Being A Hugger In This Day And Age

I’d like to get personal again. I’ve already confessed to sleeping naked. I’ve also made clear that I see foreplay as the highest of virtues. Now, I’d like to highlight another important trait of mine, one I actually mentioned in my post on foreplay. This trait isn’t as lurid or sexy as others, but it’s one of those traits that has the potential to be in the right context. So what is it? Well, here it is:

I, Jack Fisher, am a hugger.

Yes, I understand that it’s one of the least macho things you can do these days. It’s right up there with wearing makeup and crying over soap operas. It’s a taboo and a bad one at that. I don’t know when it happened. I don’t know why it happened. For reasons that defy logic, understanding, and basic human nature, it actually became cool to be a callous, detached, unemotional douche-bag at some point. I usually try to research the complex cultural reasons behind such a movement. This time, however, I found next to nothing.

The only educated guess I can make, which is pushing it because I’m not that educated, is that society’s collective fears and scorn over men sexually assaulting women went a tad overboard. It’s a perfectly legitimate concern, wanting to discourage sexual assault and sexual harassment in general. It’s a terrible crime so I can’t blame society for overdoing it, but there’s a fine line between fighting crime and turning people into callous douche-bags.

From a purely evolutionary standpoint, there’s no reason why hugs and intimate contact should be discouraged. According to Dr. Fahad  Basheer at Collective Evolution, there are at least 11 medical benefits to hugs. These benefits include, but aren’t limited to, relieving pain, elevating mood, alleviating depression, improving immune function, and reducing stress. If hugging were a pharmaceutical drug, it would be hailed as wonder drugs and probably banned by the DEA.

These health benefits, much like the health benefits of orgasms, strongly indicate that we’re hard-wired for hugs. Nature wants us to hug each other. It doesn’t matter if it’s a lover, a family member, or a stranger. Our biology, being so basic and crude, doesn’t care where the hug comes from. It still benefits us.

The benefits aren’t even restricted to humans. Nature is rarely that specific. Animals do it to and they seem to gain similar benefits.

My parents and siblings seemed to understand that. I come from a family that is big on hugging. It’s not necessarily a cultural thing. It’s just how we are. However, I notice when I go out into the modern world, I’m terrified of making too much intimate contact with others. I don’t think that’s healthy.

I don’t exactly know where this fear comes from, but I have a pretty strong feeling it started during my time in the daily prison sentence that was public school. I don’t know if anyone knows this, but public schools have a big problem with students touching each other in any way. How big a problem? Well, in 2013, a student in Georgia got suspended for a year for hugging his teacher.

That’s right. A school punished a kid for hugging someone. Let that sink in for a moment. Hugging is not like sex. It doesn’t cause pregnancy. It doesn’t cause disease. It doesn’t cause emotional distress of any kind. It has so many natural benefits that transcend species, yet we punish kids for doing it. Then, we wonder why they grow up to have emotional problems and personality disorders.

Now the school I went to never did something this extreme, but I do remember from a young age hearing all sorts of lectures about harassment and inappropriate touching, as they called it. I may have been a dumb-ass kid, but even I knew what they were getting at. They wanted to discourage kids from getting too sexual when they were too young and immature.

That’s all well and good, but it’s worth repeating that I was a dumb-ass kid in a whole building full of them. How are we supposed to know what constitutes inappropriate touching? A hug for some people might as well be slap on the ass with a wooden spoon for someone else. We never learned much about context and communication. Most of the time, we just got a thorough run-down of all the terrible punishments we can expect if we ever got caught inappropriately touching someone.

Being kids who still had some respect for authority figures, we naturally focus on the punishments. We don’t want to get in trouble. We don’t want to explain to our parents why we got suspended or sent to detention. Naturally, we’re going to play it safe and just avoid it all together.

As kids, fear of punishment tends to make us overcompensate. It’s just human nature. Again, it’s caveman logic. We’re not going to just stand a few feet away from a shady area where a lion might be hiding. We’re going to make sure we’re a long ways away from that danger.

It doesn’t just affect us as kids in school either. After spending our entire childhood terrified of making too much intimate contact with other human beings, we carry that terror into the adult world, both in college campuses and in the workplace.

We currently live in an era where harassment doesn’t even need to occur. There only needs to be an accusation that a man assaulted a woman and that’s it. No trial. No jury. No indisputable evidence of any kind. Just the accusation is enough to assure guilt in the eyes of the public. This leads to legal clusterfucks like the Duke Lacrosse ordeal and the false UVA rape case.

So as a man, it’s dangerous for me to hug someone. It could cost me my reputation, my freedom, and a boatload of time and legal fees. It only takes one woman to misinterpret a hug, accuse me of assault, and my life is over.

This actually played out very recently. Earlier this year, I went on a date with a girl to see the movie, X-men: Apocalypse, which should come as no surprise to anyone. I really liked this girl. I thought she was cute. I thought we had a good connection. However, I didn’t know how she would react to a hug so I was fucking terrified of getting too intimate too fast. That may have worked against me because we never went on a second date.

