watched with a mix of awe and affection as his vampire lover drank. It never ceased to amaze him, how a vampire could be so energized by a fresh dose of blood. While they weren’t always pale or thin, it was easy to tell when a vampire hadn’t fed in a while. When they ingest blood, they radiated more heat. Their eyes also became bloodshot, becoming more excited and focused. Adelia described it a shot of adrenaline mixed and a surge of awareness.

“Mmm…I can literally taste your love, my blood mate,” she told him telepathically.

“All the more reason to drink up,” Howard said, holding her closer to further encourage her.

Vampires didn’t need added incentive to gorge on fresh blood, but they were at their strongest when they did. It was in that moment, watching Adelia feed while being in her embrace, that Howard felt the safest. Having been on the run from his father’s enemies all his life, it was a special feeling.

He didn’t intend for it to be special and neither did Adelia. When she came to him several years back, having found him huddled in his room with shotgun on Halloween night, she only offered him protection. Being a vampire, nobody could watch out for him in the darkness like her. All he had to do was regularly share his blood. Having been so desperate, it seemed like a fair trade. They just ended up getting more out of it than either of them expected.

As soon as she finished the last drop of blood, her eyes were blood red and her exposed skin radiated with renewed energy. Howard could already feel it flowing into him. It got his heart racing, among other things. Being so close to her, a beautiful female vampire with his blood now flowing inside her, stirred in him those special passions that once felt impossible, especially on Halloween.

“It’s official. I’m full,” Adelia said playfully as she tossed the empty blood pack aside.

“Is that all you are, my love?” Howard teased.

“Not in the slightest,” she laughed. “A fresh dose of blood makes any vampire feel lively. But a dose from the blood of a lover…”

“Makes you horny…really, really horny.”

“I was going to say impassioned, but if we’re ignoring my Victorian sensibilities…”

Her words trailed off. Howard chose to shut up too. He knew what came next and it didn’t involve giving candy to trick-or-treaters. Having nourished her vampiric body and surrounded him in her protective embrace, a different kind of Halloween spirit took over.

She threw her arms around him once more. She also jumped up into his arms, hooking her legs around his waist and pressing her underwear-clad body against his. They kissed again, this time with more passion and fervor. More heat from her unique body flowed into him, exciting him in ways that defied even more of those Victorian sensibilities.

“Take me, my blood mate. Take me to your bed!” Adelia said to him telepathically, their lips still entwined.

Rather than words or thoughts, Howard answered with actions. With his vampire lover securely in his arms, holding her up by her heart-shaped butt, he carried her up the stairs and into his master bedroom. Upon entering, he found out that Adelia had made preparations.

“Wow! You’ve been busy,” he said, still holding her in his arms.

“I tried not to overdo it, but…” Adelia said, allowing her words to trail off in a seductive tone.

“It’s perfect,” said Howard. “Hell, I think I need this.”

That might have been his passions overshadowing his brains, but that didn’t make the sentiment any less true. The room had been decorated with Halloween décor, including orange curtains on his windows, fake spider-webs around the lamps, and an array of orange candles that created a sexy, yet festive ambience. It was even more elaborate than last year, which had been the first time he’d even dared to be festive on Halloween. This year felt even more special.

Adelia made it okay to celebrate this solemn day for him. She even dared to make it fun. He shared in that feeling as he continued following their shared passions. His excitement escalating by the minute, he carried her over to the bed and laid her down with the utmost care. With their lips still entwined, he shed his shirt, pants, shoes, and socks before joining her.

It brought his skin into contact with hers. For a vampire’s lover, it was the point of no return. Feeling their extra-warm flesh, especially after having fed on blood, was like tapping into an unknown well of energy. It got every part of his body operating at a high level. His mind raced as fast as his heart. The simple act of making out with Adelia left him both captivated and aroused to the utmost.

That naturally extended to his lower body, as well. He could already feel his dick becoming fully erect, creating a noticeable bulge in his boxers. Adelia once joked that vampires were natural aphrodisiacs. They could evoke such a powerful reaction in others through simple touch. Even if it was supposed to just get blood flowing for feeding, the secondary effects were just as useful.

“Mmm…you do need this,” Adelia said, their lips briefly parting.

“I’m not afraid anymore,” Howard said as he hovered on top of her, caressing her face. “Thanks to you, I can enjoy a night like this. And I’d like to show my gratitude, as only a blood made can.”

“And how do you plan on doing that?” she asked, as though she didn’t already know.

“Lie back, spread your legs, and enjoy the smell of pumpkin incense while I show you!”

She laughed joyously, an act few would associate with real vampires. Howard had come to love hearing her make such noises. It further motivated him to evoke more of them.

His vampire lover did as he asked, lying back in the middle of the bed, grabbing hold of the sheets in anticipation. While she maintained her playful demeanor, Howard’s actions became more focused and serious. He started by kissing down her face and neck, tasting the heated flesh that was now so freshly nourished.

