Tag Archives: funny story

June 4, 2023 · 9:39 am

Celebrating Summer (With A Personal Story About Sunburn And Sunscreen)

Summer is here!

If you’re a kid who has endured the past eight months of school or an adult who hates dressing in layers just to get the mail, it’s a wonderful time of year. I always looked forward to it as a kid, largely because I was so miserable at school. But even after I started working, I still looked forward to summer. No matter what job I had, it just felt less strenuous with the knowledge that pools were open and beach vacations were possible.

Since the COVID-19 pandemic, I’ve only come to appreciate summer even more. I wasn’t able to do much traveling for a couple years. Now, my summer travel plans are largely back to normal. That usually means I’ll be taking multiple trips to the beach and I’ll be spending a good chunk of that time lounging about, reading comics under the sun, and hanging out with friends and family. Just thinking about it makes me feel more relaxed.

And I encourage everyone to take time this summer to enjoy themselves. It doesn’t matter if that involves a trip to the beach, a walk in the park, or eating ice cream on a hot day. We all should get out and enjoy this time of year. It’s good for us on so many levels.

But, like with any activity, seasonal or otherwise, there are risks and precautions. Most are minor. If you have a lick of common sense, you already know what to do and you’ll be fine. But in the spirit of celebrating this time of year, I’d like to share a personal story that I hope reminds everyone why these precautions are worth taking. And it involves sunburns and sunscreen.

I know it’s a common concern. Go to any beach, pool, or summer hot spot and chances are someone will urge you to put on sunscreen. For some, it’s more important than others. And that definitely applies to me.

Since I was a kid, I’ve always burned easily. Whereas my sisters always seem to get a nice tan by spending time in the sun, my brother and I always burn and burn badly. Even when we use sunscreen, we can get burned. Granted, that’s often a result of us not applying enough of it. But that doesn’t make the burn hurt any less. I could recount plenty of stories about times when I got nasty sunburns that took weeks to heal.

But one story in particular will always stand out and I hope that by sharing it, others will take applying sunscreen more seriously.

This is a pretty recent story as well, taking place only about six years ago. That’s important because it happened while I was a capable, functioning adult. It’s one thing for kids to get sunburned. They’re stubborn and short-sighted. I know I certainly was and I ended up with plenty of burns that left lasting impressions. So, by this point in my life, I had no excuses.

It happened during a memorable 4th of July trip to the beach. I took an extended vacation so that I could travel to the beach to meet up with some friends and family. We were going to spend some time at the shore, enjoy some fireworks, and have a cookout. It was a perfect setup for the 4th of July holiday and I was so ready to enjoy it.

On the first day I was there, I met up with my dad and we spent almost the entire day lounging at the beach. It was a perfect summer day. It was hot, but there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. You really couldn’t have asked for better weather for a holiday weekend.

Knowing this, I did make it a point to apply plenty of sunscreen. I tried to cover every part of my body that usually burned quickly. I promised myself that this trip wasn’t going to result in some painful burn that would obscure an otherwise perfect summer trip. Sadly, I couldn’t keep that promise.

While I did use over half a bottle of sunscreen to smother most of my body, there was one particular part I missed. It was a small patch just around the tops of my feet. That’s not normally a part of my body on which I apply sunscreen, mostly because I wear sneakers all the time, even in hot weather. So, in my rush to get down to the beach, I missed that part. And the summer sun punished me for it.

The day at the beach was still great. It was the first time in weeks that I could just sit down, relax, and not worry about all the other stuff that was going on my life. It also gave me some quality time with my dad, which I always enjoy. That was all great and totally worth it. But it wasn’t until later that evening I realized something.

The tops of my feet hurt like hell.

When I tried putting my shoes on to go out for dinner, the pain was really bad. And that’s when I found out what had happened. The tops of my feet were badly sunburned. The rest of my body was fine. The parts that usually got burned easily were unaffected. I even had a slight tan in some areas. But the patch of burns on my feet were bright red with burns.

I know it’s not fun to have any part of your body sunburned. But trust me, burning the tops of your feet is especially painful. It’s not just that it makes wearing shoes and socks a test in pain tolerance. The mere act of taking a shower becomes difficult. I found that out the hard way the next morning. For the rest of the trip, I had to be careful with what I wore on my feet and what I did. The burns were just that bad.