As a self-professed hugger, how the hell am I to function in a world like this? How am I supposed to find love, affection, and intimacy with others outside my immediate family? This modern world sends so many conflicting messages. We’re more connected than ever thanks to technology, but a single hug can get us sued for sexual assault if we hug the wrong person.

I don’t like this trend. I don’t think it’s good for huggers like me or people in general. We’ve become too callous and isolated. We’re scared to death from a young age, albeit indirectly, into avoiding contact with one another. It goes against our own nature. It goes against our own humanity. I may never live to see the day where hugging a perfect stranger won’t get you sued, but I’d like to aspire to such a future, both through my love of hugs and through my books.

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Important Life Lesson From An X-men Comic: Don’t Skip Foreplay

Growing up, we all learn valuable life lessons from various sources. For some people, they get many of their lessons from reruns of “Leave It To Beaver.” Others get it from new episodes of “Modern Family.” Others still will cite the works of the Bible, J. R. R. Tolkien, William Shakespeare, or Weird Al Yankovick. Not all convey the same lessons. Not all of those lessons are healthy either. The point is we derive them from our own sources.

For me, I’ve derived most of my lessons from superhero comics. I think I’ve already made that clear on this blog. I’ve used superhero comics to cite sex-positive heroes like Starfire and to demonstrate the worst possible example of a love triangle gone wrong. Today, I’d like to cite superhero comics again to convey another valuable lesson that I think every man and woman can appreciate.

What is that lesson, you ask? How valuable can it possibly be? Well, during times like this when our culture is driving us farther and farther apart, this lesson cannot be more vital. So to all the men and women out there, young and old, gay or straight, please heed this lesson. It comes courtesy of the X-men once more and from Ororo Munro, aka Storm, so you know it’s not something you should ignore.

stormforeplay

This scene comes courtesy of Amazing X-men #1, a comic released back in late 2013. The woman with the red hair is Firestar. She’s a new teacher for the X-men. The short guy with the manliest mutton chops in the universe is Wolverine, a man whose romantic history alone is more epic than any other hero. The woman next to him, who makes pretty damn clear that foreplay is not to be skipped, is Storm.

That’s right. The same woman who controls weather, unleashes hurricanes, and further enhances Halle Berry’s sex appeal has a very important policy with respect to foreplay. It’s a policy we should all adopt. Hell, let’s make it a brand new commandment. Let’s all agree that whatever gods or goddesses we worship have delivered upon us a new revelation that shall henceforth be among mankind’s highest morals.

Thoust Shalt NOT Skip Foreplay

The human race can’t agree on much. I think we can make an exception here. In the X-men comics, Storm was once worshiped as a goddess. It’s not just because she can end droughts, kick-start tornado, and shock your ass with lightning if you get on her bad side. She also looks like this, in case you’ve forgotten.

Would any sane heterosexual man or homosexual woman dare deny this woman foreplay? Unless you’re itching for a lightning bolt to the spine, I think not. She is not one to do anything callously or half-hearted. If she’s going to let anyone into her panties, they damn well better put some effort into it. That means foreplay is right up there with air in terms of importance.

It’s a damn good policy from a damn good character. There’s a damn good reason why Storm is played by the likes of Halle Berry and why she’s widely seen as one of the greatest female superheroes of all time. She commands respect. She exudes charisma. The fact she’s also sexy as hell is a nice bonus too. So when she says foreplay is that important, it’s a lesson we ought to heed.

It doesn’t just apply to one gender as well. Ladies, I’m going to let you in on a little secret about men that really shouldn’t be a secret in the first place. Here it is:

Men really enjoy foreplay.

I know. Shocking, isn’t it? Well, it shouldn’t be. I don’t know why it became popular that men don’t appreciate foreplay. It’s a bad joke, the idea that men just want to bend a woman over a dirty table and get right to the humping. I’m sure there are men who do that. I’m sure there are women who do that too. It’s not the template on which most men build a satisfying intimate encounter.

As a man, I can say without reservation that I love foreplay. Hell, what’s not to love? The kissing, the touching, the sentiment all work in conjunction to build a satisfying experience. I love it even more when the woman puts just as much effort into it. I can’t speak for all men, but I think I speak for plenty when I say we like to share in the work.

As a point of reference for the ladies, allow me to paint a clearer picture. Look back at that snapshot of Amazing X-men #1. Then, remember for a moment that Hugh Jackman played Wolverine in the X-men movies and he looked like this while doing it.

Ask yourself honestly, ladies. Would you skip the foreplay with a man like that? I’m not gay, but even I’d want to get a feel for those manly ass muscles.

Now please don’t make light of the message I’m sending here. Some may read this post and think of it as just some naughty satire from an aspiring erotica writer. It’s not. I really do believe that this is a vital lesson for men and women alike. Foreplay matters. Intimacy matters. Don’t skip it.

We live in an increasingly detached world. We also live in a world where one too many gestures can be classified as harassment. It’s making us reluctant to embrace each other. As someone who is a hugger by nature, this worries me. Even WebMD agrees with me and Storm that foreplay is vital.