As he trialed his lips downward, feeling more of her warmth flow into him, he skillfully unclasped her bra and freed her ample breasts. He took a moment to bury his face between them, immersing himself in her cleavage. It got Adelia laughing more. It also got her more aroused.

“Oohhh, Howard! I’m loving this plan of yours,” she told him through her laughter.

“It gets better,” Howard said, sounding dead serious.

He continued his oral trek down her exposed flesh, giving each nipple a nice lick to further her arousal. While she writhed from the sensations that followed, he stealthily grasped the sides of her panties. Her arousal really showed. Like a reflex, she lifted her hips so she could remove them.

“Off! Get my panties off!” Adelia urged.

Howard eagerly obliged. He also stepped up the timetables of his teasing. Vampires were not known for their patience. Given their age and lengthy lifespan, that was understandable. Adelia was more patient with him than most, but he never kept her waiting for long.

Upon tossing her panties across the room, rendering his vampire lover completely nude, Howard quickly made his way towards her inner thighs. He could already feel a moist heat radiating from her womanhood. Adelia once told him that when a vampire got horny, their genitals became supercharged by the rapid flow of blood. She’d never gone into specifics, but the results spoke for themselves.

“So hot and wet,” Howard said distantly, “it smells delicious.”

“Speak for yourself, my mortal stud,” Adelia quipped.

He cast her a humored grin, but he remained as serious as ever. Placing his hands on her thighs, he pushed her legs apart, clearing the path for him. Then, he buried his face in her pussy and began giving her oral sex

“Oohhh, Howard!” Adelia cooed in delight. “I consume you…you consume me…I love it!”

It was oddly poetic. She was a vampire who drank his blood. He was her lover who ate her pussy out. It would’ve been funny if the passions weren’t so real.

Her intimate flesh tasted as good as any Halloween candy. She once joked that vampire pussy aged like fine wine. Having gorged on hers many times, he knew it was no joke. She was so hot and moist, radiating with a sensual energy that defied description. He used his tongue to probe her depths, feeling his way around her most sensitive areas. Vampire women seemed to have a lot of those when they were horny. It made his job easier, but no less rewarding.

It also intensified the same side-effects that had given him a throbbing erection. Whether by some strange spiritual energy or some mysterious properties of vampire flesh, it left him so aroused that his patience waivered as well. While still lapping his tongue over her outer folds, he shed his boxers and threw them aside.

At that point, his plan to express his gratitude was complete. Now, the true Halloween festivities could begin. After giving her pussy one last tease with his tongue, he rose up and crawled back on top of her.

“Adelia,” Howard said as he gazed into those blood-red eyes of hers. “You protect me, love me, and trust me. What you mean to me…what you’ve done for me…even thoughts aren’t enough.”

“That’s how I know your love is real,” she told him as she lovingly caressed his face. “When even a vampire’s telepathy can’t process it, you know it’s special.”

“I know it’s not easy. I sure don’t make it easy, given the circumstances of my life.”

“Having lived multiple lifetimes, I understand more than most. That’s what makes it even more special!”

“That also makes it worth celebrating…tonight…on Halloween.”

“You and your vampire lover,” Adelia said with another playful laugh. “I cannot think of anything more fitting.”

This time, he laughed with her. The laughter gave way to a deep kiss. As their lips became entwined, their bodies followed suit. Adelia eagerly wrapped her legs around his waist, her vampire strength showing every step of the way. Howard skillfully aligned his body with hers, guiding his erect manhood towards her waiting womanhood.

Finally, through a simple movement of hips, he entered her. The shared heat of their bodies became one. The unique features of a vampire woman and a human man supplemented one another in a fateful moment on a wonderfully appropriate night. They were really doing it. They were making love on Halloween.

“My lover…my blood mate.”

That passionate mantra echoed in their minds, shared through telepathic thoughts and reinforced through intimate actions. After soaking in the heat of their union, Howard set the tone for his vampire lover. He began moving his hips, establishing a rhythmic flow to their lovemaking. With him on top of her, their naked skin grinding together with each motion, the intimate energy quickly intensified.

It led to more elaborate forms of lovemaking. Together, they rolled around on the bed, their naked bodies shifting and adjusting in accord with their passion. At one point, Adelia was on top of him, riding his cock. At another, he laid her on her side and spooned her from behind. Vampires were known for their sexual prowess and stamina. What was less known was how it seemed to empower their mortal lovers.

Blissful moans and gasps soon filled the room, coupled with plenty of kissing and caressing. Even though vampires were naturally durable, Howard was often careful and tender with Adelia. They still enjoyed their share of rough sex, but a night like tonight demanded something more personal. The focus was on the love they’d forged and not just the intimate benefits it had inspired.

True to that spirit, he and Adelia willingly lost themselves in the passion and pleasure. They worked up a healthy sweat, which had since covered their naked bodies. In the soft candlelight, it further added to the sensual ambience. It helped make every undulating motion so smooth and seamless. It also brought them to the brink of orgasm with almost supernatural ease.