As painful as it was, I still had fun during that trip. It didn’t keep me from enjoying my time at the beach or the various 4th of July festivities that came with it. But it did help reinforce the importance of sunscreen for me. Since then, I’ve become much more thorough when it comes to applying it for a trip to the beach or pool. And you can rightly assume that I’ll always put a little extra on my feet.

Again, I encourage everyone to get out there and enjoy this summer. Go to the beach. Go to the pool. Go to a cookout with friends and family. Enjoy the sun and the warmth. Just be safe and responsible. You don’t want to deal with sunburns more than you have to. And you especially don’t want to deal with burns on your feet.

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April 13, 2020 · 5:57 am

Weddings, Alcohol, And A Story About Me Dancing (Badly)

I’m good at a lot of things. I take pride in the skills and talents I have. I’m also self-aware enough to know when I’m genuinely bad at something, no matter how hard I try. With that, I’d like to openly admit one of my major shortcomings.

I can’t dance.

I know that’s not the worst shortcoming a man can have, but it’s not just that I’m lacking in talent when it comes to dancing. I’m genuinely bad at it, often to a hilarious degree. Any friend or relative who has been with me to a party will attest to that.

As bad a dancer I am, though, I don’t let that stop me from enjoying a major celebration and making it special. Sometimes, that requires some minor alcohol intake, but that can actually make it even more memorable. I know because I have a personal story that definitively proves that. In the interest of giving everyone something fun and uplifting to read, I’d like to share it.

This story actually took place fairly recently. A close relative of mine was getting married in upstate New York. It made for one of the largest family gatherings we had in years. People I hadn’t seen in a long time had gathered in this beautiful old church that the wedding planners turned into a perfect party venue. It was an amazing setup for a beautiful wedding.

Being a fan of romance, I already have an inherent love of weddings. I’m also a fan of big family gatherings because my family knows how to throw an awesome party. In essence, this wedding had everything necessary to have a good time. I certainly did, as did everyone who attended.

There were so many wonderful moments at this wedding. Granted, most came from the bride and groom, but there were a few others that stood out. I like to think I was one of them and this is where my terrible dancing skills come in.

Now, I need to add a little context here with respect to my dance style. Most of the time, I avoid it because I’d rather not make a fool of myself or anyone nearby. However, this wedding had an ample supply of free beer and beer tends to effect my willingness to make a fool of myself, among other things.

I don’t consider myself a big drinker, but I’m very aware of what I’m like when I get a little tipsy. I’m a very happy, affectionate drunk. I’ll hug random strangers and laugh for no reason. I’ll also start randomly dancing, even when there’s no music. At a wedding where music is constantly playing, I need even less incentive.

I don’t recall having more than two beers before my usual reservations went out the window. After all the romance and festivities from earlier, everyone was in a jovial mood. I certainly shared that mood. The beer was just the catalyst that accelerated the reaction.

As the sun is setting, I make my way to the dance floor. I’m moving and grooving with the grace of a headless chicken, but that doesn’t stop me. I’m having too good a time and I’m too intoxicated to care. I remember more than a few relatives laughing. I’m not sure if they were laughing at my dance skills or if they were drunk too. It was probably a combination of the two.

It all eventually culminated in a moment that I hope the bride and groom remember fondly for years to come. It happened near the end of the reception. The song “Living on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi was playing. For reasons I still don’t understand, my brother and I jump up on an empty table and start dancing to the song.

We dance fairly poorly. We almost fall off a few times, but that doesn’t stop us. Then, people started cheering. That just makes us dance even more.

I’m fairly confident we both made fools of ourselves. I’m just as certain that we didn’t care and neither did anyone else. We had fun. For a brief moment, we were the stars of the post-wedding celebration. My mother still can’t recall that story without laughing and I don’t blame her in the slightest.

It was a brief, but memorable moment from a day that many in my family still cherish. I certainly will. While it didn’t make me a better dancer, it showed that I didn’t have to be in order to make fond memories with the people I love.

During times of crisis, having memories like that are both powerful and therapeutic. If you have some you’d like to share yourself, please do so in the comments.

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March 30, 2018 · 7:16 am

The Funniest April Fools Day Prank I Ever Witnessed

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I admit that I am not a fan of April Fools Day. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy a good laugh. My weekly Sexy Sunday Thoughts should be proof enough of that. I just don’t really care for a holiday that makes me a lot more cautious whenever I open a fresh beer.