Human beings are social creatures by nature. We seek intimate contact with one another and not just for sex. So whether you’re gay, straight, man, woman, trans, or something in between, please heed the lessons of Storm and the X-men. Do not skip the foreplay. Enjoy the intimate company of your partners. It’s good for your body and your soul.

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On Football and 9/11

Today is an exciting, but solemn day. It’s inescapable. We all remember where we were 15 years ago during the September 11th attacks on Washington DC and New York. I live near Washington DC. The idea that there was a terrorist attack so close to home hit me pretty hard. I like to think people in my area have gotten used to the heightened awareness of terrorism, but there are just some things you can’t and shouldn’t get used to.

I certainly remember where I was on that day. I was still in school at the time. It wasn’t exactly announced at first because nobody knew what was going on. I only found out when I heard one of my teachers talking about it with another. This was also at a time before cell phones became really common so a lot of people were freaking out. Some kids had family who worked in the Pentagon. I really can’t imagine the kind of dread they must have felt at the time.

For me, personally, I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Maybe I still don’t on some levels. Back then, I was kind of a cynical little shit. I didn’t enjoy myself at school and I often looked for the worst in everything, be it global news or algebra exams. So in many respects, I think I was kind of numb to the initial impact. As time went on, though, it the 9/11 attacks taught me some valuable lessons.

First and foremost, there is a lot of hate in this world. Human beings are capable of some pretty sadistic shit and not just to those around them. There are people who cannot or will not let go of this hate. They’ll look for any excuse to justify it.

Some use politics from several decades ago as an excuse. Some even use politics from several centuries ago. Some will use their religion, their ethnicity, or their race. At the end of the day though, all those excuses are empty and shallow. That doesn’t matter though. When people feel hate this strong, they don’t just search for reasons to justify it. They search for reasons to cling to it.

As I’ve said before on this blog, the human brain isn’t wired to be rational. It’s wired for survival. Hatred may have some survival value. It really helps to hate that hungry bear that’s attacking your friends and family when you go after it. It’s not so helpful in an era where we have to worry about nuclear weapons more than bear attacks.

It’s a tragic byproduct of our human nature. We cling to hate and seek an outlet. There are many ways to confront it. I’ve even explored a few on this blog and in my books. This is what leads me to football.

Confused? Well bear with me. I promise this isn’t a non-sequiter. Like many Americans, I love football. I’m a huge NFL fan. I build my entire Sundays around watching football. Today is no different, but since today also happens to be the 15th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I think it provides a unique opportunity.

Football is a violent contact sport. It channels some of our most basic emotions in a way that requires the utmost skill and dedication. Emotions like hate, love, passion, excitement, dedication, drive, sorrow all come into play. Both teams have to hate each other on some levels to want to hit each other. They also have to love their teammates on some level to work with them and trust them. It’s a chaotic, but potent combination of emotions that all manifest in the form of a game.

In some respects, it’s a good metaphor for how we manage these emotions that drive us. Men who hate so much that they’re willing to kill innocent people by the thousands do a piss poor job of managing those emotions. Football players are far more skilled in that respect. With those skills, they channel the emotions of millions of fans like me into something positive. It’s an a testament to the breadth of human experiences and one we should all celebrate/commemorate on a day such as this.

So are you ready for some football? After seven long months, I sure as hell am!

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An Idea For My Next Book

After spending the week discussing distressing topics like circumcision, including a distressing anecdote about my own circumcision, I’m ready to move onto topics that don’t completely kill the mood. I’m trying to be a successful romance/erotica writer, damn it! I need to keep that mood sexy on this blog. Maybe this will help.

With that in mind, I thought I’d provide a quick update on my current work. For the past couple months, I’ve been writing the first draft to a sci-fi romance story. It’s a story that has turned out to be much longer and much bigger than I initially planned. That tends to happen with my stories. I start writing them, but they go in directions I don’t expect, hopefully for the better.

Despite the size of this story, I can say that it’s almost over. I hope to finish it within the next few days. Even with the end of another book in sight, I like to think ahead to my next book. It’s just how my mind works. It’s not enough to just finish something. I have to have another project waiting in the wings that’ll help me improve. I’ve done this ever since I wrote Child of Orcus. Part of getting good at any craft is always seeking to improve.

As it turns out, the stuff I do on this blog actually helps me explore new ideas. By writing about certain topics, be they insights into sex-positive comic book characters or my love of sleeping naked, it gets my brain in the right state, among other parts of my body. One topic in particular got me thinking.

A while back, I explored the issue of jealousy. I asked whether or not this was a truly natural emotion or a byproduct of our cultural and societal attitudes. It’s not a question I expected to answer. It’s one of those questions that can’t really be answered for everybody, but does make us think differently about concepts of romance.

This leads into this new idea. I don’t have a title for it yet (although I am open to suggestions), but I feel like this is an idea I should pursue. Here’s the scenario:

We have two people, a man and a woman who married young and did all the right things. They love each other. They support each other. They both have fulfilling careers that keep them busy. By all accounts, they followed society’s rules towards relationships, sex, and romance. Despite this, they’re still deeply unsatisfied.