“Howard, my blood mate!” Adelia cried “Make love to me! Give me your love! Please…I’m so close!”

“Me too, Adelia. Me too!” Howard said with focused grunts.

For that final push, they returned to the simple missionary position in which they’d began. It might have been the old European traditionalist in Adelia, but that was the one she preferred. It was also the one that allowed him to go the extra mile for his lover.

He stepped up the pace for the final push, digging his feet into the bed and tightening his grip on her hips. Adelia did her part too, raking her nails down his back and locking her legs together in anticipation. He could feel the pulsating heat in her pussy around his cock, preparing for that magical release. When she finally got it, a special ecstasy consumed them both.

“Ohhh bloody yes!” she cried out.

Her naked body trembled.

The bed shook violently under the force of their movements.

Howard took her hands in his, closed his eyes, and awaited a feeling that only a vampire’s lover could appreciate.

“Oh Adelia…I feel it too.”

That wasn’t just a romantic sentiment. It was another side-effect/bonus that came along with vampire intimacy. When she climaxed, he didn’t just sense it in the form of her inner muscles contracting around his cock. He literally experienced part of her release, thanks to her telepathic talents.

It was like plugging into a hidden source of power and pleasure. Hot waves of heavy sensation washed over them both, inundating them with intense feelings of raw ecstasy. It was more than enough to get him to climax as well, his throbbing member shooting off inside her with his own release. It extended the orgasmic process even more, allowing Adelia to share his pleasure as well.

“Mmm…I never get tired of that,” she moaned.

“Me neither,” Howard said with a beaming smile.

They remained in an intimate embrace, their eyes lovingly locked onto one another as they soaked in the feeling. With vampires, simultaneous orgasms were the norm and not the exception. Adelia said that, while vampires couldn’t have children, they still had plenty of use for sex. By mixing it with their telepathic skills, they could create a special experience the likes of which no two humans could ever know.

From an evolutionary standpoint, it gave vampires something else to exchange with mortal humans in exchange for blood. From a personal standpoint, it created a whole new level of intimacy. Adelia told him that it was mostly shared among other vampires. It kept them close-knit and united in their struggle to survive. Few ordinary humans could handle it. Howard was one of those select few. It was yet another sign that their love was special.

As they shared in that special feeling, Howard kissed his vampire lover once more. Their intimate flesh parted, but the sensual heat between them had never burned brighter.

“I love you, Adelia…my blood mate…my guardian vampire,” Howard said as he laid next to her in the center of the bed.

“I love you too, Howard,” said Adelia, her glowing red eye flickering with impassioned energy. “I’ve lived a long, long time…doing things my own way…never getting too close to anyone. Then, you came along…a man in need of protection, comfort, and love.”

“And after all those years, you found way to give all of that.”

“And to think, all I wanted initially was a fresh supply of blood,” she said jokingly.

“I know,” said Howard, as he caressed her face. “Love is strange, like that. It starts with something you need. It becomes something you cherish. Whether you’re a human or a vampire, it somehow finds you.”

“And on Halloween, no less!”

They shared another laugh before coming together in another passionate kiss. It still amazed Howard. In his darkest hour on his least favorite day of the year, a vampire came to him, offering something simple. He got her protection. She got his blood. That Halloween night ended up being a fateful turning point.

Over time, she became more than just his guardian and he became more than just a source of nourishment. Together, they blossomed into something so much more. Howard knew he could never live a normal, open life. His father’s crimes would always define him, leaving him vulnerable, no matter where he hid. He used to fear the shadows. Now, he took comfort in them, knowing his vampire lover was there to protect him.

“Happy Halloween, Howard,” she said to him through their telepathic link.

“Happy Halloween, Adelia,” he replied. “Thanks for making this day worth celebrating again.”

“And celebrate we will! That, I can promise you. And a vampire always keeps her promise to her blood mate.”

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“Happy Death Day 2U” Review: A Quality Sequel With Noticeable Flaws

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Slasher movies are one of those frustrating genres that have a lot of overdone tropes, but a handful of gems that really stand out. These movies tend to have a standard formula from which few deviates. There’s a mysterious killer on the loose. A group of attractive young people try to escape. All the promiscuous ones die while the sweet, innocent virgin who never shows her tits survives.

If you’ve seen any slasher movie after the first “Halloween” in 1978, then you’ve seen this play out any number of ways. However, it’s because that formula is so overdone that the first “Happy Death Day” felt so refreshing. When I reviewed this movie, I lauded how it injected fresh nuance into the typical horror/slasher formula. It didn’t completely abandon that formula, but it didn’t play by the rules either.

That approach paid off. The move went onto make over $125 million worldwide, despite having a budget just below $5 million. That’s a pretty good payoff for horror/slasher movie in an era where superhero movies dominate and movies that punish beautiful women for being sexy is losing favor. Not surprisingly, this success warranted a sequel in “Happy Death Day 2U.”