I’m also not big on pranks. I leave that sort of thing to the YouTube stars of the world. For me, pranks are just too elaborate a way to get a laugh. I think the world is funny enough without jumping through too many hoops. Just reading the headlines from Florida is sufficient sometimes.

As a result, I never developed a fondness for April Fools Day. I had friends who took it seriously, pulling pranks that had varying degrees of humor. Most failed, in my opinion. They often involved things like replacing water with vodka or slipping a used condom into their laundry. Some laughed. Some rolled their eyes. I usually shrugged it off.

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However, in the spirit of April Fools Day, I’d like to share a story about the greatest prank I ever saw anyone pull off. To date, it’s the only prank that ever had me on the floor, laughing hysterically. It’s also one of the few pranks where both the prankster and the victim can laugh equally. I doubt such a prank will ever be topped, at least for me.

Before I tell the story, though, I should probably make a quick disclaimer. The context and time of this prank is what helped it work. Trying to replicate it today might still get plenty of laughs, but I don’t think it would be as effective so I strongly discourage anyone from trying. That said, here’s how it played out.

It happened at one of the first jobs I had out of college. It was at a software company, which I’ve mentioned before. This company was full of young, fresh-out-of-college people like me who primarily provided technical and administrative support. It was a great environment, one where it wasn’t uncommon to see someone bring toys into the office.

The victim of the prank, in this case, was a co-worker who sat next to me in a small office. We both worked technical support, answering emails and phone calls. He had a great sense of humor and always seemed full of energy. In short, he was the perfect target for another co-worker who worked the sales department.

That co-worker, who most would agree was one of the smartest minds at the company, had a reputation for being inventive. The man once programmed his email to make a loud fart noise every time it got a message from a particularly troublesome client. We all thought that was funny, but he really outdid himself this time.

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On the morning of April 1st of that year, he placed an ad on Craiglist pretending to be an animation studio in search of a voice actor. Specifically, the ad said that it needed a really good pirate voice for a cartoon character in a short animated clip. It then requested that aspiring voice actors call a number and leave a voicemail of them doing their best pirate impression. Guess who’s number he listed?

I’ll give everyone a moment to appreciate the creativity employed in this prank. It wasn’t overly elaborate. It wasn’t overly destructive either. Nobody had to clean up a huge mess. Nobody had to pay someone’s laundry bill. The most it did was clog my co-worker’s voicemail with dozens of messages from aspiring voice actors.

Over the course of the next eight hours, my co-worker received a flood of calls, most of which went to voicemail. Those calls contained a wide array of aspiring voice actors talking like pirates in ways that ranged from impressive to deranged. I don’t remember just how many calls he got. I just remember the steady stream of laughter that followed over the course of the day.

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By late afternoon, word had spread about the prank. Everyone from the interns to the supervisors crowded into this tiny, confined office that was only supposed to hold four people at the most. Despite those constraints, they all crowded around the desk and listened to voicemail after voicemail of pirate voice auditions. I was in the front row. It was too hilarious for words.

I distinctly remember one message where a guy really got into it, telling this elaborate two-minute tale of his life as a pirate in a voice that Johnny Depp himself would’ve appreciated. Within 30 seconds, I was on the floor clutching my sides, laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe.

It was, by far, the most memorable April Fools Day I had ever experienced. I think the entire office gave my co-worker and his friend a round of applause for this prank. They both laughed too. In fact, even when they called some of the people to let them know it was a prank, they laughed as well. It was just that hilarious.

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Regardless of how you feel about April Fools Day or pranks, it’s hard to deny that what my co-worker’s friend did was objectively funny. Moreover, it was funny in a way that everyone could appreciate. That, in many respects, is the true measure of a great prank. I’m not saying it’ll ever be topped. I’m just saying that it set the bar pretty damn high.

So that, my friends, is the story of the greatest April Fools Day prank I ever witnessed. I wanted to share it a few days before April Fools Day this year, if only to reassure some that there’s still a place for that kind of humor in the era of political correctness, fake news, alternative facts, and viral videos featuring dancing gorillas.

We all need to laugh every now and then. April Fools Day gives us an excuse to make the extra effort. Some, like my old co-workers, took full advantage of it and the lives of those effected are better because of it. With that in mind, I hope everyone finds a way to laugh as hard as I did that fateful day on April Fools Day this year.

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