Did I mention that the man works as a body guard at high end clubs that cater to beautiful women and aspiring Hollywood stars? Did I also mention that the woman works as trainer to top male athletes? If not, I guess I should mention it because this line of work surrounds them with all sorts of beautiful people and a lot of temptation. Think about it. If your work involves hard-partying women and sexy male athletes, wouldn’t you be tempted?

Some people can brush off that temptation. These two can’t. Following the unspoken rules that society says they should follow just isn’t enough for them. It leaves them feeling stressed, frustrated, and incomplete.

Finally, they come to one inescapable conclusion. They can’t be monogamous. It just isn’t how they’re wired. They need to step outside these rules. They need to explore the temptation that surrounds them. If for no other reason, they need to see if this fulfills them.

This leads them to join a special private club in the Hollywood Hills. It’s a club run by a mysterious woman who claims she can make their love stronger by immersing them in a world of sex, decadence, and excess. It sounds crazy. Hell, it’s the outright antithesis of the rules they so ardently followed. So why not give it a try?

This is the main base of the story. Larger details, like the names of the characters or the names of the club, haven’t been fleshed out yet. I intend to wait until I finish my current book before I work on issues like that. Until then, I feel like this is the story I want to tell next. This is the concept I want to explore.

There are already so many romance/erotica stories out there about two people falling in love and facing challenges to their relationship. Hell, I’ve written some of those stories myself. Sure, they’re fun and titillating in their own right. I want to try a different route. I want to tell a different kind of love story.

I admit it is counter-intuitive, the idea that two people can love each other and still give into temptation. It’s basically the basis of 95 percent of all bad pornos. I think there’s a more meaningful story to tell. I think there are more relevant issues to explore. I hope to do that with this book. I also hope I can get a publisher to take a chance on it.

I’ll provide additional details and insight later on. Until then, I’m always happy to hear back from others. What do you think of this idea? Is it something you’re interested in reading? Is it something you’re interested in discussing? I’m only an aspiring writer at the moment. That’s code for, “I’m not a success and have a lot of free time.” So I’m more than happy to chat about this or any other sexy/romantic topic.

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Busting Myths About Circumcision

Brace yourself. I’m going to do one more post about circumcision. I promise this will be the last time I bring up this topic, at least for a while. As I said in my little personal side-note on the subject, I don’t enjoy talking about this. No man does. That’s why it’s taboo. However, like all taboos, it’s something worth confronting.

We already know there are all sorts of crazy myths and taboos about sex. It’s such an uncomfortable, awkward, complex topic that too many people insist on making more complex than it needs to be. I’ve already done a post about busting the most popular myths about sex. Now, I intend to do the same with circumcision.

Unlike some of the other sexual myths, circumcision is one of those taboos that disproportionally affects Americans more than most other western countries. According to the World Health Organization, only about a third of the global male population over the age of 15 is circumcised whereas the prevalence in America is around 79 percent. Even if you suck at math, you know that’s not a trivial difference.

While it’s true that circumcision has cultural roots that go back centuries, the reasons for those traditions aren’t the same here in the USA. In Bronze Age times, circumcision was primarily a religious rite and a cultural practice. Their reasons may have been practical on some levels. This is an era where rubbing goat shit on your face probably counted as makeup so there may have been some hygienic benefits.

It actually goes beyond that. Back in these times, tribes of people did all sorts of things to identify themselves as part of a certain tribe. It’s easy enough for someone to just join a group by drinking a shot glass full of wasabi, but for someone to snip off part of their dick? That takes dedication. That shows that someone isn’t just a member of a tribe. They’re committed.

Fast forward to the 19th and 20th century and we don’t need those kinds of tribal practices anymore. We have Facebook accounts, Twitter feeds, and social security numbers to identify ourselves and our groups. There’s no need to mutilate part of your dick. However, we still do it, thanks in no small part to the efforts of anti-masturbation crusaders like John Harvey Kellogg. Even after Mr. Kellogg’s bullshit fears about masturbation were debunked, we still do it.

People still give reasons for it. They even claim to back these reasons up with science. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good science. So as a public service, I’d like to list some of these myths and why they’re bullshit. This is a list compiled by the fine folks of the India Times. Feel free to reject, accept, or verify them as you see fit.

Common Male Circumcision Myths Debunked

Myth #1: Circumcision is an effective way to prevent HIV

Fact: The World Health Organization (WHO) and the Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS) states that “Male circumcision should be recognised as an additional, important strategy for prevention of heterosexually acquired HIV in men…(but) should never replace known methods of HIV prevention.” However, this does not provide any kind of protective benefit to the female partner involved and instead puts her at risk of contracting HIV.

Myth #2: Circumcision prevents penile cancer

Fact: No clear evidence has been concluded to state that circumcision completely prevents penile cancer. However, it is worth noting that the penile cancer rate is much lower among circumcised men than uncircumcised men.