Considering how the first movie wrapped things up so neatly, a sequel comes with greater risk. How do you even build on a story where a young woman is stuck in a time loop where she dies at the hands of a killer every time? After the time loop ends, shouldn’t the story also end? “Happy Death Day 2U” tries to make the case that there’s still room for the story to grow.

By and large, the movie succeeds in telling that story. However, I don’t believe the movie works quite as well as the first in terms of impact and nuance. I admit I was skeptical, and even a little disappointed, when I heard that a sequel was in the works. For a movie that overtly referenced “Groundhog Day,” which never got a sequel, it seemed like it could only be counterproductive.

To some extent, those concerns were vindicated at the start of the movie. One of the things that made “Groundhog Day” such an effective concept was that we never learned what caused the time loop that trapped Phil Connors. While the cause was revealed in the original scrip to the movie, the act of not explaining the cause helped make it an effective plot device.

Happy Death Day 2U” doesn’t bother with such ambiguity. Within the first half-hour of the movie, we find out what caused Tree Gelbman to get stuck in the time loop that plagued her in the first movie. I won’t spoil too many details. I’ll just say that there’s nothing overly supernatural or subtly spiritual about it.

That’s not to say it still doesn’t work. In fact, I would go so far as to say that it adds an extra level of innovation to the horror/slasher formula that the first “Happy Death Day” did so much to alter. The stakes are different this time around, but the concept is the same. Tree is stuck in a time loop again, but the story has less to do with how she escapes and more to do with the price she pays to do so.

There isn’t quite as much mystery, but there are new complications that add a different kind of intrigue. The nature of the loop and the identity of the killer is different, this time. Motivations and obstacles are different too, but similar enough to build upon the foundation that the first movie established.

While I didn’t care for how “Happy Death Day 2U” explained the time loop, I still found myself genuinely intrigued by Tree’s journey, as well as that of her supporting cast. In the first movie, much like Phil Connors in “Groundhog Day,” Tree starts off as a selfish, arrogant, mean-spirited person who is difficult to root for. Over the course of the movie, though, she becomes more likable.

Tree’s journey in “Happy Death Day 2U” takes it even further by testing her new persona. Instead of becoming a better person by navigating the time loop, Tree is faced with a series of difficult, gut-wrenching choices. Beyond surviving the killer, escaping the time loop means paying a heavy price. Within the moments of bloody violence and messy deaths, she agonizes over that price.

That aspect of the story is what makes “Happy Death Day 2U” worth seeing. Even if it loses something by explaining the source of the time loop, it gains something by building on Tree’s story. We learn more and more about why she was such a self-loathing bitch in the first place, which makes her growth from that persona even more satisfying.

By the end of “Happy Death Day 2U,” it feels like Tree has take yet another step. She shows just how much she has grown, as a result of her experience in the time loop. It also gives even more weight to the blossoming relationship she has with Carter Davis. Her feelings for him and his feelings for her feel a lot more genuine by the time the credits roll.

As meaningful as this kind of character growth is, though, “Happy Death Day 2U” doesn’t hide from the fact that it’s still a slasher movie. Like its predecessor, it’s overtly coy with how it portrays the violence and death scenes. It’s a little gratuitous, at times. It also employs some tongue-in-cheek humor that helps balance things out.

Happy Death Day 2U” never tries to be too bloody, but never tries to be too funny, either. It takes what the first movie did and builds on the foundation. While it doesn’t feel as novel or innovative as the first, it still captures the overall spirit and style.

The movie still has flaws beyond explaining the cause of the time loop and limiting the overall mystery. Like the first one, this movie feels like it holds back at times. It probably could’ve done a lot more with an R-rating instead of a standard PG-13 rating, but there’s never a sense that the movie attempts to walk a fine line between the two.

In addition, while Tree’s character undergoes plenty of growth, Carter still doesn’t get nearly as much. We still don’t know much about who he is or what makes him tick. He still shows plenty of backbone throughout the movie, stepping up in a way that make him easy to root for, both as a character and as Tree’s love interest. It just feels like he doesn’t get his chance to shine.

There’s also the issue of needing to see the first “Happy Death Day” to understand what’s going on here. This is one of those movies where the prequel really isn’t optional if you want to appreciate everything that happens. In fact, this movie build so much upon the first that it basically acts as an extension more than a sequel.

Those flaws aside, “Happy Death Day 2U” is still a solid movie that took some considerable risks. Those risks paid off in that it further established this franchise a badly-needed shot in the arm for a genre that has become less relevant in recent years. If I had to score this movie, I would give it a solid 4 out of 5.

There is still a place for horror/slasher movies and there probably always will be. “Happy Death Day 2U” demonstrates that there’s still plenty of room for blood, violence, sex appeal, and creepy masked killers in the current cinematic landscape. John Carpenter and Wes Craven may have helped perfect that formula, but “Happy Death Day 2U” adds some new and overdue ingredients.

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How “Happy Death Day” (Surprisingly) Enriches Horror/Slasher Movies

When it comes to horror/slasher movies, it’s hard to break new ground these days. That’s because most still cling to the tried and true formula established by the likes of “Friday The 13th” and “Halloween.” That means there is usually going to be some crazed killer, some horny teenagers, and some sweet, yet sexy virgin who survives it all. You can practically set your watch to it, along with the standard jump scares.

