Dear Robocalls: Either Get Smarter Or Piss Off

FTC launches new initiative to combat robocalls - CNET

I hate robocalls.

I’ve yet to meet anyone who doesn’t hate them with the passion of an exploding sun.

You could be having a wonderful day with your friends and family, feeling as happy as you’ve ever felt. Then, your phone rings, you check the number, you think it’s someone local, and you answer it, only to find out it’s some bullshit robocall about a warranty to a car that you haven’t owned in 10 years. Naturally, you’re going to be pissed. It won’t ruin your day, but it will kill your good mood.

Fuck robocalls. I don’t care how adverse you are to profanity. You probably agree with that sentiment. Fuck these robocalls and everything about them.

Now, why am I bringing them up? I promise it’s not just to share my abject hatred of these wasteful bits of frustration. I actually bring it up to share a story that I hope conveys just how stupid these calls can be.

It happened very recently while I was visiting my dad. For a bit of context, my dad is awesome. I’ve already made that clear in previous posts. He’s also in his late 60s and has mostly retired from work. He’s still active, but he hasn’t worked a full-time job for years and he’s more than earned that. He worked his ass off for decades and he earned the right to settle into a less stressful lifestyle.

I bring this up because it’s a critical detail for what happened. Shortly before I arrived for my visit, he got a robocall that was almost too dumb to believe. Apparently, this call actually tried to warn my dad that his student loans needed to be refinanced and they were offering some sort of debt restructuring relief.

Again, my dad is semi-retired.

He hasn’t worked a full time job in years.

He hasn’t been to school since the 1970s.

He does not have any student loans, has never needed them, and his work history has never required anything like them.

Somehow, this robocall was too dumb to surmise that. Something tells me didn’t surmise anything. It just picked a random number and it happened to be my dad’s. I get that these robocall scams aren’t that sophisticated, but there’s a big difference between being unsophisticated and being just plain fucking stupid.

My dad and I still laughed about it. The idea that anyone would call him about student loan debts is hilarious in concept. At the same time, it makes me hate these robocall scams even more. If they’re so dumb that they call my dad about student loan debts, then they’re too dumb to exist. They either need to do a bare minimum amount of research or just fuck off entirely.

Personally, I prefer the latter.

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Filed under rants, real stories, technology

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