Myth #3: Infants do not feel pain during circumcision

Fact: Many doctors do not believe in the use of anesthetic during circumcision. But circumcision is quite painful for the infant just like in any other older child or adult. Even the analgesic used during this procedure only decrease the pain and does not eliminate it completely. The baby will feel discomfort for about seven to ten days.

Myth #4: Circumcision is a perfectly harmless procedure

Fact: Circumcision is painful and can cause infections, hemorrhage, scarring, urinary problems, etc.

Myth #5: Circumcision can completely prevent urinary tract infections (UTIs)

Fact: There was one study conducted back in 1985 that stated that circumcised babies were immune to UTI. However, further studies conducted since then found no such backing that circumcision completely prevented the risk of urinary tract infections.

Still not convinced? Well, as I’ve said before, I know this is a touchy subject. It’s difficult to talk about. As with most things though, it can be made easier through the use of crude humor. So if you’re not interested in reading articles about circumcision, here’s a funny little video from the folks at College Humor that should explain/debunk circumcision just as well. If you have a weak stomach, but a good sense of humor, then you should be okay.

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A Personal Story About Circumcision (Seriously)

I know circumcision isn’t a very sexy topic for a blog that’s supposed to be promoting sexy products in the form of erotic fiction. It’s right up there with moles, puking, and diarrhea in terms of its ability to kill a mood. However, as unsexy as it may be, it is something that affects our sex life.

According to the CDC, around 79 percent of males are circumcised in the United States. If circumcision were a movie, it would have a fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Something that prevalent and popular is sure to become entrenched to some extent. It becomes one of those traditions we just don’t question.

It’s not unlike what happens when a certain song or band becomes popular. It attains a loyal following of supporters that dare not question it, no matter what. Just look to Justin Bieber fans for proof of this.

I admit I didn’t really give circumcision much thought. It happened when I was an infant. Nobody remembers much about what happened to them as an infant. In that respect, it’s the perfect time to perform circumcision. What sober-minded adult would agree to let a doctor mutilate his genitals?

I’m sure there are a few. There are men who pierce their genitals, after all. Just google a Prince Albert, but make sure you have a strong stomach. Even with these outliers, it’s hard to imagine 79 percent of all men would consent to something like this. So why should we give circumcision a pass?

This brings me to my personal story. It happened very recently during a conversation with my mother. I won’t divulge the context or situation of the conversation. I have a feeling there are members of my family who would kill me in my sleep if I did. I’ll just say that we were talking about babies and infant care. It’s a topic that’s relevant for certain members of my family. That’s all I can say without looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life.

During this conversation, my mom told me the story about my circumcision. Apparently, I was not circumcised shortly after birth, which is when most babies have the procedure. I had mine a few days after. I don’t remember what went into the decision-making process behind this.

As far as I know, I think the logic was that my father was circumcised. So logically, I should be circumcised as well. It’s a tradition, I guess. Tradition is sometimes the only logic behind certain decisions. Then again, we’re not talking about a Christmas dinner here. We’re talking about a baby’s junk.

Whatever the reason, I had to get my circumcision several days after my birth. My mom then described the visit to the doctor’s office. It starts out simply enough. She says I was a healthy baby. Then, the big moment comes. The doctor breaks out his tools and prepares to cut into my baby parts. This is where it gets somewhat telling.

Before he does what he does, he asks my mother to leave the room. This may be something that’ll be uncomfortable, which ranks right up there with the warnings on imported fireworks as the most obvious statements in the world, and it may make me cry. My mom, trusting her doctor, does what he requests.

However, she says at the time, I give her this look that seems pretty telling. I know I couldn’t talk at the time, but I think I may have been trying to say, “Why are you letting this man cut up my penis, mommy?”

What I try to say doesn’t matter much in the end. I still get circumcised. I don’t imagine it’s all that comfortable. I think it’s pretty fair to assume I cried and there’s no shame in crying over getting your junk cut. Even the most manly of men have to admit that. After that though, my mom never speaks of it again and I never ask about it.

Now let make this clear. I love my mom. I love my dad. I have two of the best parents any guy can ask for. However, my parents are still prone to the influences of tradition and peer pressure. I don’t blame them in the slightest for deciding to circumcise me and my brother.

It’s just one of those inescapable truths. Sometimes society really does function like an 80s high school drama where people eat paste and snort ketchup on a dare. They probably understood that if I didn’t get circumcised, I’d look different than 79 percent of the male population of this country. In a world where people get bullied for awful reasons, it’s not unwise for parents to limit those reasons as much as possible.

So in light of tradition and peer pressure, it seems circumcision isn’t going away anytime soon. However, if tradition and peer pressure really are the primary reasons why we do this, I think it’s worth talking about. This is why I wanted to share this personal story. I know it’s not as entertaining as me admitting that I sleep naked, but this is something that affects me. It’s something that affects the lives of many men. Since it affects our sex lives, it’s going to affect women by default.

So let’s put it out there and ask a few uncomfortable questions. Sure, it’s going to make for some uncomfortable answers. It may even reveal that some of our cherished traditions may be bullshit, but in the same way open communication is important for our sex lives, it’s just as important for our overall health. When the conversation involves cutting up our genitals, I think that’s an conversation worth having.