It’s for that reason that slasher movies aren’t really as big a draw as they used to be. On top of that, they tend to be annoyingly sex negative and not in a subtle way either. If you’re a horny teenager in a slasher movie, then there’s a 99 percent chance you’ll be dead by the time the credits roll.

That’s why when a movie comes along to shake up that narrative, it’s worth noticing. That brings me to a recent horror movie that caught my intrigue and defied my expectations. It’s called “Happy Death Day” and, apart from the goofy title, it accomplishes something remarkable.

The first major accomplishment, for me personally, is that the trailer actually made me want to see the movie. In this era where every movie trailer follows a similar formula, we’ve all become fairly numb to their effects. We know what they’re trying to do and how they’re trying to do it. Unless you were already planning to see the movie, as is often the case with superhero movies, then a trailer probably won’t do much.

With “Happy Death Day,” the trailer struck a chord for me because it presented a different kind of slasher/horror movie. Moreover, it did so in a way where the concept was more appealing than the actual slashing/horror. Whereas most horror movies will try to build every promotional effort around that horror, “Happy Death Day” threw something else into the mix that proved enticing.

That concept may not seem radically new, on paper. “Happy Death Day” doesn’t radically reinvent the genre as much as it innovates with established concepts. It’s basically a combination of “Friday The 13th,” “Final Destination,” and “Groundhog Day.” It uses familiar themes like masked killers, time loops, and  exceedingly elaborate scenes. However, it’s the way in which they’re presented that makes the movie work.

It also helps that the presentation is done through a beautiful female protagonist named Teresa “Tree” Gelbman, who is played by a very emotive Jessica Rothe. Beyond being a pretty face, though, Tree embodies everything audiences love to hate about beautiful, sexually active women in horror movies.

She’s shallow, callous, self-centered, dismissive, and just plain mean. I won’t say she’s on the same level as Regina George from “Mean Girls,” but she’s in the same time zone. Essentially, she’s basically a female version of Phil Connors in “Groundhog Day” in the sense that she’s a fairly reprehensible person that we’re not supposed to like from the get-go.

When someone is nice to her, she just blows them off. When someone tries to wish her a happy birthday, she just rolls her eyes. On top of that, she’s openly promiscuous, hooking up with her friends’ boyfriends and having an affair with her married teacher. By every measure, this is a girl who should be at the top of Jason Voorhees’ kill list.

However, “Happy Death Day” actually digs a bit deeper than “Groundhog Day” in that, over the course of the movie, we learn why Tree is the way she is. She isn’t just bitchy for the sake of being bitchy. There’s a reason for it and as the movie goes on, it’s hard not to root for her as she struggles against her killer.

Speaking of her killer, that’s another part about “Happy Death Day” that stands out. Unlike Freddy Krueger or Jason Voorhees, there’s never a sense that this killer is someone to root for. In typical slasher movies, it’s easy to root for the killer because they have a certain personality or charisma to them. That’s not the case here. In a sense, the killer in this movie is less a person and more deadly obstacle for Tree to overcome.

I don’t want to reveal too much about the killer because that would be getting into spoiler territory. I enjoyed this movie enough to actually want people to go and see it or rent it. This movie definitely is worth seeing because it doesn’t play out entirely like a traditional slasher/horror movie. There are twists and turns that help it stand out.

That leads me to one of the most unique and intriguing elements of “Happy Death Day.” Unlike so many other slasher movies, this movie doesn’t implicitly penalize characters for being overly sexual. I won’t go so far as to say it’s sex positive, like the “Deadpool” movie. Essentially, it’s entirely sex neutral and for a horror movie, that’s still pretty remarkable.

What happens to Tree in “Happy Death Day” has nothing to do with the fact that she’s a beautiful young woman who enjoys having sex for the fun of it. If you take away the sex, but keep the rest of her personality traits intact, she’s still the same person. She would still be subject to the same horrors that unfold throughout the movie.

Her being trapped in an endless cycle of being killed and re-killed has little to do with her promiscuity and everything to do with what a rotten person she is. That’s the part of her that puts her in the crosshairs of a killer. Overcoming that rotten persona is every bit the struggle as the one that involves running from a psycho-killer.

Needless to say, it gets pretty chaotic and messy. Being a horror/slasher movie,  “Happy Death Day” has more than its share of gratuitous violence and bloodshed. That’s one horror element that this movie doesn’t try to subvert, but it doesn’t have to. It just makes it work in a whole new way.

Now, I enjoyed this movie thoroughly. I highly recommend others see it as well, either in theaters or on TV when it comes out. That’s not to say it’s flawless, though. There are some elements in “Happy Death Day” that left much to be desired.

For one, the movie is rated PG-13. While I understand the studio wanting to appeal to a wider audiences, I think that was a mistake for a horror/slasher movie. At times, the violence and nudity seem incredibly watered-down. Compared to a standard “Friday The 13th” sequel, it felt unbelievably tame.