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Profiles in Prudishness: John Harvey Kellogg

History is full of crazy, if not deranged, periods of sexual repression. It comes and goes like seasons, but like hurricanes in Florida or blizzards in New York, some seasons are more severe than others. Every nation, society, and culture has their own unique sexual climate so-to-speak. America, contrary to everyone on Fox News, is no exception.

I’ve discussed current trends in sexual repression on this blog before, from the myths of porn addiction to the toxic proclivities that hinder intimacy in modern society. While it may seem bad now, it’s child’s play compared to what our society has experienced in the past.

To give you just a faint idea of how extreme sexual repression got at one point in American, I’d like to do a quick profile of one of this country’s Grand Poobah of prudes, John Harvey Kellogg. If his name sounds familiar, it should. It’s the same Kellogg behind the breakfast cereal brands that most of us eat or have eaten at some point in our lives. By the time you learn about the man behind the meal, you may never look at cereal the same way again.

So who was John Harvey Kellogg? Well, before his name became synonymous with breakfast food, he was a respected doctor and an active participant in the Seventh-Day Adventist Church.However, as is often the case with the devoutly religious, he took his religion more seriously than most and this is what led him down the road to repression.

By and large, his views didn’t differ much from most other ardent Seventh-Day Adventists of the time. This is a religious sect that is repressive in more than just sexuality. It recommends a strict vegetarian diet, abstinence from alcohol and tobacco, and regular exercise. Kellogg was said to have adhered to this regiment, but he just had to take it several steps further.

Rather than go into the complex theological and psychological underpinnings of Kellogg’s personal views, I’ll just come out and say it as simply as I can. John Harvey Kellogg was obsessed with masturbation. I’m not talking the kind of obsession that leads to 10-hour masturbation contests. I’m talking about the kind of obsession that drove one man to make it his life’s mission to stop men and boys from masturbating.

It sounds like a bad joke from a Sunday morning sermon at a Mormon Church, but it’s true. John Harvey Kellogg really obsessed over masturbation. He wasn’t alone either. During the late 19th and early 20th century, America found itself in a good old fashioned moral panic over masturbation.

Was it logical? No. Did it have any science behind it? Of course not. Moral panics don’t work that way. They don’t have to. It just has to involve a large number of people being totally convinced that all the ills in the world are caused by one thing and one thing only, as though the human condition is ever that simple.

Let’s face it though. We’re human. We like easy answers. Back then, for reasons that religion and bad science helped fuel, masturbation was that easy answer. As such, John Harvey Kellogg took it upon himself to rid the world of this horrific vice.

So how did he plan on accomplishing this? Well, this is where his famous breakfast cereal comes into play. True to some of the other tenants of his church, he sough to use diet as a means of curbing the desire pleasure one’s self. He believed corn flakes would temper dangerous passions and limit the dangerous desires that lead to masturbation. Absolutely none of this is made up.

Remember this the next time you eat cereal with the Kellogg brand. While times have changed, its founder really wanted you to not masturbate. He thought diet and nutrition would accomplish that. The fact that dildos, lube, erotic fiction, and internet porn are still major industries shows just how badly he failed. However, Kellogg didn’t stop at diet. Remember, this guy was really obsessed with masturbation.

When diet and nutrition just weren’t enough, Kellogg favored an even greater extreme. In his seminal (pun totally intended) work, Plain Facts for Old and Young, he also recommended using circumcision as a means to discourage masturbation. Want to know why circumcision is so common among men in America? Well, you have Mr. Kellogg to thank for that.

Before he and his kind came along, circumcision was primarily a Jewish rite. It was rarely performed for medical reasons and was fairly uncommon. However, that changed once masturbation became public enemy number one. The idea was that the presence of the foreskin made masturbation too easy and they can’t have that. If someone is going to self-indulge, they need to make it challenging.

Once again, Cracked.com does an admirable job describing how these fears shaped the modern world that emerged in the 20th century. They also quote one of Mr. Kellogg’s recommendations for using circumcision. If you’re a man and you have a weak stomach, you might want to close this page.

5 Insane Ways Fear of Masturbation Shaped the Modern World

“The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anesthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind, especially if it be connected with the idea of punishment, as it may well be in some cases. The soreness which continues for several weeks interrupts the practice, and if it had not previously become too firmly fixed, it may be forgotten and not resumed.”

Still with me? Are you done cringing? Good, because as a man, it is pretty distressing. The idea of a young boy or a baby going through this procedure should make anyone feel queasy. It’s one thing to just preach and lecture others on the evils of enjoying one’s self on one’s own terms. It’s quite another when it involves involuntary mutilation.

This is how far sexual repression can go. People like John Harvey Kellogg can become so obsessed with this one act of sexual expression that they are willing to actually torture and mutilate others to stop it. We still see that happening today with female circumcision, an equally horrifying process that I’ll save for another blog post. However, even today’s ardent prudes would cringe at what Kellogg recommended.

The anti-masturbation crusade of the late 19th century still affects America to this day and not just because of the lack of foreskins on many men. At the time, masturbation was part of a moral panic that believed this one particular vice would destroy society. It set a pattern for future panics.

We had panics over alcohol, which resulted in Prohibition and the crime it inspired. We had panics over marijuana, which are still being fought today. Now, thanks to the likes of Pamela Anderson, we may be on the cusp of a new moral panic over porn.

In every case, there’s no inherent logic to the moral panic. In the same way that the anti-porn crusaders of today shroud their panic under the guise of public health, John Harvey Kellogg did the same with his pro-corn flakes, pro-mutilation policies for curbing masturbation. It’s all for “public health” or “the welfare of children.”

Now it’s easy to ridicule men like Kellogg for their obscenely extreme views on sex, vice, and overall fun. However, I think that ridicule needs to be tempered to some degree because men like him, as well as women like Pamela Anderson, are very likely sincere in their beliefs to some degree. They’ve really convinced themselves that these vices are a problem.

Again, there’s no logic to this conviction, but they don’t care. They just need to grasp at whatever evidence, be it anecdotal or completely made up, will affirm this conviction. John Harvey Kellogg had a valid excuse to some extent because he lived during a time when our understanding of biology, physiology, and sexuality was still limited. However, in the age of the internet and Wikipedia, the anti-sex crusaders of today have no excuses.

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Happy Labor Day!

On behalf of myself and all those who dedicate their creative energies to entertaining and titillating the masses, Happy Labor Day! Let this be a day when we put down the tools of our toil, sit back, and take a deep breath. We work so hard nearly every other day of the year. What’s the point of all that work if we don’t take a step back to appreciate it?

Working hard is a noble quality. Working too hard can undermine the reason why work has value. That’s why it’s important to balance life out between work and play. Our ancestors couldn’t have survived if they didn’t have at least a few moments of peace to enjoy in between hunting lions and gathering food. We stress ourselves too much and appreciate too little. Let’s make it point to cherish this day for all the work we do and all the fruits it bears.

For me, personally, I intend to make all my Labor Day activities clothing optional. Take any relaxing activity you can think of. I dare you to find one that isn’t enhanced by being naked. Can you think of a better way to celebrate a holiday? I think not.

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Busting Sex Myths From Cracked.com

It’s Sunday. It’s a holiday weekend. Everybody is either recovering from a hangover or making arrangements to recover from a pending hangover. I don’t want to distract too many people from such noble endeavors. It’s a holiday. We should be having fun and enjoying ourselves.

So for the sake of brevity, I’ll only do a brief follow-up from my post yesterday about Pamela Anderson’s outrageous hypocrisy at condemning the porn industry that made her rich and famous. Ms. Anderson’s hypocrisy is a byproduct of a frustratingly stubborn myth about porn and addiction. It’s just one myth in many associated with sex. When something is so taboo and varied, it tends to develop all sorts of crazy myths. With sex, some of those myths can become downright disturbing.

I’d need multiple blogs, a staff of at least 50 people, and grant money from several major universities to document all the myths about sex and sexuality. We’ve all heard something crazy about sex, what it is, how to do it, and what it does to us. From using lemon juice as a douche to eating certain foods to make your semen taste better, these myths exist and propagate with disturbing efficiency.

Thankfully, the fine folks at Cracked.com do a nice job of busting myths, including those pertaining to sex. Back in 2015, they did an article on 27 sex myths that too many people still believe. The only thing truly shocking about this article is that they only managed to list 27.

Cracked.com: 27 Sex Myths Too Many People Still Believe

So why am I citing a link from 2015? Well, one of those myths is relevant to what I wrote about yesterday. It involves the concept of porn addiction that Pamela Anderson whined about.

This actually makes her hypocrisy even worse because she’s focusing on the porn and not the underlying mental health issues behind it. She’s basically working under the assumption that the tail is wagging the dog here. As a noted animal-lover and PETA supporter, she should know better. Also, this study was done in 2009. She has no excuses.

There are all sorts of crazy myths that complicate and confuse our sex lives. Again, the main reason these myths emerge is because sex is so taboo and we refuse to talk about it. When we don’t talk about something, we don’t learn enough about it. When we don’t learn enough about something, we tend to make shit up to fill in the blanks. That sort of thing already gave us crazy conspiracy theories, fad diets, and organized religion. Let’s not let it ruin sex more than it already has.

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Porn and the Hypocrisy of Pamela Anderson

Let’s face it. We’ll forgive celebrities for damn near anything, so long as they keep entertaining us. It’s a flaw in society. It’s a flaw in us, as a species. Our caveman brains will bend over backwards and even beyond that in order to rationalize our love/obsession/fixation with celebrities. We don’t care if the President himself is getting blowjobs while in office. We just want them to keep entertaining us.