On top of that, some of the supporting characters, namely the nice/generic love interest, Carter Davis, played by Israel Broussard, left a lot to be desired. Carter is likable and all, but he comes off as too flat. There’s never a sense that he and Tree should be together for any other reason beside the fact he’s nice. While it never feels outright forced, it lacks depth.

There’s also the somewhat tongue-in-cheek humor that the movie tries to squeeze in. It tries to be meta in that it acknowledges that elements of the story are similar to “Groundhog Day.” This effort falls somewhat flat and kind of takes away from the drama. I get why it’s there since the parallels are so obvious, but saying it out loud really undermines the mood.

Even with those shortcomings, “Happy Death Day” was still an incredibly enjoyable experience. I honestly can’t remember the last time I enjoyed seeing a horror/slasher movie in the theater. The concept, the story, and the characters involved all offered a unique appeal, one that dared to defy traditional horror formulas. For that, I give this movie two thumbs up and a special place on my list of horror movies.

 

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A Scary (Yet Sexy) Story Before Halloween

It’s the day before Halloween. I’m already working up an appetite for candy, I’ve binge-watched an unhealthy amount of slasher movies, and I’m eagerly awaiting the sexy costumes I’m sure to see. Halloween is an underrated holiday, is what I’m saying. I’ve said it before, but it’s worth belaboring.

In the spirit of this sweet, sexy holiday that adults and kids alike can embrace, I’d like to contribute in a way that goes beyond handing out candy, drinking pumpkin ale, or wearing my sexy male nurse costume. Yes, I have a sexy male nurse costume. Men can be sexy nurses too, you know?

While I’m sure some are burned out watching overly-censored version of “Friday The 13th” and “Halloween” on cable, I think there’s still room for a scary, yet sexy Halloween story. As it just so happens, I happen to have one that I would like to share. Hopefully, it gets everyone in the Halloween spirit. If it makes you horny too, then that’s just a bonus.

This particular story takes place during my first year of college. I’ve shared sexy college stories before, but this one is unique in that it was more a legend around campus. I wasn’t there when it happened, but it had already become part of the culture there and, being a curious freshman, it really resonated with me.

Apparently, this story had been circulating around the school for a couple years now. Nobody knew that it was true, but it sounded like it could be true and that’s kind of what made it scary. Sure, it has a sexy twist, but there’s still that creepy undertone that you only ever feel around clown, black cats, or guys wearing hockey masks.

It didn’t have an official name, but I called it “The Tale Of The Cursed Cupcakes.” I promise it’s not as corny as it sounds. I also apologize if I get some of the details wrong because it has been a while since I told this story, but I think it’s worth sharing on the night before Halloween.


The sun had just set. Halloween had officially begun. A young couple, Eric and Karen, were set to go to the biggest Halloween party on campus. This was one of those parties that only a select few got invited to. Eric happened to be a former roommate with someone who helped organize it so they managed to get in. For him and his girlfriend, it was a big deal.

They go to the party wearing their best costumes. He’s dressed as a pirate. She’s dressed as sexy school girl. They arrive at an upscale apartment just off campus. It’s a place usually reserved for students at the school who have rich parents, scholarships, or both. The food is better, the alcohol isn’t cheap, and the toilets actually work. By college standards, it might as well be a luxury penthouse.

Eric and Karen arrive at the party just after eight. They meet up with the host, a somewhat colorful character named Michael Bowers. He has a reputation throughout campus as being somewhat eccentric. His family contribute heavily to the school and works as a trainer with the football team, which gives him all sorts of access. The guy has connections and he’s not afraid to use them.

As soon as they enter the party, they find out he’s used them well. He reserves the party room at his apartment building and he goes all out. He orders multiple kegs, sets up tables full of snacks, and even hires a professional DJ. At the center of it all is this big plate of cupcakes, each designed to look like eyeballs with big blue irises. Karen finds them kind of creepy, but she figures that’s just part of the Halloween theme.

“Welcome!” Michael greets them, dressed as a vampire. “Here, have a cupcake or several. I promise they’ll get you in the spirit!”

“Whatever,” Eric says, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m just here to have a good time with my girl.”

“You’re sweet, babe,” Karen replies, giving him a nice kiss.

They both eat their cupcakes. They’re warm and sweet, definitely better than anything bought in a store. Eric ends up having another. Then, he and Karen grab some beer, some snacks, and start dancing to all sorts of Halloween-themed music.

More people arrive. Michael greets every one of them, offering everyone cupcakes. Most accept them, thinking little of it. They then join in the fun. They eat, they dance, and they laugh. Like Karen and Eric, they want to have a good time.

Then, after a couple hours or so, everyone has had their share of drinks and snacks. Intoxication takes over and inhibitions disappear. It’s fun, decadent, and everything Karen and Eric expect of a party. Then, Karen starts to notice something odd.