However, there is one sin that even our flawed society has a hard time overlooking. It’s a sin so egregious that our brains will simply not allow us to ignore it. It is the alpha and omega of dick moves. It’s so disgusting and distressing that no amount of entertainment value can make up for it. So what is this horrendous sin? It comes down to one foul word:

Hypocrisy

We’ll forgive Olympians for cheating. We’ll forgive athletes for animal cruelty. Until very recently, we even forgave spousal abuse to some extent. We just can’t handle hypocrisy. It’s one thing to just lie to our faces. We all deal with lies. We all lie to ourselves and others to some extent. We can understand that to some degree. It’s only when someone elevates themselves with that infuriating holier-than-thou  spirit, only to be guilty of it themselves, that we get truly outraged.

This week, famed Playboy star, Pamela Anderson, joined the infamous ranks of celebrities who either are revealed as hypocrites or willingly embrace it. In this case, Ms. Anderson did the latter. She penned an opinion piece in the Walls Street Journal denouncing the porn industry that made her rich, famous, and relevant. She took a page out of the playbook of every anti-sex crusader, calling porn a “public health crisis” and decrying the effects it has on its users.

Now, it’s one thing when some sexually repressed, overly uptight, puritanical moral crusader denounces porn. We expect that from those people are are happy to ignore them. There’s no law against being uptight or puritanical about sex, nor should there be. They’ve always existed in society and will continue to exist to some degree. We can tolerate that.

What Pamela Anderson does here is far more egregious because she’s denouncing the very thing that made her successful. If she were to pay back all the money she ever made from posing naked, acting sexy, or just giving men something to jerk off to, then she’d give her words some weight. As far as we know, Ms. Anderson is still living a luxurious, celebrity-style life and isn’t planning to give it up anytime soon.

It’s asinine, dishonest, and just plain ridiculous. It’s not a moral stand. It’s a joke. That’s what hypocrisy does. It takes an issue and removes any critical, substantive context from the conversation. It gets reduced to a case study in what an asshole someone is for having the audacity to claim moral superiority over others, despite not living up to those morals.

Now I admit that, as a teenage boy, I fantasized about Pamela Anderson. A lot of men did. She’s a beautiful woman and she used that beauty to get ahead. There’s nothing wrong with that. Hell, that’s the the entire premise of my book, Skin Deep. I doubt Ms. Anderson would ever read my book, but I think it would be pretty revealing for her because it confronts the impact of beauty and how we use it to our advantage.

It’s not so much a flaw in our society as it is a byproduct of our biology. We’re inclined to be attracted to things and people we find beautiful. It denotes health, vigor, energy. To condemn us for this attraction is to condemn the very mechanisms that keep us alive.

Those same mechanisms are what drive us to these irrational rationalizations about everything from sex to religion to politics to tastes in movies. If I had a chance to talk to Ms. Anderson (and avoid looking at her tits long enough), I’d try to talk to her about why she feels this way about the porn industry now. I don’t claim to be psychic, but human biology does often utilize certain patterns.

As I’ve explained before in previous posts, and will likely continue to do so again in future posts, our brains are not wired to be rational or logical. They are wired for two primary functions: survival and reproduction. If there’s a force that hinders both, then our brains will work as hard as possible to avoid or overcome it, even if it means resorting to hypocrisy.

Being such a social, empathetic species, mental distress caused by guilt is a powerful hindrance. Guilt can impact our ability to survive in that the distress makes us incapable of fighting off a lion or a bear. It’s also not an attractive quality to the opposite sex. Nobody really finds excessive guilt sexy, either in our species or any other. So guilt causes a lot of distress.

To avoid this distress, we’ll lie to ourselves. We’ll forge thoughts, memories, and beliefs in our minds that are completely detached from reality, but they’ll make us feel less guilty and distressed so we’ll accept them. That way, our brains can function again. We can function again.

I suspect that, as an aging woman with children and multiple failed marriages, Ms. Anderson does feel guilty to some degree. She may not admit it. Admitting guilt is right up there with getting open heart surgery from a hammer in terms of unpleasant experiences. By denouncing the industry that made her rich and calling it a “public health issue,” she eases her own distress. Her brain can function a bit better now. It’s selfish on some levels, but understandable on others because we’re just not wired to accept such a distressing state. We’ll do or think anything to escape it.

Now to those who read her article, take comfort in the knowledge that it contains little in terms of actual research into sexual addiction. This is still a topic that is poorly understood. However, given the ubiquitous nature of porn, we do know enough about it to conclude that Ms. Anderson’s assertions are bullshit.

According to the American Psychological Association, pornography does not meet the same criteria for addiction that would put it on the same level as cigarettes or alcohol. It can be damaging to some individuals, but you can say that about many addictions from biting your nails to getting tattoos. While we’re all wired for survival and reproduction, there are many variations of that wiring and sometimes that wiring means porn will be unhealthy for some people. By and large, though, it’s not harmful to most.

There’s still more research to be done and for Ms. Anderson, it still won’t be enough. Like creationists, vegetarians, or Bigfoot enthusiasts, there’s no amount of scientific evidence that will change their mind. Their brains just aren’t wired to accept it. Even so, that doesn’t make this level of hypocrisy any less egregious. She can say what she wants, but she can’t expect the words of a hypocrite to carry much weight on this or any other issue.

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