Eric, who isn’t that drunk, gets a little friskier than she expects. As he dances with her, he starts kissing her neck, feeling up her thighs, and even squeezing her butt. This surprises her because he’s usually doesn’t get that overt in public. He usually saves that kind of intimate touching for the bedroom. He’s kind like that.

Before she knows it, though, his touching becomes more overt. He kisses her in the middle of the dance floor and not in a romantic sort of way. He does so in a way that makes it clear he wants to fuck her.

“God, I want you, Karen,” he tells her with an almost-predatory tone. “I’m so fucking horny right now!”

At first, she thinks he’s just drunk. Then, she feels it. When he pulls her deeper into his arms, it literally pokes her right in the thigh. Eric has a raging hard-on. He doesn’t even try to hide it. When she looks down, she sees he has pitched a full tent in his pants. It’s so big and hard it looks like the seams are ready to burst.

“Eric, what has gotten into you?” Karen wonders.

That’s when she notices something else. Looking around her, she sees similar behaviors between other couples. Some are already making out. Some rushing into darkened rooms. Some are engaged in full-fledged foreplay right on the spot. It’s not coy or playful either. It’s like something has gotten into them.

“Fuck, I’m so hard right now!” she hears one man say.

“Hey! Someone get in my pants right now! I’ve got a hungry snake and he’s ready to bite!” says another.

It’s getting intense. The men around her, and even some of the women, seem possessed. Something has gotten into them and it’s not just the alcohol. They’re like animals in heat. Someone or something has provoked them and Eric is one of them.

He’s now looking at her with the eyes of a hungry animal. She’s never seen him like this before. He’s usually so polite and sweet. On this night, though, he’s a raging ball of masculine prowess and he wants to take it out on her. At first, Karen is worried that something might be wrong with him.

Then, he does it. Eric leans in, nibbles on her ear, and slips a hand between her legs. He does this because he knows it turns her on. He knows it gets her in the mood. He doesn’t usually do it unless the time is right. This might not be that time, but it’s too late. The damage has been done. Now, she’s horny too. Whatever monster has consumed her boyfriend has consumed her as well.

“Please, Karen,” he whispers into her ear with that tone he knows she can’t resist. “I want to fuck.”

“Okay,” she tells him. “Let’s go find some privacy.”

“I know just the place!”

Without hesitation, he grabs her hand and leads her away from the party. He’s been to this apartment complex before. He knows it better than most. He practically sprints across the building, eventually finding the locker room area near the pool, which has been closed for the night.

They enter. It was odd that it had been unlocked, but Karen didn’t bother making sense of it. She just followed her boyfriend inside. He then led her towards one of the changing areas, pinned her against the wall, and slid her panties down her skirt.

There was little foreplay or sexy talk, which was unlike Eric, who was such a caring lover. When he dropped his pants, though, she saw the sheer size of his erection and was convinced.

“Fuck! What has gotten into you, Eric?” Karen gasped in amazement.

“I don’t know, but I want it in you too!” he tells her.

He makes good on his desires. With that massive boner, he goes onto give Karen the hardest, rawest fuck of her life. It’s so raw and primal, as though a demon has possessed her boyfriend and the only way to exorcise it was to fuck her senseless. It was intense, but powerful. She could even feel it herself, this demonic lust filling her as he fucked her.

It’s not quick either. He ends up fucking her multiple times, blowing multiple loads. Karen finds herself climaxing more than once too. She swears she hasn’t come this many times since her prom night. For a moment, it seems as though this demonic lust was going to consume them completely.

Eventually, though, they vent their powerful lusts. They’re tired, sore, and dazed. Karen is still a little scared. What just came over them? What just happened?

“We should go,” she finally says after all is said and done.

“Yeah, we should,” Eric says, sounding just as overwhelmed.

They leave the party without saying goodbye. They make it back to the dorm where they shower, sober up, and fall asleep.

The next day is awkward and confusing. They’re still not sure what to make of it. Eric is unusually silent. Karen worries that the monstrous lust is still in him and he’s trying to fight it. She starts to worry whether that party brought out something in them they didn’t know. Did that party reveal a monstrous side to them that they weren’t ready to handle?

Then, later that day, they’re in their dorm together. Eric gets a phone call. It’s his own roommate who’d gotten him an invite to the party. At first, Karen doesn’t make much of it. Then, she hears Eric burst out laughing. Curious, she approaches her boyfriend.

“What’s going on, Eric? What’s so funny?” she asks.

“Viagra,” he tells her, still laughing hysterically. “The cupcakes had Viagra in them!”


That, my friends, is “The Tale Of The Cursed Cupcakes.” I hope it helps inspire your Halloween spirit, among other things. Again, this is a story I only heard from my fellow schoolmates. I don’t know if it’s true. I don’t think it matters. It doesn’t make the story any less sexy.

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The (Not So) Hidden Secret Of Horror Movies

I know Halloween is over and has been over for two days now, but since I still have leftover candy and pumpkin ale so I’m going to assume that’s a good enough reason to still discuss Halloween-like topics. If anyone has an issue with that assumption, too bad. I’m not one to abandon the spirit of a holiday the second the clock strikes midnight on that day. That’s just too arbitrary.

As is often tradition, I watched a lot of horror movies over the past week. It was more pragmatic than tradition. There were horror movie marathons everywhere and some of those movies had gratuitous nudity. You think an erotic/romance writer is going to pass that up? Hell no!

Say what you will about Halloween compared to other holidays. I don’t recall too many Christmas specials giving us a lot of nudity. Any holiday that gives us nudity deserves bonus points in my book, but I digress.

In watching this glut of horror movies, I noticed something that I imagine everybody notices when they see horror movies, especially the “Friday The 13th” slasher type movies. Yes, it also has to do with gratuitous nudity, but not of the good kind if you can believe that.

It’s a poorly kept secret and probably the least subtle message in the history of cinema. Horror movies just love to send a message to any overly-promiscuous teenage girl or overly horny teenage guy. If you dare to be sexy, someone with a machete and/or chainsaw will show up and slaughter you.

It sounds like Sex Ed from the Catholic Church, hidden within the bloody violence of R-rated movies that impressionable youths aren’t supposed to see. It sends so many mixed messages that our brains and genitals can’t help but get confused. It doesn’t just lead to awkward boners. It leads to a misguided and surprisingly-puritanical undertone.

Let’s take a classic example. One of my favorite horror movies of all time, as well as one of my favorite movies of all time, is the original John Carpenter “Halloween.” I know Rob Zombie tried to remake this movie, but you just can’t add polish to a classic.

Classic or not, it basically sets up the formula that generations of slasher movies have repeated time and again. There’s a masked killer on the loose. There are cute teenage girls in his sights. A few of them are a bit too willing to take their clothes off. One of them is a sweet, innocent virgin. The ones who get naked get killed. The innocent virgin survives.

It’s a formula that “Friday the 13th” and “A Nightmare On Elm Street” would later follow closely, albeit with a few tweaks here and there. Those movies also had their moments. I certainly enjoyed “A Nightmare On Elm Street.” These horror elements make for fun, bloody, thrilling entertainment. They also have a few too many things in common with the policies of the Catholic Church.

It’s no coincidences that the characters who survive the masked-killer’s rampages are cute female virgins of child-bearing age. This is a trope going back to the days of King Arthur where knights slay dragons to get access to a pretty girl. It’s only slightly more subtle. It plays right into the idea that a virgin woman is more valuable because she probably doesn’t have a disease and you can be sure the kid she has is yours.

It’s been a long time since we had to slay dragons and we don’t need virginity to determine who the father of a kid is. Modern paternity tests are as close to 100-percent accurate as it’s statistically possible to be. So why do horror movies still make the virgin girls more valuable than any other character?

It’s a question that answers itself sadly. These movies, and the narratives they craft, are still somewhat tied to the King Arthur formula from centuries past. Our culture, and the products of that culture, still ascribe value to certain traits. These values are what we use to identify which characters are “good” and which characters are “naughty.”

Naturally, our innate sense of justice wants us to see the naughty characters punished. Let’s face it, we don’t like the Biff Tannens or the Regina Georges of the world. They’re the bullies, the assholes, the bitches, and the stuck up jerks who get lucky way more than they deserve. Horror movies go out of their way to punish these characters, often in very brutal ways.

It plays into our sense of fairness more than it does our sense of fear. We don’t think it’s fair that pretty, attractive people get more luck and more sex than we do so we want to see them suffer. Does that sound fair? Well, it shouldn’t and that’s part of the problem.

This is the darker side of horror movies that has nothing to do with violence, murder, or bloodshed. It preys upon the darker angles of our sense of fairness. Those making these movies know that most women in the world don’t look like a young Jodie Foster. They also know that most men don’t look like Biff Tannen. These characters represent the bullies and the sluts that we hate and want to see punished.

This is what horror movies give us. They make it a point to punish those we despise in horrifically violent ways. Now I admit, I still enjoy the thrills these movies have. I love that sudden scary moment that makes me jump out of my seat. That feeling of fear and arousal is very much a primal appeal, one that exploits the faulty wiring of our caveman brains. It can be fun, but the message is still somewhat sadistic when you think about it.

This gets me thinking and by thinking, I mean it may conjure new ideas for a novel. There are countless horror/slasher movies that follow this formula. There are even more stories that place a high value on the virgins/good girls. We’ve seen those stories so many times. Is there room for something different?

If I asked that question a few years ago, I may have hesitated. Then, the success of movies like Deadpool proved that it was possible to shake up a time-tested formula and do something different.

Can there be a horror/slasher story where sluts, jocks, and virgins aren’t all so painfully obvious? Can there be a horror/slasher story where we really don’t know who will survive in the end? Would you even want to read that story? It’s a relevant question to ask because if it’s a story that involves gratuitous nudity, then it’s a story that an aspiring erotica/romance writer is willing to tell.

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